A guy I knew in high school actually tried this and it worked. He was pretty attractive and had a history with the girl, but god dammit it counts!Spot1990 said:
Are You a Shy Guy? (Girl Problems Thread)
- Thread starter Frokane
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krazykidd said:
On behalf of all movie goers:
Put your fucking phone away, phones in cinema are fucking annoying and I have not paid good money to watch a movie so people with phones around me can post status updates on their f*cking phones and completely destroy the atmosphere.
So put the f*cking phone away and stop being inconsiderate in cinemas.
You deserve punishment for that, so consider yourself internet-pinched.
OT: I believe everything has already been said, but try to be confident, smile, behave etc..
He could try learning actual magic tricks, maybe that could help?R.Nevermore said:
I am terrible at starting a conversation with a girl, because I don't like to feel like I'm imposing, but if they start talking to me first then I'm away with the head down. It's one of the reasons I do so well with internet dating, because people can see what I'm like from my bio and it usually seems to make them want to talk to me (I like to think I come across as weird on just the right side of 'not a serial killer').
Sadly, I can't offer any advice on your situation OP, as I've been in it many times myself. The closest I can do is relate a story of one girl whose attention I grabbed at uni my drawing pictures in lectures instead of taking notes. Apparently, my work was good enough to at least strike up a conversation and it all went from there.
Sadly, I can't offer any advice on your situation OP, as I've been in it many times myself. The closest I can do is relate a story of one girl whose attention I grabbed at uni my drawing pictures in lectures instead of taking notes. Apparently, my work was good enough to at least strike up a conversation and it all went from there.
Well, it would be good to try and not say bad things about yourself for the time being. Be positive, do stuff you love.Doclector said:
Having or not having a relationship doesn't define people.
It's massively cliche, but you should try and be happy with yourself before looking to be happy with someone else.
I'm gonna stop now because I sound like a cliche dispenser.
No, no, no. The age is fine. The Kids is fine...but there is a major problem:krazykidd said:
I'm not saying don't talk to her, see her, anything like that. However, trying to destroy someone else's marriage is completely not okay. I don't mean to sound judgemental, because I know from personal experience how hard it is to be objective when you're attracted to someone. So take it from me: pulling a family apart is an extremely dickish thing to do. Imagine if, 20 years from now, you were married to the woman of your dreams and you had children with her, then some young guy starts inviting her out for dates. Do you think you would be thrilled by the prospect? Enjoy the challenge? What if she denies she's interested, but clearly is. Would you trust her? WOuld it make you paranoid? Would it help cement the basis of a happy family and make your children proud of their parents?krazykidd said:
An older, married person is easily flattered by the attentions of some younger guy/girl but it is not likely to end up as anything serious - by cheating on her husband she would be demonstrating she is tired of commitment, and if you just want her for sex then you are seriously treading the line of 'bad person'. Breaking up someone's marriage and earning the hatred of their kids is not exactly a romantic's dream and my advice would be to leave well alone.
tl;dr - It's natural to have sexy thoughts about older/younger/married/unavailable women/men. Getting our freaks on is a normal human wish, and forbidden fruit is always the sweeter! However, actually acting upon it would be a very arsehole thing to do and you would be rightly resented for it by the family you'd be breaking apart.
Author's note: I speak from experience. Not myself, but a university friend who's dad cheated on mum during our time there. Let us just say that his opinion of dad was not exactly positive and the new relationship did not end a match made in heaven!
3 years isn't that bad at that age, it's nothing when you get older.Frokane said:
Just go up to her and ask if she's a government agent on a mission to spy on you or something. whatever. talk to her. if you can make her laugh, you're golden. just don't overdo it or she'll just think you're a comedian. laughing is good, but nobody wants to have sex with a clown, if you get what i'm saying.
don't do it! first of all, she's 20 years older than you are, second she's married! don't fuck around in other people's domestic affairs. my dad recently ran off with someone who is younger than my sister, i've seen firsthand what it can do to people. don't do that just because you have the hots for her. if her marriage sucks, that's her problem to solve. don't go complicating itkrazykidd said:
I think this might be a bit off topic, but I'll let you guys decide. I am a rather shy guy, and over the last year I've found a few ways to approach girls, my issue though is with the question of just how ethical some of these methods are.
To give you an example, until recently I had to take a train from my school home on weekends. I would see the same girl on the same train most weeks. She had a bag with her school name on it, she always had a book with her, and she always had a bottle of a particular brand of pop. We had seen each other several times, and I usually try to smile to people I recognize, because sometimes they recognize me. My past failures at talking to girls made me try a different approach. I learned a few things about her school, and picked up a copy of the book that she had been reading. When I saw her on the train next, I acted as though I was just noticing that we were reading the same book and struck up a conversation about it. It went pretty well, and the next time I she came and sat with me, just chatting about the book, and them I moved the conversation to her school, and things went even better. A few weeks later I returned home permanently but we had built up a pretty strong connection. The whole time though, I felt really bad about the situation. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being manipulative, that my planning was giving me an unfair advantage and that I was effectively lying to her.
