An honest question.

[T3h Merc]

Ok, for you guys that are here, I have an honest question for you.

1. All they were interested in the first place was dating you.
2. They are too embarassed to be around you any longer.
3. They like you so much that seeing you is painful.
4. They think you secretly resent them for it.

I personally don't date or sleep with my friends, because doing so completely alters the relationship and in a sense ruins it. And if it doesn't work out going back to friends is near impossible.

And He thinks it's 3 and 4 no matter what. It might be (for me it is) but most will deny to themselves that 1 or 2 is true.

 

[WhamBamSam]

I don't think you quite understand what a "dick move" is and I assume you're calling me a troll, which I am not good sir.

HUR HUR I THINK MEN SHOULD BE MANLY THAT OBVIOUSLY MAKES ME A MISOGONIST.

Seriously dude, you sound like an idiot. Stop with the quotation marks, that stopped being cool around year 4. You think you can acertain my feelings towards women judged on what I think men should be? That's damn foolish, mate.

I'll tell you what men should be; men should be people who are not afraid to say what they want/feel, and not be so pussyfooted to let some stupid rejection faze them. My ex fucked another bloke for about a month before she dumped me and I was sad for maybe a week, tops. I still talked to her, and tried to be her friend like any self-respecting male should be, but then some ugly rumour got around and you don't need my life story.

Point is, if men run away after being rejected, they're one of two things; guys in it for sex, or boys. If they're in it for sex, you're better off without them, if they're boys, just wait until they (hopefully) mature.

If you're not a troll, you might want to give it a try sometime. As abhorrent as I find your position, I find myself without any obvious recourse without at least a small degree of internet-tough-guy-ism. Well done.

I played football for 10 years (specifically defensive line). I have a 3rd Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. I get my work done without undue amounts of bitching. Generally speaking, I don't care much what random other people think of me. I'm also somewhat awkward around girls, but made the effort to suck it up and placed my rather strong and potentially embarrassing feelings out in the open when I asked my girlfriend out. Had she turned me down, I wouldn't have had much to do with her afterward. I consider her someone worth getting close to, and having let her that far in on my end, it would've been rather unpleasant to stay at arms length on hers (It also makes for a rather awkward analogy). Still, I would have gladly suffered any rumor. What I would not want to endure is the bullshit of seeing the words "just friends" twinkling in her eyes every time I occupied the same general area that she did. This somehow makes me unmanly.

Seriously dude, you aren't pwning anyone. Eat a dick.

 

[hebdomad]

I think they should be congratulated for having the guts to tell you that they like you, It's not an easy thing, especially if you've been friends for a while. They knew the risks of failure and humiliation, yet had a go anyway and hoped for the best.

However since you've said no, things would just feel awkward until the feelings have long died down and time has passed... even then.

Also, being around a girl who has rejected you is a real downer on the ego for allot of guys. For them, its a constant reminder of failure and humiliation. Despite how nice a person you maybe.

Hope that helps.

Edit: Not to say it's not possible, it's just difficult for some people.

 

[steelguy17]

I would say that, yes it some embarrassment, but more likely they wanted the relationship part in hanging out with you, but being friends is just different we have guys to do more of the friendship type things, most people do different activities with their guy friends than they do with their girl friends, and we tend to enjoy those activities with the guys more its just that.

I've been hit with the lets just be friends thing quite a bit, but when we do hang out it just seems kinda boring.

 

[Jenkins]

ah well I am in a situation where I always have feelings for others, but I have yet to see a return of those feelings :\

 

[Kurokami]

Ok, for you guys that are here, I have an honest question for you.

I've had a few guy friends that I've known for a while but when they bring the idea of dating me and I tell them no and that I don't see them that way, they slowly start to disconnect themselves and stop talking to me altogether.

So I'd like to know:
Why can't some guys handle/accept that boundary line?

I didn't try to kick them out of my life. I wasn't mean. I just simply said "I don't want to date you but I still want to be friends." As simple as that. And yet, they can't handle the idea.
I don't understand and I know I'm not the only girl this has happened to. Even if you're good friends, the moment you reject their idea of dating you, they suddenly decide not to be friends anymore.

They were capable of just "being a friend" before they asked. I don't get why they can't after. A lot of girls are ok with it. Why can't guys see it the same way?
Like I said, it's an honest question. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny ***** and I apologize if I do.

When this happened to me I started seeing everything the girl did as a negative thing and believed she had something against me, but then I do that with most people.

 

[TyroSe7en]

OMG UR SO MEAN!!! :O
lol jk jk

OT: It's pretty painful to hang out with person you were hoping to enter a serious relationship, but they rejected you. This is primarily because you just remind them of what they can't have, or have failed to acheive. Therefore, remove irritant and you can forget about it and move on. (me = guy, realtionship experience: 0%, my hypothetical explanation based on personal fears, tv shows, movies, and SCIENCE!!!... okay not science)

 

[Soxafloppin]

Ive been in the same situation once.

Though to be honest i kinda pushed her away because she wierded me out.

 

[Disaster Button]

I did this a couple years ago but a girlfriend who broke up with me. I think I distanced myself out of embarassment and because it was too weird for me and I suppose I was a little hurt too.

But I've fixed that now, I'm actually friends with her again and have been for a while, without all those silly feelings complicating things.

 

[S.R.S.]

Tell them you're not gay. Oh your a girl.... tell them to get a real challenge (someone else). or watch dr phil.

 

[aPod]

Ok, for you guys that are here, I have an honest question for you.

I've had a few guy friends that I've known for a while but when they bring the idea of dating me and I tell them no and that I don't see them that way, they slowly start to disconnect themselves and stop talking to me altogether.

So I'd like to know:
Why can't some guys handle/accept that boundary line?

I didn't try to kick them out of my life. I wasn't mean. I just simply said "I don't want to date you but I still want to be friends." As simple as that. And yet, they can't handle the idea.
I don't understand and I know I'm not the only girl this has happened to. Even if you're good friends, the moment you reject their idea of dating you, they suddenly decide not to be friends anymore.

They were capable of just "being a friend" before they asked. I don't get why they can't after. A lot of girls are ok with it. Why can't guys see it the same way?
Like I said, it's an honest question. I'm not trying to sound like a whiny ***** and I apologize if I do.

Shame.

Simple as that. It just hard not to feel awkward or at a disadvantage when your around a girl you made yourself vulnerable to and got the boot for it.

Dont beat yourself up though, thats not your fault and the guys, sadly, are probably looking for the next girl to get into the friendzone and do the exact same thing to them. Ahhh... learning, sometimes its not fun.

That's why i've instilled in my brother, because thats what big brothers mistakes are for, the importance of not becoming shy or embarassed aorund a girl who shot you down. Then again the kids even more handsome than me so he wont have any problems. ^^ The point being, its entirely the guys faults for being wussies. If they dont have the nads to face you after asking you out I can already guess why they got shot down.

good for you, every guy has to learn the lesson at some point. Most of us the hard way.