It is an offence to the hive-mind/common extroversion. Culture really can try to crush an individual. This is a huge part of high school, but you can get some peace and quiet after that.Eri said:
Why is it almost taboo to enjoy being alone?
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As far as I'm concerned, when someone grills for being a loner it means I'm better than them because I'm more open minded.
If you start giving a shit about what is "socially acceptable and normal", then you turn into a judgemental asshole with the brain capacity of a retard. If it seems that I'm behaving socially acceptable or normal, then it's because that's how I WANT to act at the time and not because I don't want to look weird.
My motto is "normal" is average. 5/10. We can all be better than 5/10. and to be honest even 2/10 looks better than 5/10.
If you start giving a shit about what is "socially acceptable and normal", then you turn into a judgemental asshole with the brain capacity of a retard. If it seems that I'm behaving socially acceptable or normal, then it's because that's how I WANT to act at the time and not because I don't want to look weird.
My motto is "normal" is average. 5/10. We can all be better than 5/10. and to be honest even 2/10 looks better than 5/10.
Ergh.. usually such topics are all answered with the same sentence: "Because alot of people are stupid."
Most of the time "not giving a fuck" is a good strategy to deal with such stuff. Though im only in my middle twenties i've already grown tired of discussing such topics with my surroundings. I do my things the way i want to, 'cause in the end the only one i have to give account of what i'm doing is myself.
And another part is probably peer pressure. With all these smartphones, twitter, facebook etc. etc. being connected with all your "friends" is what became the social status quo.
So if you want some solo-time you're acting against the status quo, thus are strange and that makes it acceptable to attack you on your actions - in some illogical and stupid way.
Seriously, more people should try the "not giving a fuck"-policy on other people's affairs - at least as long as their not directly involved.
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Most of the time "not giving a fuck" is a good strategy to deal with such stuff. Though im only in my middle twenties i've already grown tired of discussing such topics with my surroundings. I do my things the way i want to, 'cause in the end the only one i have to give account of what i'm doing is myself.
And another part is probably peer pressure. With all these smartphones, twitter, facebook etc. etc. being connected with all your "friends" is what became the social status quo.
So if you want some solo-time you're acting against the status quo, thus are strange and that makes it acceptable to attack you on your actions - in some illogical and stupid way.
Seriously, more people should try the "not giving a fuck"-policy on other people's affairs - at least as long as their not directly involved.
Captcha: love you
I love you too, Captcha, i love you too!
Yea my roommate pulls that crap too.
When he's failing a class: "Well at least I leave the room and have friends!" (I take my studies very seriously, so I always finish my homework crap first regardless of how long it takes. He doesn't)
I tell him he should study more: "The social and life experience of college is the most important part, not like you would understand!" /goes off to drink and party/
The amusing thing is that due to whatever problems he has, he utterly lacks social and interpersonal skills. So when he starts talking about (of all the damned things) his weight with a girl he is trying to pick up (which he does with almost every girl he meets) and she leaves like any normal girl would, and I try to give him some pointers about more appropriate conversation topics, he brushes me off by saying "I'm not taking girl advice from you, you don't even go to parties!" (I'm not kidding. That is exactly what he says. Every single time)
But in short, anyone who resorts to saying you spend too much time by yourself has run out of valid criticisms.
When he's failing a class: "Well at least I leave the room and have friends!" (I take my studies very seriously, so I always finish my homework crap first regardless of how long it takes. He doesn't)
I tell him he should study more: "The social and life experience of college is the most important part, not like you would understand!" /goes off to drink and party/
The amusing thing is that due to whatever problems he has, he utterly lacks social and interpersonal skills. So when he starts talking about (of all the damned things) his weight with a girl he is trying to pick up (which he does with almost every girl he meets) and she leaves like any normal girl would, and I try to give him some pointers about more appropriate conversation topics, he brushes me off by saying "I'm not taking girl advice from you, you don't even go to parties!" (I'm not kidding. That is exactly what he says. Every single time)
But in short, anyone who resorts to saying you spend too much time by yourself has run out of valid criticisms.
I'm "the lonely only child" the "demographic disaster" so I was spoiled a bit, but not intentionally.
( I'm intrigued by threads like this, makes me happy I joined these forums. Are there any other only children here? )
But back on topic, I don't generally like being too social and I'm often strongly and cruelly ridiculed for it. I don't consider myself that great looking, and most attempts at relationships I've failed at (the ones where I've asked girls out). I'm not really an introvert though, that is to say, if one would examine my time at uni, they would find a uni ambassador, a teaching assistant, a member of the activity board, and mentor of freshmen as well as a volunteer tutor. I couldn't have done all that if I was an introvert. But I always had to turn on the charm and "play the game" as it were. I'm quite good at it. But its only superficial really. Once people get to know me they prob won't want to continue hanging out with me, unless they somehow share similar interests.
