Your PSAs of common sense

[tippy2k2]

You know what we don't have enough of on this board? People complaining! I for one think we need to drop our "everything is sunshine and unicorn farts" and complain!

Everyone sees someone at some point in their day that you just sit back and wonder "What the hell are you thinking?". People are dumb and since Darwin seems to be failing miserably, it's up to us to try to educate these dumb people!

So Escapist members, what is your Public Service Announcement for dumb people?

Dear "Lady with a cart full of groceries at the self-checkout line",

I know waiting in line sucks. It's a fact of modern life that we just kind of have to deal with as a consumer nation. However, you know what makes it suck even more? People who waddle up with 100+ things in their grocery carts to the self-checkout lanes; you know, the lanes with enough room on them for about ten items because...SURPRISE!, they're not designed for you to put your monthly grocery bill for a family of four on.

Seriously lady, every single person behind you sees you at the lane and begin imagining what in their cart would make the most effective weapon for murdering you with.

Signed,
Everyone behind you with ten items or less

 

[BubbleBurst]

I like this idea! Maybe just because I have something to complain about today.

Dear "[Expletive] [Company Name] Medical Insurance Company,"

Here's the thing: I get it. Did you know I'm a medical student? Yep. Also, I have a graduate degree where I focused on biochem and pharmaceutical development? I know, drugs are complicated. It takes a lot of work. It costs money, and in our medical system, that's money which you're responsible for covering (in large part) for your customers.

So why can't I get my one medication refilled, even once, without having to go ten rounds on the phone with one of your representatives? Every time! It's a simple medication; shit, it's the generic, it doesn't even cost that much without insurance. (Relatively speaking.)

I'm young, I'm relatively healthy, how can I have this problem? I can't even imagine what it's like for the patients I see who have a multi-paged list of meds and providers-- except, oh wait, I can, because they tell me and it sounds fucking terrible.

Anyway, I don't really have a solution, except to say "you win" and take my prescription somewhere I can afford it without going through insurance. If only that were an option for everyone. Just wanted to let you know how I feel, next time you pay some lobbyists to convince us all that we have the Best Healthcare System In The World.

Yours Sincerely,

Everyone who ever has, or ever will, take medicine for anything. (Everyone?)

 

[Zombie_Fish]

Dear people asking me for tech support,

I am a Computer Scientist. My course requires me to understand the fundamentals of computer hardware, operating systems and software development. It also requires me to understand the mathematical underpinnings of computers, algorithm design and the exciting boundaries in these areas, which is where my interests largely lie.

It does not require me to know how to fix your god damn printer. Or your router. And if you ask me about a virus my only response will be to install antivirus software.

There are professors in my department who struggle to use that stuff. What makes you think I will be any better at it?

Signed,
Every CS undergrad forever ever

 

[Colour Scientist]

Every CS undergrad forever ever

I do have many undergraduates.

Colour Science is a very popular course.

OP:

I'll keep mine short because I really could go on forever. As an aside, I don't think people with misconceptions about archivists are stupid, just ill-informed.

Dear Genealogy enthusiasts,

It is not an archivist's job to provide you with a family tree or, indeed, spend any time researching your family history for you.

No, I do not know your Uncle Moe, nor where he worked in the Summer of '69.

Archivists are not genealogists. Even then, that's not how it works.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Dear about 85% of people in my city,
USE YOUR MANNERS YOU BELLENDS. Don't walk into a shop with a long queue then complain about having to queue. Don't leave your manners at the door because you had to wait five fucking minutes to get served. If you "only get 15 minutes for a break, chop chop" then bring a packed lunch and shut up you lunatics. Don't mouth to your server because you can't put your phone down for four seconds. Don't click your fingers, whistle, tap the counter, or shout "oi!" when you don't get immediate attention. Imagine how furious you would be if that happened to you. Don't bark orders while no one is at the counter, why are you talking to yourselves!? If you can't be patient, go to a store that has self service. Don't point and grunt; *****, do I look like a mind reader? Don'fuck me about when there's a mile long queue.
Yes, I've had a bad week at work..

Also, drivers? There's a two little sticks near your steering wheel. Usually the left stick, but sometimes both or the right. It's something called an "indicator". If you want to turn the car right you flick it upwards. If you want to turn your car left you flick it downwards. I know that's a lot to take in but if you're aiming to turn one way and don't indicate and end up hitting a person you'll go to prison for a very long time unfortunately.

This has been Eevee's "How not to be a massive **** 101." Join me next week for lessons on how to keep rude comments to yourself and our hands off another persons body without their permission.

