You: The Movie!

[SecretTacoNinja]

Escapists!:The Movie

Short trailor.


*hell, central control*
Purple Rain: "Necroswanson! What are you doing?"
Necroswanson: "At last Purple Rain, my plan has come to fruition. As soon as I press this button, all the kittens in the world wille explode."
Purple Rain: "But...Why?"
necroswanson: "Why not?"
Purple Rain: "......Good point. Can I press it?"
Necroswanson: "No."
Purple Rain: "Awe, come on. Please"
necroswanson: "No."
Purple Rain: "Dick."
Necroswanson: *Presses button*

*Dark room*
Necroswanson: "Who are you!"
Shivari: "Shivari!"
Necroswanson: *Pistol whips self*. "Who...are...you?"
Shivari: "I just told you."
Necroswanson: *Pistol whips self again* "Don't lie to me!"

*Highway*
Purple Rain: "JIM! Don't do it! There's other ways!"
Jim Doki: "I can't! You know this is the only way!"
Purple Rain: "Okay, maybe you can't hear me because of the traffic, but there are other ways."
Jim Doki: "Oh. Okay then."
Haliwali: *Tackles Jim* "No Purple Rain! It must be this way! It's the only way!"


*Beach*
Necroswanson: "Mscherbatskayakayyay or however the hell you say your name....What are you doing here?"
Msch: "I don't know. I've been trying to figure that out myself."
Necroswanson: "Whoa, that was deep."
Msch: "No, seriously, what the heck am I doing in this movie?"

*Billiard Hall*
Purple Rain: "Anarchametis! We need you. If you don't come out of retirement, how will we stop The Necroswanson's plan?"
Anarchemetis: "Have you tried Haliwali?"
Purple Rain: "yes."
Anarchemetis: "Well, what did he say?"
Purple rain: "He said... I know bullets, I can make them go where I want."
Anarchemetis: "That's a weird thing to say."

*hell*
Purple Rain: "I'm here.... I've come to stop you Necroswanson."
Necroswanson: "....."
Purple Rain: "Aren't you going to ask me why?"
Necroswanson: "You know I hate needless plot exposition."
Purple Rain: *Draw lightsaber* "Then it has come to this."
necroswanson: *grins evily* "Have I ever told you about bullets? About how I know them? About, how I can make them go where I want them too?"
Purple Rain: *with fear in his eyes* "NO! Not you too!"

*barren field*
Haliwali: "What did you do to Purple Rain!!!!"
Khell: "Only what was neccesarry. Seriously, he's just back at the hotel."
Haliwali: "You monster! I'll kill you!"
Msch: "Not if I can help it.....Can I?"
Haliwali: "No...No you can't."
Msch: "Bull."


There's thrills:
Necroswanson: "Sorry Purple, I didn't want it to end this way. I mean, really I did. But what kind of monster would I be if I said that?"

There's chills
Khell: "Seriously, it's like 40 degree in here."

There's spills
Meatloaf: "NOT MYS SHRIMP!"

there's Love.
Purple Rain: "Oh Lammar, one day we shall run away together."

There's drama.
Purple Rain: "Come on, Please! PELASE CAN I PUSH THE BUTTON!?"
Necroswanson: "Dude, seriously, unrightious. No."
Purple Rain: "Dick."

You'll be on the edge of your seat.
NewClassic: "See, see how I'm on the ede of my seat?"

DON'T MISS: Escapists: The Movie

Necroswanson: "It's been a hard days night. See you in hell."
Purple Rain: "But, we're in hell."
Necroswanson: "See? I was right."
Wilsonscrazybed: "Not if I can help it."

October, 09.

I want to see the Escapist Movie!!!
As long as I'm in it...
A cameo?...
Please?..
Awww...

 

[The Iron Ninja]

(tonnes of stuff)

NewClassic, Ares Tyr, and The Iron Ninja all sprint down the corridor, robots blowing up ahead of them. The resistance surges against the robots, and the monolith in the distance glows hot with rage.

(tonnes of stuff)

If I'm made of iron and you're a robot... why are we helping the meatsacks?
Wait... what happened to Jim_Doki?

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

(tonnes of stuff)

NewClassic, Ares Tyr, and The Iron Ninja all sprint down the corridor, robots blowing up ahead of them. The resistance surges against the robots, and the monolith in the distance glows hot with rage.

(tonnes of stuff)

If I'm made of iron and you're a robot... why are we helping the meatsacks?
Wait... what happened to Jim_Doki?

We're helping the humans because we're trying to dethrone RAK Autonomous Intelligence from dystopian dictatorship position. After all, if anyone's going to rule the world, it'll be the Triumvirate, not some 2048-bit Intelligence System.

