A Moral Conundrum for you guys, Would you sleep with a married person? (READ THE OP BEFORE POSTING)

[PrototypeC]

I can't believe so many of you are like, "ohh, well, hmm, I guess it depends how drunk I am, and on the situation, and the state of their relationship", etc. etc. Like that excuses anything! If you're really dependent on THAT to settle your conscience, consider that the person in question is possibly a: lying, b: twisting the facts to make them the victim or c: genuinely needs help and you two screwing isn't going to solve anything.

You don't have to be the married one for it to be cheating, and thus, becoming a cheater. It's like throwing your rigged dice into the middle of a dice game that you weren't even a part of until that moment, or... some good analogy! If I wouldn't sleep with my classmate's girlfriend even if they've been broken up for a week (as an example), then you bet your ass I'm opposed to knowingly taking part in a cheating scenario! Best case, you and this man or woman have a great sexy time, you both go away feeling satisfied and the significant other never knows; you'd still be a horrible person. Worst case, the rightfully vengeful spouse will come and cut off your genitals in the night or something. Ouch!

Besides, the idea that the whole scenario rests on them and you're the innocent one is just utterly flawed. You should consider that by allowing them to do that with you you're included in all the mess that happens afterwards. You get a huge opportunity if they tell you the truth beforehand; you can get up and walk out. You can wash your hands of the whole thing and if man or lady of the night wants to go and find someone ELSE who will cheat with them, that's their problem. You don't have to feel guilty about what they're doing behind their partner's back.

 

[game-lover]

Helping someone do something unethical is by definition unethical. Make whatever excuses you want, but its the same as people who knowingly buy stolen goods, they are as guilty as the original perp.

I'm glad other people see it that way and I like the comparison. You could even throw out that same awful excuse that "Someone else will buy them anyway!"

That makes two of us. All these other replies are hitting so many nerves, I almost wish I'd never posted.

Well for me it doesn't bother me too much to see it, but I sure don't like it. =/

This is where I would gladly use that cliche of "wishing I didn't live on this planet anymore, loss of faith in humanity, people are severely lacking" blah blah blah...

I wouldn't go that far, but I can understand the sentiment. I really despise the ridiculous excuses people will go to. Like pretending they can't be held accountable for it -__-

LOL... Oh, I wasn't really going that far. I was saying if I wanted an excuse to post statements like that, this thread would give me on. *shrugs*

It bothers me to see because I don't like it. That's pretty much all. And I'd like to form an argument but I just know it would fall on deaf ears.

 

[Asita]

Honestly, that's a major turnoff for me. I don't like one-night stands, and that she's married tells me that a relationship's out of the question. Whether or not she's in an open marriage, the fact that she waited until then to tell me means that I would never be able to bring myself to trust her and would consider myself a fool if I did. And with that lack of trust in mind, I don't trust her not to call it rape if her husband finds out. Even ignoring that, I empathize with people too much to go through with it under those circumstances. If I did, I'm the kind of guy who'd end up regreting it. So yeah, basic reaction...

her: "Btw, I'm married"
me:

...Ok, maybe not that vehemently, but suffice to say I don't take deception well with regards to things I feel should be based on trust.

Pay the husband one million dollars for one night with his wife.

Someone saw Indecent Proposal...

 

[Fenra]

For me it depends on the relationship status, Times I'd say yes:

-Seperated/divorce in the works with both partners activly seeking others, like if they told me they knew thier ex was doing the same thing and both were ok with it
-An open relationship where they are both ok with it

Times I'd say no

-If it was a secret
-Still 100% married/in a monogomous relationship
-If kids are involved in any way, they dont deserve to be put through any sort of fall out that may or may not happen and I wouldn't take that risk ever!

Although admitidly finding out all that in the specific context the OP put forward is quite hard haha, so in that scenario I'd call it off, I'd need to know about these things well in advance of even leaving my seat at the bar.

My opinions are actualy based on a real experience, though not 100% like the OP said but, well it was years back, was at a bar nursing a drink while my friend was dancing with a girl (I laughing at the whole drunken scene, ah to be 19 again) and a woman in her late 20's, my guess is 28/29 but I never asked, came up and asked me what I was laughing at.