 

[Irick]

Dear people asking me for tech support,

I am a Computer Scientist. My course requires me to understand the fundamentals of computer hardware, operating systems and software development. It also requires me to understand the mathematical underpinnings of computers, algorithm design and the exciting boundaries in these areas, which is where my interests largely lie.

It does not require me to know how to fix your god damn printer. Or your router. And if you ask me about a virus my only response will be to install antivirus software.

There are professors in my department who struggle to use that stuff. What makes you think I will be any better at it?

Signed,
Every CS undergrad forever ever

I need an algorithm for handling a print stack across three 30PPM color inkjet printers and two 150 PPM laserjet printers. It needs to be able to determine which printer to send it to based on a priority slider and a presentation slider. It should also be able to handle wear leveling.

See? I can come up with printer fixes that are within your purview :3

I would have made a joke about designing network routing protocols, but that shit is deep magic.

 

[EternallyBored]

Dear parents,
I am a social worker, it is my job to make sure the way you treat your children meets at least some bare minimum standard of human decency. The laws are not really that hard, as long as you feed them, don't hit them hard enough to bruise or bleed, send them to school, and at least try to maintain some form of shelter, the state and myself will try to keep you with your kids.

The foster care and adoption system is expensive, I don't want to put kids there, but if your 1 year old hasn't eaten for three days because you decided it would be a great idea see just how much meth you could smoke, then it is not out of some personal personal vendetta against you or your sex, race, or nationality when I show up to your home with a half dozen sheriff's deputies behind me to take said 1 year old away from you.

As a point of common sense, bomb threats, death threats, and actually attempting to stab me in the parking lot on the way back to my car are not effective ways of regaining custody of your children, the court system tends to frown on people that attempt to kill government employees.

I don't enjoy taking your children away, and despite what you may say to my face, it is not, in fact, my job to ruin your life, I give everyone their court papers, I help them make counseling and rehab appointments, hell, the government will even pay for your gas or bus ticket if you are having trouble, telling me you forgot or slept in is not an adequate excuse for missing court mandated appointments.

I give second, third, and even fourth chances, but for the love of god, if you can't even make an AA meeting once or twice a week, why are you trying to convince me that the preschooler you helped conceive isn't going to end up back in the hospital with another broken bone when daddy gets into the Jack again.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

As someone who works (peripherally) in the medical field, I'd like to write an open letter to doctors and those who act in their stead.

- LEARN TO FUCKING WRITE. We don't need elegant calligraphy, but we DO need something legible. Seriously, "doctor scrawl" causes more safety incidents than almost anything else in the medical field. (I think only patient non-compliance comes in ahead of it.)

- A fax machine is a (usually) crappy copying machine connected to a crappy 14.4k modem. A prescription blank is designed to resist copying. Placing a blank with "doctor scrawl" into a fax machine virtually guarantees that it'll be unreadable.

- Be professional. I've seen faxes and documents that have said "is this a joke?" to a request for clarification when the original document was completely unreadable, and I've seen eight-page written screeds about how my company sucks and you're talking to your lawyer and et cetera. (By my estimation doctors tend to actually be less professional than patients when complaining.) Hostility is not a route to quicker response.

- Don't send us a prescription blank with nothing but a (doctor-scrawled) name on it and expect that we'll know who that is; just because you send us prescriptions all the time doesn't mean that we can possibly keep track. Even small pharmacies are going to be going through hundreds of these things a day.

- SIGN THE GODDAMN PRESCRIPTION. Yeah, yeah, you're busy, who has time, and you send us prescriptions all the time so we should just know who you are. Too bad. No signature, we can't fill it, period. Same thing with the patient's name and the date.

- If you've got a bunch of doctor names on your prescription blank, circle your name so we can tell who the hell you are; again, we don't automatically know you, and your illegible "Arsenio Hall" scribble doesn't help things when all we can make out is an "i" and maybe an "m" or "w". (And seriously, I've seen blanks that have had thirty doctors listed in the practice. I wonder if they're all stacked in a room like cordwood until someone needs one of them.)

 

[Parasondox]

Thank you Tippy2k2 for this opportunity. I have two just for now.

Part 1
Dear narrow minded ignorant fools,

Oh, so seeing a interracial couple with their mixed race child bothers you? Allow me to cry you a river. You must be in so much pain, seeing, no, witnessing this "act against god", that you feel the need to hate them before you even knew anything about them. That those of different races mix together can have a happy relationship and children of their own. Oh the horror and hurt you must feel. I apologise that in my past relationship, I have gone out and even loved someone of a different race. Someone I still miss dearly, that you, you, need all the focus on you that you can't stand two people in love. Honestly, what may I do in order to make you happy?

