Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[sfried]

Yeah, I thought Final Fantasy VI was the peak of the series too.

Yes, this is precisely what we need to be clear about.

When FFVII came along, it introduced many of the things that I HATE HATE HATE that the series has somehow come to be known for from henceforth, if not the whole establishment of the "JRPG" trope that was only so recently created.

You see, there was this character designer in FF3/FFVI who usually designed monsters. They were great monsters, mind you, but then he went on and was made to do character designs for VII and later, and his style with characters it, to say the least, quite questionable. Spikey hair leads? Air-headed party members? and most of all, EMO? Yep, this dude, along with the newly assigned director of Final Fantasy pretty much turned the franchise into that nerdy district in Tokyo. You know, the one where they think "goth lolita" looks cute?

So yes, the series is trash now, but it wasn't always like that. Playing the Super Nintendo installments and perhaps you might understand why, aside from the fact maybe some things do look better in 2D.

And there's sand in my boots.

 

[FinalHeart95]

Well, I love the game, but I can clearly understand why others would hate it. I guess that's why I found the review amusing.

However, the paradigm shift system is very strategic, unless you don't care how long the battle takes as long as you win. I personally went for five stars every battle, and that made me try to think outside the box.

Also, complaining that FFXIII isn't as fast as FFVI? Really? Because I found it to be a much faster battle system than any Final Fantasy I've ever played, including VI.

 

[Lord_Seth]

I payed very careful attention to the plot of God of War III, and had a discussion with a friend about this. Anything but Gods killing Gods is ludicrous. I didn't say he didn't like games. But he has said several times that he dislikes JRPGs with the exception of Earthbound, and another really old game I forget, probably FF4, back when the Final Fantasy's starred total badasses like Yang and Kain.

In his Super Paper Mario review, he said the "two exceptions" to his dislike of JRPGs were Earthbound and the Paper Mario series. I suppose we can add the earlier Final Fantasy games (or at least Final Fantasy VI) to that list as well.

What I'm amazed about is the sheer number of comments. It's the day the video came out and this already has more comments than most of his videos get after several days.

On a completely unrelated note, I'd really like to see Yahtzee review Ace Attorney Investigations, just to see what he thinks of it.

 

[Kiju]

I pretty much stopped caring about Final Fantasy as a franchise and just look at each game individually. I mean, after all, they are each the final fantasy, they are each based around a completely separate storyline and world, and maybe only one or two actually tie in with a previous game. So, logically...shouldn't they be judged apart from each other, instead of just lumped together in the literal genre of 'Final Fantasy' ?

At least, that's my view.

Out of all the Final Fantasies, I had the most fun playing Final Fantasy Tactics for the Gameboy Advance. Then again, I've never played all the Final Fantasy games, just VII, X, and (as mentioned) Tactics Advance. And that's it, now that I think about it...so what do I know, right?

I probably won't even bother with Final Fantasy XIII, I might rent it though just 'cause I'm easily entertained. But hey, I have Borderlands and L4D2 to keep me going for a few more months.

 

[dragonbjorn]

For the first time my thoughts on the man that does these reviews is confirmed. Yahtzee Crowshaw is a god of gaming.

For one reason and one reason only.

He thinks Final Fantasy 6 was the best Final Fantasy made, and the box art he showed was of Final Fantasy 3 for the SNES, which was actually Final Fantasy 6 in Japan.

I have played almost every Final Fantasy game made so far (main line games, not X or X-2, I refuse to play them on principle) and I have to say that NONE of them have yet to reach the epic scope of what was done in Final Fantasy 6. Adding flash and over done visuals does NOT make a game epic.

Anyway, I am glad to see that another person knows what a good RPG (even a JRPG) is supposed to be and I loved this review of Final Fantasy 13 (aka 12, cause Final Fantasy 11 should not have been made a part of the numbered series, and neither should Final Fantasy 14).

 

[Amund]

I was hoping for more... but oh well. Off to work on getting my ultimate weapons in the game.

 

[Interference]

Ohthankgod. I fully agree with that review. I happen to quite like JRPGs, but only when there's more to do than punch a list of monsters in the face, walk forwards and poke floaty orbs. There isn't any exploration and there certainly aren't any minigames, collectibles, side quests, novel cookery system, puzzles... or, frankly, anything worth doing.

Y'know, I went out and bought Lost Odyssey second hand the other week and I've had more fun with that than I could ever muster with FF13. And it's BY the guy who started Final Fantasy. Even better, it comes on a whopping 4 discs, hehe. Anyone who thinks FF13 had content cut specifically to fit on the 360 clearly isn't aware you can run to at least another disc and still turn a profit. Heck, Baldur's Gate was FIVE discs in it's original form.

And points to you for reading this, person who is reading this. In over 600 comments you bothered to read this one. Woop!

 

[Buizel91]

news flash to FF gamers, the only reason he reviewed 5 hours of it is because he got bored, and i don't blame him, heavy rain kept him entertained because their was loads to do, first 5 hours of final fantasy as described by him, your in corridors (obviously a bit more than that but mainly, corridors)...woopie.

grow up people, plus he doesn't review, he criticises, hence he's a games critic.

 

[PriNCE_oF_PiES]

Where is God of War 3?

 

[Snooch_to_the_nooch]

Ahh, the gods have heard my prayer and Yahtzee has reviewed FF XIII. And It was everything I was hoping it would be and much more. I'm so glad to see that Yahtzee hates the wacky ***** Vanille as much as I do. Every time she speaks I want to commit mass murder to the entire Kiwi population. Square Enix has really out done themselves with this game, thoroughly pounding the final nail into the coffin of Final Fantasy. The only thing left for them to destroy (that is, what was still good when Squaresoft made it) is arguably Kingdom Hearts, since KH 2 has already done a good job of this. Oh well, at least I can still enjoy the previous games, like FF X, a much better linear game that they created.

