Your best Joke Ever.
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I think I love you now.comadorcrack said:
OT:
"I helped my uncle Jack off a horse."
"I helped my uncle jack off a horse."
Capitalization. More important than you may think!
I'm not sure if this counts but this one time back in high school my friends and I were having a good old fashion on the couch loser pass the controller session and we were talking about games that we played that were very difficult for us.
one of my friends pipes up and says Ghost Recon 2
Friend: "DUDE the NPCs in the game know were you are like ALL THE TIME man, at the very start they know and can shoot you in like on hit and there's like no way you can sneak around!"
ME:"Well the game is called Ghost Recon. Your supposed to be a ghost. Obviously your doing something wrong."
We all had a small kick out of that one.
one of my friends pipes up and says Ghost Recon 2
Friend: "DUDE the NPCs in the game know were you are like ALL THE TIME man, at the very start they know and can shoot you in like on hit and there's like no way you can sneak around!"
ME:"Well the game is called Ghost Recon. Your supposed to be a ghost. Obviously your doing something wrong."
We all had a small kick out of that one.
A dog goes to send a telegram. He places a £5 note on the counter infront of the clerk and says
Woof woof
Woof woof woof
woof woof woof
Woof
The clerk types up the telegram and says:
"For your £5 you are able to send one more 'woof' if you wish?"
The dog looks a the clerk confused and responds:
"That wouldn't make sense at all."
Woof woof
Woof woof woof
woof woof woof
Woof
The clerk types up the telegram and says:
"For your £5 you are able to send one more 'woof' if you wish?"
The dog looks a the clerk confused and responds:
"That wouldn't make sense at all."
I'm so sorry for this...
If a Tree falls on a woman, does it make a sound?
Impossible, tree's don't fall in Kitchens.
If a Tree falls on a woman, does it make a sound?
Impossible, tree's don't fall in Kitchens.
How do we know Steve Irwin didn't wear Sunscreen
-Sunscreen protects you from harmful rays
Or
If tim Burton knew about this he would turn over in his grave
.... im not saying he's dead, just that he sleeps in a coffin.
-Sunscreen protects you from harmful rays
Or
If tim Burton knew about this he would turn over in his grave
.... im not saying he's dead, just that he sleeps in a coffin.
My favorite short joke:
Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?
Because then they'd be bay-gulls (bagels)
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My favorite long joke:
Three chinese guys die, but through some mix-up, they end up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, facing St. Peter.
One of them says "hey, where's Buddha?"
St. Peter says "Buddha's not here, this is christian Heaven."
The three chinese guys look around, and decide they like the place and want to stay. They go back to St. Peter.
"Let us in, we're christian!"
St. Peter is skeptical, but he says "Okay, but you have to correctly answer one question to be allowed in." The chinese guys nod eagerly.
St. Peter asks the first guy "What's Easter?"
The first guy says "That's when Jesus puts on a red suit, flies all over the world on a sleigh, goes down peoples' chimneys and leaves presents under a tree!"
St. Peter says "nope, not even close" and sends the guy away. He asks the second guy the same thing, "What's Easter?"
The second guy says "That's when Jesus comes down and hands out candy to little boys and girls who are dressed up in all different scary costumes!"
St. Peter again says "nope, that's wrong" and sends the second guy away. Finally he turns to the third guy and says "What's Easter?"
The third guy thinks about it for a moment and says "That's when Jesus was crucified, buried in the tomb, and on the third day he rises and comes out of the tomb..."
St. Peter is stunned and says "you're right, come on in..."
The third guy interrupts and says "Wait, I wasn't finished! If he sees his shadow, he runs back in for six more weeks of winter!"
Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?
Because then they'd be bay-gulls (bagels)
.
.
.
.
.
.
My favorite long joke:
Three chinese guys die, but through some mix-up, they end up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, facing St. Peter.
One of them says "hey, where's Buddha?"
St. Peter says "Buddha's not here, this is christian Heaven."
The three chinese guys look around, and decide they like the place and want to stay. They go back to St. Peter.
"Let us in, we're christian!"
St. Peter is skeptical, but he says "Okay, but you have to correctly answer one question to be allowed in." The chinese guys nod eagerly.
St. Peter asks the first guy "What's Easter?"
The first guy says "That's when Jesus puts on a red suit, flies all over the world on a sleigh, goes down peoples' chimneys and leaves presents under a tree!"
St. Peter says "nope, not even close" and sends the guy away. He asks the second guy the same thing, "What's Easter?"
The second guy says "That's when Jesus comes down and hands out candy to little boys and girls who are dressed up in all different scary costumes!"
St. Peter again says "nope, that's wrong" and sends the second guy away. Finally he turns to the third guy and says "What's Easter?"
The third guy thinks about it for a moment and says "That's when Jesus was crucified, buried in the tomb, and on the third day he rises and comes out of the tomb..."
St. Peter is stunned and says "you're right, come on in..."
The third guy interrupts and says "Wait, I wasn't finished! If he sees his shadow, he runs back in for six more weeks of winter!"
I asked my dog, what keeps rain out the house? He said, "Roof!"
I asked my dog, what is on the outside of a tree? He said, "Bark!"
I asked my dog, what does sand paper feel like? He said, "Ruff!"
I asked my dog, who was the greatest baseball player who ever lived? He said "Roof!"
I can do this all day.
I asked my dog, what is on the outside of a tree? He said, "Bark!"
I asked my dog, what does sand paper feel like? He said, "Ruff!"
I asked my dog, who was the greatest baseball player who ever lived? He said "Roof!"
I can do this all day.
Two Mexicans in the Desert and Pablo (one of them) says to Juan( the other) "I smell bacon Juan" He replies "No it mirage" they walk for another hour and Pablo shouts"Juan!Juan! I see it! I see bacon tree!" He replies again with "No it is a mirage" Pablo walks up to the tree and it pulls out a handgun and kneecaps him. He crawls back and says " It wasn't a Bacon tree it was a hambush"
A boy walks into the bathroom and his dad is in the bath masturbating, the dad screams and stops, and the boy asks what he was doing and he says "Well, i was uh..........playing with my action man (a bit like a GI Joe i think)." That night the dad goes into the boys room to see if he sleeping and there is blood everywhere and when he asks what happened, the boy says "I was playing with my action man but he spat in my face so i bit his head off.
hhhhmmmm.....you deserved that. xDcomadorcrack said:
OP: After telling this horrible joke (I am not racist it was an awful joke)of asking what's white on top and black on bottom...society (I do not believe this)everybody started to know the answer to it so the next time I asked someone what is white on top and black on bottom and somebody said "society" I said "you racist bastard I was gonna say a penguin!!" and gave them a really dirty look. xD (oh gods of moderator please do not smite me)