Your funeral.
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Any bit of me that's donate-able shall be donated, the rest burned and scattered over the ocean. My friends must all get piss-drunk and dance til they fall over. Also, my very best friend (assuming I'm the first one to die)must read this at my wake...with a straight face.
Sound: Church bell ringing
Preacher: Welcome, Brothers and Sisters, to Worshippers-'R'-Us, the first church of all denominations. Please open your generic prayer-books and pray along with me as you stand, sit, kneel, face Mecca or dance.
All: O large person or persons of whatever gender or branch of the animal kingdom, who did something great and is now someplace where we aren't, please forgive us for whatever you deem bad, and help us to do whatever strikes you as good, whether that be to work hard, eat no pork, or wage a holy war. Grant us whatever you tend to grant, unless you don't interfere with earthly concerns. Watch over us, or save us from evil, or let us find out for ourselves, or damn us randomly. Amen. Praise Allah. Have a nice day.
Preacher: May the being, as you define him, her or it, be with you.
Congregation: And also with you.
Preacher: Let us give thanks for (a) divine intervention or (b) divine abstention.
Congregation: It is right to give him or her thanks and praise.
Preacher: May peace dwell here amongst us and [loudly] keep us free from war!
Congregation: [Sort of unison grunt] Uh!
Preacher: What's it good for?
Congregation: [Bored unison] Absolutely nothing.
Preacher: Say it again! [Pause, then more conversationally] Brothers and Sisters, last Thursday during our annual Baptist-jihad-barbecue, I was flipping the meatless kosher hydroponically-grown food product on the grill, when a stranger approached me. He asked me, "Why bother? Why bother trying to organise a religion which synthesises all faiths and beliefs? Why bother organising weekly prayer-fiesta-sword-dances?" Why bother? But then I hearkened back to the origin of all our religions, of all our faiths, and I gave unto him the answer, the answer that has sustained all religions can also sustain us. Why bother? Just 'cause!
Now before we christen the babies, walk over burning coals, form a human pyramid and proceed out to the street corners to chant for spare change, I'd like to make a few announcements. Next Sunday is young Mazimoro Kyoto's bar-mitzvah-confirmation. We'll be down at the river at sunset, dunking him in the waters, circumcising him with a stick, and chopping off his hands for stealing. So come on down and wish him well. There will be self-flagellation and coffee served in the friendship room afterwards. Mrs Edmonds?
Sound: electric organ music]
All [singing]: "Some think he's a rock, or a big cosmic clock, some think he's a bug that just hovered. Some think he's a bird, and idea or a turd, but at least we've got our asses covered. Amen. Praise Allah. Have a nice day.
Preacher: Welcome, Brothers and Sisters, to Worshippers-'R'-Us, the first church of all denominations. Please open your generic prayer-books and pray along with me as you stand, sit, kneel, face Mecca or dance.
All: O large person or persons of whatever gender or branch of the animal kingdom, who did something great and is now someplace where we aren't, please forgive us for whatever you deem bad, and help us to do whatever strikes you as good, whether that be to work hard, eat no pork, or wage a holy war. Grant us whatever you tend to grant, unless you don't interfere with earthly concerns. Watch over us, or save us from evil, or let us find out for ourselves, or damn us randomly. Amen. Praise Allah. Have a nice day.
Preacher: May the being, as you define him, her or it, be with you.
Congregation: And also with you.
Preacher: Let us give thanks for (a) divine intervention or (b) divine abstention.
Congregation: It is right to give him or her thanks and praise.
Preacher: May peace dwell here amongst us and [loudly] keep us free from war!
Congregation: [Sort of unison grunt] Uh!
Preacher: What's it good for?
Congregation: [Bored unison] Absolutely nothing.
