Am I Really the Minority When it Comes to Sex?

[Billion Backs]

There is no "actual love", it all comes down to basic chemistry which wouldn't be that different between teenagers and adults aside from teenagers being less stable when it comes to that sort of thing. Adults are just more afraid of being stuck alone and apparently miserable than your average teenager.

Sex is sex and love is love.

As a disillusioned person, I'll take sex in most situations.

And there's nothing wrong with people being "whores". It's their sex life, who the fuck are you to tell them what to do? They want to be promiscuous, let them. Don't take notes from fuckin' anyone who tells you what you should or shouldn't do based on their "moral" (Bullshit) reasons.

To add more meat to this post, there doesn't have to be some kind of fake "deep" reason to have sex as long as whatever the number of parties are willing. Really. Don't attach meaning to an act that's basically entertainment. There's nothing wrong with open relationships that are based solely on sex - it's just an activity a number of people can enjoy doing together.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

I've never really been one for the whole sex thing.

Behind you, ready to make sweet and passionate love to you.

A bit contradictory I would say...

 

[GrinningManiac]

Hormones

They will be the death of us all, I swear.

I'm the extreme of your philosphy: I don't even have a girlfriend (never have). There's just noone around here who's "worth" my time. They're either ugly, dumb, irritating or simply just friend material. There's not even any sort of goldilocks zone where they're both a person I'd want to look at and a person I'd want to spend my time with.

Hopefully when I hit Uni and get out of the same 200 odd people around here, I'll find someone who I could actually consider dating and, indeed, "makin' der happy time" with

 

[firedfns13]

My friend who has a Canadian girlfriend who is willing to have sex is currently living in an apartment with her... not banging her.

Where as I, who rarely has an actual girlfriend... though its a rare occasion

 

[RagnorakTres]

Hey, I'm in the same boat you are, sir. I hate most people of my generation for being horribly shallow and self-serving. It often feels as though I live and am forced to hang out amongst a bunch of four and five year olds. There's only been three girls I've ever had strong feelings for, and every one of them was basically constantly taken (because they were nice, cheerful and willing to make fools of themselves, not because they were easy...I think).

My policy is thus: assuming I ever get a girlfriend (and that's a fairly large assumption as I have no desire to go searching around for one), we'll have sex when she's good and damn ready. I will have no control over when it happens. I've noticed that when I try to control situations, they go horribly, horribly wrong, so I've adopted a "go with the flow" philosophy that seems to keep such mishaps to a minimum.

Also, here's a hint I picked up from reading Heinlein (though you have to read between the lines to pick it up): for an absolutely wonderful sex-perience (oh god I feel dirty *commits seppuku for raping the noble English language*), ensure that your partner's pleasure comes first. Your pleasure comes secondary.[footnote]Bear in mind that I have never had the opportunity to put this theory into practice. I assume that Mr. Heinlein had more experience than I and felt confident in his ability to teach.[/footnote]

[sub]"Welcome to the Internet, where the men are men, the women are men and the children are FBI agents." --Unattributed[/sub]

 

[DividedUnity]

snip

No youre not the only one. However Ive never had sex at all and I've turned it down a few times because either I really liked the girl and she was drunk or else I really didnt like the girl and I was drunk

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Being straight edge, I highly agree with you.

If I never find someone who I genuinely love, I will simply never have sex.

Henry David Thoreau died a virgin. Nothing shameful in that.

 

[Caliostro]

A question I've been dwelling over for some time now. I'm sure we all have noticed the growing promiscuity of teenagers and I'm just wondering, why? Why is sex something that is sought out so much after by any means? It seems like average teen just wants to have sex as soon as possible and doesn't matter who it's with.

There are different reasons.

One, because it feels really good. It does. It's meant to feel good, and it does. Out of all the experiences in my life, sex is easily amongst the very best. People like things that feel really good, ergo, people like sex.

Two, because sex has become a cultural "landmark", a rite of passage if you will. I'm not saying it's good (or bad, I'm refraining from qualifying it entirely at this point), but it is seen as a fundamental part of adolescence. A lot of kids engage in sexual activity not because of the physical pleasure of it, but because of the social status. Is it good? I would say that it's not, but the whole thing is arguable.

See, I don't have a problem with casual sex. I have a problem with unprotected, reckless, sex and casual relationships (different from casual sex).

I don't think I need to explain why unprotected sex is a bad idea, but casual relationships can be extremely negative. Sex can be just a physical pleasurable thing. If done with adequate protection (and for the most part a condom is all you need) it's just... a pleasurable activity. Casual relationships, to me, are relationships that are either started as either an excuse to legitimize sexual activities, social status maintenance or, generally speaking, relationships based on anything that's not a strong emotional and physical bond. Generally speaking, these kind of relationships are doomed from the start, and at the end of the day they're just going to cause everyone a lot of grievance and, in worse cases, traumas and scars. Have more casual (but protected) sex, less casual relationships.

