Are You a Shy Guy? (Girl Problems Thread)

[Calibanbutcher]

You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

On behalf of all movie goers:
Put your fucking phone away, phones in cinema are fucking annoying and I have not paid good money to watch a movie so people with phones around me can post status updates on their f*cking phones and completely destroy the atmosphere.
So put the f*cking phone away and stop being inconsiderate in cinemas.

You deserve punishment for that, so consider yourself internet-pinched.

sweet jesus, as much as no one likes someone on their phone during a movie, i swear it's a European thing, every time i see a European rage about this it sounds like they are going to lynch the person for such a simple thing. (once again, i'm not saying the person should be on their phone in the slightest, but for as many gun nutz as america has it seems like europe has an equal amount of movie going lynchers)

1. It really is terribly annoying to be in a cinema with someone who insists on using their phone during the film. I paid money to enjoy myself and you are doing your part in diminishing the joy I get from watching the film.

2. Did you really just compare people being very enthusiastic about extremely dangerous lethal weapons to people being annoyed by others misbehaving in cinema?
Seems a bit far fetched to me...


On topic:

Talk to her.

/Thread.

Seriously, that's half the problem with being shy. You say to yourself "I'll do it tommorow", "I'll do it eventually", "What it she doesn't like me?". And you never talk to her, you just analyse it, whilst trying to psych yourself up.

Fuck that.

When you see her next, within the first three seconds, walk up to her and start a conversation. Do this with anyone you're interested in. Guy's wearing a cool jacket? Where'd he get it? Cashier looks like they're having a long day? Ask them about it. Chat to everyone about anything obvious. Eventually, you learn to strike up conversations.

Plus, I'd steal Devil's one about Robbing the Train. That one is a keeper.

Talk to people. I know you don't want to, I know it's scary, and I often feel the same way too. But you have to do it, or they'll always be scary, and you'll always be lonely, so just talk to people.

You can't be worse than my first attempt.
*See girl reading comic. "Whatcha reading?" "Spawn" "Cool" *Dead silence for half the class, until I think of a funny joke about something the lecturer said.*

Plus, take Phasmal's advice. If you try chatting up someone who's not interested in talking, you'll do what I did, and you're just sabotaging yourself. Don't do what Copper said and ask her out repeatedly. Again, been there, done that, bad idea. Unless they're being playful, you're being an ass, and ruining any chance of being friends with a cool chick to talk to on train rides.

And the difference between creepy and charming is all manner. Funny, open people, who are confident without being aggressive, can be charming. Even if it's a shy "So, do you think they'd notice if we stole the train" or whatever (I'm terrible at conversation topics. That's why I have alcohol [for me to drink people, before you start thinking that I'm a creeper. Girls buy me drinks. Not the other way around]), it's better than getting in her face, or just watching her.

Pretty much this.

 

[Loonyyy]

Are you insanely attractive? Because that's pretty much how women distinguish between "cute awkward guy I met on a train that was kind of like the beginning of a rom-com" and "Traincreep McMurderface".

You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

OT: go for it ? What's the worst that could happen? She shut's you down and never talks to you again ?

You mean other than the crippling self doubt she can instill in you, forever smearing your self image,

You get over that.

And, if you're afraid of that so you never chat anyone up, you already have the crippling self-doubt, and no self-esteem. The only way to fix this is to do it. And sure, it's a *****, and it's awkward, and it's hard. But you have to do it, or you'll have that self doubt that you already had. If you get turned down, and that makes you never chat someone up again, is that any worse than never chatting someone up because you're afraid of that? Because from here, they look kind of the same.

I know it sounds like bull, but I've had this. I still do a lot of the time. But the only way to get past it is to try. You can never succeed at something you don't try, at least that way you're in with a shot.

yeah not a whole lot, though she might just freak out and pull a knife on you, or maybe she was actually a terrorist and is only on the train to scope it out as her next target, or she'll go along with it, to use you to her own ends, whatever they may be, possibly involving the resurrection of satan... or I dunno.. there's plenty of other ways things like this play out in my head, each more ridiculous than the last...<.<

Hey, if she sacrifices you to Satan, if Dan Brown has led me right, she'll fuck you first. Or maybe her grandparents will. The book was unclear on that point.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Why? Why would you want to do that? Feeling uncomfortable approaching someone you don't know and probably have nothing in common with doesn't make you shy- just reasonable. You have no reason to like her except you think she's physically attractive and you frequently find yourselves in the same location. The second point will just make things incredibly awkward if approaching her doesn't work out.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

On behalf of all movie goers:
Put your fucking phone away, phones in cinema are fucking annoying and I have not paid good money to watch a movie so people with phones around me can post status updates on their f*cking phones and completely destroy the atmosphere.
So put the f*cking phone away and stop being inconsiderate in cinemas.