Preacher: Say it again! [Pause, then more conversationally] Brothers and Sisters, last Thursday during our annual Baptist-jihad-barbecue, I was flipping the meatless kosher hydroponically-grown food product on the grill, when a stranger approached me. He asked me, "Why bother? Why bother trying to organise a religion which synthesises all faiths and beliefs? Why bother organising weekly prayer-fiesta-sword-dances?" Why bother? But then I hearkened back to the origin of all our religions, of all our faiths, and I gave unto him the answer, the answer that has sustained all religions can also sustain us. Why bother? Just 'cause!
Now before we christen the babies, walk over burning coals, form a human pyramid and proceed out to the street corners to chant for spare change, I'd like to make a few announcements. Next Sunday is young Mazimoro Kyoto's bar-mitzvah-confirmation. We'll be down at the river at sunset, dunking him in the waters, circumcising him with a stick, and chopping off his hands for stealing. So come on down and wish him well. There will be self-flagellation and coffee served in the friendship room afterwards. Mrs Edmonds?
Sound: electric organ music]
All [singing]: "Some think he's a rock, or a big cosmic clock, some think he's a bug that just hovered. Some think he's a bird, and idea or a turd, but at least we've got our asses covered. Amen. Praise Allah. Have a nice day.
I'd rather not talk about this...my dad's funeral is still fresh in my mind after almost 7 years.
I'm really sorry about that.NekoiHiokans said:
But is it really necessary to even post then...?
I couldn't give a fuck about my funeral. So preferably there won't be one...
But if there will be, I better pre-plan a huge practical joke.
As in, have a bomb inserted inside my dead husk so it blows up during the funeral, for the greater lulz. Add some death metal, shrapnel and an army of assassin robots and those nifty Korean robotic sentry guns, and it's even more lulz.
But if there will be, I better pre-plan a huge practical joke.
As in, have a bomb inserted inside my dead husk so it blows up during the funeral, for the greater lulz. Add some death metal, shrapnel and an army of assassin robots and those nifty Korean robotic sentry guns, and it's even more lulz.
I've said it once and I will say it again
Another one bites the dust- Queen
That will be the music and that is it
Another one bites the dust- Queen
That will be the music and that is it
Probably not...but I was seriously debating it...doesn't debating count somewhere along the line?Cheery Lunatic said:I'm really sorry about that.NekoiHiokans said:
But is it really necessary to even post then...?
OT: I just want some badass music...that's all I can think of right now...add something to the discussion.
I'm not going to have one. I'm going to donate my body while it's still fresh. Maybe it will end up in that macabre german mudeum coated in wax, maybe it will be experimented on by scientists, maybe I'll donate all my organs & feed my flesh to an old zoo animal as it's last meal, maybe I'll donate my flesh to cannibals & my bones to art.
I just don't want folks cryin' over me when I go. It's not important what they do with my body, or what nice words they manage to string together at the service, but what memories they hold of me after I'm gone, and what they do with those memories that matter to me. I just want things to change for my having been here.
Rule 1: No Religion.
Rule 2: If I die in a car wreck, play "Flirtin' with Disaster".
If I get stabbed, play "Knife Fight".
If I get trampled, play "Stamp on the Ground".
If I'm in a plane that goes down "I've got Some Falling to Do".
If I die in a house fire, play "The Only House Thats Not on Fire (Yet)".
Thats all I can think of.
Rule 2: If I die in a car wreck, play "Flirtin' with Disaster".
If I get stabbed, play "Knife Fight".
If I get trampled, play "Stamp on the Ground".
If I'm in a plane that goes down "I've got Some Falling to Do".
If I die in a house fire, play "The Only House Thats Not on Fire (Yet)".
Thats all I can think of.
I appear to have been ninja'd. I don't have anything set up at the moment, but I'll be getting Highway to Hell cranked up high for my funeral. Other than that I really couldn't care less. I'm bloody dead, it's not like it matters to me if I'm buried, cremated or dumped in the woods.AccursedTheory said:
You have to admit though that a zombie burial does sound awesome, if a little morbid.Aylaine said:
I'd like a <url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jazz_funeral>jazz funeral, with one special occurrence - as my coffin's sliding into the oven I want the Thunderbirds theme tune played.