We got to talking then she led me over to the couches in the far corner and sat on my lap, leaned in to kiss me but just before she did she said "just so you know I'm married". I of course freaked and the first thing I nervously blurted out was "what does your husband think?!" to which she laughed and pointed to the guy across from us and said "why not ask him yourself?"

I wont lie it was awkward as hell and kind of killed it for me when he introduced himself, didnt so much as touch her again that night, being so shellshocked by it but I did spend quite a nice night after that talking to the 2 of them about the whole thing. I'd known of polyamorous/open couples/swingers/whatever before from TV and things but never in person so I couldn't miss the chance to learn about it from the horses mouth so to speak.

By the end of it... I wouldnt say I was convinced of the practice and dont know if I could be in a relationship like that myself but, hearing them, the way they spoke about it, how it works for them, how it keeps their relationship fresh, that love/affection/lust/whatever it is at the time is meant to be shared, your emotions shared, how humans are emotional, sensual creatures by nature, how it keeps things sexually open, allows for experimentation (which incidently is why he was there, they both have to give their "seal of approval" on sexual encounters they have, she must approve any woman he takes and vice versa) and keeps things exciting (avoiding the possible "burnout/boredom" of sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life as they put it) I could see how it would work for couples who are wired that way.

We are all individuals and that same cheesy line could be applied to relationships, each one is different and I take each at its own value, particularily after talking to them. I dont judge or assume based on societies sometimes outdated views on anything and cases like this are no different, it would be based on the circumstances at the time, not what society as a whole thinks one should do in that situation.

But hey thats just me and my opinions, maybe I'm an awful person XD

 

[Jedoro]

I give her money for a cab and ask her to leave. I've been the other guy once, and I'm not proud of it, but it's not something I'll knowingly do ever again.

 

[SUPA FRANKY]

If you are single it doesn't matter if they aren't except if it bothers you. It is perfectly acceptable to say No. That just makes you a good person. Anyone that "tells the spouse" is a **** of an unusual size who was probably cheated on at some point and never really got over it. I'd also point out they are behaving a vindictive prick and likely single for a reason.

Sometimes in a marriage there are kids to consider, and I would argue that the greater good is to leave well enough alone and walk away. If it bothers you, feel free to cut the cheater down to size before leaving because that cheater is basically a horrible human being and if they are unhappy they need to leave their current relationship or seek help. There is, however, no reason to put on a pair of rubber boots, a beach towel cape and pretend you are the Social Avenger. You aren't a super hero, the big S on your chest stands for Simple.

That is actually one of the base problems in our society, people give too much of a shit about things that don't matter and not enough about things that do matter. Social fucking crusaders have all their marbles mixed up. We expel 4th grade children from school for bringing butter knives in their lunches and nobody cares. That kid and his family are now in a huge fucking bind not because of a mistake but because of bad policy. We find out that Brad pit cheated on Angelina Jolie and a magazine sells a hundred thousand extra copies. Simple fucks.

LOL, that sounds like something some douche/***** would say to try to make cheating seem "not that bad"

OT: Me? I don't like the idea of one night stands. Though I'm a virgin so I don't have any experience, I think I'd like my sex to be meaningful.

Though if I were put in that situation I'd probably kick her out, in fear that the spouse will get his friends to come break my legs, but also doing that is unethical. Lives and Families shouldn't be ruined just because you want to jerk off. Also, I'd feel my attraction to the the women you vanish if she told me that.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

No. I'd feel horrible for it getting there to begin with. "Causal sex" is something I've always find disagreeable, so I'd be in a double bad situation.

 

[PrototypeC]

Point is people generally like to hold themselves in high regard, yet when the situation actually comes down to it, many people will break their ethical standards. I don't think it's fair to call any average human being whose brain is essentially run by neurotransmitters terrible, they do what they do, it's human nature.
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I'm not saying you're a complete slave to it or anything, just that i'm willing to bet that at least half of will, given the circumstances (horniness) of the question and give the right girl or guy, will just say "fuck it" and fuck. To put it bluntly. 'Cos that what human beings are.

