worst joke you've ever told
- Thread starter Stephen O'Hagan
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my friend ran up to me and was like
"did you see all the cops in the cafeteria!?"
i replied "no, what happened?"
he said "one of the caf workers was getting arrested!"
i asked "for what?"
and he said... "for beating a potato."
i then just stared at him and wondered what girls see in him...
(for real he thought that was funny, i laughed but at how stupid the joke was...)
"did you see all the cops in the cafeteria!?"
i replied "no, what happened?"
he said "one of the caf workers was getting arrested!"
i asked "for what?"
and he said... "for beating a potato."
i then just stared at him and wondered what girls see in him...
(for real he thought that was funny, i laughed but at how stupid the joke was...)
Jimmy Carr is one of my favourite comedians. He's good for tasteless jokes and bad jokes. If anyone watches QI, you'll probably recognise him from that. I think he's the most frequent guest.
Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks: "Why the long face?", to which the horse says: "I'm old and they're going to boil me into glue."
Next one my husband told me...it's high-larious but may not be, uh, it's bad.
Next one my husband told me...it's high-larious but may not be, uh, it's bad.
So this kid and a child molester are walking through the woods. The kid looks up to him and says: "These woods are dark, I'm scared!", the man replies: "You're scared? I have to walk back through these woods by myself!"
Depending upon your sense of humor, this might not be that funnyL
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
Of course purposefully bad jokes can be funny at times as well.
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
Of course purposefully bad jokes can be funny at times as well.
Hmm...
Y own personal one that I made up and regret:
Why did the Cockroach go down the drain?
To commit sewer-cide.
Don't kill me.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven,
the first muffin says: "Oh god! Not the muffin joke again!"
Captcha says:k[sub]cat[/sub] atentri ... KITTY!
Y own personal one that I made up and regret:
Why did the Cockroach go down the drain?
To commit sewer-cide.
Don't kill me.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven,
the first muffin says: "Oh god! Not the muffin joke again!"
Captcha says:k[sub]cat[/sub] atentri ... KITTY!
I read that one a while ago, I actually thought it was brilliant! The author was damn persistent, that's for sure.Feralcentaur said:
I'm never nate
so.....from my readings, I am concluding the holocaust jokes are ok....so...yeah. Here goes.
Why did Hitler really shoot himself?
He got the gas bill.
What is the exact opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walking.
What do you call a homeschooling mother who talks to herself?
A parent-teacher conference.
Those are some of my worst, but still chuckle worthy jokes.
Why did Hitler really shoot himself?
He got the gas bill.
What is the exact opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walking.
What do you call a homeschooling mother who talks to herself?
A parent-teacher conference.
Those are some of my worst, but still chuckle worthy jokes.
ooh i just remember a good one.
Three girls were talking about their names.
Rosepetal said "Im named rose petal because when i was born a rose petal fell on my head"
Raindrop said "Im named rain drop because when i was born a rain drop fell on my head"
Fridge said "DURRHURR!"
Three girls were talking about their names.
Rosepetal said "Im named rose petal because when i was born a rose petal fell on my head"
Raindrop said "Im named rain drop because when i was born a rain drop fell on my head"
Fridge said "DURRHURR!"
A fat guy, a greedy guy and a rapist die. But Hell was undergoing renovations, so Satan deserves to give them another chance.
"If you avoid the sins you have committed in your previous life" he says "you can stay down there in the world of the living. But if you sin again, I will bring you straight back here, and you won't like the punishments I'm getting ready..."
So, the three men go back down to Earth. As they're walking, they pass a bakery. The fat guy immediately goes in, grabs a cake from the counter and eats it.
*POOF* The fat guy disappears.
"We'd better be careful, Satan was not joking." says the greedy guy.
They walk further down the street, but then the greedy guy spots a nickel on the ground. Trying his best not to give in to temptation, he looks away and keeps going. A few feet ahead, he sees a bill. He crosses his arms, trying to resist the urge to pick it up.
A bit further, the two of them walk by a wallet. The greedy guy ignores it at first, but soon turns around and bends over to pick it up.
