You're starting a Church! Make up some humorous commandments!

[Elburzito]

Me and some friends were tossing jokes around today and suddenly began talking about making up a 'Church'. After coming up with a name, we made some of the most random commandments thinkable.

Which gave me this idea: If you started up a Church(PURELY for fun, mind you!) what humorous(or not, if you're serious about starting up a church) commandments would you make up and who/what would you worship?

PLEASE NOTE: I'm not trying to insult any religion here. This is just for fun.

 

[Elburzito]

I thought this would've been a good thread .

 

[Colour Scientist]

All of these commandments please.

 

[The Cheezy One]

Gaming commandments are predictable, so I'll go for something else:
Though shalt bow before Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman and Ian McKellan, the greatest actors in the world, and appreciate the honour they allow you in watching their films.

 

[Elburzito]

All of these commandments please.

When I hear the music in this video, it looks like your avatar is dancing to it XD.

 

[Rascarin]

Had a similar discussion with a friend. Decided we would start a cult, with her as lesbian jesus and me as the prophetess.

Cultists had to worship us and bring tribute in the form of kittens, delivered by comely women. And Elton John and P!nk were holy symbols of our order.

 

[alimination602]

Thou shalt not blame it on the sunshine.

 

[El Poncho]

Thou shalt not blame it on the sunshine.

Thou shalt not blame it on the moonlight

 

[zHellas]

Commandment #1: Thou must, at least once a month, get on one's roof in their underpants and dance in a silly manner whilst having coffee poured onto oneself.

Commandment #2: I am awesome. Not you. I.

Commandment #3: Read Commandment #2 each morning, and know that I am better than all of you!

 

[Elburzito]

Had a similar discussion with a friend. Decided we would start a cult, with her as lesbian jesus and me as the prophetess.

Cultists had to worship us and bring tribute in the form of kittens, delivered by comely women. And Elton John and P!nk were holy symbols of our order.

We worship the eventuality of muffins raining from the sky and only we will live to enjoy their lovely insides. I need my friend to explain it properly .

 

[bulldogftw]

woman have to strip for me every saturday night

 

[Colour Scientist]

Thou shalt not blame it on the sunshine.

Thou shalt not blame it on the moonlight

Thou shalt not blame it on the good times.

 

[bulldogftw]

sorry forgot valve is god

 

[No_Remainders]

Thou shalt not blame it on the sunshine.

Thou shalt not blame it on the moonlight

Thou shalt not blame it on the good times.

Thou shalt blame it on the boogie.

 

[Nimcha]

Had a similar discussion with a friend. Decided we would start a cult, with her as lesbian jesus and me as the prophetess.

Cultists had to worship us and bring tribute in the form of kittens, delivered by comely women. And Elton John and P!nk were holy symbols of our order.

Are you open for recruitment?

 

[Je Suis Ubermonkey]

Thou shalt set out each morning in the direction of North via South-East, and only then shalt thou knoweth the wondrous glory of Wajj, the product of theoretically metaphysical convulsions of multi-dimensional eddies in the controversially introverted antidisestablishmentarian perpetrators of the hyperbolic plausibility misappropriation (the impartially homozygous and disassociated pronunciation of condescension in meteorological philosophy, involving consecration of anthropoids apprehended desecrating polymerised astrophysics), as perpendicularly assimilated by exothermically desiccated Wajj. Hallelujah!

Also, thou shalt covet the vests of thy neighbours, and taketh thou shalt of them that which thou wouldst otherwise seeketh most vainly to obtain by way of forcefully encountering the paternal figures of thine odious hamster.

 

[BlackStar42]

Thou shalt not say any of the following words on television: Sh*t, P*ss, C*&t, F*ck, C****sucker, Motherf***er, tits.

Thy God is never gonna give you up, let you down, run around or desert you.

Thou shalt not say my name in Maine.

Thou shalt not be a dick.

If thou happenst to be female and attractive, thou shalt give me a call sometime.

 

[SonicWaffle]

Which gave me this idea: If you started up a Church(PURELY for fun, mind you!) what humorous(or not, if you're serious about starting up a church) commandments would you make up and who/what would you worship?

Ask not what your God can do for you; ask only what you can do for your God. Topless sunbathing is always welcome, ladies.

 

[bluewax]

Thou shalt respect a full night's sleep, for it aids in mental health and the upkeep of the immune system. As such, thou shall strive to receive eight hours of sleep a night and not mock thy friends and neighbors for going to bed at ten when they have class in the damn morning.