Your Shittiest Sidequests Ever

[ejdagamer]

Oh come on, people! How in god's name am I the first one to mention the frickin' card game in FFVIII? That is THE biggest pain in the ass side-quest ever. Of all time. It doesn't help that it's obscenely tedious and takes an obscene amount of time, but it also actively requires maintenance while you're not even working on it or else the rules for the game just spiral out of control! You have to go around making sure the rules you want to play with are implemented across the globe and snuff out any upstart rules that pop up every now and then or else you end up with shit rules like direct-exchange, random pick, and playing blind.

Actually a lot of people I know really liked the card game. My wife liked it more than anything else about FFVIII.

OT: How about getting the legendary weapons for the characters in FF X. Especially the "dodge lighting 200 times" for Lulu's. That was just crap. Easy crap, yes, but slow, tedious and POINTLESS!

I actually really got into VIII's card game, enough so that it caused me postpone finishing the game for months. As for the dodge lightning one, I watched a friend get into the 190s, then the power cut in our dorm. To his credit, he got right back into it when the lights came back. Me? I probably wouldn't have made another attempt.

 

[Alarien]

Oh come on, people! How in god's name am I the first one to mention the frickin' card game in FFVIII? That is THE biggest pain in the ass side-quest ever. Of all time. It doesn't help that it's obscenely tedious and takes an obscene amount of time, but it also actively requires maintenance while you're not even working on it or else the rules for the game just spiral out of control! You have to go around making sure the rules you want to play with are implemented across the globe and snuff out any upstart rules that pop up every now and then or else you end up with shit rules like direct-exchange, random pick, and playing blind.

Actually a lot of people I know really liked the card game. My wife liked it more than anything else about FFVIII.

OT: How about getting the legendary weapons for the characters in FF X. Especially the "dodge lighting 200 times" for Lulu's. That was just crap. Easy crap, yes, but slow, tedious and POINTLESS!

I actually really got into VIII's card game, enough so that it caused me postpone finishing the game for months. As for the dodge lightning one, I watched a friend get into the 190s, then the power cut in our dorm. To his credit, he got right back into it when the lights came back. Me? I probably wouldn't have made another attempt.

Just to add:

I absolutely loved the card game from FFVIII.

Hell, I've almost bought the PC re-release for that game solely to kill time with that card game.

 

[Nosferatu2]

Edit: For those who don't know, this guy is the Alchemist from Spyro 2: Gateway to Glimmer. He's an escort quest.

Gateway to Glimmer? I don't mean to sound mean but what country do you live in? Where I'm form It's "Ripto's Rage."

Ahh. A quick google search shows that's Europe as a whole. Never mind.

I just want to take 5 sec to say Insomniac has some weird ass naming policies.

 

[teqrevisited]

Wutai. Fucking Wutai.

Just as you are given a decent amount of freedom to move across the world map those of us who are curious enough to go completely the wrong way just because you can were met with the most dickish of situations.

Not only do you have to go through at least an hour of looking for someone, but that someone is one of your party members who has stolen all of your abilities. I don't know who's worse for betraying you between the two that do but I hate both of them.

 

[MiskWisk]

Edit: For those who don't know, this guy is the Alchemist from Spyro 2: Gateway to Glimmer. He's an escort quest.

Gateway to Glimmer? I don't mean to sound mean but what country do you live in? Where I'm form It's "Ripto's Rage."

Ahh. A quick google search shows that's Europe as a whole. Never mind.

I just want to take 5 sec to say Insomniac has some weird ass naming policies.

Aww... I was hoping to be a smartass when someone pointed that out.

 

[Ikasury]

I dunno but every single sidequest from Dead Island was ridiculous:

Hey mannn be my ***** and get something for me. Why? Because you're sort of immune! That's why! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ME SOME CHAMPAGNE OR DIAMONDS OR SOMETHING.

totally~ that russian *****~ what the you gonna do with that many diamonds at the end of the world anyway? make a kirk-style 'lazer'? *snorts*

 

[Ikasury]

well for my most dickish-sidequest to get some swank gear... Xenogears... THAT FUCKING CARD GAME!! seriously, there's like no way to beat this thing legit while applying 'thought' with how fast the computer goes... and the longDKcoat is pretty bitchin' for Gears... also the whole 'by the way, remember that Mermaid's tear you got all the way at the beginning like a hundred hours ago? GUESS WHAT!'

