You have just been caught masturbating! What do you do?!?!?!?!

[Dr Snakeman]

Lay back, expose in all my glory, then give one of those magician hand sweep things they do when they present things and say "Ladies" in my best Isaiah Mustafa voice.

Sweet buttery Jesus... that is the best thing ever. Mind if I steal that? It's just that my Old Spice Guy impression is dead on.

Except I'm white. And rarely on a horse.

 

[v3n0mat3]

Finish. While staring at them.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Lay back, expose in all my glory, then give one of those magician hand sweep things they do when they present things and say "Ladies" in my best Isaiah Mustafa voice.

Sweet buttery Jesus... that is the best thing ever. Mind if I steal that? It's just that my Old Spice Guy impression is dead on.

Except I'm white. And rarely on a horse.

Of course, my ideas are open to share and take. besides, a technique so great as this is not meant to be coveted.

And dont worry, I'm native American and also rarely on a horse.

 

[smearyllama]

Depends on who walks in:

parents - *pretend i was just scratching an itch down there*
friends - I...I have no friends... *forever alone*
significant other - *gain +1 audience*
roommates - "You must gather your party before venturing forth."
whatever - *shoot lazers out of my vagina*

CAPTCHA: Control Isocisee

You always have the best responses.
You know, I think you should meet my sister.
You two would probably get along really well.

But...wouldn't she fall under "whatever"? Is this some sort of invitation to...dueling vagina lazers?

...
I see what you did there.
Still, my eyes hurt from trying to imagine that.
You should be ashamed of yourself for putting that kind of image in a young man's mind!

Dueling Vagina Lazers: This is what really happens at sleepovers.

OR

Dueling Vagina Lazers: It's like a wild west duel, but with vagina lazers.

Jesus.
You think almost exactly like her.
It's uncanny.

Also, those sound like what a lot of people would be watching in their hypothetical pants-down situation.

 

[smearyllama]

Sorry, double post.

 

[InnerRebellion]

Act surprised because I've never masturbated before, and don't plan on it.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Depends on who walks in:

parents - *pretend i was just scratching an itch down there*
friends - I...I have no friends... *forever alone*
significant other - *gain +1 audience*
roommates - "You must gather your party before venturing forth."
whatever - *shoot lazers out of my vagina*

CAPTCHA: Control Isocisee

You always have the best responses.
You know, I think you should meet my sister.
You two would probably get along really well.

But...wouldn't she fall under "whatever"? Is this some sort of invitation to...dueling vagina lazers?

...
I see what you did there.
Still, my eyes hurt from trying to imagine that.
You should be ashamed of yourself for putting that kind of image in a young man's mind!

Dueling Vagina Lazers: This is what really happens at sleepovers.

OR

Dueling Vagina Lazers: It's like a wild west duel, but with vagina lazers.

Jesus.
You think almost exactly like her.
It's uncanny.

Also, those sound like what a lot of people would be watching in their hypothetical pants-down situation.

Wouldn't it be creepy if I really *was* your sister?

Hold on, someone's knocking at my door.

...bro?!

...FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

 

[thenoblitt]

hide my shame and hope they leave with no questions asked

 

[Phlakes]

Act surprised because I've never masturbated before, and don't plan on it.

Don't know what you're missing, bro.

OT: Point, "holy shit, what's that?!" and hit them over the head with my alarm clock.

 

[smearyllama]

Depends on who walks in:

parents - *pretend i was just scratching an itch down there*
friends - I...I have no friends... *forever alone*
significant other - *gain +1 audience*
roommates - "You must gather your party before venturing forth."
whatever - *shoot lazers out of my vagina*

CAPTCHA: Control Isocisee

You always have the best responses.
You know, I think you should meet my sister.
You two would probably get along really well.

But...wouldn't she fall under "whatever"? Is this some sort of invitation to...dueling vagina lazers?

...
I see what you did there.
Still, my eyes hurt from trying to imagine that.
You should be ashamed of yourself for putting that kind of image in a young man's mind!

Dueling Vagina Lazers: This is what really happens at sleepovers.

OR

Dueling Vagina Lazers: It's like a wild west duel, but with vagina lazers.

Jesus.
You think almost exactly like her.
It's uncanny.

Also, those sound like what a lot of people would be watching in their hypothetical pants-down situation.

Wouldn't it be creepy if I really *was* your sister?

Hold on, someone's knocking at my door.

...bro?!

...FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Dear Lordy Lord.
We've created a paradox.

There's only one way to end it now...

 

[Captain Bobbossa]

Go for a handshake.

 

[katsumoto03]

Take aim.

Well, that made me giggle.
The question is-
Do you have that kind of range?

For my room mate?

...


I would make it work.

[sub]I hate him so much.[/sub]

You enjoy ejaculating on people you don't like? I usually am quite the opposite...

OT: Keep doing it while staring them right in the eye until they leave.

 

[redisforever]

Do what any abnormal insane person would do, finish mah business then leave and blow up the house to destroy any witnesses

There, corrected your post.

OT: Maintain eye contact, finish, get up, leave.

 

[InnerRebellion]

Act surprised because I've never masturbated before, and don't plan on it.

Don't know what you're missing, bro.

OT: Point, "holy shit, what's that?!" and hit them over the head with my alarm clock.

I'm erotophobic to the point that the sight of my own body parts makes me queasy. As do situations anywhere beyond a very mild kiss. So, I do know what I'm missing: barfing everywhere from unease. Not worth it.

 

[Devil's Due]

I've actually been caught before, just the video left on. My mum kept asking me "who's that?" and such (it's a freaking video on the internet). I just looked at her with it going and literally kept eye contact. I was freaking embarrassed as hell, but since she wouldn't go the hell away I decided to return the favor and let her enjoy the embarrassment in return. She now refuses to enter my room.

Mission successful, Commander.

 

[Zeema]

'So how was your day?'

stop

 

[icame]

Look deep into the eyes of the person who caught you.

Finish.

I would love to see someone's reaction to that.

 

[walrusaurus]

grab my gun and fire. No, my actual gun cause nobody else has keys to my apartment.

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

As a Stealth transexual (m2f) living with roomies that don't know, this would be a massive blunder. I'd hope that whatever position I was in, my business end wasn't clearly visible, cover up with lightning fast reflexes, and play it off. "The HELL!? Get out!" and if they think they saw anything, I'd lie. call what they say a double ended dildo or something.

 

[Futurenerd]

"Let's face it, this is not the worse thing you've caught me doing."
Name that movie.

You're kidding right?
Iron man.
That's an easy one.

OT: I have no idea. Probably freak out.