Your best Joke Ever.
- Thread starter greenflash
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Clinton and Obama are sitting on a jet bragging to each other about who the better person is. Clinton throws a million dollars out the window and says "I just made a million people happy!" Obama throws TWO million dollars out the window and claims to have made two million people happy. The pilot throws Clinton and Obama out of the jet and says "I just made the world happy."
Note:
If you're wondering about how they open a jet window,
And other science facts.
Just say to yourself "It's just a joke,
And should probably relax."
(I don't believe in "cookies for references," but if you get it, high five!)
I'm sure someone already answered this, but the show is Family Guy and it was the epsiode where Peter and his friends (including Cleveland because they wen't to Virginia and found him) search for the source of all dirty jokes.ssgt splatter said:
After seeing the first few jokes on here I am pretty sure this won't get me banned:
Q. Whats worse than being captured by Al-Qaeda?
A. Being saved by the Americans!
For anyone who doesn't remember a woman was recently kidnapped by Al-Qaeda then killed by an American grenade in the failed attempt to save her.
Q. Whats worse than being captured by Al-Qaeda?
A. Being saved by the Americans!
For anyone who doesn't remember a woman was recently kidnapped by Al-Qaeda then killed by an American grenade in the failed attempt to save her.
I heard a pretty funny military joke the other day:
A Lieutenant called in a Sergeant to his tent and tells him, "Sarge, Private Dickinson's mother just died. I need you to inform him and send him in to see me, but try to do it sensitively."
"Affirmative sir," the Sergeant said, then he turned about-face and left the tent. He rounded up all his men and shouted, "You, you, you, commence firing drills!" He shouted. "You, you, you, begin PT exercises! Dickinson! Your mother just died, the Lieutenant just wants you on the double!"
A tearful Private Dickinson left to the Lieutenant's tent.
A few weeks later the Lieutenant called in the same Sergeant and said, "Listen Sarge, Private Walker's mother just died. Now I need you to inform him and send him in to see me but for God's sake man, be sensitive!"
"Affirmative sir," the Sergeant said, then turned about-face and left the tent. He rounded up all his men in a straight line, side by side, and shouted, "Alright men, everybody with a mother, take one step forward!"
A half-second later he shouted, "NOT SO FAST WALKER!!!"
A Lieutenant called in a Sergeant to his tent and tells him, "Sarge, Private Dickinson's mother just died. I need you to inform him and send him in to see me, but try to do it sensitively."
"Affirmative sir," the Sergeant said, then he turned about-face and left the tent. He rounded up all his men and shouted, "You, you, you, commence firing drills!" He shouted. "You, you, you, begin PT exercises! Dickinson! Your mother just died, the Lieutenant just wants you on the double!"
A tearful Private Dickinson left to the Lieutenant's tent.
A few weeks later the Lieutenant called in the same Sergeant and said, "Listen Sarge, Private Walker's mother just died. Now I need you to inform him and send him in to see me but for God's sake man, be sensitive!"
"Affirmative sir," the Sergeant said, then turned about-face and left the tent. He rounded up all his men in a straight line, side by side, and shouted, "Alright men, everybody with a mother, take one step forward!"
A half-second later he shouted, "NOT SO FAST WALKER!!!"
A pirate walks into a pirate bar with a ship's steering wheel down his pants. Another pirate takes one look at him and asks "Yarr, what be that steerin' wheel doin down yer pants?"
The first pirate reply's "Arr, it be drivin' me nuts."
Still my number one favorite, other than the monk joke that I actually found on this site, but takes 15 minutes to tell properly.
I have another, though it isn't mine: Microsoft Works
I also have a large list of horrifically inappropriate one liners, baby jokes, and puns that I use almost everyday, much to the chagrin of my family and co-workers.
One of my favorites:
Q: You know what sucks? I mean what really, really sucks?
A: A vacuum
The first pirate reply's "Arr, it be drivin' me nuts."
Still my number one favorite, other than the monk joke that I actually found on this site, but takes 15 minutes to tell properly.
I have another, though it isn't mine: Microsoft Works
I also have a large list of horrifically inappropriate one liners, baby jokes, and puns that I use almost everyday, much to the chagrin of my family and co-workers.
One of my favorites:
Q: You know what sucks? I mean what really, really sucks?
A: A vacuum