 

[Jallis370]

I think the problem Yahtzee had with the game is that he played it on X-box 360. Try any other console and then come back to us.

 

[OBZ]

So....he liked it then?

 

[Jallis370]

Ohthankgod. I fully agree with that review. I happen to quite like JRPGs, but only when there's more to do than punch a list of monsters in the face, walk forwards and poke floaty orbs. There isn't any exploration and there certainly aren't any minigames, collectibles, side quests, novel cookery system, puzzles... or, frankly, anything worth doing.

Y'know, I went out and bought Lost Odyssey second hand the other week and I've had more fun with that than I could ever muster with FF13. And it's BY the guy who started Final Fantasy. Even better, it comes on a whopping 4 discs, hehe. Anyone who thinks FF13 had content cut specifically to fit on the 360 clearly isn't aware you can run to at least another disc and still turn a profit. Heck, Baldur's Gate was FIVE discs in it's original form.

And points to you for reading this, person who is reading this. In over 600 comments you bothered to read this one. Woop!

Yay I got a point!

 

[Buizel91]

First time poster, long time fan.

I just had to sign up to say that I'm absolutely OUTRAGED at the poor review of what is the best game ever made! Yeah, it starts a little slow, but it gets much, MUCH bett... hehe, I'm just kidding

This game really, truly sucks. I forced myself through it only because I was a massive fan of the series (but possibly no more). No, it doesn't get any better. The whole game you're running in a straight line, except for a single area towards the end of the game (after 20+ hours of extreme linearity and boredom) in which you get to stretch your legs a little, but only to discover there's nothing to do really. There's no NPCs, no towns, no nothing...just a large green plane full of the same 5 enemies cloned over and over...

And on the story side, the characters are extremely irritating for the first 15 to 20 hours, after which no one really gives a damn any more. There's no connection to the characters or their circumstances.

The game looks pretty, but it's boring and pointless as hell. I regret all the hours I put into it. Like others said, it's more fun watching Law & Order on TV then playing this sh!t.

you Sir/Miss are going to fit right in with that sarcasm =) keep it up ^_^

im pretty sure you are aware not feed the trolls? well if your not, don't, they will just keep asking for more food.

other than that enjoy your time on the escapist, trust me, it's going to be filled with laughs ^_^

 

[alinos]

Wow, Was I the only one to find this episode.....Alot worse than usual?

I mean if you've got a load of work to do with other stuff do that, take a week off from making this show or something.

Well what can I expect from free entertainment.

What are you on about regardless off the amount of work hes had to do i would assume that he still wouldve only made it to that point

The game is terrible i made it 10 hours in but thats because i was watching tv and mashing x and forward the whole time(the restart from last save thing when you die is gone so theres no setback to doing this)

at the 10 hour mark it still seemed like everyone was wandering around with there heads stuck up there asses

and the battles had gottten just complex enough that i probably needed to change paradigms occasionally which meant the boring part of the game wanted attention

Besides for the first couple of hours you dont even lvl up(this is kinda a plot element but the plot decided to piss off while they all whinged

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Hahaha, why did I just know he wouldn't change his views on JRPG games because of his experience with this one?

 

[Buizel91]

I think the problem Yahtzee had with the game is that he played it on X-box 360. Try any other console and then come back to us.

no, he hated the game because he played it, and got bored, nothing to do with the console, grow up, it wouldn't make a difference, same hours, same characters, same fucking corridors, but a slight change in graphics. woopdy fucking doo -_-'

maybe you should come back to us when you have a brain that can comprehend that? =)

 

[alinos]

Ohthankgod. I fully agree with that review. I happen to quite like JRPGs, but only when there's more to do than punch a list of monsters in the face, walk forwards and poke floaty orbs. There isn't any exploration and there certainly aren't any minigames, collectibles, side quests, novel cookery system, puzzles... or, frankly, anything worth doing.

Y'know, I went out and bought Lost Odyssey second hand the other week and I've had more fun with that than I could ever muster with FF13. And it's BY the guy who started Final Fantasy. Even better, it comes on a whopping 4 discs, hehe. Anyone who thinks FF13 had content cut specifically to fit on the 360 clearly isn't aware you can run to at least another disc and still turn a profit. Heck, Baldur's Gate was FIVE discs in it's original form.

And points to you for reading this, person who is reading this. In over 600 comments you bothered to read this one. Woop!

admittedly Baldurs gate was 5 CD's not DVD's Which means that it was 1 DVD

The amount of discs in a game doesnt affect profit in anyway it would cost like an extra $1 tops per game(i reckon far less tho) which aint gonna break the bank

as for why i read your comment its on the top of the page my other post just ended up on

 

[chaosd1]

Several paragraphs.

There is just so much irony in that post I'm beginning to suffer from literary hemochromatosis.

This video was brilliant on Yahtzee's part, as he seems he almost FINE TUNED it to enrage fanboys.

Not everyone past the age of 21 has the time to plat these timesinks. I loved JRPGs as a teen/early 20s but I just don't have the time or desire to sit through them any longer. Think about it from the perspective of Yahzee, being someone that now owns their own business...

 

[DemonCrim]

I liked FFXIII and I was expecting him to rape it with a rusty metal dildo doesn't change my opinion great vid though.