*POOF* *POOF*
"If you avoid the sins you have committed in your previous life" he says "you can stay down there in the world of the living. But if you sin again, I will bring you straight back here, and you won't like the punishments I'm getting ready..."
So, the three men go back down to Earth. As they're walking, they pass a bakery. The fat guy immediately goes in, grabs a cake from the counter and eats it.
*POOF* The fat guy disappears.
"We'd better be careful, Satan was not joking." says the greedy guy.
They walk further down the street, but then the greedy guy spots a nickel on the ground. Trying his best not to give in to temptation, he looks away and keeps going. A few feet ahead, he sees a bill. He crosses his arms, trying to resist the urge to pick it up.
A bit further, the two of them walk by a wallet. The greedy guy ignores it at first, but soon turns around and bends over to pick it up.
*POOF* *POOF*
Once upon a time, a rich baron was riding in his carriage on the way back to his castle. All at once, the carriage stopped and there came a knock at the door. The baron opened the door to see a knight in bloodstained armour standing beside it. "Good baron, I beg of you. I am returning to my own kingdom after a long and wearisome quest to slay a dragon. The hour draws late, and I humbly request that I may stay in your castle overnight," said the knight. The baron, being a kind man, agreed to this, and the two of them rode back to the castle. When they arrived at the castle, the baron had his servants bring the knight a meal, and then directed him to his room, the first room on the left at the top of the stairs. The knight entered his bedroom, and bathed his wounds, cleaned his armour and so on. He then went to bed, and promptly fell asleep. Downstairs, the baron, who was busy reading a book, heard a knock on the door. His servant opened it, and the baron saw a knight. "Good baron, may I trouble you with a request? I am on my way to a far-off land to rescue a beautiful princess, and I simply cannot travel any further today. May I rest in your grand abode?" the knight asked. The baron was slightly surprised to have to cater for a second knight, but agreed and had his servants bring the knight a meal. He then directed this knight to the first bedroom on the right at the top of the stairs. The knight spent an hour or so planning his daring rescue, then fell asleep. Downstairs, the baron was himself getting tired, and was just about to go upstairs to his bedroom, when he heard a knock at the door. Annoyed, he opened it to see a third knight standing outside. "I take it you desire accommodation for the night, good sir knight?" the baron inquired wearily. "Why yes, good baron. I am on a quest to retrieve an ancient heirloom that was stolen from my family," the knight responded. The baron sighed, and reluctantly accepted the third knight into his home. His servants brought the knight a meal, and then directed him to his room, the second room on the left at the top of the stairs. The baron then went to bed himself, his room being at the end of the corridor at the top of the stairs. The third knight spent some time praying for the safe return of his lost treasure, and then retired for the night. In the morning, the baron, being an early riser, was the first to awake, and was sitting at the table in his grand dining hall when the first knight entered. "Good morrow, sir knight!" the baron called cheerfully, "Would you desire kippers or porridge for breakfast?". The knight pondered this for a short time, then declared that he would like porridge. He was brought his porridge, and upon finishing it, left for his home kingdom. The second knight then entered the room. The baron asked him what he would like for his morning meal. The knight mulled over the choices, and selected kippers. His kippers were brought to him, and he quickly ate them and left, continuing on his noble quest to rescue a fair princess. The baron waited expectantly, and before too long, the third knight entered the room. The baron informed him of the breakfast menu, and the knight decided that he would like some kippers. He rapidly devoured them, and left on his way. The baron sighed, grateful that all three knights were no longer his problem.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that two out of three knights prefer kippers for breakfast.
...I'm so sorry.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that two out of three knights prefer kippers for breakfast.
...I'm so sorry.
Not really the worst joke for me .. probably was for the person i was telling it too (male coworker). It was during breaktime. I turned to him and was a bit like this :
Me : If you went camping and you woke up in the morning with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Co-worker: No
Me (smiling) : So wanna go camping ?
Got a slightly pissed off look from him (but no reply) and the other co-workers were laughing really hard.
Me : If you went camping and you woke up in the morning with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Co-worker: No
Me (smiling) : So wanna go camping ?
Got a slightly pissed off look from him (but no reply) and the other co-workers were laughing really hard.