Your Best Conversation Killer?

[kayisking]

"Do you like videogames?"

It works without fail.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Slightly off topic, but one of my friends picked up his girlfriend with the line 'What's your favourite sexual position?'

Would've thought that'd earn him a slap or three, but no, two and a half year relationship.

 

[MrGalactus]

Just lose your shit, freak out, and smash something. I mean totally destroy something. Make sure it's a boring conversation about something totally non-provocative.

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

Interrupt them like this.


Them: So anyway, then I said to...

You: IT'S JUST BEEN REVOKED!

*silence*



or this.



Them: I couldn't believe she said tha...

You: Purpose.

Them: What?

You: It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us. That guides us. That drives us. It is purpose that defines us. Purpose that binds us.

*epic silence*

 

[Tharwen]

I sometimes stop in the middle of a conversation with my friends to say:

Spoiler

"I don't get why you have to keep fucking doing this to me. What is your problem? What have I done to you? No, stop laughing, this is serious. See, this is what I hate about you. You never take me seriously. You've always laughed at me behind my back, you never trust me, you're just not a nice person. You know what? I don't care any more. Just don't fucking talk to me again. I've had it with you."

...or some variation of the above. I've never done it to a stranger though.

 

[Barziboy]

"So" always seems to be the Defiblerator of Conversations. It either stops it Dead or Revives it on the spot.

 

[Dukenstein]

I pull my penis out.

 

[phantasmalWordsmith]

I've got one. I've tried using this as a conversation starter but it didn't work out

"A snake attempted to molest me once. It was just a bit too friendly"

 

[Wilko316]

Normally it's "So ... I don't know about you but I'd sure like you to fuck off."

Or a gross one "Sometimes I like to dress up as a beetle, smear people with jam and then sodomise them with meathooks ... wanna come to mine afterwards?"

Or my favourite chat-up line ever "So what's your favourite flavour of crisps? ... ah, nice ... fancy a shag?"

This is to people who I don't care for their opinions of me, so there are no rules as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Pontus Hashis]

Opressive points of view.

 

[Harbinger_]

So yeah, what sentences can you think of to kill a conversation?

Usually anything I say kills conversation.

I think the best thing I used before was: So yeah,

Spoiler

I think tuna casserole is the worst thing to eat prior to having the flu. I mean it tastes good going down but coming up it really burns and feels like its scraping plus it all comes up in huge globs but the taste of tuna is still there

 

[Bob the frantic]

This has worked for me in every single conversation I needed to kill...

"You know what, I bet you $20 that you won't shut up right now"
If they keep talking, however...
"SWEET! DRUG MONEY!"
Be careful who you say it to though

 

[xXGeckoXx]

Grapes from a bag.................

 

[Arqus_Zed]

Spoiler: WARNING - most disgusting commentary ever, seriously, if you read this, it's at you own risk, do not come complaining afterwards.

"Hey, did you know that sex always works to create the most horrible events? You have like 'the big five', it goes like this: rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, incest and bestiality. But the funny thing is, you can never have all of them at once. For example, you can always make a combo out of rape, necrophilia and pedophilia, but you'll always have to choose between incest and bestiality. Because you can have sexual intercourse with a dead baby mammal, but you'll have to choose between sexual intercourse with your own dead daughter or sexual intercourse with a dead puppy, you can't have both. Well, not a the same time at least."

Say it in a somewhat casual manner, works like a charm.

 

[Sunrider]

Interrupt someone in the middle of a sentence by saying "I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

 

[TerribleAssassin]

Anyone else touch themselves whilst watching the news?


It always goes silent.

 

[bliebblob]

If it's not a gamer, mention you play world of warcraft. It has roughly the same effect as mentioning you do crack.

No really try sitting on a bus and casually talk about wow to a buddy. You wouldn't believe the shocked looks you get.

Also: "YES that's a FASCINATING story and BEAUTIFULLY told but..." You can end that sentence with anything really.

 

[plank_man180]

I open mouth kissed a horse once. Tastes like your mother's kisses.

 

[Kristoffer Mattila]

Obligatory response
My personal favorite is to simply drop my pants.

EDIT: link fixed

Ninja'd

 

[William MacKay]

'you look like a murderer. who did you kill? come on. tell us.'
will not work on my friends. i need new friends. or
'can you come into this dark corridor with me so i can show you my bat. it has a nail through it now. also, its soundproof.