Benjamin Disraeli (Victorian British Prime Minister) was a very witty man. His battles with Gladstone were legendary. With that in mind:
?If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune; and if anybody pulled him out, that I suppose would be a calamity.?
?You will find as you grow older that courage is the rarest of all qualities to be found in public life.?
?There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.?
?Every production of genius must be the production of enthusiasm.?
?There is no waste of time in life like that of making explanations.?
Calvin and Hobbes
"The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"
I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
Calvin : "Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?"
Hobbes : "I'm not sure that man needs the help."
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.
Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work.
Calvin: So?
Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned.
Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.
Hobbes : "What do you think is the secret to happiness? Is it money, power or fame?"
Calvin : "I'd choose money. If you have enough money, you can buy fame and power. That way you'r have it all and be really happy. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess."
H : "I suppose thats *one* way to define it."
C : "The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way."
and a crapbunch more, but these are the best mix of poignancy and hilarity
