Why is bullying still an issue?

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spartan231490

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Carbonyl said:
spartan231490 said:
The system always listens, the trick is knowing how to make it hear.
The system listens to power, and I had none of that.
You don't need power, you can borrow theirs. If you throw their own fears back in their face, they will believe it. It can't be helped, being afraid of something is admitting that it's possible. That's just one small way to do what we are talking about. there are many others.
 

Blind Sight

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Carbonyl said:
Blind Sight said:
I'm more interested in hearing people's ideas to solve bullying. What ways to you suggest that can prevent this behaviour? What sort of punishments do you feel are necessary? Because I usually hear quite a lot of complaints about school bullying but not a lot of suggestions except for empty campaigns 'against bullying' that are completely out of context.

Of course, the way I solved bullying when I was in elementary school was to fight back, worked pretty well for me then. In high school, not so much, because usually there's a bit more of a gang-up. I solved that problem by waiting until after school when the guy who was bullying me was walking home alone, then usually hit him in the back of the head with something and kicked him around for a bit. He really wasn't willing to admit the guy who was a head shorter then him kicked his ass. Worked well for me, but it's definitely not the ideal situation. Bear in mind, I was pretty much borderline sociopathic in high school so I didn't really have an emotional damage as a result of bullying. I mostly saw it as an 'eye for an eye' sort of deal.

Hell, I know bullying can't be solved or stopped or abolished. But it shouldn't be supported. It shouldn't be school-sponsored, my third grade teacher shouldn't have encouraged kids to bully me or given them reasons to hate me. I shouldn't have been told it was my fault. It's not ok, it's not right, it shouldn't have been allowed to happen. At the very least, schools should provide support, provide a safe place to hide from bullies, to eat lunch. I shouldn't have been punished for being afraid or for asking for help. I should have been told they weren't right to hurt me, I shouldn't have been told that I needed to be quiet, I shouldn't have been told that being afraid or in pain was disruptive, I should have had someone to talk to who believed me and listened even if they couldn't stop the kids. Someone, anyone, should have, at least once, defended me, told off those kids. I should be able to remember more than a single anomalous hour of positive social interaction between the ages of five and ten.
I shouldn't have been alone.

These are things schools could easily do, have a guidance counselor who listens, lets bullied kids eat or spend time in their office without fear of tormentors, hell, the bullied kids could find each other there and form a damn support group. I want teachers to be trained and incentivized to watch out for bullied kids and direct them to places they can get support. I never want another kid to suffer alone again. I never want them to have to live with pain like this, like I did.

It's disgusting what was allowed to happen, what is allowed to happen. There should have been someone who was nice to me, even if it was just their job. I want that someone to be there for other kids, for my kids, for every kid who needs it. It takes so little effort, it's not that hard; it takes one salary, one broom closet, a couple training sessions, and a shred of compassion. It won't fix everything, but it would make it so much better.
Well this is a bit off-topic, but for your 'eating in a teacher's office' example: a friend of mine is currently going to teacher's college, and one of the things they discuss is how a teacher should never be alone with a student. The obvious reason being that the student can claim sexual action by the teacher with no evidence, and the teacher still has to deal with it. This happened twice in my high school. That's just my basic conclusion as to why that doesn't typically happen.

I'm by no means claiming that bullying should be institutionalized by schools or encouraged by teachers, or even just left alone, what I'm looking for are plausible solutions in the system to the problem. You're right, these things shouldn't happen, but I'm more just looking for legitimate ideas for ways to curb it.
 

Carbonyl

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spartan231490 said:
Carbonyl said:
spartan231490 said:
The system always listens, the trick is knowing how to make it hear.
The system listens to power, and I had none of that.
You don't need power, you can borrow theirs. If you throw their own fears back in their face, they will believe it. It can't be helped, being afraid of something is admitting that it's possible. That's just one small way to do what we are talking about. there are many others.

How capable is a six year old of doing that to a school administrator? That was when I was pushed down. I was six and I was scared and I wanted help and I asked for it from my teacher, the next day the principal pulled me out of class, she told me that I needed to not tell, that I would be punished if I told anyone, that if I was quiet it wouldn't get worse, that it wasn't real anyway and no one would believe me. How the hell was I supposed to stand up to that, to find her fear, at the age of six I was shy and scared and friendless. I stood no chance and held no sway. I had no arsenal, and crying was frowned upon by the school.

You're outlook might work if the bullying starts in middle or high school, or if you actually have a friend or two, but when you're a little kid and grownups rule your existence, your advice is worthless.
 

