Your Shittiest Sidequests Ever

[RJ 17]

Oh come on, people! How in god's name am I the first one to mention the frickin' card game in FFVIII? That is THE biggest pain in the ass side-quest ever. Of all time. It doesn't help that it's obscenely tedious and takes an obscene amount of time, but it also actively requires maintenance while you're not even working on it or else the rules for the game just spiral out of control! You have to go around making sure the rules you want to play with are implemented across the globe and snuff out any upstart rules that pop up every now and then or else you end up with shit rules like direct-exchange, random pick, and playing blind.

Any side-quest in Dragon Age: Origins that requires you going into the Deep Roads. Why? Because fuck the Deep Roads.

Also regarding DA:O - and I know this isn't so much a side-quest as it is a side-track on part of a main quest - the dream sequence where the Sloth Demon puts you to sleep when you're trying to climb the mage tower. Having to go back and forth between those dream worlds, unlocking different forms and powers to use in other dream worlds, and the fact that a lot of the enemies in said dream worlds are pretty damn strong...it's all just one big hassle. It's a dungeon within a dungeon that's actually bigger than the dungeon it's contained within.

Hunting down Doomgaze in FF6. While the fight itself isn't too hard, it just takes forever flying around aimlessly to even encounter him and he always buggers off after you get a few hits in, meaning you have to chase him down again.

The Deep Dungeon in FFT. Filled with high-level monsters that can really mess your day up, but that's not even the worst bit. The worst bit is the fact that you can't see any of the terrain that you're walking on, and in order to progress to the next level of the dungeon you have to check every single frickin' square on the map in order to find the "exit". Hope you brought someone who knows how to put monsters to sleep. >.>

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

Every single side quest in Dead Space 3. On occasion you would be provided with yet another random bunker with an alleged massive stash of army weapons and supplies to sidetrack you and pad out the game's length. The trek through these copy-pasted interior levels were upwards of an hour and a half long at times (or so it felt), and significantly more difficult than anything in the main storyline.

What did you receive at the end? Generally, a weapon attachment that can only be used in the game's co-op mode and maybe a handful of cheap single-handed gun components. Though you may argue that it was at least fun to kill just a few more necromorphs, the challenge and slog here could sometimes be so brutal and pointless that I eventually just ignored all side quests.

 

[The Goat Tsar]

Spoiler: About the Skyrim quest...

Actually you don't have to accuse Wuunferth. If you go talk to him instead of the steward then he'll tell you that he thinks he knows when the next murder will happen and send you to stop Calixto. You save a lot of time using this method. You won't think to do this unless you previously met Wuunferth though, and I think the only other quest he's tied to is a delivery quest started by a fruit vendor. And nobody talks to the fruit vendors.

OT: I dislike any sidequest where the general idea is: "you're super powerful and saving the world, but help me collect berries/acorns/bear asses/etc." A lot of MMOs are guilty of putting these in as filler.

Spoiler

I agree with the sentiment, but unfortunately you can't just visit Wuunferth in the first "quest" and avoid the second one entirely. You literally have no option but to accuse the wrong man.

You CAN speak with Wuunferth in jail once the second body appears - that's what triggers Calixto's "attack".

Spoiler

Look at this: http://uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Blood_on_the_Ice#Follow_Your_Instincts

"Wuunferth the Unliving lives a secluded life in the Palace of the Kings, but you are free to go visit him at any time. During the day, he will be in his quarters (first door on the left on entering, upstairs, at the far end). He spends his nights wandering around downstairs. Confront him with the rumors about him performing necromancy. He will be quite insulted and will ramble on about him being a member of the College of Winterhold. When you mention the journals and describe the amulet he will immediately identify it as the legendary Necromancer Amulet, while he will only feel sorry for Calixto's wild theories about it being the Wheelstone.

He reveals that he himself has been investigating the killings of Windhelm for quite some time. He has noted a pattern with the location and timing of the killings, so he ends up asking you to keep watch in the Stone Quarters at night, as he predicts the killer will strike again. Now leave Wuunferth alone, ignore the map marker still pointing towards Jorleif, and head to the Stone Quarters and wait until nighttime."

You can go to Wuunferth first and avoid sending him to jail. I've done it myself.

 

[Barbas]

I came in planning to ***** about Dead Island too. Specifically that one sidequest that has you platforming on the rooftops. You know how the map shows a waypoint but because its on the rooftops you have to reverse-track a way to get ON the rooftops first and THEN platform your way, in first fucking person no less. Lots of falling off and repeating.

Ah, slippery first-person platforming...the very best kind. You remember that bit in the game when you have to break down a door and a Suicider is standing right in front of you? Shitty times, man. Shitty times. Also, just go ahead and take your time climbing that ladder, Logan, you useless alcoholic who is useful only for kicking people and glitching around in blurry, broken cutscenes. I can't stand that shorts-and-mohawk motherhumper.