Xenogears, great game, love the story, bitchy-sidequests... Xenosaga seemed to keep up the tradition (fuck you Dancing Rondo, FUCK YOU!! get a million not-moneyz my ass!!)

 

[Nosferatu2]

Aww... I was hoping to be a smartass when someone pointed that out.

Why did they change it? I mean I could get changing "Going Commando" as it might not be a saying in some places or something, but why change that? Oh whatever.

 

[bluerocker]

I hate every random chance drop quests in RPG's, but the shittiest quest is possibly the runaway son in Nier. You chace after a guy who ran away from home through the whole world, waste a lot of money and then

Spoiler

It was all a giant con by the family and you get nothing.

Trolled by Cavia.

Personally, I found the life in the sands quest to be far more unbearable. At least I found this amusing LP video to ease the pain a little about how to complete the quest. (Actually helped me complete it too)

Spoiler: The quest video as mentioned.

To those who haven't played Nier and don't want to watch the video: In game, there is a mechanic where you grow plants; and the items you gain usually heal your HP/are quest items and are simple to grow. However, in this case, the quest asks you to get some Pink flower seeds. Problem is, stores only sell yellow, red, and blue seeds. So, you gotta plant the flowers next to each other in a specific order TWICE to get the seeds. However, the game gives you no freaking clue that they do this. There is nothing about hybridization for any other plants in game. It's only for the flowers. So, unless you have a guide, shit is about to get confusing and tedious.

Oh, and did I mention that waiting for the flowers to grow took place in real time? Get to some clock resetting, or your ass is gonna wait for a while.

Ugh, I love Nier, but I only did that quest a grand total of once, to have it filled out in my quest log. >.>

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

Couple of things to fill in here (not disagreeing the quest is crap):

Spoiler

- The reason the mage is a suspect is because necromancy is at work and the amulet is for necromancy.
- You don't HAVE to accuse the castle mage if you pick up that Calixto is odd about wanting to buy the necklace. You can tell the mage and he'll see it's not his and nobody else would want it. Then you can steal a key from Calixto which condemns him as the murderer. After that you catch him trying to murder another woman and kill him (before or after he kills them)
- But of course if you don't accuse the mage and buy said house afterwards... there's no chest in it. Yup, being a good detective punishes you (unless you console command the chest back)

The OP mentioned JRPGs and sidequests which instantly made me think of Final Fantasy X and the lightning minigame. Sure it's not technically a quest but you need to do it if you want Lulu's best weapon. Dodging 300 (I think) strikes in a row without the ability to save the counter makes it so mind numbing and frustrating to do. And of course there's also the butterfly game too...

Crap! Really?!!!

I now want to replay "Skyrim" and try and resolve this quest without having to start the second one... seriously, I READ the guide and I had no idea you could do that. Maybe they patched it?

 

[Kukakkau]

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I love Skyrim, but OH GOD does it have some awful sidequests.

My choice for the worst is one that you really HAVE to complete if you want to have any standing in Windhelm, or if you want a house there. Because the house belongs to a serial killer (this kind of thing seems to happen a lot in Tamriel apparently.) And you have to "catch" the killer.

Spoiler tags coming. I hope they work.

Spoiler

So you start by offering your services to the town guards at the cemetary, where the remains of a crime scene have been found. (Shock - dead body in graveyard! I know, right?) Only it turns out that this particular body was butchered by a serial killer who's been "offing" people in Windhelm for some time. Since the guards are all busy with the ongoing war effort, it's down to your friendly neighbourhood Dragonborn to solve this hideous crime! Or, as it turns out, not to do so!

Your first task: interview three witnesses. A local beggar, automatically eliminated as a suspect because she's a master pickpocket trainer; a priestess of Arkay, whose job is tending to the dead, and who presumably would have access to plenty of bodies without needing to cut people up in the streets; and Calixto, a local curiosities shop owner. Here's a few things that you discover in your initial interviews:

- Calixto is the only one who claims to have seen or heard the murderer fleeing the scene. Odd, since we know the murderer dragged a body away. (And also put part of it back again after he's finished with it, for some reason we're never actually told. Seriously, why did this even happen?)

- Calixto's also the only "witness" who has absolutely no legitimate reason to be there at that time of night. Even assuming he was going to the tavern or something, he's in completely the wrong part of town for it.

