"Dear Escapist community:
Against my better judgement, I decided to try to find, and hopefully defeat, the Bailey twins here in Fortune City. As you an tell, I am out of my freakin' mind and have no chance at ever competing with the two katana-wielding bitches. However, I have one shotgun with me (which holds 20 rounds of shells, for some universe-defying reason), and, well, let's be honest, they're freakin hot. Three-way?
Anyway, if you're reading this, that means either a) I finally scored a woman (or two), or b) I have been brutally and mercilessly slaughtered because of their unfair attacks. Hopefully, the first one, but most likely the second. Goodbye, Escapist community. Remember me as a peacekeeper.
-that1guy"