WTF Australia?!?!?!

[Heronblade]

Oh holy shit, Australian friends. As an American concerned with the problems of my country, I propose we throw our problems together.That's right, we lock corrupt politicians and reality show stars in a room and we can make them fight your natural dangers to the fucking death.

Now there's a reality tv show I'd be willing to watch.

Although, we wouldn't want the producers of said reality shows, or the lawyers that beg for a chance to prey on other's misfortune to feel left out, so lets toss them in too along with a few of the larger predators from other countries. Watching a pompous blowhard running from a pack of hyenas would be quite amusing, especially if he gets away only to be felled by the tiny ass spider that clung to his slacks.

 

[Zeraki]

Big spider... must squish.

Australia: An arachnophobic's worst nightmare.

Oh holy shit, Australian friends. As an American concerned with the problems of my country, I propose we throw our problems together.That's right, we lock corrupt politicians and reality show stars in a room and we can make them fight your natural dangers to the fucking death.

Agreed

 

[FoolKiller]

I'm not going insane because I live on the other side of the planet and I challenge that spider to come survive a Canadian winter.

You know what, fuck it I'm moving to Antarctica. Let's see them get me there!

Watch out for the killer penguin queens though. They're brutal.

And I let all the spiders around here stay in my home. They kill all the other bugs for me. Hell, I've watched them catch one once or twice. They really spin the captive quickly.

 

[him over there]

Oh Australia, always making the rest of the world's wildlife flee in terror...
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

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

The only good bug is a dead bug. Would you like to know more?

why yes, yes i would like to.


OT: that is...;asjkfd;sajdf;lsda.fuck spiders. fuck snakes. I am going to invent a heat seaking agent orange flamethrower to kill em all.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

..And yet another reason why I shall never, ever enter the vicinity of Australia without a lot of really effective smashing tools within reach at all times. Everywhere.

Australia's wildlife really hates arachnophobes such as myself..

If spiders were not useful to the ecosystem, I would torch every last one of them. I swear it..

:/

 

[.No.]

may i point out that bears do not normally eat or attack people unless provoked, are big and fuzzy, and when young they look like this:

that and they dont lay icky ass bug eggs, eat their mother when born, are mammals, lack exoskeleton, eat plants as much as meat, and are the inspiration to teddy bears.
id rather have my 5 year old around a bear cub than around a god damn spider that could eat it.

Shit man, that bear looks like it has murderous intent. It looks like it's about to commit a crime most foul.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

 

[Mazza35]

It's not like you will walk down the street in a city and be attacked by are fucking deadly wildlife.
It kills you when stupid tourists wonder into our Forests n shit
Or the desert, then again, you will probably die of dehydration before something poisons you.

To the point, Australia is fucking awesome, if you hate snake/bird eating spiders, don't go outside the suburbs

 

[SEXTON HALE]

All cracked ever did for me is give me a deeper understanding on the complexity that is vegemite.

 

[android88]

The same way we do with the other billion weird and dangerous wildlife in Australia, don't think about it.

that may work until you fall asleep and the little fuckers have laid eggs in your eyes and the mother is literally eating out you ass hole while you scream but its too late and the eggs hatched, went through your brain, shat, and another mother is makeing its way leg first through your mouth from your stomach with the nasty-est taste imaginable and a mother fucking WETA crawls out from behind your eye!!!!


OH DEAR JESUS I CAN TOUCH THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING LAVA!!!!!

doesn't work that way. Most of these big scary spiders don't go near towns as they are just as afraid of us as we are of them. If anything our most dangerous spider is the red back and that is quite small.

 

[Hazy992]

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Spoiler: THE HORROR

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

WTF IS THAT?! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

 

[Hazy992]

I think Tv tropes sums it up pretty well
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverythingTryingToKillYou
Scroll down there's and there's an entire section called 'Real life- Australia'

If I ever needed proof that there is no god, then this is it;

Platypodes aren't merely venomous, they have probably the most terrifying venom in nature. The other animals on this list will just kill you, the Platypus isn't that humane. Its venom attacks the victim's pain receptors, cranking them Up to Eleven and ripping off the knob. It causes pain so horrible that even the highest non-lethal dose of morphine isn't enough. To stop the pain, doctors actually have to physically sever the nerve from the affected area to the brain because that's the only thing powerful enough.

The only course of action at this point is to nuke Australia into oblivion.

 

[Paragon Fury]

As sad as it would be for the world and those still living in Australia, I believe that we'll have to sterilize the whole place sooner rather than later.

There isn't a single living organism on that land that doesn't have it out for someone or something, 99% of the wildlife there is scary as fuck, and the god damn land itself is trying to kill you.

Holy Fuck.


Imagine if all that managed to get off the island.

The horror. The horror.




NOTE: Paragon Fury does not actually recommend the complete annihilation of a whole area, and the above post was merely jest.


Well, except for the part about everything on that island being deadly. Paragon Fury ain't going no where near Australia, ever. He does not wish to be on the menu for every living thing in a 50 mile radius.

 

[the clockmaker]

In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

I read that the platypus sting is one of the most painful stings on the planet. Did you friend talk about the pain much?

well whenver I ave him shit about being fucked up by mother natures 'misc' pile, he would glare at me and tell me that it wasn't funny.

 

[sb666]

Magpaies, lots of magpies.

I was attacked by one of those at a golf course once. OP yep we have some pretty nasty wild life here.

 

[El Dwarfio]

This thread is worse than the scary thread, it's a miracle anyone in Australia is till alive.

At least the dreaded African Todger Fish isn't found there, so that makes one scary animal that isn't Ozzie.

So we now have snake eating spiders on are hands. Thankfully natures already got our back. We just need to introduce some tarantula hawks to Australia and the giant spiders won't be a problem anymore.

Yes, New Vegas players. They're real!

We saw them out in the Mojave this Spring Break. I'm from England so I've never seen such a fucked, cruel mockery of life before. I ran like hell.

EDI: A researcher describing being stung by one: "?immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

I'm glad I ran.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

 

[Joseph Alexander]

Just when I'd heard it all, just when I thought Australian wildlife couldn't get any more terrifying; fucking SNAKE-EATING SPIDER!! [http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8454494/giant-queensland-spider-devours-snake] It's a spider. And it eats snakes. What. The. FUCK.

This is why I could never go to Australia. Even knowing this was on the same land mass as me would scare the shit out of me. Hell I'm having trouble with the fact it's on the same planet as me! How the hell do you guys not go insane?!

Discussion value: The spiders. How do we destroy them?

Cracked.com [http://www.cracked.com/search/search.php?sa=search&q=Australia] is your friend. (Or Enemy depending on how you feel about Australian fauna.)

Ah yes Cracked. They introduced me to the terror of giant blue earthworms

Spoiler: WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?

pfft, you kidding?
we got worms that'll chew their way into your flesh.

tip, wear boots.

You know, you guys really aren't encouraging me to go to Australia

actually, i was talking about here in the US.

there are some fucked up things here in the Americas.
and no i don't just mean the fish that swims up your dick and stabs you.

but yeah, Australia wins the "places that maybe we should consider glassing for the good of the world" contest.