Are You a Shy Guy? (Girl Problems Thread)

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Frokane

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I try not to make generalizations about nerds/geeks, mainly because it doesnt make sense, the average nerd doesnt have problems with talking to/approaching pretty girls, hell, im sure most of you take breaks from your dark souls marathon to have orgies with 12 % of the pep rally. (slight sarcasm).

But if youre anything like me, sometimes this puzzle game of attraction can be on a very high difficulty and there is nothing wrong for asking for each others help. So this is the thread where you post girl problems and hopefully get and answer, thats if yoshi doesnt make an egg out of you first



Ill start us off with a ShyGuy Problem Im having,

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?
 

DevilWithaHalo

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Frokane said:
I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?
Is there anything between you two besides a few feet of air and fear?

How about saying you've noticed her and would like to have a conversation? It would then be prudent of you to have a few conversations handy; such as trains, riding trains, the different people who ride trains, why she is riding the train, if she likes trains, and/or whether or not she would like to assist you in robbing the train.
 

Atrocious Joystick

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Are you insanely attractive? Because that's pretty much how women distinguish between "cute awkward guy I met on a train that was kind of like the beginning of a rom-com" and "Traincreep McMurderface".
 

Doclector

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See, here's the thing that always gets me a little annoyed when it comes to relationship advice. Everyone always says "you need to be confident" but I'm already 22, still a virgin, can't seem to get my foot in any door let alone a promising one regarding jobs, and I can't even manage being "normal", let alone charming. What on earth do I have to be confident about? Aren't people who go around acting like they're fucking great when they're pretty much shit insanely annoying?
 

krazykidd

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Atrocious Joystick said:
Are you insanely attractive? Because that's pretty much how women distinguish between "cute awkward guy I met on a train that was kind of like the beginning of a rom-com" and "Traincreep McMurderface".
You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

OT: go for it ? What's the worst that could happen? She shut's you down and never talks to you again ?
DevilWithaHalo said:
Frokane said:
I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?
Is there anything between you two besides a few feet of air and fear?

How about saying you've noticed her and would like to have a conversation? It would then be prudent of you to have a few conversations handy; such as trains, riding trains, the different people who ride trains, why she is riding the train, if she likes trains, and/or whether or not she would like to assist you in robbing the train.
This do this !


My turn : i'm extremely attracted to my ex-assistant manager ( i quit ) . I have a feeling she has a thing for me to . She is about 20 years my senior . The problem is . A) She's married B) she has children my age . I want to invite her for lunch or dinner . I have her number , and i know she talks about me since i left . I just don't know how to approach this ? Should i ask her in person? Should i call her? Should i do it while she's at work? At home ? Do i just say it's a friendly lunch? Do i tell her i want to go on a date with her? Do i drop the idea completly?How do i ask her out?
 

krazykidd

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Doclector said:
See, here's the thing that always gets me a little annoyed when it comes to relationship advice. Everyone always says "you need to be confident" but I'm already 22, still a virgin, can't seem to get my foot in any door let alone a promising one regarding jobs, and I can't even manage being "normal", let alone charming. What on earth do I have to be confident about? Aren't people who go around acting like they're fucking great when they're pretty much shit insanely annoying?
Fake confidence. Seriously it works . You'll start off faking , and slowly become more confident . Honestly , try it , it works . Be brave . Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are awsome. And you will believe your awsome . And it will show in your demenor .

Lying to yourself is very effective for your to believe what your saying . It you do it enough .. You will believe it .
 

Darken12

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Well, I find that being non-threatening is the best way to go about these things. I'm a big guy, and I often make people nervous without meaning to, so I've tried to be more aware of how I come off.

In your case, I'd personally be completely casual about it. If you know she has noticed you before (that is, has made eye contact with you at least twice), put on a big, sincere smile, approach her gently, and say "Hey, I couldn't help but notice we take the same train often. I'm [name], I work at [workplace] as a [profession], what's your name?" Then make small talk about the train, the places it goes through, what each of you do for a living, and anything you might have in common until one of you has to get off. The next time you bump into her, greet her warmly and eventually work in the "do you have a boyfriend" question. If she's single, ask her out. The worst thing she can do is say no.

If she hasn't noticed you before, just walk up to her and find a way to start small talk, such as a book she's reading ("Sorry to intrude, and please don't take it the wrong way, but I'm such a big fan of [author] and this book is one of my favourites." or "Sorry to intrude, but you're reading a book I've been getting a lot of recommendations for. How good is it? Should I give it a try?") or something she's looking at ("Hey, did you know [obscure trivia for a landmark visible from the train]?") or the age-old "Excuse me, but could you tell me what time is it? I forgot my watch/I don't carry a watch/I think my watch might be late/early."

The key here is to be as natural and casual as you can. Smile, make eye-contact (without staring), don't fidget and just look as relaxed and confident as possible. If it helps, imagine she's a man and your task is to make a friend, not a woman to ask out.