Or maybe, just maybe, you should go and suck a lemon. I'm sorry, that was too polite. If it bothers you so damn much that there are interracial couples in this world and some may even have children that are mixed race, then please, go live in a cave far far away from everyone. Your hate makes the world sad and dark. No matter the race, no matter the religion, no matter the gender, or sexuality, when two people are deeply in love. Don't you ever, EVER, try to ruin their happiness and saying "it's against god". I thought God was about love, mother fucker. How about you practice that.

Part 2

Dear fellow black people,

Two wrongs don't make a right. Why do I say that? Racism of any form is a fucked up thing. It's wrong. It creates more problems and less love and respect. We have all faced it before. But just because we have faced it before, doesn't mean it makes it okay to do it back to others. Yes, white people suffer from racism too. Every race has and it's distasteful. By saying, "Well if I say it, it's not racist", it doesn't justify your actions and doesn't make it okay. Unity NOT separation. If you want to beat racist, don't use their tactics of slurs and insults. So remember, Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

I do have many undergraduates.

Colour Science is a very popular course.

What are the best institutions for Colour Science?

I need an algorithm for handling a print stack across three 30PPM color inkjet printers and two 150 PPM laserjet printers. It needs to be able to determine which printer to send it to based on a priority slider and a presentation slider. It should also be able to handle wear leveling.

See? I can come up with printer fixes that are within your purview :3

Depends on how you want the jobs stored while they're waiting to be printed. If you're happy with storing them all in one server then it's easy: Have a priority queue for colour and another for laserjet. Each time a new job comes in, add it to the priority queue based on its priority and whether it's in colour or black & white. Each time a printer finishes, take the next job from the priority queue and send it to that printer.

If you want to determine which printer to send it to as you receive the job, well that's NP hard.[footnote]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_shop_scheduling[/footnote] But you could kind of approximate it using a greedy algorithm to find the printer with the lowest workload and then insert it at the appropriate place in that printer's queue given the task's priority. Basically using multiple priority queues now - one to find the printer with smallest workload, and another to insert that job into the correct position in that printer's queue.

You'd need to also factor time since the job was submitted into the priority of the task though. Otherwise low-priority jobs may never get done.

If nothing else becomes apparent from this post, it's that I procrastinate far too much. =P

I would have made a joke about designing network routing protocols, but that shit is deep magic.

A summary of my thoughts on being asked to design network routing protocols:

Spoiler

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

Dear neighbors,

Stop letting your children play in the street. Our neighborhood is not some safe little cul-de-sac circa 1950. There are a lot of blind corners and not a lot of stop signs. I've nearly run over your bratty little monsters twice this week. There are multiple parks LITERALLY ACROSS THE STREET (one in every direction in fact) so get off your ass and take your kids there instead of being a bunch of lazy assholes and just letting them roam around the neighborhood. Your kids are less than 10, they need goddamn adult supervision.

Also, please teach them to use a doorbell. I'm sick of hearing your kids standing under the windows and yelling for their friends to come down in their shrill little voices for 10 minutes straight every goddamn day.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I do have many undergraduates.

Colour Science is a very popular course.

What are the best institutions for Colour Science?

Hm, that's a tough one, there are so many fine establishments.

The Lavender Town Institute of Technicolour is usually a pretty safe bet.

 

[Vault101]

dear..."people"

"common sense" and "conventional wisdom" are not infallible, so when you see the word "natural" that doesn't mean its inherently good

 

[FPLOON]

Hi! I'm forum user and formal MLP-based blog mod FPLOON! You may recognize me from such PSAs such as Haikus For The Unconventional or Mashups And How They Can Make Pop Music P.O.P.! I'm here to talk to you about how you should approach a typical fandom... (Please be in mind that this is about as subjective as it's going to get, given how I'm not getting paid to make this kind of PSA in the first place...)

First off, you must remember that every fandom is filled with human beings most of the time all the time... and, if you are indeed human, you will know that no human is perfect and everything they do is about as perfect as a temporary chart-topping Pop music hit... That's why first impressions are never the full impressions... Once you realize that, then this next... uh... tip(?) should come more naturally to you in retrospective...

Second, approach any typical fandom from an unbias perspective... Think of yourself as some kind of anthropologist learning about one's overall subculture... It would be hard to mistake "misunderstanding" with "ethnocentrism" with this kind of [open] mindset... Speaking of which...

Third, keep an open mind... Sometimes, you might actually want to be apart of said fandom or, in some cases, become part of the fandom's fandom in a meta sort of way... When that happens, don't fall into a denial state of negativity because, emotionally, that's not healthy... and I'm not your Doctor, mind you...

