Why not adopt?

[Mylinkay Asdara]

I have a feeling that, when I have kids, I'm going to end up "adopting" some of their friends. I was "adopted" late in life by my fiancé's family because my own was - well let's just say a government agency would have put me up for adoption as a kid if they'd known or been competent and leave it there. In addition to me this house also "adopted" my fiancé's younger brother's friend who is here nearly as much as any of us who live here.

If legal adoption was as simple as opening up your home to a child in need of one, then I think a LOT more people would do that. It's not. Maybe it can't be, because let's face it there are predators out there that do need to be screened (and, in some cases, the government shells out some money for fostering "services" so - at least here in America - government money/funds means it's going to be a ridiculous process).

 

[Kopikatsu]

Pretty much everyone in my family is dead, so I'm literally the only person left who can pass the family's genes on. So in that regard, I'd rather have a biological child. But in the event that I don't find the right person to settle down with, then...I guess I'd just donate my reproductive whatevers and adopt a kid.

Close enough.

 

[Zeckt]

The feeling you get while being in a foster home with a family that only wants to do it for the support money is one that will forever scar you when your life was already pretty messed up. Why care about anything when no one cares about you? I would like the chance to prove that I could be a good parent and love my own child so he or she would never have to experience that feeling.

 

[Mister K]

What kind of fucking question is that? Have we gotten to the point where the concept of wanting to have children of your own is alien to half the user base here?

We have gotten to the point when some users really want to adopt, or can't have a child of their own, while most of other pro-adoption voters simply want to win a few morality points by expresing their wish to adopt and to be seen as "good samaritan" in eyes of people they'll never see in their entire life. Same things happen with "going green" and "anti Iraq war". Nothing new here.
P.S. The whole concept of not giving a birth to a biological child because of pain kinda reminds me of the words said by Main hero's wife's friend in R. Bradburries "Firefighter" (sorry if I wrote it wrong, Misa no Engli-Engli no). She said something like this: "Why should I give a birth in pain? I just asked to cut me open and give me my beautiful baby." You need pain while giving a birth to:
1) Strengthen your bond with a newborn (I.E. "I suffered so much and like hell I'll let him/her be hurt);
2) To make you really think about having another one.

P.P.S. Obligatory IMHO.

 

[viranimus]

LOL some threads you can almost taste the demographic.

Lets look at this from the other angle. While the whole "spread my own genes" thing is a legitimate reason, you have to understand that with adoption you enter into a potential minefield related to unknown genes.

How many illnesses do we know of that have genetic factors? So something as simple as knowing of a family history of heart disease, thyroid issues, or all sorts of other issues could come into relevance at practically any stage of the childs development. When you adopt you need to essentially be prepared for ALL of them. With a biological offspring you run the chance of an adherent deviant vector, but at least you not only have a template to work with, but at least a few viable spare parts.

 

[Altorin]

well, apart from the fact if every single person went the adoption route there wouldn't be any kids to adopt, and apart from the fact that adoption is just as stressful if not moreso then actually having a kid yourself, there's the biological urge to reproduce, which I remind you, is actually a good thing. That urge presents itself in wanting to have children of our own, with our likenesses and inherited mannerisms. Adoption should always be considered an option, but to think of someone that just wants to have kids of their own as like, selfish because they're somehow depriving needy children of a home just seems silly to me.

Having kids is really the WHOLE POINT of being alive. You can disagree and find meaning in other things, especially as humans, but we're basically the first species on earth to have that option. millions of species before us, that was the only reason they even existed, was to pass on their genes. It would be wise not to forget that.

If you don't want kids, or you want to adopt, I really don't have anything bad at all to say to you. To each their own. But there's a biological drive to reproduce.

 

[crimson sickle2]

Most people differentiate the problem into having their own kid, so the parental history is important to them. For me personally, I stopped being able to tell people apart based on blood a long time ago, when I was about 12, I noticed how much entirely separate people could act, look, or sound the same. The slight god-complex only increased my uncaring for family ties.
As for my child plans, I'd probably never raise my own or adopt because I'd make a terrible parent. I have a tendency to mess with anyone in earshot range, especially naive children. I figure anything raised by me will probably result in: at best a vigilante; at worst a world dictator candidate.

 

[Alexnader]

The feeling you get while being in a foster home with a family that only wants to do it for the support money is one that will forever scar you when your life was already pretty messed up. Why care about anything when no one cares about you? I would like the chance to prove that I could be a good parent and love my own child so he or she would never have to experience that feeling.

Yeah I feel similarly but at the same time there's a huge drive to have a child that's mine in every way. Sure genetics aren't important relative to the relationship you build with the child but at the same time I can't help but feel like I'd be missing out in not raising a child through every biological stage.

