You have the world in your hands!!

[Uzbekistan]

Lets imagine it this way:

It is five mintues into the future. Some things have changed but not much. Through reasons I will let you explain, you have become the King/Queen/Emperor/Empress of Earth. What do you do with it?

I would personally start selecting people for experimentation to reverse some common diseases. Cull people who do not have common sense. Take away as many bullets as I could. Legalize drugs and create entire districts in where it would be perfectly legal to smoke/shoot as much shit as you want, but if you die there, the owner would dispose of your body how they wish. Have prisoners start sorting through landfills and picking out things that could be recycled. Community service would be the same as prisoners. Raze entire citys and have planing that would make sense. A populace that could speak at least two languages from the moment they're born. Slipping sterilization products into the waters in select areas where overpopulation is a problem. Leveying higher taxes for the rich and/or forcing them to become philiantopists. Teaching third world countries how to diversify. Protect forests, oceans and animals so we have a world ten mintues into the future. What would you do?


EDIT: The idea I am proposing is also called "Years in the Future, but Not Many." IT IS NOT A LITERAL FIVE MINTUES INTO THE FUTURE. Read more about it here. [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TwentyMinutesIntoTheFuture]

 

[kane.malakos]

Cut military spending and fund scientific research with the money, particularly space exploration and human enhancement.

 

[Aiedail256]

The first thing I do is wonder how the world became one big monarchy in a mere five minutes

 

[Uzbekistan]

The first thing I do is wonder how the world became one big monarchy in a mere five minutes

It's also known as "Years in the Future, but Not Many...."

 

[psilontech]

Genocide.

Once every single motherfvcker on Earth that p!sses me off in the slightest is dead, I will lead my glorious band of a few thousand survivors on a glorious trek to the ocean for ritual sacrifices with the end goal of my own immortality.


... On a slightly more serious note, clamp down into a brutal world-wide police state for a decade or so to deal with the inevitable ~billion or so insurgents who would pop up for one reason or another. Once that's dealt with, it's time to fund scientific research and colonize the stars.

 

[CulixCupric]

so, then i do find excalibur, merlin's grimoire(spellbook), and precede to take over earth? I'd establish a proper government. found several conglomerates, and retire, with money to last forever from my bureaucratic income, and fund some organizations to better the world. I also might toy with the time-space continuum and expand my rule over the multiverse. this last part my explain how i did it all in 5 minutes.

 

[Blue Hero]

Raise taxes 1000%, more funds for space research and junk, start invading other planets, get awesome alien technology, destroy Uranus. I hate Uranus. Stupid planet with a stupid atmosphere and a stupid orbit and a stupid name with stupid jokes.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

How it happened? Waffles gave me mind control and I took over. What do I do? Watch the world's affairs, constantly arrange circumstances so douchebags eventually are removed from politics and elevate Mario as the new deity of Earth. Also Chocolate Milk, Kraft Dinner, Ketchup, Mayonnaise and Tartar Sauce must be eradicated from the world. I hate them and seeing as I'm in charge...

 

[Zen Toombs]

I would preform science.

 

[Engarde]

How it happened? Waffles gave me mind control and I took over. What do I do? Watch the world's affairs, constantly arrange circumstances so douchebags eventually are removed from politics and elevate Mario as the new deity of Earth. Also Chocolate Milk, Kraft Dinner, Ketchup, Mayonnaise and Tartar Sauce must be eradicated from the world. I hate them and seeing as I'm in charge...

NOT TARTAR SAUCE! I'd have to use my newfound power to raise a robot army to protect the tartar sauce from usurpers like this one....

 

[KelsieKatt]

As soon as I read the title of this thread, my brain deciding to imagine the concept in a completely literal fashion. So, I immediately found myself with an overwhelming urge to slap my hands together and squish it.

In response to the topic though... I'd probably kill off about 90% of the population. Or maybe just straight up destroy the entire thing, including myself. No, I'm not joking.