I have since read up on things like "pickup artists" and their methods, I find them completely reprehensible but I'm not always entirely sure that the things I've come up with aren't at least similar.
The real issue I have is how well my way works sometimes. I'm not a terrible looking guy, and I've had a girlfriend before (she was interested in me already) so I'd like to believe that it's just that I'm actually charming but it still gnaws at me sometimes whether it's really ethical.
To give you an example, until recently I had to take a train from my school home on weekends. I would see the same girl on the same train most weeks. She had a bag with her school name on it, she always had a book with her, and she always had a bottle of a particular brand of pop. We had seen each other several times, and I usually try to smile to people I recognize, because sometimes they recognize me. My past failures at talking to girls made me try a different approach. I learned a few things about her school, and picked up a copy of the book that she had been reading. When I saw her on the train next, I acted as though I was just noticing that we were reading the same book and struck up a conversation about it. It went pretty well, and the next time I she came and sat with me, just chatting about the book, and them I moved the conversation to her school, and things went even better. A few weeks later I returned home permanently but we had built up a pretty strong connection. The whole time though, I felt really bad about the situation. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being manipulative, that my planning was giving me an unfair advantage and that I was effectively lying to her.
I have since read up on things like "pickup artists" and their methods, I find them completely reprehensible but I'm not always entirely sure that the things I've come up with aren't at least similar.
The real issue I have is how well my way works sometimes. I'm not a terrible looking guy, and I've had a girlfriend before (she was interested in me already) so I'd like to believe that it's just that I'm actually charming but it still gnaws at me sometimes whether it's really ethical.
You mean other than the crippling self doubt she can instill in you, forever smearing your self image, and helping to push you farther back into social introversion and isolation... yeah not a whole lot, though she might just freak out and pull a knife on you, or maybe she was actually a terrorist and is only on the train to scope it out as her next target, or she'll go along with it, to use you to her own ends, whatever they may be, possibly involving the resurrection of satan... or I dunno.. there's plenty of other ways things like this play out in my head, each more ridiculous than the last...<.<krazykidd said:
OT: I dunno... I don't really talk to people, at all... if that wasn't obvious already...<.<
But I know what I'd do in this situation... slump over in a corner and play my gameboy, while looking as hostile and uninviting as possible... preferably with my hair covering my eyes so I don;t have to make eye contact with anyone, but that's just me...<.<
YES! Dear God, thank you. That was terrible advice. If you are lucky enough to get a straight "no" from a girl, then just leave it be. A lot of us are programmed to give ambiguous answers that are supposed to let you down easier, which can lead to some understandable confusion, and in that case it's not totally imprudent to continue to pursue (just tred lightly until you're sure). But if we do say no, we fucking mean it.Darken12 said:
I wouldn't touch this one with a 10 foot pole, if I were you. You do NOT want to be a homewrecker. Even if your dream comes true and she divorces her husband for you, she'll be at a severe disadvantage and not get nearly as much as she should have because the infidelity was her fault. I'm not going to say anything about the age difference because I don't feel that's the biggest thing to worry about, here. If she's unhappy in her current relationship, then it is her obligation to end it before pursuing more. There isn't anything you can do to make her situation better, the only thing you can do is make it more complicated. So don't trick yourself into thinking otherwise. Because if it doesn't work out, then she's divorced her husband and made her children's lives more complicated for nothing. There are too many single women out there for you to pine over one that would have to shatter half of her life in order to be with you.krazykidd said:
I can 't lie bro, "girl problems thread" is the worst thing I've heard all week, and the fact that you're making one shows what kind of problem you have: Stop caring what others think about you. Stop being so self concious. But God's sake, don't lie to yourself. Lying to yourself to make yourself happy will ultimately lead to insatisfaction and depression.
Newly added to my vocab. LOLAtrocious Joystick said:
I was once approached by a guy in the train once.
Actually he followed me from the station to a dark alley and then approached me from behind me and asked if "we could be friends because you are really my type."
I was flattered but totally creeped out.
Had it been in a bar, maybe it would have been less scary.
So, regardless of whether you are good looking or not, you should approach her in broad day light where there are a lot of other people so she doesnt feel like she is stalked/ you are a rapist murderer
AAAAAAGGGHHH YOU'RE USING YOUR PHONE IN A CINEMA???? DIE IN A FIRE AND GET EATEN BY ANTS GRRROAAARRGGHH RAEG!!!!krazykidd said:
But I agree, that was pretty funny.
OT: Duuurr, I don't know what I would do if I were in that situation. Probably I'd start a casual conversation and depending on her response, either keep talking or just shut up and stop giving a crap. But the very worst you could do is letting this loop just continue. In my experience confessing to a crush can be painful, but it releases a hell of a lot of stress, lets your mind concentrate on other things and also burns most feelings one might have to cinders when you realize that the person wasn't the golden angel you thought she was.