SteelWolf89

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literally the most apt thing i can post in this thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZCUJEWuyow

it really isn't going to stop anytime soon, and you'll get in as much trouble if you don't do anything about it, so you might as well do as much damage as possible to the stupid fuck that is beating you up.
 

The Lesbian Flower

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I'm so glad my school has a no-tolerance policy to bullying. Anyone who is caught bullying is kicked out the school and sent to a crappier one. I always get the feeling that every student likes the bully and hate-free environment so much that they don't want to ruin it for themselves by bullying and get kicked out.
 

Carbonyl

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Blind Sight said:
Carbonyl said:
Blind Sight said:
I'm more interested in hearing people's ideas to solve bullying. What ways to you suggest that can prevent this behaviour? What sort of punishments do you feel are necessary? Because I usually hear quite a lot of complaints about school bullying but not a lot of suggestions except for empty campaigns 'against bullying' that are completely out of context.

Of course, the way I solved bullying when I was in elementary school was to fight back, worked pretty well for me then. In high school, not so much, because usually there's a bit more of a gang-up. I solved that problem by waiting until after school when the guy who was bullying me was walking home alone, then usually hit him in the back of the head with something and kicked him around for a bit. He really wasn't willing to admit the guy who was a head shorter then him kicked his ass. Worked well for me, but it's definitely not the ideal situation. Bear in mind, I was pretty much borderline sociopathic in high school so I didn't really have an emotional damage as a result of bullying. I mostly saw it as an 'eye for an eye' sort of deal.

Hell, I know bullying can't be solved or stopped or abolished. But it shouldn't be supported. It shouldn't be school-sponsored, my third grade teacher shouldn't have encouraged kids to bully me or given them reasons to hate me. I shouldn't have been told it was my fault. It's not ok, it's not right, it shouldn't have been allowed to happen. At the very least, schools should provide support, provide a safe place to hide from bullies, to eat lunch. I shouldn't have been punished for being afraid or for asking for help. I should have been told they weren't right to hurt me, I shouldn't have been told that I needed to be quiet, I shouldn't have been told that being afraid or in pain was disruptive, I should have had someone to talk to who believed me and listened even if they couldn't stop the kids. Someone, anyone, should have, at least once, defended me, told off those kids. I should be able to remember more than a single anomalous hour of positive social interaction between the ages of five and ten.
I shouldn't have been alone.

These are things schools could easily do, have a guidance counselor who listens, lets bullied kids eat or spend time in their office without fear of tormentors, hell, the bullied kids could find each other there and form a damn support group. I want teachers to be trained and incentivized to watch out for bullied kids and direct them to places they can get support. I never want another kid to suffer alone again. I never want them to have to live with pain like this, like I did.

It's disgusting what was allowed to happen, what is allowed to happen. There should have been someone who was nice to me, even if it was just their job. I want that someone to be there for other kids, for my kids, for every kid who needs it. It takes so little effort, it's not that hard; it takes one salary, one broom closet, a couple training sessions, and a shred of compassion. It won't fix everything, but it would make it so much better.
Well this is a bit off-topic, but for your 'eating in a teacher's office' example: a friend of mine is currently going to teacher's college, and one of the things they discuss is how a teacher should never be alone with a student. The obvious reason being that the student can claim sexual action by the teacher with no evidence, and the teacher still has to deal with it. This happened twice in my high school. That's just my basic conclusion as to why that doesn't typically happen.

I'm by no means claiming that bullying should be institutionalized by schools or encouraged by teachers, or even just left alone, what I'm looking for are plausible solutions in the system to the problem. You're right, these things shouldn't happen, but I'm more just looking for legitimate ideas for ways to curb it.



Then don't have just one person in there, I know I was allowed to be alone with my teachers and my guidance counselor, there was no law or school policy against it. The office can be in a busy suite of other school offices, the door can have a window. The point is that schools should provide at least one safe place, and at least one person to provide emotional support on the payroll. That's what I want.
 

Powereaver

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because theres always some form of self-loathing and hierachy going on.. which forces people to make themselves feel better by picking on the people "beneath them"
 

Jegsimmons

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RaikuFA said:
Jegsimmons said:
do we really have kids too chicken shit to axe kick a mother fucker like me and my pals did? dont they get at least 3 other nerd friends to end their asses?

seriously, i think kids who get bullied now a days ALLOW it to happen!


or allow the principle a shot gun with a few blanks in it (a cop is supervising too of course...and make it scarier) and have him have a student meeting in the gym/staduim what ever and say "If i hear about ANY of you little mother fuckers bullying, i will end your ass!" and then he fires a few shots in the air. that'll straighten the little shits. and for extra matter if they call his bluff, load it with bean bags.
hahahahahaha.....this is why i shouldn't work with kids.
I didn't have friends growing up so I couldn't gang up on my bullies.
hhhmmmmmm.....have you thought of out sourcing or hired goons? money tends to talk.
 

