You get a call from from someone suicidal

[exessmirror]

wouldn't be the first time i talked someone out of suicide, would try to help them. maybe come over if they are close. even if troll even if the chance is one in a million that you actually saved a life. i would do it

 

[the spud]

Spoiler: this

Or I would tell him that writig his will and leaving his stuff to me might make him feel better.

 

[Athinira]

Hand the phone to my girlfriend and say "It's for you dear"!

 

[Char-Nobyl]

You're just minding your own business when your phone rings and you answer. It's nobody you know, but who ever they are, they are saying they are about to kill themselves, and they wanted a stranger to console them. What do you do?

You get their address, or at least their city and full name, then distract them while you use a second phone to call the cops. Simple.

EDIT: You know what? Scratch that. You inform them that threatening suicide is a form of emotional abuse, categorized by the USMC as the equivalent of physical, non-lethal violence. The person calling you is considered, by law, to be no better than someone who beats their significant other.

 

[Drummie666]

Ask this person why they are killing themselves and move on from there.

Also, ask him how he got my phone number.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

If they require a stranger's consolation in order to go on living, they are beyond help.

 

[Monkey_Warfare]

Point out if they are calling me they clearly feel that there is something for them to live for, then unceremoniously hang up

 

[Dravda]

http://macromeme.com/dog/motivation-suicide.html

I'd tell them this.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

Having actually gotten a few calls from suicidal people (that I knew), I'd probably handle it in much the same way I handled it with them.

With scathing sarcasm, gallows/black humor, and an overwhelming sense of disgust that not only do they feel like killing themselves over something that's honestly not al tht bad, but have also gotten me directly involved.

Surprisingly, no one that's called me while suicidal has actually killed themselves.

 

[Richardplex]

I don't gain anything from the person committing suicide, but I do lose something by wasting my time consoling the person, hence I wouldn't bother.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

A friend of mine from high school was suicidal. I put that in past tense not because she's dead but because I haven't spoken to her in ages. She seemed happy enough to talk to me though but she would tell me about how she had tried to kill herself...and it always had very cartoony punchlines.

Example, she tried hanging herself from a tree-top. The branch broke and she fell, hitting multiple branches until she hit the ground. She gets up bruised but not dead and feeling like an idiot. There was another time when she hung herself in her closet, breaking the bar and ending up covered in clothes. I feel like a dick for laughing but I can't help it.

 

[Andaxay]

You know in Friends when Phoebe happens to tele-market call a suicidal bloke? That'd pretty much be my reaction. I wouldn't know them but the thought of listening to someone so desperate, well, I just couldn't hang up and ignore it. It'd be on my mind for a good long time if I did.

 

[Kazzak]

This is all that came to mind:

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I'd laugh and say: "boy did you call the wrong person if it's consolation you wanted!"

 

[flaviok79]

Something in the lines of: "Go ahead if you have the guts!"

 

[Scarim Coral]

As cruel as it sound but I would take it as a prank call or fake so I would jsut hang up on that person.

 

[sanomaton]

I have received a phone call like that, only it wasn't a stranger but one of my closest friends. She was crying and made me promise to take care of her cats if/when she dies (she had already cut her wrists and she was screaming mostly so I couldn't make a lot of sense of what was going on...) She hung up on me and I immediately called her boyfriend to take her to the hospital, called my friend again and then we cried together. I couldn't do much but listen to her screaming and crying...

It was probably one of the worst nights of my life. There isn't much you can do at a situation like that except to listen and try to calm the person down.

 

[aeroblaster]

*phone rings*

Me: Um hello?

Suicidal guy: yadda yadda suicide yadda etc.

Me: Um... why?

Suicidal guy: yadda yadda reason yadda etc.

Me: That's no excuse! Go out and have fun or something, no need to kill yourself over 1 silly thing.