Reference as many scientists as you like, I still don't think that's just "how it is". Basically, the thing that separates man from, say, a lovestruck baboon is that we have more to us than that. We have hormones, and we're pulled by our genitals or our stomachs in different directions, but we also have moral systems. We have rules of society and behaviour that each person crafts for themselves. The question here is about morals, and whether or not one should do it. Of course not! It would be a rare and personal set of rules that would allow sleeping with another person's spouse. If the majority would say that it's wrong, and you do it anyway, then that makes you responsible for your actions. Nobody should have to go into a lab mid-coitus and get their dopamine levels checked to see if they're above the certified "OK" levels. We just know it's not right and act accordingly.

Say someone is craving meat, because the iron in their body is getting low. Say this person is also opposed to eating any creature. They can recognize that their body needs something that meat provides, and pass by the McDonald's and the butcher shop and the sandwich stall on their way home to eat a meal that will provide what they need because they are a THINKING creature. They can hold themselves to a higher standard than a jealous squirrel, because we have societal rules. A generous squirrel could starve if it didn't violently jump on the acorn that another squirrel is eyeing. I would hope a human being can stop rubbing and start walking rather than finish their knowingly reprehensible act!

 

[Lavethion]

No? What idiot would say yes? There is no dilemma when you think about it.

 

[Powereaver]

Stop... tis cheating with the woman then.. and you could be in for some big consequences from the husband .. and its just not the right thing to do in my opinion.

 

[dcdude171]

Nah, i promised myself never to do one night stands => not worth => I feel awful about myself so just on those grounds no

 

[Syzygy23]

Yeah, I'd have to go with "no", big time.

Reasons why include:

1. someone who is married and has no problems schlepping it up with strangers? No thanks, I prefer to keep my dick disease free.

2. I'm not into the bar/club/rave scene to begin with, and I'm generally not too keen on a relationship born out of intoxication.

3.It's plain ol' immoral and cruel to the man this woman is married to. If I was married, I certainly would e hurt and angry if some guy had slept with my wife.

 

[lacktheknack]

implying I'd ever end up in this situation

Anyhow, no, no, no, no, HELL no.

There's a lot of reasons behind my emphatic "no", but many of them get me double-takes, make me look like someone from the 1800s, don't have much place in this forum environment and will get me a metric butt-ton of quotes, so they won't be outlined here.

I do find it amusing that you consider this a "conundrum" by any stretch, OP.

 

[Kingfinger]

Being someone who's wife just recently left him, in that scenario, it would be hard for me to stay. I couldn't imagine being the person responsible for doing that to someone else. However, If it were a scenario where I knew for a fact the husband treated her like utter garbage and didn't deserve to be with her, I'd sleep with her.

 

[DeltaEdge]

Said read before posting, so I was expecting at the very least an excuse such as "Wife unhappy and doesn't even want to be together with husband, they hate each other and will likely divorce", but this, just, no. That is not even a remotely feasible excuse to sleep with another's partner. Being in the heat of the moment doesn't make in any way okay to sleep with a married individual, they're in a legal union. Think of it this way. If there is a vacant building, does that make it okay to set up shop inside of it just because no one else is using it?(No pun intended). Of course, legal aspects aside, I don't consider it at all morally justified either. I'll just leave it at that.

 

[Kroxile]

I have slept with a married woman before. Don't regret it for a second.

I successfully pursued a relationship with this woman as well, causing the destruction of her marriage.

I did however, end up leaving her. Not because of infidelity, but because we came to have certain irreconcilable differences that we tried to ignore for months that eventually just wouldn't go away.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

If she told me that, I would ask her if she wanted to stop. I give he a chance to think about what she's doing. If she still wants to sleep with me then it's on. I didn't seduce her, or trick her, but beyond that it really is her marriage, her decision, her problem, as far as I'm concerned. I'd avoid having any kind of commitment with that person though. Like others have said, if they can cheat with you they can cheat on you. To be honest, I'd almost consider myself to be doing the other guy a favor. If this woman is prepared to premeditively cheat on him, even after being given the chance to stop and think, then me saying no would achieve nothing. It wouldn't make her a better person or fix their marriage, and if it hadn't been me it would just have been the next guy. All I did was reveal her true colours.

A certain part of my viewpoint may be motivated by my intense cynicism with the concept of marriage in general, which is why I wouldn't be stopped by the whole 'but what about their vows?' argument, because as far as I'm concerned their vows were A) Not my problem, and B) Quite clearly BS anyway.