Also, very important: respect her boundaries. You have to understand that by talking to her/asking her out, you're bothering a person who might just want to get back home from a hard day's work in peace. You aren't entitled to anything, so don't get mad if she brushes you off. If it doesn't work out, then leave her alone. I trust you know how to tell if someone isn't into you and wants to be left alone, so be sure to take a hint if that's what she wants.
 

Exius Xavarus

Casually hardcore. :}
May 19, 2010
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I am shy, but only just. For me, it's more of a matter of being a generally quiet person. People often mistake it for being shy, though. Which tends to garner more attention than I'm comfortable with.

krazykidd said:
Doclector said:
See, here's the thing that always gets me a little annoyed when it comes to relationship advice. Everyone always says "you need to be confident" but I'm already 22, still a virgin, can't seem to get my foot in any door let alone a promising one regarding jobs, and I can't even manage being "normal", let alone charming. What on earth do I have to be confident about? Aren't people who go around acting like they're fucking great when they're pretty much shit insanely annoying?
Fake confidence. Seriously it works . You'll start off faking , and slowly become more confident . Honestly , try it , it works . Be brave . Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are awsome. And you will believe your awsome . And it will show in your demenor .

Lying to yourself is very effective for your to believe what your saying . It you do it enough .. You will believe it .
In other words: Morale is a very powerful thing. One's mental state can affect more than just how they act.

[small]User was banned for: Bro, do you even psychology? [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/520.401227]. (Permanent)[/small]
 

R.Nevermore

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Doclector said:
See, here's the thing that always gets me a little annoyed when it comes to relationship advice. Everyone always says "you need to be confident" but I'm already 22, still a virgin, can't seem to get my foot in any door let alone a promising one regarding jobs, and I can't even manage being "normal", let alone charming. What on earth do I have to be confident about? Aren't people who go around acting like they're fucking great when they're pretty much shit insanely annoying?
I hate to say it but there's nothing more we can say. There are no love potions, psychological key phrases or magicr tricks that can make a girl like you. You need to be confident or fake it till you make it. Think of it this way. If you pretend to be confident and she likes what she sees, and agrees to date you, then you have something right there to be confident about.
 

Frokane

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krazykidd said:
Atrocious Joystick said:
Are you insanely attractive? Because that's pretty much how women distinguish between "cute awkward guy I met on a train that was kind of like the beginning of a rom-com" and "Traincreep McMurderface".
You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

OT: go for it ? What's the worst that could happen? She shut's you down and never talks to you again ?
DevilWithaHalo said:
Frokane said:
I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?
Is there anything between you two besides a few feet of air and fear?

How about saying you've noticed her and would like to have a conversation? It would then be prudent of you to have a few conversations handy; such as trains, riding trains, the different people who ride trains, why she is riding the train, if she likes trains, and/or whether or not she would like to assist you in robbing the train.
This do this !


My turn : i'm extremely attracted to my ex-assistant manager ( i quit ) . I have a feeling she has a thing for me to . She is about 20 years my senior . The problem is . A) She's married B) she has children my age . I want to invite her for lunch or dinner . I have her number , and i know she talks about me since i left . I just don't know how to approach this ? Should i ask her in person? Should i call her? Should i do it while she's at work? At home ? Do i just say it's a friendly lunch? Do i tell her i want to go on a date with her? Do i drop the idea completly?How do i ask her out?

Call for a friendly coffee, if she used to be your manager, then play as if you need advice on something work related, like your entering a new job or thinking about, starting your own buisness, say its too much to talk over the phone but would be easier to meet for a coffee or something. When you get the coffee with her, try to keep a chill relaxed vibe and ask her, how work is going, and is shes happy, then carefully inquire about if she is happy in general, ask her what its like to be married straight after, if she is saying anything negative about marriage (i.e. her marriage) then there are small openings to flirt, its a tricky situation but if you can stay friendly fun and flirty enough without coming off too forward you should be able to secure another 'date' maybe a meal, then if it continues, turn that meal into meeting up for drinks, then its all gravy from there.
 

Frokane

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Atrocious Joystick said:
Are you insanely attractive? Because that's pretty much how women distinguish between "cute awkward guy I met on a train that was kind of like the beginning of a rom-com" and "Traincreep McMurderface".
People say im unconventionally attractive, Im probably a 6.5, she like an 8.5
 

lechat

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krazykidd said:
Doclector said:
See, here's the thing that always gets me a little annoyed when it comes to relationship advice. Everyone always says "you need to be confident" but I'm already 22, still a virgin, can't seem to get my foot in any door let alone a promising one regarding jobs, and I can't even manage being "normal", let alone charming. What on earth do I have to be confident about? Aren't people who go around acting like they're fucking great when they're pretty much shit insanely annoying?
Fake confidence. Seriously it works . You'll start off faking , and slowly become more confident . Honestly , try it , it works . Be brave . Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are awsome. And you will believe your awsome . And it will show in your demenor .