Give the fuck up and find an ugly girl.
There's lots of them and they are just as lonely as you are.
There's lots of them and they are just as lonely as you are.
sweet jesus, as much as no one likes someone on their phone during a movie, i swear it's a European thing, every time i see a European rage about this it sounds like they are going to lynch the person for such a simple thing. (once again, i'm not saying the person should be on their phone in the slightest, but for as many gun nutz as america has it seems like europe has an equal amount of movie going lynchers)Calibanbutcher said:
just going to quote and agree hardcore on this, i can't tell you how many times i'll be riding the shuttle bus and some horrible situation will happen where a guy will try hitting on a girl and she CLEARLY wants nothing to do with him, but he'll keep on going, it is the most awkward damn thing on the planet, i can only imagine for those women sometimes how it must feel.Lilani said:
(this next part is in general, not towards anyone specific)
while yes, you should be somewhat confident, and try connecting, if she is CLEARLY not interested (there are signs once you start talking, they are not hard at all to pick up on) then just stop and go about your day normally, you generally only date one person at a time, so it's not like that one was THE one; you are going to mistakenly hit on alot of people before you find the one most compatible for you, prepare yourself for alot of no's/not the right ones.
to the OP, i would just use my peripheral vision and see if she ever looks over at all, or gives any hints on if she wants to be hit on. (does she listen to her mp3 player and look out the window constantly? probably doesn't want to be hit on and just wants to go about her business, also check for any sort of smiling or anything, that can be an easy conversation starter "you seem to be really happy, having a nice day?")
Talk to her.
/Thread.
Seriously, that's half the problem with being shy. You say to yourself "I'll do it tommorow", "I'll do it eventually", "What it she doesn't like me?". And you never talk to her, you just analyse it, whilst trying to psych yourself up.
Fuck that.
When you see her next, within the first three seconds, walk up to her and start a conversation. Do this with anyone you're interested in. Guy's wearing a cool jacket? Where'd he get it? Cashier looks like they're having a long day? Ask them about it. Chat to everyone about anything obvious. Eventually, you learn to strike up conversations.
Plus, I'd steal Devil's one about Robbing the Train. That one is a keeper.
Talk to people. I know you don't want to, I know it's scary, and I often feel the same way too. But you have to do it, or they'll always be scary, and you'll always be lonely, so just talk to people.
You can't be worse than my first attempt.
*See girl reading comic. "Whatcha reading?" "Spawn" "Cool" *Dead silence for half the class, until I think of a funny joke about something the lecturer said.*
Plus, take Phasmal's advice. If you try chatting up someone who's not interested in talking, you'll do what I did, and you're just sabotaging yourself. Don't do what Copper said and ask her out repeatedly. Again, been there, done that, bad idea. Unless they're being playful, you're being an ass, and ruining any chance of being friends with a cool chick to talk to on train rides.
And the difference between creepy and charming is all manner. Funny, open people, who are confident without being aggressive, can be charming. Even if it's a shy "So, do you think they'd notice if we stole the train" or whatever (I'm terrible at conversation topics. That's why I have alcohol [for me to drink people, before you start thinking that I'm a creeper. Girls buy me drinks. Not the other way around]), it's better than getting in her face, or just watching her.
/Thread.
Seriously, that's half the problem with being shy. You say to yourself "I'll do it tommorow", "I'll do it eventually", "What it she doesn't like me?". And you never talk to her, you just analyse it, whilst trying to psych yourself up.
Fuck that.
When you see her next, within the first three seconds, walk up to her and start a conversation. Do this with anyone you're interested in. Guy's wearing a cool jacket? Where'd he get it? Cashier looks like they're having a long day? Ask them about it. Chat to everyone about anything obvious. Eventually, you learn to strike up conversations.
Plus, I'd steal Devil's one about Robbing the Train. That one is a keeper.
Talk to people. I know you don't want to, I know it's scary, and I often feel the same way too. But you have to do it, or they'll always be scary, and you'll always be lonely, so just talk to people.
You can't be worse than my first attempt.
*See girl reading comic. "Whatcha reading?" "Spawn" "Cool" *Dead silence for half the class, until I think of a funny joke about something the lecturer said.*
Plus, take Phasmal's advice. If you try chatting up someone who's not interested in talking, you'll do what I did, and you're just sabotaging yourself. Don't do what Copper said and ask her out repeatedly. Again, been there, done that, bad idea. Unless they're being playful, you're being an ass, and ruining any chance of being friends with a cool chick to talk to on train rides.
And the difference between creepy and charming is all manner. Funny, open people, who are confident without being aggressive, can be charming. Even if it's a shy "So, do you think they'd notice if we stole the train" or whatever (I'm terrible at conversation topics. That's why I have alcohol [for me to drink people, before you start thinking that I'm a creeper. Girls buy me drinks. Not the other way around]), it's better than getting in her face, or just watching her.