that is quite damn funny.comadorcrack said:
All the good jokes I know are also highly inappropriate so unfortunately I have to say a stupid one: What did the left eye say to the right eye? "I don't know about you but something between us smells"
Your best Joke Ever.
- Thread starter greenflash
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All the good jokes I know are also highly inappropriate so unfortunately I have to say a stupid one: What did the left eye say to the right eye? "I don't know about you but something between us smells"
That was pure awesome. I don't know why you were put on probation for that. Usually the moderators on the Escapist are really good in my opinion, so someone must've had a bad day there and wasn't in the mood for jokes.comadorcrack said:
That actually made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing!Falconcry said:
None of these are actually mine, just stuff from my friends.
What's the best thing about twenty-three year olds? There's twenty of them.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have cancer."
...I need a less disgusting/depressing group of friends.
Also, I wish I had some of my own jokes to tell.
What's the best thing about twenty-three year olds? There's twenty of them.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have cancer."
...I need a less disgusting/depressing group of friends.
Also, I wish I had some of my own jokes to tell.
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
Nah thats shite
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Yes I did just google it. ^^
Nah thats shite
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Yes I did just google it. ^^
-"Guess what, chicken butt. That's it? That's the joke?"
-"No, THIS IS THE JOKE!"
-"AHHHHHHHHH!"
-"Now take me back to Virginia so I can put some basitracian on this and pork my wife!"
Cookie to those who guess what show this is from AND the episode.
-"No, THIS IS THE JOKE!"
-"AHHHHHHHHH!"
-"Now take me back to Virginia so I can put some basitracian on this and pork my wife!"
Cookie to those who guess what show this is from AND the episode.
Family Guy, "The Sacred Source" or something like that.ssgt splatter said:
OP: I don't really have any jokes...although a funny thing to say when someone says "that's fucking disappointing" is "all fucks are disappointing when you're around". Or something along those lines.
I have plenty, but I'll leave you with one, as I have to go.
I'll edit this tomorrow and add some more
- Joke -
Ok, ok, another
[sub][sub]I don't like chavs, can you tell?[/sub][/sub]
- Early Edit -
I remembered this one and couldn't help myself.
- Edit -
I'm part Welsh, so I'm aloud these.
An Englishman, Welshman and Pakistani's partners just had children, and they are all waiting in the maternity ward. A doctor comes in and says to them all, "I'm sorry but there's a problem, we have gotten you're children mixed up, and don't know whose is whose". The men agree between themselves to go in and pick one, and the Englishman goes in first. He then comes out with what is blatantly the Pakistani's child. The Pakistani then says, "What the hell man?!", to which the Englishman replies;
I'll edit this tomorrow and add some more
- Joke -
They are both pointless and fun to watch bounce down stairs...
Ok, ok, another
Society
[sub][sub]I don't like chavs, can you tell?[/sub][/sub]
- Early Edit -
I remembered this one and couldn't help myself.
The painting only needs one nail
- Edit -
I'm part Welsh, so I'm aloud these.
A pimp
An Englishman, Welshman and Pakistani's partners just had children, and they are all waiting in the maternity ward. A doctor comes in and says to them all, "I'm sorry but there's a problem, we have gotten you're children mixed up, and don't know whose is whose". The men agree between themselves to go in and pick one, and the Englishman goes in first. He then comes out with what is blatantly the Pakistani's child. The Pakistani then says, "What the hell man?!", to which the Englishman replies;
I'm sorry man, but one of those children in there is Welsh, and I'm not taking any chances.
That deserves a reward, not a probation.comadorcrack said:
OT: It's not really a joke, but to my math teacher made this jewish kid stand out on the porch after he was being disruptive. The problem is, it's 90+ degrees, and he was out there for 20 minutes. So my classmates started saying he should be let back in, but my teacher kept saying no, so I just shouted "Mrs. ____ it's like an oven out there!"
Get it?
HK_01 said:
Thedayrecker said:
Sigh... If only the mod's thought that way.... Aw well =/KefkaCultist said:
I thought about fighting it, but in the end, the best revenge is admiration from the people... Letting the mod know his mistake was his/hers! and letting him/her stew in it... Mwhahaha!!