You're a guy on a date. Who pays?

[b3nn3tt]

...

I am having a debate with my housemate who's new 'independent' (bloodsucking) gf expects him to 'take care of her' each time they go out and pay for movies, meals etc

Your friend's girlfriend is a tool. Personally, I wouldn't be putting up with that, but to each their own I guess.

Yeah, she isn't exactly clear on the concept of "independent" is she? Does this girl have an income at all? Unless she's dead broke or can barely afford food/medication/housing/etc. (which might make a little occasional mooching forgivable, for a girl or guy, 'cause hey sometimes even the best of us could use a hand) she needs to start pulling her own weight financially. Hell, it might be good for her self-esteem to act like a functional solvent adult!

That's the thing; obviously relationships are a partnership, and there's nothing wrong with one partner supporting the other if need be. But it is wrong to proclaim yourself 'independent' and then expect the other person to fund your life. You can't have it both ways, either you are actually independent, or you want your partner to pay for everything, but people should be honest with themselves about which they are.

 

[LaughingJester]

...

I am having a debate with my housemate who's new 'independent' (bloodsucking) gf expects him to 'take care of her' each time they go out and pay for movies, meals etc

Your friend's girlfriend is a tool. Personally, I wouldn't be putting up with that, but to each their own I guess.

Yeah, she isn't exactly clear on the concept of "independent" is she? Does this girl have an income at all? Unless she's dead broke or can barely afford food/medication/housing/etc. (which might make a little occasional mooching forgivable, for a girl or guy, 'cause hey sometimes even the best of us could use a hand) she needs to start pulling her own weight financially. Hell, it might be good for her self-esteem to act like a functional solvent adult!

Here is the bombshell

She works as a manager at a flooring place (so she earns a decent wage) she is what I have dubbed the black widow. She moves in from day one (usually in a crisis from the last place) and married one poor nerd so she could take half his house when she divorced him!

I know most of the guys she has dated and she has screwed with all of them!

Which is why im moving out tomorrow...since I don't wanna be around when she goes troppo lol

 

[Evidencebased]

...

I am having a debate with my housemate who's new 'independent' (bloodsucking) gf expects him to 'take care of her' each time they go out and pay for movies, meals etc

Your friend's girlfriend is a tool. Personally, I wouldn't be putting up with that, but to each their own I guess.

Yeah, she isn't exactly clear on the concept of "independent" is she? Does this girl have an income at all? Unless she's dead broke or can barely afford food/medication/housing/etc. (which might make a little occasional mooching forgivable, for a girl or guy, 'cause hey sometimes even the best of us could use a hand) she needs to start pulling her own weight financially. Hell, it might be good for her self-esteem to act like a functional solvent adult!

Here is the bombshell

She works as a manager at a flooring place (so she earns a decent wage) she is what I have dubbed the black widow. She moves in from day one (usually in a crisis from the last place) and married one poor nerd so she could take half his house when she divorced him!

I know most of the guys she has dated and she has screwed with all of them!

Which is why im moving out tomorrow...since I don't wanna be around when she goes troppo lol

Ugh, that is the worst! As a feminist I'm always like "women aren't just money-grubbing selfish bitches, guys!" but every now and then I have to amend it with "...well, except for that one I guess." And it makes me hella cranky. Some people are just terrible, and some of those terrible people are sadly women.

Sounds like your friend shouldn't be that surprised when this relationship goes south, though... hopefully he can escape with minimal wallet or life-force suckage.

 

[feeback06]

First date, I pay. No questions asked.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Whoever asks, pays (as other people have said). Think about it: would you like it if someone came up to you and said "I'd like to go out with you as long as you pay for everything". I would feel like they were just trying to get a free meal out of me.

 

[FallenRainbows]

I do my utmost to pay for things for Meggie as I like to; she NEVER lets me.

We ALWAYS argue about who is paying, each wanting to pay for the other, so we usually split it. I love my missus. She makes sandwiches for no reason, it's awesome. <3

 

[Rule Britannia]

In the world where women say "we want as many rights as men" she should pay half and the guy should pay half. In the actual world where women only want the benefits of things the guy pays half. Then again if she turns out to be a ***** walk away leave her with the bill

 

[ajofflight]

I usually pay, just because. I think it's the polite thing to do. I was raised the old-fashioned way, so it's kind of been bred into me to automatically make a mad scramble for the cheque, to make sure my date doesn't see how much the whole shebang costed.

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

go dutch, its not the 1950's, everyones equal and i aint hired an escort
(exceptions being if i've offered to pay as they said they couldn't afford to go out for example)

 

[Shiny Rabbit]

I don't think I've payed for anything for my girlfriend, the least I try to do is pay for what I'm getting but she also insists on buying me phone credit (which is used to ring/text her). I insist on making it up to her later but she says I don't have to.

On the other hand, I have given her endless hours of tech support for her laptop as well as hooking her up with various software and games, plus the fact that I treat her like a princess

 

[likalaruku]

Um...Whichever person is the horniest? ::shrugs::

 

[Odbarc]

Depends on the restaurant?
If it's one of those dress-up/no-kids-allowed, expensive - 50/50.

If it's a family restaurant (they have good food!) there's no real reason not to pay for it all. Plus despite equality, women still like being treated.

 

[Rawne1980]

I offer to pay and if the lass accepts then it's me if she refuses then she does.

I don't just assume it's me paying anymore after I took a lass out several years ago and paid for a meal she yelled at me for thinking she was cheap and I could buy her with a meal.

So my advice.

Offer to pay.

Or just don't date mental women.

 

[Haagrum]

I think in this day and age where women demand equal treatment, they should be willing to contribute as a part of that. The dates I find the women I am out will fight with me to pay half.

I am having a debate with my housemate who's new 'independent' (bloodsucking) gf expects him to 'take care of her' each time they go out and pay for movies, meals etc.


...what do you do when you're out on a date? what do you think SHOULD be done?

As the guy, you offer to pay.

If there's protest, offer to split it. 50-50 works for me, as long as my half of the bill exceeds what I actually ordered (in which case, I'll insist on at least meeting my part of the bill, unless it's just too damn technical).

If your date really insists, let them pay. I'd probably look for a way to make it up later or on another date. If your date's annoyed by that, I'll point out that it's because I'm trying to be a gentleman, and I believe in equality and fairness (which, in this instance, I view as being about reciprocity).

As for someone *expecting* me to pay... I'd wear that the first time, but there probably wouldn't be a second time if there was no change in the attitude. Life is too short to spend with spoiled or demanding people who expect the world to accommodate them.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

For me, it depends on who initiated the date. If I asked someone out, then I'm treating them to a night out and I'll budget what we do based on the notion that I'm paying for everything. If someone asked me out, then they should pay for the evening because they wanted to take me out. That seems pretty logical to me.

 

[JesterRaiin]

"You're a X on a Y. Who does Z ?"

People aren't robots. There's no "one, ultimate solution". One must take a few factors into consideration e.g. partner, money (obviously), surroundings, circumstances. In my opinion it heavily depends on who you're with.

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

Ugh, that is the worst! As a feminist I'm always like "women aren't just money-grubbing selfish bitches, guys!" but every now and then I have to amend it with "...well, except for that one I guess." And it makes me hella cranky. Some people are just terrible, and some of those terrible people are sadly women.

Sounds like your friend shouldn't be that surprised when this relationship goes south, though... hopefully he can escape with minimal wallet or life-force suckage.

out of curiosity, are you a feminist or a man hater?