Fourth, and this is only if you just realize that what you're into actually has a [visible] fandom, remember to separate what the fandom revolves around and the fandom itself... Too many times have someone confuse one with the other, causing "misunderstandings" to pop up left and right... Once you realize that they are, indeed, separate entities, you can continue to enjoy either one or both without any unnecessary "misunderstandings"...

Fifth, fanart and fanfiction are ["almost"] the bread and butter of most fandoms in the creative spectrum, following the music-based orange juice and website-based cereal respectively... Now, you don't have to [actively] engage in the making and/or reading of these elements of a fandom (unless said fandom derives from such activities, for example), but you much remember the difference between insults and criticism if you do, at least...

Finally, fandom conventions are, according to my experience, the most in-dept way of approaching a fandom in question if they have any... If you remember the first five tips(?), then the only thing that could go wrong is natural causes, technical difficulties, and forgetting the first five tips(?) just to name a few...

Overall, approaching a fandom is like approaching one's parents and/or approaching another group of human being... Remember these tips(?) and you'll be able to get a full understanding of the fandom in question in the time it takes to watch every episode of that one obscure series you found out about through "Rule 34"... I'm FPLOON, which sounds like fuh-ploon because reasons... Thanks for watching this PSA on approaching typical fandoms... (Good night and good luck...)

 

[QuicklyAcross]

dear..."people"

"common sense" and "conventional wisdom" are not infallible, so when you see the word "natural" that doesn't mean its inherently good

Nope but it is good to have standards so that we can see the exception cases and situations that require a bit more thought, unlike common sense which is well, common.
Dont put your hand on the stove if its on, youll probably burn it.
Doesnt mean its not inherently good to NOT put your hand on a hot stove i guess?

 

[Queen Michael]

Dear homophobes.

Please, start only using arguments that you actually believe in. For instance, the argument "if everyone were gay, mankind would end because there'd be no more kids" makes no sense. Be honest -- you know perfectly well that artificial insemination is real. You also know that a gay man can have sex with a woman to conceive a child. So you know that if everybody were gay, they'd find a way to keep humanity going.

Furthermore, I've never encountered a homophobe who genuinely believed that there was a genuine risk that everybody would become teh homersexuals. It's not something you genuinely consider a risk -- it's just a convenient beogeyman to use as some sort of justification of homophobia that you'd have been filled with even without this flimsy justification.

 

[Aesir23]

Dear Insurance Applicants,

Please fill out your forms completely. I don't know you personally nor do I know anyone in your family. If you don't write their names and birthdates down in the clear "Dependants" section of the form then I do not know they exist. Calling me or my supervisor to yell at us because you think I'm an idiot because you didn't completely fill out the form doesn't help anyone. All it does is make both of our days worse and even though I'm obligated to add those people regardless of how you treat me, it makes me less willing to smooth out the process for you.

Sincerely,

The Client Administration Dept



Dear Girl Encountering Her Friend on the Bus,

Because our dear city council cannot be assed to try and put proper rapid transit into place and because the drivers will allow people to pack in until the bus is a veritable sardine can, it makes the rush hour commute very uncomfortable. It's great that you encountered your friend on the bus, go ahead and chat. However, when some people get off the bus that means you should move further back or find a seat so that we have more room to spread out. It does not mean that you should stand in the middle of the aisle and force the people in front of you to continue to stand cramped together or make it difficult for people to get up from the seats so that they can exit the bus.

Sincerely,

Commuter

 

[Twintix]

Dear drivers,

I'm working on my driver's license. This means that I'm fairly new behind the wheel. I will make some mistakes, and I understand that some of you may be nervous that I pose a risk as an inexperienced driver. As such, I understand why you might be nervous about driving behind me.

However, the green sign in the back window is not a "feel free to pass me like a complete fucking jackass" sign. I am so very sorry for not driving over the speed limit. If you are in a hurry, choose your moments to drive past me. These moments do not include:

In curves
Through low-speed areas
On the top of a road
All of the above when it's dark outside

Also, honking at me when I accidentally stop the car isn't going to make me start it faster. Nor should you honk at me when I'm legally obliged to stop the car.

Special mention to you, impatient fucker in the truck, who honked at me when I stopped at a crossing where two kids were about to cross. What, would you've preferred it if I'd hit the kids instead, just because you were in a hurry?

Sincerely,
All the people who are working on their licenses.

Also:

Dear Deity of Babies,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for wronging you in a past life. I'm sorry that I did something to upset you. I don't know what I did to incur your Wrath, but know that I feel a deep regret for what I have done.

JUST STOP SENDING CRYING, SCREAMING BABIES AFTER ME WHEREVER I GO! PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!

Sincerely,
Not a baby hater, but a person sensitive to loud noise.