About Relationship Sanctity....

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Don't. Don't cheat, don't advocate cheating, don't condone cheating. Just don't. But also, since this subject seems to be coming up, don't hate people for cheating, don't harm people for cheating, and don't hate or harm yourself for cheating. Cheating is going to suck for all the people involved once it comes out, bu remember who it is you care for within the relationship and try to talk it out and come to some kind of peaceful conclusion. But first of all just don't.

 

[JONESCR]

This situation isn't about sex its about honesty if that couple can't be honest with each other its not a good relationship. Theres nothing wrong with sex or hooking up but the situation itself is all wrong

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Would you be ok with your girlfriend hooking up with some guy you didn't know?

Whatever your answer, that is your answer.

Basically what this person said. For me, the answer would be "Hell no, of course not!!" But for you, well I don't know; I don't know you.

 

[Guardian of Nekops]

In this day and age, relationships should be exactly as exclusive as they're agreed upon to be. If you can't or won't limit yourself to just one sexual partner, but still want to have a primary relationship, that's cool... but make sure that everyone involved agrees that the relationship is an open one. If you can't or won't bring it up, if your relationship isn't important enough to discuss such things honestly, then I think you have to re-examine why you're with this person to start with.

That said, absolutely. As a guy, I would definitely back off from anyone in a relationship already, unless I was told that the relationship was an open one. Whether that in itself would weird me out too much is something I don't know yet, but you don't interfere in exclusive relationships.

 

[VladG]

Well, if you don't know the guy, I say fuck him and go for it. Seriously, it's a competitive world, and courting is just another form of competition. The best man wins (more or less)

That doesn't mean her cheating on the guy. No, that's shitty. Legitimate break-up because you actually do like someone else more is ok.

 

[Realitycrash]

I wouldn't back off. She has a responcibility to be faithful, I don't have one to not ruin their relationship. If she chooses to be with me, then I haven't done anything wrong, but she has. If you can't keep your relationship working, you don't deserve it. If said girl decideds to be unfaithful or dump you for someone else, she isn't worth your time anyway (i.e the current boyfriend shouldn't care).

 

[senordesol]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Would you be ok with your girlfriend hooking up with some guy you didn't know?

Whatever your answer, that is your answer.

No it isn't.

I wouldn't want my wife to hook up with some stranger, but I think it's fine for a single person to try and have sex with whoever they want, even if that person is in a relationship.

How do I cohere those two points of view? Because I trust my wife. I trust her to not take any other men up on their offers. Those men can try all they want, I'm fine with that, because nothing's going to come of it.

So, for sake of discussion, if you were single; would you?

I find the Golden Rule is a fine reply in a number of situations. If you think it's fine to hook up with whatever hoves into view, spoken for or otherwise, then you should be just as fine if a person you're in a relationship with does the same.

I think it sort of weakens your argument if your answer is 'So long as it's no one I know or care about, I'm cool with it.'

For me, it's about mutual respect. If someone has made the decision to make someone their significant other, regardless of what I feel about them or they me (and this is not hypothetical), I abide by that choice.

So it's fine that you trust your wife just as I trust mine. The trust issue is a different matter entirely. It's a respect issue. Beyond that a relationship forged on the foundation of betrayal is just something I would hope very few people would want to be a part of.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

My theory has always been that people are responsible for their own partners. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's your choice whether you want to sleep with someone else. The person you're jumping into bed with with has no responsibility to look after your relationship for you. Your friends can always give you advice, and it's good to appreciate honest advice from your friends because it beats being lied to, but ultimately.. it's your decision. If you're okay with cheating, then fine, but it's your responsibility to handle it and any potential consequences.

This. I am not responsible for other people's relationships.

Also, that said...

OP: I find it rare that someone who cheats on their partner is at the same time that forward or informative about their intents. In my experience, the cheater will often claim to be single (or claim that he/she is going to leave his/her partner for the new partner) rather than be open and honest about his/her relationship status and intent to cheat without altering that relationship paradigm.

