Advice you would give your children

[thepj]

never and i mean never bring metal into this house, and i've told you what i think about jazz!

Son: son you will never understand women, but with my help you can have a pretty good go

Daughter: shut up and go help your mother with the housework and cooking, daddy has to go to work.

 

[teutonicman]

Make sure you always have some kind of a plan.
Forgive but never forget, this will help you plan for the next time
Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance
If it hurts, DON'T DO IT

 

[kamario]

never search for 2 girls 1 cup. You may be tempted, but don't. Just don't.

On the same not i would like to say the same thing for 1 guy 1 cup and 3 guys 1 hammer-NO!!

 

[Stoic raptor]

Son, let me tell you about the birds and the bees . . .

 

[lolmynamewastaken]

don't eat savlon anticeptic cream like i just did. 'snot good and it doesn't clean your mouth out.
throw rocks at wasps nests and bite electric fences.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is why you should keep those fuckers closed. It'll stop you from getting hurt in life.

 

[Biosophilogical]

To son (I refuse to have a daughter, I am simply so stubborn that all my Y chromosome sperm commit mass genocide on the X chromosome ones before they get ejaculated):
If you do drugs I will make you overdose on knives through your face.
Here are the most vulnerable pressure points (indicates pressure points)
This is how you pull out someone's lung through their colon without damaging the digestive system (shows him), all you need is a cotton bud, a piece of tasty cheese and a deck of cards.

 

[Titanguy654]

To son (I refuse to have a daughter, I am simply so stubborn that all my Y chromosome sperm commit mass genocide on the X chromosome ones before they get ejaculated):
If you do drugs I will make you overdose on knives through your face.
Here are the most vulnerable pressure points (indicates pressure points)
This is how you pull out someone's lung through their colon without damaging the digestive system (shows him), all you need is a cotton bud, a piece of tasty cheese and a deck of cards.

I'd love my dad to be Micgyver

 

[Dale Cooper]

Don't touch Daddy's wine... it makes him cross.

 

[LeonLethality]

Don't try covering the house in rice crispies, I know a guy who did it once... He didn't turn out well..