You deserve punishment for that, so consider yourself internet-pinched.

sweet jesus, as much as no one likes someone on their phone during a movie, i swear it's a European thing, every time i see a European rage about this it sounds like they are going to lynch the person for such a simple thing. (once again, i'm not saying the person should be on their phone in the slightest, but for as many gun nutz as america has it seems like europe has an equal amount of movie going lynchers)

1. It really is terribly annoying to be in a cinema with someone who insists on using their phone during the film. I paid money to enjoy myself and you are doing your part in diminishing the joy I get from watching the film.

2. Did you really just compare people being very enthusiastic about extremely dangerous lethal weapons to people being annoyed by others misbehaving in cinema?
Seems a bit far fetched to me...

eh that was meant more as a light joke, seeing as how you said "they deserve to get pinched", i was making a joke to the extremism of all of Americans and their guns, but i guess the extremist correlation didn't roll over well.

(and when you say pinched, i'm assuming you mean the slang version of getting arrested.)

my mistake.

 

[Loonyyy]

Wait, I just thought of a better joke than the one I had:

"I've seen you on this train a few times. How long have you been casing the joint?"

Ok, it's terrible, but it's 3 AM and I've only gotten two beers into me.

 

[Bestival]

My shyness is a right bastard, can't talk to females much, and ones I'm attracted to not at all, so I consider myself very shy indeed in that regard.

BUT, messing with guys/friends/strangers on the internet I pretty much do a 180 and have no shame. Recent example of this is the goat edition songs, which caused me to scream like a fucktard at work whenever it fits to one of the songs on the radio.
I'm also pretty open about stuff like porn to whoever will listen. Or brag about really dumb shit I've done in the past, like trying to juggle crates at work despite not knowing how to juggle at all, not even with stuff that's meant to be juggled. So I promptly bashed my own face in on the first attempt, breaking teeth and causing a lot of blood to depart from their designated area.
And then I told fucking EVERYONE. Hell, I just told all of you.

I would really love it if even a fraction of this would come to me when I'm trying to chat with a lovely female, but it always fails me. And when I do manage to utter and stutter something it's always some generic shit that's worse than silence. "Some weather huh?". Weak shit that is, very weak.

Oh well, I'll get there one day.


Sorry OP, no advice here. I did have an experience similar to yours, when I was still going to school.
This cute blond gothy girl would be on the same train as me sometimes. I never even occurred to me to talk to her, but one day we were sitting across from eachother and I was listening to Stephen Lynch's Superhero on my ipod. I couldn't stop grinning through it, and when I glance her way I noticed she was smiling back at me.
If I could do any part of my life over, it'd probably be that one, and I would somehow find the balls to talk to her.

Yes, I'd pick that over bashing in my own face with a crate. Hell, I'd bash my face in 3 times over for a chance like that. It didn't even hurt all that bad, except for you know, eating... And breathing.


Best of luck to you OP, I hope it works out in a way that is satisfactory to you.



PS. To those that go; "Just talk to her, what's the worse that could happen?", the answer is 'losing hope'.
As long as we don't talk to her, there's always that chance, that slight possibility that, however improbable, if we did approach, she might say yes. Somehow we trick our selfs into thinking that that tiniest sliver of hope is better than getting shot down and moving on.
It is extremely stupid, I know.

 

[Lilani]

Why? Why would you want to do that? Feeling uncomfortable approaching someone you don't know and probably have nothing in common with doesn't make you shy- just reasonable. You have no reason to like her except you think she's physically attractive and you frequently find yourselves in the same location. The second point will just make things incredibly awkward if approaching her doesn't work out.