Individuals who are that open are usually in Open Relationships where extra-relationship sex isn't cheating but rather agreed upon by both partners ahead of time. However, that is outside (and beyond) the example you (the OP) proposed.

 

[Thyunda]

...are you guys really serious? You'd propagate a kind of culture that tolerates mistrust and deceit? If you know a girl is in a relationship, you don't accept that. If she wants you, she gets rid of the other guy first.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.

 

[senordesol]

...are you guys really serious? You'd propagate a kind of culture that tolerates mistrust and deceit? If you know a girl is in a relationship, you don't accept that. If she wants you, she gets rid of the other guy first.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.

How 'bout that? Something we agree on.

 

[Thyunda]

...are you guys really serious? You'd propagate a kind of culture that tolerates mistrust and deceit? If you know a girl is in a relationship, you don't accept that. If she wants you, she gets rid of the other guy first.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.

How 'bout that? Something we agree on.

A disagreement over police tactics, yet an agreement over common morals. -high five-

 

[senordesol]

...are you guys really serious? You'd propagate a kind of culture that tolerates mistrust and deceit? If you know a girl is in a relationship, you don't accept that. If she wants you, she gets rid of the other guy first.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.

How 'bout that? Something we agree on.

A disagreement over police tactics, yet an agreement over common morals. -high five-

-high fives- gotta start somewhere.

 

[Apollo45]

Would I actively try to hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend? No. Would I attempt to get her to like me more than her boyfriend? Of course I would. That's part of how relationships go. But you need to know both how to do it without being a dick and when to give up when it's just plain old not happening. As someone who's been on the other side of that sort of thing a couple times, when my girlfriend tells you to stop and you don't, you should be prepared to get your ass kicked when I meet you. And when you push it too hard and suggest she should break up with me and go out with you, be prepared to be slapped.

In short, if you like a girl go for it. But don't be a dick. And if you don't know what "being a dick" means, then you're likely already being one.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..

Said the rapist.

I'm sorry, I just had to.

Anyway, I usually back off girls that say they have boyfriends but that doesn't mean I give up on them entirely. I can wait until they get dumped or worse.

 

[peruvianskys]

This so much. If your girlfriend cheats on you (or your boyfriend etc), why would you go after the guy she jumped into bed with? She deserves to get hit, not him! Never understood that mentality.

That being said, I still wouldnt sleep with a girl who has a boyfriend because I have a sense of decency.

Clearly not if you're beating your girlfriend!

I'm disgusted by the "It's not my problem" approach I'm seeing here; if you know that your actions are going to hurt someone, propagate deceit and dishonesty, and probably most important indulge what is a clearly an uncontrolled mind and its desires, then you don't fucking do it. Stop trying to decide what you can and can't get away with and try and do what's right. Don't put your love of pussy over your sense of compassion. I mean really, obviously hooking up with someone who is in a relationship (unless it's an open relationship that tolerates that behavior) is going to cause a pretty big amount of hurt to at least one person involved, if not all of you, and you're so desperate for pussy that you're willing to deceive and inflict suffering to get it, then that's just depressingly immature, not to mention hugely immoral.

You don't fuck someone if they have made a promise to someone else that they won't. Out of compassion for yourself, the partner who intends to cheat, and the cheated-on partner, you say no. It's not about rights or excuses or shoddy moral frameworks set up to excuse bad behavior; it's just about being a good person.

 

[Nayr]

No man should ever try and date someone already in a relationship. If she breaks up with the other guy that is different. Same for women. My close friend always will cheat on his girlfriends (which makes me sick) but I could not feel sorry for him when it happened to him the other way around.

The same guy also always hits on girls regardless of them being single or not he figures "just because you have already ordered does not mean you can't keep looking at the menu".

Also if someone, male or female, is willing to leave someone to date you, why would you think they would not do the same to you?