 

[Marv21]

I've always considered sex is completely and utterly worthless without love. There is no shame in waiting for someone you care deeply enough about to actually sleep with.

And if anyone makes fun of you for it, fuck 'em.

Not literally of course.

EDIT: Although after watching Teeth, my sex drive has decreased significantly.

Thats funny because after watching Teeth, my sex drive increased significantly.

 

[CrashBang]

Kids today are in a rush to have sex for many reasons, I think. It could be bragging rights, peer pressure, feeling like you're an adult, in a rush to grow up, that kind of thing
I'm 20 and I personally first properly fell in love when I was 16. It was my 2nd girlfriend and we lost it to each other a few weeks before I turned 17 and I was so happy to have lost it at 16, like I was in a rush and didn't want to be picked on etc. I honestly loved her but at the same time felt a relief that I'd finally had sex cos everyone at my school showed off about having lost it age 14 or 15
But I know a few people at my uni who are still virgins and aren't ashamed of it and certainly shouldn't be

 

[Loop Stricken]

After reading a few studies and surveys showing that the average person loses their virginity between 15 -17, I can't help wonder if I'm really the only one who wants to wait or if I'm just missing out on it by being so uptight.

I'm 24 and have not bedded anyone. I could probably go out right now and pick up some drunken slapper but I choose not to. I'm not even under any illusion that the first time has to be special and magical, I just despise the idea of one-night stands.

 

[bobknowsall]

*snip*

If you genuinely don't want to have sex with someone, don't do it.

If, when presented with an opportunity to have sex, your mental reaction is not "Oh hell yes, of course I want to" or something similar, maybe you should reconsider.

Sex is an awesome thing, but not if you have no feelings for the person you're shagging. Then it's just sort of pathetic and depressing.

 

[ffs-dontcare]

I agree with the OP. You're not alone.

I myself would much rather wait. There's more to relationships than sex. I'm 21 now, and I've had my chances to lose my virginity but I chose not to. Because there are other things to worry about. My stance on sex has absolutely nothing to do with my belief in God either.

Anyone who disagrees with me about sex being ultimately unimportant in a strong monogamous relationship is wrong btw. No grey areas there.
Pre-emptive strike: I'm not referring to "friends with benefits" arrangements - they don't count as relationships.

Seems to me that a lot of teenagers apparently think that you just have to have sex. Fuck them (pun unintended) and anyone else who thinks like them.

 

[Ham_authority95]

I'm not urgent about having sex. If I wanted sexual pleasure, then I would just have a wank.

 

[toadking07]

A question I've been dwelling over for some time now. I'm sure we all have noticed the growing promiscuity of teenagers and I'm just wondering, why? Why is sex something that is sought out so much after by any means? It seems like average teen just wants to have sex as soon as possible and doesn't matter who it's with.

quote shortened for space

So, Escapist, what are your thoughts on this? Am I just being uptight when it comes to the subject or am I in the right for thinking this?

Wow, I'm not going to lie, I'm quite impressed to see topic like this here and to see so many mature and reasonable responses. You are def not alone, as I'm sure the response here will show you. I'm in the same boat of waiting for someone I care about to come along, and then I'll cross that bridge when I get there. But you're right, way too many kids these days are in a hurry to lose it, pressured maybe, or embarrassed by not having it, and they rush things, or get obsessed with it. Do your own thing, be def feel confidence you are not the only one who thinks this way, there are lots of us.

 

[elvor0]

*snip*

Sex is an awesome thing, but not if you have no feelings for the person you're shagging. Then it's just sort of pathetic and depressing.

For you, or is that how you see it? If you've got personal things that make you feel depressed afterward then I'll respect that, otherwise:

It's deeply pleasurable and a fun thing to do, saying it's sad and pathetic comes off as an odd thing to say, while yeah I'd rather do it with a person i'm in love with because it's more sensual but when I feel like a random fling because I'm sick of making love to my right hand I'd hardly call it sad and pathetic.

 

[Daveman]

I wouldn't take sex that seriously. I'm all for a loving relationship but really sex wouldn't have anything to do with that. I mean sure I'd like to have sex with them but the sex wouldn't be what made it special. You can enjoy sex without intimately knowing somebody.

That said some people treat it a bit weirdly where they're desperate to get laid by any means necessary. It really is not that big a deal from both sides of the argument I suppose.