Zyxzy

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viranimus said:
Maybe, Just maybe, it has more to do with the parents lying to their children pretending like they are special than the damage done by bullies dispensing a healthy dose of "Uhh, no your not"

Seriously... can we stop with this


Nonsense?

Seriously. your doing infinitely more harm than any good that you could ever hope to get out of it.
That is...no. Not how it is at all. Even if the bullying was restricted to those operating under such a delusion(which it is very much not), the damage done is far in excess of what is required.
 

Blind Sight

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Carbonyl said:
Then don't have just one person in there, I know I was allowed to be alone with my teachers and my guidance counselor, there was no law or school policy against it. The office can be in a busy suite of other school offices, the door can have a window. The point is that schools should provide at least one safe place, and at least one person to provide emotional support on the payroll. That's what I want.
Oh, there's no laws against it, but it seems to be encouraged in order to avoid scandals that can threaten a teacher's chances at employment.

Your suggestions are interesting, but it doesn't really solve the problem. I can see several flaws in the application of this idea as well:

1. Depending on the school, how large do you think these groups of students would become? Think about it, if bullying is such a problem then these independent rooms might not even be big enough for the bullied population.
2. Wouldn't these rooms, which basically distance the 'different' from the 'normal' even further not cause an even greater divide? I mean, yes, you'd be safe for say, lunch period, but the effects of bullying might be further encouraged by this divide, which could cause even more problems when these students are in the 'general population'(hehe prison metaphors work well for public school). I mean, I can basically hear the guys from my high school calling it the 'pussy room' even now. It makes sense to have a safe room, but I could see that creating an even larger stigma. Could very well be like painting a target on your back.
3. Well, ignoring the problems with public school funding, this 'emotional support' assistant is not a bad idea. I still see problems with it, mostly based on my own experience with public school 'emotional support' which seemed hollow and disengaged. I think the issue you'd have there is finding people who would legitimately care about your situation, but by all means not a bad idea.

I can see where you're coming from, but for me it's more an attempt to hide the problem then actually solve it. For your situation I can see the benefits, but I'm just trying to see if there's more general applications to the system that can help negate bullying to an extent, and I just don't see that happening in this model.
 

Zing

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Carbonyl said:
Zing said:
usmarine4160 said:
It's never going to stop, human nature.

Teach little boys how to be men and suck it up? Teach little girls to do whatever it is girls do?
This. People are too sensitive.

Not This. People are too insensitive.
Nice counter-point you got there. Glad we could have this discussion!
 

Canadamus Prime

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Jun 17, 2009
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I know this is going to sound strange, but consider yourself lucky. When I was in school I only wish the bullies I used to have to deal had wanted to beat me up, 'cause that at least was something that could be more or less easily dealt with. If they'd have done that I could've fought back, maybe gave them a few bruises, and if all went well they'd never bother me again (optimistic I know, but whatever). No instead I was constantly bombarded with verbal assaults and other more subtle forms of bullying. Returning fire in those cases is useless because it only encourages them. And I'll tell you one thing, verbal attacks and other more subtle forms of bullying hurt much more than the few occasional bruises and the scars last much much longer. I'm almost 30 and I still haven't completely gotten over them.

In answer to your question however, my guess is because assholes with self-esteem issues still like to make themselves feel big by making others feel small and because inadequate discipline in schools possibly related to all this "think of the children" bullshit.
 

AngryPants

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The real face of bullying is when you think "Thank got it's not me". Turning away in disgust, but at the same feeling happy that it's someone else. The moment people stop being such pussies, but instead stepping up to defend others, maybe something will change. For as long as "every man for himself" keep being the social mojo, nothing is ever going to change.

And yes, guns is the answer in the end. It leads to a lot of collateral damage, but the more bullies being shot on the spot, bleeding to death and begging for mercy in tears before getting their last shot in the face, the less people will think it's appropriate or that they can get away with it. Yeah, it's mad I know, but that's the mad world we're living in. (Let's just make sure news channels stop lying about "violent games to blame" and telling everyone what it's really about)
 

BoredAussieGamer

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Aug 7, 2011
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Well, in my experience, the answer to that question is simple:

Teachers and school admin don't give a shit.

I was bullied all the way through primary school and into year eight. Not so much the years after that as I managed to kick the ass of a bully in year nine and had become one of the tallest in my year. But whenever I was bullied, I always, always reported it. Jack shit later, I was still being bullied by the same people.