OT: For me, it was another from Dead Island. It was that mission where you are expected to find someone's teddy bear. I think it was because in order to hand it in, you had to pass someone with an atrociously bad accent. You could not kill her. FfffFFFFFF-

 

[Angelowl]

Started playing Fallout 3 recently (not finished yet) I have to say that the Operation: Anchorage was a nice change of pace, played like an average shooter but not too bad. Point Lookout though... Oh boy, all the enemies do roughly twice the damage for no reason at all! Let's walk through enormous distances through a foggy swamp with ghouls and cannibalistic southerners everywhere! Add that all the water is radioactive. It is just not fun, it is frustrating and boring. Not to mention that all of it seems pretty pointless.

The one nice thing I found in the DLC is the Repeating Rifle, just my taste. Nice accuracy, good damage, fair amounts of shots, iron sights. Too bad that you can not find those in the main game and thus not repair them, so I guess I will stick to my superior-all-around Lincon Repeater that can be repaired with ordinary hunting rifles.

 

[COMaestro]

Oh come on, people! How in god's name am I the first one to mention the frickin' card game in FFVIII? That is THE biggest pain in the ass side-quest ever. Of all time. It doesn't help that it's obscenely tedious and takes an obscene amount of time, but it also actively requires maintenance while you're not even working on it or else the rules for the game just spiral out of control! You have to go around making sure the rules you want to play with are implemented across the globe and snuff out any upstart rules that pop up every now and then or else you end up with shit rules like direct-exchange, random pick, and playing blind.

Actually a lot of people I know really liked the card game. My wife liked it more than anything else about FFVIII.

OT: How about getting the legendary weapons for the characters in FF X. Especially the "dodge lighting 200 times" for Lulu's. That was just crap. Easy crap, yes, but slow, tedious and POINTLESS!

 

[RJ 17]

Oh come on, people! How in god's name am I the first one to mention the frickin' card game in FFVIII? That is THE biggest pain in the ass side-quest ever. Of all time. It doesn't help that it's obscenely tedious and takes an obscene amount of time, but it also actively requires maintenance while you're not even working on it or else the rules for the game just spiral out of control! You have to go around making sure the rules you want to play with are implemented across the globe and snuff out any upstart rules that pop up every now and then or else you end up with shit rules like direct-exchange, random pick, and playing blind.

Actually a lot of people I know really liked the card game. My wife liked it more than anything else about FFVIII.

Well then she's a trooper, my friend. But as the topic indicates: this is for "your" shittiest side-quests. And in my opinion, the card game was one hell of a shitty one.

 

[Kukakkau]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

Couple of things to fill in here (not disagreeing the quest is crap):

Spoiler

- The reason the mage is a suspect is because necromancy is at work and the amulet is for necromancy.
- You don't HAVE to accuse the castle mage if you pick up that Calixto is odd about wanting to buy the necklace. You can tell the mage and he'll see it's not his and nobody else would want it. Then you can steal a key from Calixto which condemns him as the murderer. After that you catch him trying to murder another woman and kill him (before or after he kills them)
- But of course if you don't accuse the mage and buy said house afterwards... there's no chest in it. Yup, being a good detective punishes you (unless you console command the chest back)

The OP mentioned JRPGs and sidequests which instantly made me think of Final Fantasy X and the lightning minigame. Sure it's not technically a quest but you need to do it if you want Lulu's best weapon. Dodging 300 (I think) strikes in a row without the ability to save the counter makes it so mind numbing and frustrating to do. And of course there's also the butterfly game too...

 

[sageoftruth]

The "A Damsel In Distress" sidequest in Killer is Dead. It's a turret defense mission, where you mount a turret and protect a woman from waves of enemies. It would be fun, if not for the fact that there's 8 waves and the first 7 are mind-numbingly easy, while the 8th really ramps up the difficulty, and of course if one enemy makes it past you then you start over.

Come to think of it, just about every side quest in Killer is Dead that didn't involve fighting hordes of enemies with your blade was a real snooze-fest, especially the gigolo missions.

 

[SnakeTrousers]

Red Dead Redemption has some decidedly shit quests, not for difficulty but for shear pointlessness. Most of them are straightforward to an almost brainless degree but the ones that annoy me most are those that literally consist only of going from point A to be to C and watching a cutscene at every stop until it's done. Even worse is when the cutscenes all start at roughly the same spot but force you to wait and return later before you can continue.

 

[Tiamattt]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

Couple of things to fill in here (not disagreeing the quest is crap):

Spoiler

- The reason the mage is a suspect is because necromancy is at work and the amulet is for necromancy.
- You don't HAVE to accuse the castle mage if you pick up that Calixto is odd about wanting to buy the necklace. You can tell the mage and he'll see it's not his and nobody else would want it. Then you can steal a key from Calixto which condemns him as the murderer. After that you catch him trying to murder another woman and kill him (before or after he kills them)
- But of course if you don't accuse the mage and buy said house afterwards... there's no chest in it. Yup, being a good detective punishes you (unless you console command the chest back)

The OP mentioned JRPGs and sidequests which instantly made me think of Final Fantasy X and the lightning minigame. Sure it's not technically a quest but you need to do it if you want Lulu's best weapon. Dodging 300 (I think) strikes in a row without the ability to save the counter makes it so mind numbing and frustrating to do. And of course there's also the butterfly game too...