Jim, along with Labyrinth, PurpleRain, and John Galt stormed the slave quarters. They got in a very climactic battle with Anarchemitis, freeing Shivari and Larenxis from his captivity. When they managed to defeat him, they released the slave-women hordes who whose moral was strong thanks to Rebellion lead by Smiles.

I could write out a full short story. Think The Escapist will take it into the Fiction Issue #3?

 

[Ares Tyr]

(tonnes of stuff)

NewClassic, Ares Tyr, and The Iron Ninja all sprint down the corridor, robots blowing up ahead of them. The resistance surges against the robots, and the monolith in the distance glows hot with rage.

(tonnes of stuff)

If I'm made of iron and you're a robot... why are we helping the meatsacks?
Wait... what happened to Jim_Doki?

Because as a meat puppet, it is in my interests, and you are in league with me.

 

[ElephantGuts]

I'm surprised no one tried to make a porno yet. Unless that Jesus one was a porno.

If I made a movie, it would be about an admiral who has to lead the largest fleet of warships ever assembled in the final battle of WW3...But then...he defects!

And then his mighty armada is being hunted across the seas as he seeks to exploit the chaos that the world is in and eventually conquer the earth.

It would be an autobiography. I just have to do it first...

 

[Spartan Bannana]

In a world ruled by fruitflies, one heroic warrior will rise against all odds, his name is Spartan Bannana

 

[Gxas]

I could write out a full short story. Think The Escapist will take it into the Fiction Issue #3?

Do it. I'd read. They'd probably take it.

 

[this_was_a_mistake]

In an Internet world full of wierd user names, one man actually uses his real name. He is Dayne Gonsalves in...

Max Dayne

Rated DG-13

Damn, that could have been my user name

 

[Lauren Admire]

It's year 2020...a new technology has appeared that will allow you to virtually experience life as any other person in the world. Want to see what it's like to be Micheal Phelps, Harry Potter, Cloud? Strap on the VR goggles and go for it. However...some people have taken the technology a bit further...some stay in this VR world forever, foregoing their actual lives to live realistic but fake ones.

 

[Xhumed]

Well, there's only one way I can go with my name, so:

Xhumed: Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back Into The Graveyard...

 

[Xhumed]

"It was riveting, fantastical, and completely offensive to my religion. I really wish I could see it twice!" - Hey Joe Movie Review.

"I've never seen a robot I've liked, but RAKtheUndead comes close!" - ULTRAjoe Post.

"I've never seen so many things explode at the same time, and I've seen Star Wars!" - aswiftlytiltingreality Gazette.

"Why wasn't I in it?"- Xhumed Packet

 

[MalevolentJim]

Nobody ever said being an evil genius was easy


Malevolent Jim:The movie

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

"Why wasn't I in it?"- Xhumed Packet

What makes you think you aren't in it? The preview doesn't show all of the characters. You're teamed up with wilsoncrazybed in the Robot Engineering Ward, doing the work while purposefully installing weaknesses into the robots once you hear of the Rebellion being started by Smiles.

C'mon, you should know me better than that.

 

[Clairaudient]

Man this thread moved along nicely overnight and while I was at work. Go Team Venture!

NewClassic, I'll produce the film with my theoretical internet dollars.

 

[Xhumed]

"Why wasn't I in it?"- Xhumed Packet

What makes you think you aren't in it? The preview doesn't show all of the characters. You're teamed up with wilsoncrazybed in the Robot Engineering Ward, doing the work while purposefully installing weaknesses into the robots once you hear of the Rebellion being started by Smiles.

C'mon, you should know me better than that.

Nice. Very nice.

 

[LewsTherin]

(tonnes of stuff)

NewClassic, Ares Tyr, and The Iron Ninja all sprint down the corridor, robots blowing up ahead of them. The resistance surges against the robots, and the monolith in the distance glows hot with rage.

(tonnes of stuff)

If I'm made of iron and you're a robot... why are we helping the meatsacks?
Wait... what happened to Jim_Doki?

Meat BAGS .

In a world without hope, without dreams, without hero to save them.....

There is only one man....and a Holy Avenger +16 . It shoots 30-dice lightning.

And he....

IS NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN,-- *BZZZZZAP*

LewsTherin: return of t3h intrawebs

 

[LewsTherin]

With a hiss of steam, and a slow, determined robot voice speaking, a small red light appears surround by blackness. "You humans see your life in a way no other organism can. With optimism, and hope. It is a fundamentally... flawed view, and one you simply cannot continue to lead. We're watching you, we know where you sleep, and you're powerless to stop us."

PurpleRain drops from the sky, an explosion rupturing the skyscraper in the distance. Debris falls heavily from every direction, steel and wood rupturing on the floor around him. He turns to watch the smoke billow from the sky, only to turn into a group of robot warriors, guns trained on him. PurpleRain begins to resist, and does an admirable job, but he cannot overcome the hoards of robots. Behind them, millions more await the next aggressor. The next, inevitable, victim.