Lying to yourself is very effective for your to believe what your saying . It you do it enough .. You will believe it .
in the self confidence world it's called "fake it til you make it"
it's pretty clear from your post that you have low self esteem so start pretending you are awesome. make sure you do your hair up nice and throw on some cool clothes like the stud you are then go proceed to shout yourself to a nice dinner. if any of the pretty girls that are checking you out catch your attention then consider making their day and starting up a conversation with them.

self esteem is a perpetuation circle of:
low self esteem --> can't get job, can't get girl --> low self esteem --> can't get job, can't get girl --> low self esteem --> can't get job, can't get girl -->
you need a way to break out of the loop and the easiest way is just to replace the act of thinking you suck with the belief that you are awesome
and it's obviously time for awesome puppy again



as far as the OP. you need to find some common ground and FFS make some damn eye contact. you should be able to tell in about 10 seconds if she has the slightest interest in you or suspects you are a serial killer but either way you will never be able to make a connection and eventually start a conversation if she doesn't know you exist.
don't want to be captain negative especially in cases of self esteem but it is possible she isn't interested in you and that's great!! use the opportunity to "fail up" as awesome and unlimited as your potential is consider this a chance to practice your new awesome pick up skills.

try to find some common ground. is she listening to one of those new fangled tape player walkman things? ask her what she is listening to. perhaps you are into the same music, grab some tickets to what ever disco band she is into and invite her!
is she reading cosmo mag? talk to her about brangelina. tell her you feel bad for jennifer :(
is she studying? help her out. you're awesome, you know all about that subject. alternatively you know nothing about that subject but find it very interesting and would like to know more!
does she look like she had a bad day? who better than you to console her? you're a good talker but you're a fantastic listener!
 

Andy Shandy

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Jun 7, 2010
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12 posts (not including this one) since the OP, who mentioned the Shy Guy, and in a girl problems thread, nobody mentioned Dry Bones?

For shame, Escapist. Not like the forum to miss out on a double entendre.
 

Weaver

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Apr 28, 2008
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When you're talking to her just make sure that "Humming the Bassline" is running through your head so you can be cooooool as a cucumber.
 

Epic Bear Man

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Pretty much what everyone's been saying (to help you out) will do the trick. Just approach her, ask her if the seat she's next to is taken, and then mention you've seen her a few times on the train. From there, gauge her reaction. Is she just saying "haha, yeah" and staring into her phone or away from you? Or is she looking over at you, smiling, etc? That'll help determine if she's attracted to you.

From there just ask her if she's taking the train back from work or school or whatever, ask her how her day was, blah blah blah, and once you two are about to part ways (she'll more than likely mention the next upcoming stop is hers), ask her for her number.

Whenever you feel up to it (the "three day rule" is bullshit, just call her at a reasonable time whenever), send her a call or a text and ask her if she wants to meet up.

As far as confidence goes, it's definitely a lot sexier than intimidation to women; I don't think I've ever met a girl who doesn't like confidence in a man. But if it's too hard for you, you can still act a bit shy; she may find it cute. But the more confident you are, the more likely you are to win her over (hypothetically speaking).
 

PsychicTaco115

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I have some problems <.<

Anyone know how to read "signals"? I has no idea

Any and all help would be generally appreciated, thank you!

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aba1

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I find that when I am feeling shy or something of that nature I will out right tell the people. If you can laugh at yourself it shows you are upfront and easy going, it also takes your lack of confidence and makes you look more confident because your willing to admit your insecurities and be ok with them.
 

Basement Cat

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PsychicTaco115 said:
I have some problems <.<

Anyone know how to read "signals"? I has no idea

Any and all help would be generally appreciated, thank you!
There's the obvious--look up a book on body language. Maybe there's something online for free.

But speaking from experience I can tell you that aside from the more obvious body language (arms crossed=defensive/nervous/insecure, etc) it's often hit or miss as far as reading body language goes.

The ONE thing guys have to remember is that girls expect US to make the first move--and sometimes expect us to be persistent i.e. Ask them out more than once--don't just give up when they say "no" the first time (especially because they may say "NO" out of sheer reflex--which leaves them wishing you'd ask them again).

EDIT: As I said below: And by asking her out again I don't mean persisting at that very moment but asking her out a day/week later. Something like that. If she says no again then take it as a "No." This is advice I've gotten from girls, btw.


That's where confidence (including just the appearance of confidence) matters most. You don't have to come across as an ass, guys. You just have to 'appear' to have your shit together. Remember you're not dealing with mind readers. Most people are more concerned about how others view them than with what they think of others!

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PsychicTaco115

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Copper Zen said:
PsychicTaco115 said:
I have some problems <.<

Anyone know how to read "signals"? I has no idea

Any and all help would be generally appreciated, thank you!
The ONE thing guys have to remember is that girls expect US to make the first move--and sometimes expect us to be persistent i.e. Ask them out more than once--don't just give up when they say "no" the first time (especially because they may say "NO" out of sheer reflex--which leaves them wishing you'd ask them again).
Oh come on, really?

I thought "no" meant "no"...

WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO MIND-SCREWY!?

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