You get a call from from someone suicidal

[weker]

I would ask them just double check weather he wants to, and to be open to the idea that dead is DEAD with nothing after that, and if his life is that bad, without mental illness the do what he thinks is right.
No use prolonging these things if people are sure, as long as they don't have some form of depression, tho depression can be a fake illness for some people, in other words avoiding that they have a shit life that makes them sad.
I would also tell them that when they do it, they should snaz it up a bit, jump into some heli rotor blades or something.

my humor and attitude can be described as cold at best

 

[Jodah]

"Can I have your stuff?"

Damn, beat me to it.

 

[Android2137]

I am sorry, Good Sir or Lady. This is not the Suicide Hotline. You have reached a wrong number. Please check your number and try again.

 

[Ushiromiya Battler]

''Where do you live? On my way, don't you die on me!''
I don't care if it's a prank call, not letting anyone die on my watch again...

 

[Sehnsucht Engel]

I would say "Good for you" and hang up.

 

[ruben6f]

"SOOOoooo... do you have a good PC, because I need one right now."

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I would tell them to call Suicide Hotline and get help from some other random stranger.

 

[Sixcess]

I'd tell them it was a bad idea, because if you kill yourself now then you'll never know what would have happened next.

 

[Chasom]

"i got some roap in the closet if your in need"

I have a dictionary for your "roap"

 

[Aprilgold]

Probably get a name from them, tell them to make a will, THEN to do it, you can't rush these things.

 

[boyvirgo666]

I tell him to go for it and return to my game.
I don't know him = I don't care

See i would tell them to do it in an interesting way. No need to be boring about it.

 

[Magicmad5511]

Attempt to console them but and offer my words of wisdom why you should live.
Main point of wisdom
"If you go through with it then you remain in the darkness forever. If you step back and try to improve your life then you have a chance to get out and into the light. Stop focusing on the negative and look at the good in the world."
I think I heard that from a Russel Howard stand up show or at least something like it.

I don't think I could just give up on them.

Only problem is my only knowledge on the entire topic come from TV and other media. Never actually met depressed person. Not sure if I can rely on that in a crisis.

 

[Dirzzit]

If the person is on a building I'd ask em to do a flip.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

Ask them how the fuck they got my number.

 

[DazBurger]

"i got some roap in the closet if your in need"

I have a dictionary for your "roap"

I have initiated a search for your missing punctuation.

 

[Optiluiz]

I'd say: "Can I come over? Will there be food? If it's a prank call, I'll laugh with the person. If not, I'll hel them."
"

 

[The-Epicly-Named-Man]

i'd tell them to stop being a retard and whatever problems they have there are people worse off so shut up, man up and get on with things.

That would certainly make him/ her feel better about themselves! Insulting someone who wants to kill themselves then belittling their problems, and in turn them! God, why isn't this man a psychologist!?

OT: I honestly don't know. Try to direct them to a suicide hotline I suppose, I doubt my consolation would help much considering I have no idea of how to compliment someone.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

give them the number for any suicide hotline, inform them that if they have a computer then next time use google to find this info, thank them for calling and hang up.
not my responsibility, and if I were forced to deal with them I would tell them to go ahead and pull the proverbial trigger or stop wasting everyone's time with the pathetic cry for attention. Either you're going to do it or you aren't, and if you're seeking help honestly you can call a psych who is actually willing to listen and help not to mention qualified.
I'm heartless and no way shape or form compassionate towards suicides considering one of my best friends decided to do this very recently and I haven't figured out if I can forgive him for being a fucking coward.

 

[The_Fezz]

"Do you have a PS3 hard drive, and if so can I have it?"
In all seriousness I'd probably panic, ask for their address and call the police, unless I hear giggling down the phone.