I dislike clubbing and bars (I never drink or have been drunk and generally am ill at ease around most drunk people)
I don't enjoy team sports
I'm a gamer who has an eclectic taste even in videogames
I recently discovered that I enjoy My Little Pony
Alone time is the most rewarding. Growing up my parents worked all the time and were older than most parents to begin with, because of that I'm pretty sure I matured far quicker than the peers in my age group. Also, no matter what happened with friends that I had, almost 90% of the fun I ever had was by myself either golfing, hiking, running, swimming, reading, playing guitar, and yes.. since I'm posting on the escapist.. videogames.
I've also had experiences where people try and force their social lives on me, and when I object I'm ridiculed and insulted. Its not too fun, so I just walk away usually.
Alone time is something I'll be having for a long long time. Its probably a good thing I mostly enjoy it.
( I'm intrigued by threads like this, makes me happy I joined these forums. Are there any other only children here? )
But back on topic, I don't generally like being too social and I'm often strongly and cruelly ridiculed for it. I don't consider myself that great looking, and most attempts at relationships I've failed at (the ones where I've asked girls out). I'm not really an introvert though, that is to say, if one would examine my time at uni, they would find a uni ambassador, a teaching assistant, a member of the activity board, and mentor of freshmen as well as a volunteer tutor. I couldn't have done all that if I was an introvert. But I always had to turn on the charm and "play the game" as it were. I'm quite good at it. But its only superficial really. Once people get to know me they prob won't want to continue hanging out with me, unless they somehow share similar interests.
I dislike clubbing and bars (I never drink or have been drunk and generally am ill at ease around most drunk people)
I don't enjoy team sports
I'm a gamer who has an eclectic taste even in videogames
I recently discovered that I enjoy My Little Pony
Alone time is the most rewarding. Growing up my parents worked all the time and were older than most parents to begin with, because of that I'm pretty sure I matured far quicker than the peers in my age group. Also, no matter what happened with friends that I had, almost 90% of the fun I ever had was by myself either golfing, hiking, running, swimming, reading, playing guitar, and yes.. since I'm posting on the escapist.. videogames.
I've also had experiences where people try and force their social lives on me, and when I object I'm ridiculed and insulted. Its not too fun, so I just walk away usually.
Alone time is something I'll be having for a long long time. Its probably a good thing I mostly enjoy it.
I just got out of a long term relationship recently and I am remembering why I also prefer time to myself, yes I too have some great friends that I enjoy hanging out with but I honestly like to be by myself and do my own thing.
Live life how best it makes you happy, I say. Then again I was (and still am) the guy that no one even bothered to approach about being alone. I have good friends, just don't spend every waking moment with them. Then again I'm also a man who is neither a zealot nor a wild party animal, which is exceedingly rare in my community.
I have had the same problem.
I'm actually very social, not shy at all, often the life of the party. But i usually prefer to be alone.
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy hanging w/friends, but I prefer to do it like once a month. The trouble is, I go hang w/friends and we have a great time, then they want to hang again - the very next day. So I of course, decline. Then I decline again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, so they begin to think I don't like them or that I'm a dick or that i'm having a secret love affair w/their mom.
They don't understand that although I really enjoy their company, I'm just not a party sort of person where I can enjoy partying every weekend all weekend, taking completely from any time I could have for myself. Although I really enjoy parties, going out to the bar w/friends, or even just going to see a movie w/friends, part of the reason I so enjoy it is that I don't do it *all the time* like they do. Its rarity makes it even more fun. For me at least.
Just as they see me as being anti-social and worry about my well being, I see them as being far too social, consumed w/the need to always be in a party, and conversely worry about them. It goes both ways.
I'm actually very social, not shy at all, often the life of the party. But i usually prefer to be alone.
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy hanging w/friends, but I prefer to do it like once a month. The trouble is, I go hang w/friends and we have a great time, then they want to hang again - the very next day. So I of course, decline. Then I decline again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, so they begin to think I don't like them or that I'm a dick or that i'm having a secret love affair w/their mom.
They don't understand that although I really enjoy their company, I'm just not a party sort of person where I can enjoy partying every weekend all weekend, taking completely from any time I could have for myself. Although I really enjoy parties, going out to the bar w/friends, or even just going to see a movie w/friends, part of the reason I so enjoy it is that I don't do it *all the time* like they do. Its rarity makes it even more fun. For me at least.
Just as they see me as being anti-social and worry about my well being, I see them as being far too social, consumed w/the need to always be in a party, and conversely worry about them. It goes both ways.
Because we live in a world where the extroverts way of life is predominant. If you don't enjoy partying, meeting up with loads of friends then you're anti-social and a loner.
This article goes a long way to explaining why extroverts don't understand introverts.
http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/extraverts-dont-understand-introverts/
This article goes a long way to explaining why extroverts don't understand introverts.
http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/extraverts-dont-understand-introverts/
Because generally, the ape species (that we branch off from) have been small group socially dynamic. So for most people, there is that innate instinctual desire to be around other people. So when they are around other people who don't share that behavior, they view that as being abnormal; thus, feel its ok to use it as an insult.
The closer you get to thirty the less people will give a shit.
For some reason everybody has a strong opinions how "young" people should live their lives.
For some reason everybody has a strong opinions how "young" people should live their lives.
Generally people like to assume that stuff they like is stuff everyone likes.