Of course I'm male so it's not like I'd be in much pain for the first 9 months.

Anyway the plan is have one child with the woman of my dreams to further the genetic line etc. Then adopt a second one of a similar age. The motivation being as an only child I personally think that in the long run having siblings will enrich your life, so I want more than one kid but I don't want to contribute to overpopulation. I'm unsure whether to pick the same gender or different, probably different.

Then I'd basically become Odin. Though hopefully my family won't be all fucked up.

 

[gideonkain]

What kind of fucking question is that? Have we gotten to the point where the concept of wanting to have children of your own is alien to half the user base here?

Welcome to the age where logic trumps all emotional value.

Really? This is the Age of Logic, huh? This?

I think SmashLovesTitanQuest was frustrated with the backward nature of alot of people nowadays. Society has taught us to be cynical, distrusting and self-loathing.

So many people say and do things out of a sense of being responsible and not "adding to the problems" the human race has caused for itself.

The fact is, the desire to reproduce is our MOST important instinct - its the one thing that made us the dominant species on the planet. Competition for mates to reproduce with has built and destroyed many kingdoms in history.

There are many good reasons to adopt: inability to conceive, genetic disorders in your bloodline, even vainly not wanting to ruin your figure are better reasons than "My own baby? How selfish..."

 

[poxyrom]

It's a lot harder to love a kid you've adopted. My sister showed me this. She adopted a 5 year old. He's 10 now, and they don't act like family. They act as though she's a foster carer. It's really quite sad.

 

[Paradoxrifts]

I don't want children. Yet the idea of cleaning up a mess made by other people somehow manages to feel even less appealing than that.

 

[Defenestra]

Because I hate children.

Actually no, scratch that. I imagine that I'd soften a bit in that department if I had one, and I have been growing more amicable towards them in general over time. So, assuming life-extension technologies are in placy, I'd likly be quite happy to raise children by about my mid-nineties.

If that time should come, I imagine that I would prefer to raise a spawn that carried my own genes, and then adopt one. Plus one that was a clone of a historical figure.

 

[II2]

Your blood > Others blood

At least, I think that's the thing that resonates with people on an instinctive level, where logic and reason hold no sway. Even if we are staring into an imminent population crisis, people still add their offspring to the problem in the pursuit of survival.

I don't want any part of it... the problems of the world or the experience of being a parent. I had a vasectomy to seal my resolve on that matter. Some people find the notion unthinkable and insist to me that I'll change my mind eventually. I disagree, in knowledge of myself, but will cross that bridge when I come to it, if I am wrong.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Your blood > Others blood

At least, I think that's the thing that resonates with people on an instinctive level, where logic and reason hold no sway. Even if we are staring into an imminent population crisis, people still add their offspring to the problem in the pursuit of survival.

I don't want any part of it... the problems of the world or the experience of being a parent. I had a vasectomy to seal my resolve on that matter. Some people find the notion unthinkable and insist to me that I'll change my mind eventually. I disagree, in knowledge of myself, but will cross that bridge when I come to it, if I am wrong.

Logic and reason still come into it. Developed nations have pretty even birth/death rates. Having a kid in a developed country isn't really contributing to overpopulation significantly. It's places like these [http://www.indexmundi.com/g/r.aspx?v=25] that are the problem, especially because resources are already scarce enough as it is in third world countries.

 

[Alexnader]

snip

No it won't.

Movies like to shove such crap in your face but it's simply not true. "enrich" your life? What does that even mean? Competition for attention from parents is "enriching" your life? If I understand what you think 'enrich' means then you're dead wrong... Brothers who actually "enrich" each other's lives are rare occurrences. Most just plain despise one another, though it does lessen later in life.

I don't know man, I'm 20 and a lot of my friends with siblings have no issues with them. Sure the little sister/brother was annoying when we were 12 but a lot of them are pretty cool now. Furthermore think about what's going to happen as you move on into middle age, if you've got a sibling odds are you'll have nephews and nieces and your kids will have cousins. One extra sibling is like an immediate boost to your family life.

My uncle for instance looks a bit like Saxton Hale crossed with a botanist. Personally I'm disappointed I won't get to be anyone's crazy uncle.

 

[VoEC]

Actually adoption is the only way I could ever have a child.

But sadly, in this country, homosexuals are not allowed to adopt any children (or marry).
So, I guess I will never have any children.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

There's the general evolutionary gene legacy shit which would be nice, but I think if I were to have a kid, having one that is part me would just be way cooler.

 

[Twilight_guy]

People feel a different sort of bond with their genetic duplicate then with a genetic duplicate from someone else. Even if the situation is identical, a child that is your own is different. It might not be 'logical, captain' but that's how it is.