 

[averydeeadaccount]

how did i do it?
invented the black hole grenade (all is sucked in, then it explodes, leaving a spherical crater and some smoke), get really rich by getting every army to equip all their soldiers with several, and then remotely detonated them, wiping out the worlds military. i then conquer the world with my own army of slaves who win with no resistance (slaves because if the break my will i black hole them from a grenade chained to their ankle)

i then stop strap one to everyone, but i dont intend to use them often, just to stop resisting arrest, then after a fair trial all crimes will be punished by black hole explosion, leading to no more crime.
i then stop all military spending for the time being, focusing on science with the intend to cryogenically freeze myself once the technology is available. i will be unfrozen once immortality is available. i will continue science till we have spaceships and find aliens. i will then conquer said aliens and put black hole grenades on all their ankles unless better technology has been invented. i treat them as equals and let them continue their way of life under my rule and continue my conquest of the universe. once i have conquered every race i kill every alien and fill their planets with humans. i them freeze myself till multiverse travel is invented.
rinse and repeat

 

[revjor]

I would get my powers by an alien experiment that drops a capsule into the atmosphere that gives me Superman-like power. I will prove my power to humanity and tell them that I'm done paying for things, I get all of the games, tv and movies first and they should just call me Emperor. They will fight and resist but they will fail and accept my douchey mooching. I won't interfere with governance and life and they stop making me pay for anything.

People will hate me but feel helpless to stop me. People will disparage me so I will decree that every T.V. channel and film will be a different angle of my face enjoying these media things and spoiling them. Viewership mandatory. I figure humanity will go on strike to get back at me.

I will grow tired of the human race. All of the elderly will be moved to Australia and that will become the world's senior home. All current Australians are now their caretakers(nothing against ya'll it's just convenient) All of the children aged newborn-18 will be scattered across the rest the many Pacific islands which I will have stripped of any forms of human development.(LORD OF THE FLIES TO THE MAX!) I will inform the remaining humans that they are all that is left of humanity and that every Sunday on T.V. I will pull a country's name from a hat, then destroy the country who's name I pulled last week. Who ever is in the final country left standing will be allowed to begin to rebuild.

This and the island children will be filmed and shown on the Australia senior home T.V.s. Soon I will do crossover episodes where armies of feral children invade the new civilization.





...and I get to watch it first.

 

[Vegosiux]

I'd plunder enough riches to be able to afford a cozy warm little place for the rest of my life where I could play games all the time.

What do I need the world for if I have my little vice covered?

 

[StormShaun]

Go to America to get some twinkies...

What every ruler needs twinkies.

Okay, here is what I would do in order.

1. End all war and conflict, plus ban all bad things. (drugs, smoking, abortions, etc)
2. Put more money into Science and invest in space exploration/space living.
3. End all disease.
4. Make Sci-Fi weapons from Gundam Seed...WE NEED EM!
5. Make everyone on Earth learn English or have a translator. (Like a gadget)
6. Make an Earth Army out of every nation.
7. Get more minerals in space until we don't have to mine on Earth.
8. Make 100 more important decisions until I have 50 governments controlled by me.
9. Relax until the governments of Earth call me to make another important decision.
10. Make Earth better until I die and leave it to my son who shall learn under my guidance.

I feel like I could do more but Im too lazy.
Let the governments do it.

 

[Blobpie]

1.Turn the middle east religious sites into official "God's property" IE: It belongs to NO ONE, save for god (So essentially no living human being can lay claim to it, thus hopefully ending conflicts about that)
2.Pour more resources into non-oil energy. So that these sources become cheaper faster.
3.Put space exploration in privatized hands as opposed to public.
4. Create a three tiered international government:
Third: Countries
Second:Continental governments (affairs between the countries on that particular continent)
First: International government (essentially all of the countries pay a tribute to this overall government, so that the money can be put to were it is needed the very most)
5.Find a REAL cure for aids, and distribute it to the African population (they need it the most)
6.create a international "Peace Keepers" And abolish ALL OTHER armies. This international army will be the only one that remains.
7. take control of all nuclear weapons, bio weapons and chemical weapons. Dispose of some of it, but keep the rest, as security.
8.Deal with all rouge states.


Notes: If the middle east countries don't resolve their issues, their countries are abolished, and a new "International" country is created. IE: It belongs to the world, andnot one else.

 

[Scars Unseen]

I would work on a way to fit a baby, your brother, your sister and you in my hands as well.

 

[FateOrFatality]

Man, OP sounds like he would be the worst King ever.

If I were King, I probably wouldn't want to interfere with people too much. Get rid of all nukes, ban war and shunt the money used on military budgets to helping develop third world countries - because I can ensure there is no need for war anymore. Once Earth's shit is taken care of, it's off to the stars we go.

 

[Jmurray21]

If the world is in my hands I must have a huge frame

and the first thing i would do is say "Damn this thing is heavy!"