- Calixto is famous for his collection of "curiosities". Coincidentally, when you track the blood trail back to the killer's hideout, you find a gruesome mound of discarded stuff, including one rather nifty amulet with a black skull insignia. (You actually get the chance to question Calixto about this later on, but if you don't, you'll be permanently stuck with a useless skull amulet that you can never get rid of because it's a "quest item". I found this out the hard way.) Oh yeah, and if you DO question Calixto, he'll tell you that it's a "protective charm" belonging to the castle mage. Riiiiiight.

I mean, I don't want to denigrate the writers too much, but this murder "mystery" makes the "stolen painting" quest in "Oblivion" seem like Agatha Christie by comparison.

So am I complaining because the quest is too easy? Nope - if you could take the clues, go back to the Jarl's steward and accuse Calixto on the basis of them, it'd be pretty good. You can't do that. I tried for literally TWO HOURS.

The only person you can accuse is Wuunferth the Unliving. And if you're wondering who Wuunferth the Unliving is - so was I, the first time I played this quest. I'd never even met the guy to my recollection. I hadn't even asked Calixto about the amulet when questioning him (I think you needed to scroll down to get the option onscreen, and I hadn't) so I had no idea what the evidence was supposed to be against this guy. Apparently there's supposed to be papers pointing to him inside the murder house, but I've reluctantly played this quest on every playthrough I've done of Skyrim and I've yet to find them. Other than that, there's only Calixto's blatantly bogus story about the amulet. (Wuunferth being the castle mage.)

So... the game gives you all the clues you need to identify the killer, but doesn't let you accuse him. You HAVE to accuse the wrong guy to finish the quest, and then it ends. Until someone else gets killed a few days later and you have to correct "your" mistake in a second separate quest.

Look... I believe I made it clear when talking about "FEAR" and "Bioshock Infinite" that I really really really really hate games that force you to "fail" when you wouldn't otherwise have done so. This is a classic case of that. I love murder mysteries (if my Agatha Christie reference didn't make that clear enough). This quest is set up like one, but what it actually is is a case of following badly-signposted breadcrumbs over a linear and completely predetermined path that breaks the game if you stray from it. It's buggy (I ended up with a permanent and useless skull amulet that I couldn't identify because the only guy to do it, Calixto, ended up dead.)

Oh yeah, and about that... see, you have to go back to confront Wuunferth in the castle jail. Which you'll probably do in daylight, because you need to speak to the Jarl's steward first and he doesn't work at night. Once you come OUT of the castle, the last part of the quest starts... which involves you catching Calixto in the act of murdering somebody. Yep, the infamous serial killer gets caught stalking a new victim in broad daylight through a crowded marketplace. Couldn't he at least attack you in his shop or something?

Also, just for a laugh, I killed and robbed every single one of Windhelm's citizenry while under the cover of darkness and a freakin' lot of Stealth enchantments. Nobody commented on this. At all. Everyone's too concerned about the serial killer in their midst!

Death in Skyrim. It only matters when someone else causes it.

Couple of things to fill in here (not disagreeing the quest is crap):

Spoiler

- The reason the mage is a suspect is because necromancy is at work and the amulet is for necromancy.
- You don't HAVE to accuse the castle mage if you pick up that Calixto is odd about wanting to buy the necklace. You can tell the mage and he'll see it's not his and nobody else would want it. Then you can steal a key from Calixto which condemns him as the murderer. After that you catch him trying to murder another woman and kill him (before or after he kills them)
- But of course if you don't accuse the mage and buy said house afterwards... there's no chest in it. Yup, being a good detective punishes you (unless you console command the chest back)

The OP mentioned JRPGs and sidequests which instantly made me think of Final Fantasy X and the lightning minigame. Sure it's not technically a quest but you need to do it if you want Lulu's best weapon. Dodging 300 (I think) strikes in a row without the ability to save the counter makes it so mind numbing and frustrating to do. And of course there's also the butterfly game too...

Crap! Really?!!!

I now want to replay "Skyrim" and try and resolve this quest without having to start the second one... seriously, I READ the guide and I had no idea you could do that. Maybe they patched it?

Doesn't seem like it since I did it in January after getting Skyrim in Steam winter sale and it was broken still.

 

[Reed Spacer]

Do escorts count, or do they go without saying?

 

[Altorin]

I hate any of the "Deliver this many things to this many people/places in this tight amount of time" side-quests in any game. Notably the ones in Borderlands 2. Every one of them I hate, but must do because reasons.