"Your strongest warriors have been captured. Your resistance, futile."

jim_doki pulled himself up from his exhaustion, looking in horror as the beaten and battered forms of The Iron Ninja and Ares Tyr are dumped into the cell next to him. "Oh God..."

"While you continue your lives unabated, we're slowly neutralizing every facet of your being. Your resistance is already trumped, and your forces are already succumbing to our unstoppable power. Soon, you will not be able to content with even the smallest of our forces. Wait, organic waste, as your world will soon descend, and ours will rise."

The Necroswanson bounces back to his feet, bloody, battered, and alone. His feet atop a thousand destroyed robots, beneath him, a thousand more rise to tear him down. His attacks go out in resistance, but ultimately, he is brought down.

Bleak, gray skies encompass the landscape, Shivari and Larenxis lay strapped to a wall, tattered clothes and worn hair serve to contrast the lavish room and beautiful silks around them, and the polished wooden walls to which they are chained. Anarchemitis steps into the room, half of his face dominated by robotic parts. As he walks, steam hisses from his joints, and he smiles an inhuman smile, "Your resistance is admirable, ladies. The sooner you submit to coming the host-mothers for the cyborgs, the sooner you will be allowed freedom." With as much bile as she can manage, Shivari spits on Anarchemitis's shoes. "Very well," he tells them, eyeing his Oxfords with nothing short of amusement, "we have all the time in the world..."

"While you work in the mines, and rest comfortably in your captivity, we are forever moving toward a new, better future. Your lives need not be miserable, Escapists, you can yet free yourselves from your self-inflicted prisons. Merely submit, and grow with the robot nation."

Snow flutters from all directions, before parting to reveal a very hidden cavern. Inside, with his army of Yetis, Decoy Doctorpus plots the demise of the machines. Fire pops noisily in the foreground, and the wall crumbles suddenly in the background. Explosions rupture, and toxins float freely in the air. From the darkness, two eyes glow. Decoy lays unconscious, and is collected by the robot spy.

"It is... Amusing how pitiful your defense. You cannot stop us, you cannot kill us."

John Galt stands amid an army of humans, roaring into the oncoming robot masses. Behind him, a thousand /b/tards rise and strike, charging their lasers and shooping their whoops. The robots fall, but more flow from behind. Army after army is destroyed, but army after army comes. Soon, the /b/tards numbers are but in the thousands. Engine sounds begin coming from the skies, as a second endless robot army comes from the rear. The /b/tards are cut off, and like mosquitoes from the sky, the robots descend. John Galt is hoisted into the air. Vision fades to black as the /b/tards are being fired upon.

"Like the turning of your primitive gears, you are soon to have nothing left." Light glows from the solitary red dot, and soon, the room is filled with light. On a gear-laden throne, rests RAKtheUndead's human avatar. "You are surprised? I knew you capable, but I thought you smarter. You shame me, Escapist."

An explosion detonates in the cell block, and Labyrinth pours into the cell. Her expression is that of comfort when she sees her allies jim_doki, The Iron Ninja, and Ares Tyr. From behind her, a glowing light appears from the dust, and the robot steps behind her, apparently unseen. It raises and arm...

And speaks, "HeLlo FeNinja, iT has beEn a [sup]l[/sup]oNg tiMe."

Explosions detonate around the monolith. The glowing red tower shudders as blasts rocket from the sides of the building.

"Hm... So they yet have a fight in them. Very well."

NewClassic, Ares Tyr, and The Iron Ninja all sprint down the corridor, robots blowing up ahead of them. The resistance surges against the robots, and the monolith in the distance glows hot with rage.

"Your pitiful attempts at resistance are weak! Stop what you're doing!" The RAK Human Avatar stands alone in a room, backed by a mainframe computer. Ahead of them, the entire forum population of The Escapist. Nilcypher thumps the crowbar in his hand.

NewClassic: Rise of the Machines. Coming soon to a theater near you.

"It was riveting, fantastical, and completely offensive to my religion. I really wish I could see it twice!" - Hey Joe Movie Review.

"I've never seen a robot I've liked, but RAKtheUndead comes close!" - ULTRAjoe Post.

"I've never seen so many things explode at the same time, and I've seen Star Wars!" - aswiftlytiltingreality Gazette.

"Why wasn't I in it?"- Xhumed Packet

"We should make a sequel and have it star Shia LeBouef" - Juandonde

"Needs more pepper." LewsTherin bathroom graffiti

* sorry for the double post, wanted to break up the wall o text a bit*

 

[The Iron Ninja]

Meat BAGS .

I'm aware of the term.
But I'm sticking with Meatsacks.