The system is pretty much designed to ignore bullying until it gets to the level where one commits suicide. And even then, they don't generally budge an inch until someone actually does commit suicide. Then they have a "crackdown" on bullying which will generally last a few weeks and not actually do shit. Then it happens all again.

To summarize my points for all those people who are just gonna say "TL:DR":
-The school system doesn't give a shit
-Bullying will only stop if you get rid of the problem by yourself
-Humanity sucks
 

Biosophilogical

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Jul 8, 2009
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usmarine4160 said:
It's never going to stop, human nature.

Teach little boys how to be men and suck it up? Teach little girls to do whatever it is girls do?
It may never stop[footnote]Because people are dicks, and they teach their kids to be dicks, and so there is an ensured cycle of bullying[/footnote], but there is clearly something wrong when it happens as frequently and as intensely as it apparently does. The sad thing is that even though teacher intervention may make it worse in the short term, ignoring it will only make it worse in the long-term because when the problems first arise nothing is being done until it becomes a serious issue.

OT: It will take something incredible and horrific to get things to change (especially in the problem areas). I think the worst part is that even with Columbine and whatever other school shootings there have been, it apparently wasn't enough, and I hesitate to think what it would take to make people actually pay attention and try to change things[footnote]I'm thinking a bully victim with a good heart, a tendency towards the dramatic and super-powers. Make a big power-show to gain attention, and follow it up with an intimidating yet emotionally-moving speech about the horror that bullying puts people through.[/footnote].
 

Carbonyl

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Blind Sight said:
Carbonyl said:
Then don't have just one person in there, I know I was allowed to be alone with my teachers and my guidance counselor, there was no law or school policy against it. The office can be in a busy suite of other school offices, the door can have a window. The point is that schools should provide at least one safe place, and at least one person to provide emotional support on the payroll. That's what I want.
Oh, there's no laws against it, but it seems to be encouraged in order to avoid scandals that can threaten a teacher's chances at employment.

Your suggestions are interesting, but it doesn't really solve the problem. I can see several flaws in the application of this idea as well:

1. Depending on the school, how large do you think these groups of students would become? Think about it, if bullying is such a problem then these independent rooms might not even be big enough for the bullied population.
2. Wouldn't these rooms, which basically distance the 'different' from the 'normal' even further not cause an even greater divide? I mean, yes, you'd be safe for say, lunch period, but the effects of bullying might be further encouraged by this divide, which could cause even more problems when these students are in the 'general population'(hehe prison metaphors work well for public school). I mean, I can basically hear the guys from my high school calling it the 'pussy room' even now. It makes sense to have a safe room, but I could see that creating an even larger stigma. Could very well be like painting a target on your back.
3. Well, ignoring the problems with public school funding, this 'emotional support' assistant is not a bad idea. I still see problems with it, mostly based on my own experience with public school 'emotional support' which seemed hollow and disengaged. I think the issue you'd have there is finding people who would legitimately care about your situation, but by all means not a bad idea.

I can see where you're coming from, but for me it's more an attempt to hide the problem then actually solve it. For your situation I can see the benefits, but I'm just trying to see if there's more general applications to the system that can help negate bullying to an extent, and I just don't see that happening in this model.

Honestly, I couldn't care less if it's called a pussy room. I wanted to be safe, even for just a few minutes.
As for the counselor, at a certain point, even if they're not engaged, it does a world of difference to have someone on your side.

I definitely don't want it hidden, and I certainly don't want it ignored. I want it recognized, I want its existence admitted, I want steps to be taken to keep the kids from suffering alone while someone works to curb the bullying. Stopping bullies is hard, you can't control the kids all day, but you can do a lot of good by giving the victims a voice and a sense that they have some recourse.

The problem with punishing bullies is that it makes them angrier and more vicious. Lectures on bullying will just have bullies mocking the speaker. Bullies refuse to allow you escape or agency. There isn't a way to argue with them because they never have to take you seriously. I wish I could find a way to reduce bullying, but I can't. The best I can think of is to reduce the damage done.
 

wehrp3nguin

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Dec 21, 2009
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1. This generation's "Karate Kid" was sub par.
2. There's law's against self-defense on public ground in most heavily populated states. Verbal assault to a police officer is still assault, but assault to the public is just words.
3. Public Officials should watch older episodes of south park. There were deeper satirical meanings behind the poop jokes. Namely the episodes with 'the Nurse who has the Fetus on her head' or 'Big Gay Al' but in all these episodes the Town has to celebrate them as 'heroes for their adversity' when they just want to go on with life, no different from others, and be left alone.