It was 200, but still insane. Also just to add to the FFX hate their chocobo racing mini-"game" can also go to hell. How did anyone over at formerly squaresoft thought they were fun enough to put into a game is beyond me.

 

[Alarien]

Dragon Age 2.

Wasn't that whole game one big sidequest? I am not sure there was a plot.

(ok, ok, I didn't hate the game as much as a lot of people, but I'm still pretty sure it was nothing but a big sidequest)

 

[Auron225]

Xenoblade Chronicles. All of them.

I find it absolutely freaking amazing that so many game developers are so f*cking convinced that quantity trumps quality every damn time. I mean really; why would you want 40 side quests that have compelling plots, voiced dialogue, interesting characters and a unique challenge when you can have OVER FOUR-F*CKING-HUNDRED quests that start and end with "Go there, kill those, bring me x of these". What's that? 400 side quests? Wow! I'm never going to sleep again! Awesome! And you're telling me it's either that or I just grind like crazy non-stop from start to finish? This just keeps getting better and better!

EDIT:

OT: This prick here

You made me deal with all those freaking rock monsters, took the most circuitous possible route, to meet up with a guy in THE ROOM NEXT DOOR!

Edit: For those who don't know, this guy is the Alchemist from Spyro 2: Gateway to Glimmer. He's an escort quest.

I can't quite remember anything about this game anymore or even this quest exactly but I just had a knee-jerk "KILL IT!" reaction to seeing that thing. Some part of me remembers the agony. It seems I didn't suppress it deep enough...

 

[Sledgimus]

Tenpenny Tower in Fallout 3. Guess what? The rich jerks were right not to let a bunch of psychopathic zombies into their building, until you came along and convinced them otherwise. Sure am glad I spend all that time and effort convincing all the people in the tower to let their killers in rather than just blasting the crap out of Roy Phillips.

 

[Lilikins]

I have to admit, seeing the title of the thread the very first thing that popped into my mind even though its been ages since Ive touched it.
Anyone else who played WoW remember that one quest in Grizzly hills where you end up having to go to an outhouse?
Yep, thats my input to this thread haha.

 

[AntiChri5]

Spoiler: About the Skyrim quest...

Actually you don't have to accuse Wuunferth. If you go talk to him instead of the steward then he'll tell you that he thinks he knows when the next murder will happen and send you to stop Calixto. You save a lot of time using this method. You won't think to do this unless you previously met Wuunferth though, and I think the only other quest he's tied to is a delivery quest started by a fruit vendor. And nobody talks to the fruit vendors.

OT: I dislike any sidequest where the general idea is: "you're super powerful and saving the world, but help me collect berries/acorns/bear asses/etc." A lot of MMOs are guilty of putting these in as filler.

Spoiler

I agree with the sentiment, but unfortunately you can't just visit Wuunferth in the first "quest" and avoid the second one entirely. You literally have no option but to accuse the wrong man.

You CAN speak with Wuunferth in jail once the second body appears - that's what triggers Calixto's "attack".

Nah, this dude is right. You don't have to accuse Wuunfreth. Done it myself

When did you last play it? Early on Blood on the Ice was bugged so bad.

 

[AntiChri5]

THE GODDAMN LUNAR VI IN MASS EFFECT 1!

God, can you say "tedious and boring?" Those drones are the dumbest enemies in history, and then you just have to go around shooting those shields and conduits... ugh.

I don't think I really liked any of Mass Effect 1's sidequests. As yahtzee eloquently put, the rolling refrigerator segments do a good job of making you feel like the universe is full of more than just chest high walls, and fighting thresher maws with a tank was fun the first 2 or 3 times, but if I had to do one more meaningless -go here, kill everything, survey rocks, go back- side-quest, I was going to scream.

I'm a rabid completionist in a lot of games, including ME2 and 3, but I will never, EVER be able to 100% Mass Effect 1. Bleghughegh... *shudders*

My love for Mass Effect 2 and 3 meant that i needed lots of ME1 imports, so i 100%ed Mass Effect 1 roughly 20 times.

I now have a rabid hatred of ME1.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I don't know about worst, but one that irritates me is that one in Oblivion where you have to investigate these women that are seducing and killing people's husbands. The part that irritates me is the fact that once you find them there's no way to get them to attack you first (at least not if you're playing as a female anyway) so you just have to murder them which means a visit from the Dark Brotherhood. I don't want to be visited by the Dark Brotherhood!

 

[Hazy]

Recently, I have to say Peace Walker's.

Spoiler

The big bad escapes SIX TIMES. And you have to track him down across the maps. And the only way to unlock the new ones is by playing 2 or more Extra Ops per mission and meeting several other requirements. I thought the entire point of Extra Ops were that they were extra, not mandatory to getting the full ending.

Great game, but damn if this isn't ridiculous.

 

[Easton Dark]

FF7's chocobo breeding's "Quest for the Golden Chocobo" is 10 kinds of hot garbage. Angriest I've been at a game in recent memory.