Even my bf of 9 years occasionally makes sure I don't mind that I don't have many friends that I hang out with, but I've always been like that. I have a couple of good friends who happen to be in other parts of the country at the mo and I spend most of my time being creative or just pottering about the house (as there is a lot of pottering about the house that needs doing, it's not really a hobby, I'm not that weird)
I can socialize if the fancy takes me, but generally I'm quite content in my own company.
Even my bf of 9 years occasionally makes sure I don't mind that I don't have many friends that I hang out with, but I've always been like that. I have a couple of good friends who happen to be in other parts of the country at the mo and I spend most of my time being creative or just pottering about the house (as there is a lot of pottering about the house that needs doing, it's not really a hobby, I'm not that weird)
I can socialize if the fancy takes me, but generally I'm quite content in my own company.
This article pretty much nails small minded people with no perspective but their society approved lifestyle.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20219349
''They look down from the high castle of coupledom, protected from such a fate. But if I were to ask: "Why have you settled for him? Why are you stuck with her? Were you so afraid of being alone?" such questions would be thought rude, intrusive.
Last week a friend of mine went on a date. A foolish thing to do. The man she met had been married three times and had a child by each wife. An example of emotional continence I'm sure you'll agree. And he asked my friend, single and childless, why she had failed at life.
It was a shortish date. Failed at life?''
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20219349
''They look down from the high castle of coupledom, protected from such a fate. But if I were to ask: "Why have you settled for him? Why are you stuck with her? Were you so afraid of being alone?" such questions would be thought rude, intrusive.
Last week a friend of mine went on a date. A foolish thing to do. The man she met had been married three times and had a child by each wife. An example of emotional continence I'm sure you'll agree. And he asked my friend, single and childless, why she had failed at life.
It was a shortish date. Failed at life?''
I know how you feel. While I enjoy being social (and indeed, after extended time alone I feel I NEED to get out and be with people) I also really enjoy being alone (if I've been too socially active for too long I just want to get away and be on my own for a bit).
There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own company. In fact I'd say that's a prefer quality. Someone who isn't afraid to be alone with themselves and their thoughts is usually someone who is comfortable with their identity and independent enough to not need constant affirmation from their peers.
If you literally had no friends then while the above might still be true, it would indicate a lack in social skills. As we are social creatures this can and is seen as a failing in someone's character. As you said you have friends, I don't see this applying to you.
In the end there is nothing wrong with enjoying alone time but as with everything the key is moderation. Are you able to be social now and then? IF so then continue to enjoy your own company and ignore those who try to make you feel guilty for doing so.
There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own company. In fact I'd say that's a prefer quality. Someone who isn't afraid to be alone with themselves and their thoughts is usually someone who is comfortable with their identity and independent enough to not need constant affirmation from their peers.
If you literally had no friends then while the above might still be true, it would indicate a lack in social skills. As we are social creatures this can and is seen as a failing in someone's character. As you said you have friends, I don't see this applying to you.
In the end there is nothing wrong with enjoying alone time but as with everything the key is moderation. Are you able to be social now and then? IF so then continue to enjoy your own company and ignore those who try to make you feel guilty for doing so.
I an am introvert through and through and I need two days of sleep to recover from spending time with groups of more than two.
My best friend, mother and aunt is a total extrovert.
All of the shut the F**k up after an attempted suicide after they took me to a party I did not want to go to.
People just need to accept that a lot of people prefer to spend time alone.
So, yeah, I totally support you and think that there is no need for you to change.
My best friend, mother and aunt is a total extrovert.
All of the shut the F**k up after an attempted suicide after they took me to a party I did not want to go to.
People just need to accept that a lot of people prefer to spend time alone.
So, yeah, I totally support you and think that there is no need for you to change.
2 main philosophies of thought - at least in the West.
1. People are inherently social. People want people. We see value in others, intellectually, sexually, emotionally, etc.
Someone who isn't social then, is fighting common human nature.
2. People are inherently anti-social, however, people need people. We need them for a functional society, functional relationships, mindsets, etc etc.
Someone who is anti-social then, is fighting basic human necessity.
1. People are inherently social. People want people. We see value in others, intellectually, sexually, emotionally, etc.
Someone who isn't social then, is fighting common human nature.
2. People are inherently anti-social, however, people need people. We need them for a functional society, functional relationships, mindsets, etc etc.
Someone who is anti-social then, is fighting basic human necessity.
Propagation of the species is a genetic imperative. Therefore, being anti-social, alone, and not actively seeking companionship is frown upon in ALL SOCIETIES. Its not uniquely a first world thing.
Personally I don't see a problem with anyone wanting to be alone forever, do what makes you happy. If everyone only worried for themselves the world would be a better place lol.
Also "It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."
Personally I don't see a problem with anyone wanting to be alone forever, do what makes you happy. If everyone only worried for themselves the world would be a better place lol.
Also "It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."
In fact, you could make a pretty good argument that first world societies, with their higher wages and better standard of living, are the /only/ societies in the world where a loner can survive, let alone where they're accepted. I mean, extreme example but if you need three generations of your family to work your farm, you literally can't afford to be anti-social.DTWolfwood said: