Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

[Choppaduel]

Damn it Yahtzee! Are you really so poor you can't afford a proper gaming PC, because you don't seem that uninterested.

The cutscene you talked about is actually skippable as I'm sure has been said many times by now.

As an aside from my complaints, I'm glad you shared your experience with the elves fighting the, what I'm assuming are Nekkers, instead of you. This kind of thing happens throughout the game, and is either the best hidden, totally intentional gameplay mechanic or most hilarious game changing glitch I've ever seen.

[hr]

Yahtzee plays games all the time as it is his job so he no longer plays them for pleasure there-for the will to pull tough times is not there anymore, meaning its easier to take the quick way out and just say it was too hard or you didn't like the controls. Now this is nothing against Yahtzee as his reviews will still be good but they just won't have soul in it like his previous reviews had.

I'm starting to get this impression too and it makes me sad. Its like playing all those games, many of them terrible, has drained his passion for gaming.

[hr]

Yahtzee = petty troll. If he's not bashing PC gaming or Western RPGs, he's making factually incorrect statements and superficial complaints about characters' eyelashes.

Move along, nothing to see here.

I don't agree with this at all. He makes legitimate critiques - the problems he has with this game, for instance, are absolutely problems with the game.

 

[IPunchWithMyFists]

He definitely gave PC games a punch in the cock that they REALLY REALLY NEEDED.


Stop getting all touchy, I'm just talking about the ones that talk about console gamers like they're fucking casuals.


That being said, THOSE PEOPLE can suck a nut.

 

[Macrobstar]

Lol @ all the fans off the game crying because yahtzee bashed it, calm down folks its his opinion

 

[Vrach]

So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

Having to skip a cutscene every time you try a fight again is still bad design. Lack of a half decent tutorial is also bad design. A game has many, MANY valid ways to explain shit to you. A manual isn't one of them.

Anyway the game on the whole just feels really awful and I agree, just plain not fun. I wanted to play it, I really did, I sat through the bullshit for as long as I could, I came back to it a few times, but it's just not worth my nerves over the crappy combat when there's literally not been a single rewarding moment through several hours of gameplay and everything else was rage-inducing bollox.

You know there exists an easy setting right? Not everyone is meant to tame the beast that is a keyboard and mouse, and for those the easy setting was invented.

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

 

[SpeKtoR]

I would actually be pissed if I took these "reviews" seriously, but hey since people with the attention span of a fly can relate with yahtzee its all good
its amazing how spiteful some people are

go back to fable

 

[mattaui]

I watch Yahtzee's reviews to laugh at him poking fun at the game, not for the actual review, even though sometimes that's useful as a side note.

Besides, even some of us members of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race don't take ourselves too seriously.

 

[TheComfyChair]

He definitely gave PC games a punch in the cock that they REALLY REALLY NEEDED.


Stop getting all touchy, I'm just talking about the ones that talk about console gamers like they're fucking casuals.


That being said, THOSE PEOPLE can suck a nut.

Aye, I hate elitists, and i also dislike platform exclusive games ^^

In my perfect world, every game would be developed like bf3, with every platform getting what it deserves and is able to provide

Quite a pity ps3 gamers are missing out on this game though, it is one of the best RPG's in years.

 

[mrhateful]

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

Its funny that I seems to have nothing of the problems you speak of, yet I play on hard. Wouldn't be able to comment on a controller since I don't use such things. Are you sure you remember to dodge, parry and use your bombs. Get yourself potted at most times(the duration is pretty long so you can easily pot yourself all the time). If your really in trouble use Quen as it will provide a shield.

 

[Sean Deli]

I wanted to write stuff, but Extra Credits beated me to it by 7 months
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/extra-credits/2454-Easy-Games

Also lol at fanboys. "This game is HARDCORE! It educates you through PAIN! You just don't understand it's GREATNESS!11"
Hey guys, 90'ies called - they want their attitude back.

 

[Omega Pirate]

And what's up with all the loot lying around? Am I supposed to pick all of it up, like years of playing jRPGs has trained me to do, or do I just ignore it and say "what would I need a fucking a leaf for, WHY DOES THIS GAME NOT EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME."

Don't forget fallout 3, I have a collection of around 200 Fission batteries in that game. Ill pick this game up when it comes out for the Xbox360, it was already announced. My laptop can barely run TF2, so this game is not going to run.

And yes I pick up everything I can find.

 

[mrhateful]

I watch Yahtzee's reviews to laugh at him poking fun at the game, not for the actual review, even though sometimes that's useful as a side note.

Besides, even some of us members of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race don't take ourselves too seriously.

Indeed as you can tell from my Nick, Title and picture.

 

[Vrach]

I handle a keyboard and mouse just fine, have done for the past 14 years. It doesn't solve the issue of bad design. A controller recognizes you holding down the direction button just fine, there is absolutely 0 reason for that not to be done by a keyboard as well. I can move my mouse around, it's just that it's completely unintuitive, unnecessary and downright retarded in a game that doesn't have your character's facing fixed with the camera. This is something games like Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed understand quite well, Witcher 2's just a half arsed job.

Can you work around it? Sure. But I could work around all the horrendous bullshit of a pile of programs and OSs that came out 10 years ago, it wouldn't make it fine to release one such today and say "oh it's for the hardcore users" when it's simply a case of bad design.

Its funny that I seems to have nothing of the problems you speak of, yet I play on hard. Wouldn't be able to comment on a controller since I don't use such things. Are you sure you remember to dodge, parry and use your bombs. Get yourself potted at most times(the duration is pretty long so you can easily pot yourself all the time). If your really in trouble use Quen as it will provide a shield.

Difficulty = not the issue
Shittiness of controls = issue
I know you can get used to shitty controls and shitty games. I just don't find the effort worthwhile as it doesn't result in a satisfying experience.

 

[Worgen]

well considering that when you press a button during a cinematic it gives you a skip prompt in the lower corner of the screen I would have thought it was obvious

This guy below has a point:

The most lol-tastic thing about the guy you quoted, is the control is evidently so convoluted even he cannot remember what it is: 'this, or that, or, er something else. Sheesh it isn't hard!'

If you can't remember what the key press combination is to skip a cut scene, changes are, its a freaking stupid combination.

True, i simply see no reason why they should not have used the escape button (or even the space-bar), seeing as its not something you might accidentally press and skip a cut-scene you didn't want to skip and most people know that escape often means skipping something.

But that's exactly the problem with this game, just obtuse-as-shit game mechanics and hardly any explanation (like telling you how to block the exact second the enemy attacks, and not even in the first fight, in the tutorial).

well lets see, Ive seen console games that you press start during a cinematic and it just pauses it, maybe shows a thing you can go to, to skip it but my pea brain isnt big enough to figure out having to press multiple buttons to do something duhhhhhh

 

[Nautical Honors Society]

Thank you for reiterating that neither PC or Console gaming is better. Well done.

Funny review.

 

[Nautical Honors Society]

So this british knob couldn't even figure how to skip a perfectly skippable cut-scene and still wonders why he finds the game so hard. Reading the manual, you say? Sacré bleu!

The fucking hypocrite is first in lane to lament the current state of the gaming industry with all its moron-shooters, yet the minute a game dares being something more, he whines that it's not streamlined enough, too clustered, overwhelming, hard, etc.

Cynicism for its own sake is not comedy, sir.

How is the Witcher 2 something more?

I lol'd at that. It is another fantasy RPG with complex mechanics and an intricate control scheme. Not really breaking boundries here...

 

[IamGamer41]

Wow has Yahtzee gone to just straight trolling now? Also Ill point out that there is no delay in blocking or dodging.If you seem to have that problem then your doing it wrong.

 

[IamGamer41]

I want to reiterate something Yahtzee though I love the humor in this review. I wish you would have played it to the end. As I think you went into the game hating it and thus not giving it a proper chance to impress you.

Now here is my own personal theory:

Yahtzee plays games all the time as it is his job so he no longer plays them for pleasure there-for the will to pull tough times is not there anymore, meaning its easier to take the quick way out and just say it was too hard or you didn't like the controls. Now this is nothing against Yahtzee as his reviews will still be good but they just won't have soul in it like his previous reviews had.

He didnt stop playing it because it was hard he stopped because it was long and he hated it

It just 30 hours and on medium setting its easy once you start into one of the specialty trees.Seems like he stopped just 5 or so hours in.I believe this because 1/2 of the things he talked about were false.Just like the Splinter Cell conviction review where he got the story wrong.

I guess hes making more cash with that Bar he co-owns so the reviews can take a backseat.

 

[Earaldor Xerron]

Well, this was expected, since Witcher 2 is just more and better of The Witcher, but it's still the same game, trying to appeal to the same audience...which sadly excludes Yahtzee. Or at least that is the conclusion I've come to after watching most of his revews on RPGs I loved.

 

[mrhateful]

Lawl. That cutscene is not unskippable. Its actually quite easy to skip.

Yeah... Wouldn't this just reinforce the point that this game tells you jack all?

If you press any button it will tell you which button to skip the cutscene also, I prefer not to watch PRESS "Right Mouse Button" to skip on every scene.