Yeah, I was beginning to think that as well. Perhaps it's because it's never happened to me, but I've never seen how people can actually think they are romantically attracted to someone they've never met or had a conversation with. I mean physical attraction is perfectly understandable, but compatibility wise? You've got no fucking clue. I can't help but see a situation like the OP's and wonder if they are conflating physical attraction and real romantic chemistry.

I mean something could come out of it, but nowadays most women are more than a bit leery of a total stranger asking them out on a date. Becoming friends and then seeing what happens is a much more natural way to go about it. Because even if it doesn't work out, you've still got a good friend. And don't anybody dare mention the friend zone to me unless you want a good long tirade on why that is a bunch of bullshit.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

I'm not only shy around strangers (not just girls, but guys too (I'm heterosexual just FYI)), but I'm also naturally quiet anyway, so I find it very hard to talk to people I don't know. I'm one of those people who can't stand saying the wrong thing, giving the wrong impression. Very self conscious about that stuff.

Surprisingly to me, I have no love interests at the moment.

As for OP, you want a way to get her attention, without seeming like you are something you're not. For example, going over and saying 'Hey baby, wanna ride with me' might fly if she believes you, but it won't last because it's not who you are (from the sounds of things).

You need to think of a way to get her attention without breaking out of your comfort zone. Being nice to her when she wants it especially.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

On behalf of all movie goers:
Put your fucking phone away, phones in cinema are fucking annoying and I have not paid good money to watch a movie so people with phones around me can post status updates on their f*cking phones and completely destroy the atmosphere.
So put the f*cking phone away and stop being inconsiderate in cinemas.

You deserve punishment for that, so consider yourself internet-pinched.

sweet jesus, as much as no one likes someone on their phone during a movie, i swear it's a European thing, every time i see a European rage about this it sounds like they are going to lynch the person for such a simple thing. (once again, i'm not saying the person should be on their phone in the slightest, but for as many gun nutz as america has it seems like europe has an equal amount of movie going lynchers)

1. It really is terribly annoying to be in a cinema with someone who insists on using their phone during the film. I paid money to enjoy myself and you are doing your part in diminishing the joy I get from watching the film.

2. Did you really just compare people being very enthusiastic about extremely dangerous lethal weapons to people being annoyed by others misbehaving in cinema?
Seems a bit far fetched to me...

eh that was meant more as a light joke, seeing as how you said "they deserve to get pinched", i was making a joke to the extremism of all of Americans and their guns, but i guess the extremist correlation didn't roll over well.

(and when you say pinched, i'm assuming you mean the slang version of getting arrested.)


my mistake.

Ah, then we were both joking, kindof, withouth the other one getting the joke...

For the record:
When I say he deserved to be "internet-pinched", I was not referring to him deserving being arrested but rather that he should be pinched, which seemed a suitable punishment for his crimes against humanity.

 

[cerebreturns]

Go up to a chick you meet on the bus cause shes pretty, sure, doesn't sound creepy at all...

I really hope you get off the bus BEFORE her, otherwise it's going to look even MORE creepy.


You should join social interaction, groups, clubs, meetings, movie nights, join friends and get in their social circle, meet people online. All those require you getting to know people a bit BEFORE you walk up and go "hi, my names so and so, i see you around, whats yours? lets get to know each other"

Because you know what that comes off as? "I have no clue at all the sort of person you are because the only thing I know about you is what you look like. And you look like someone I would like to bone, do you like starting friendships and possibly more with guys who approach you simply because of your looks? If so great! If not...let me brace for rejection".



Unless your whole approach is "we both ride the bus/train, man our lives are amazing arn't they? I'm miserable and hopefuly you are, want to sleep together?"

 

[Loonyyy]

PS. To those that go; "Just talk to her, what's the worse that could happen?", the answer is 'losing hope'.
As long as we don't talk to her, there's always that chance, that slight possibility that, however improbable, if we did approach, she might say yes. Somehow we trick our selfs into thinking that that tiniest sliver of hope is better than getting shot down and moving on.
It is extremely stupid, I know.

It's not stupid. Some people call it a "Scarcity" mentality. You get worried that if you fuck it up with this awesome chick (She must be awesome, you like her, right?), there'll be no other, so you can't jeopordise that.

But it really does come down to that cliche "There's plenty of fish in the sea". And you'll catch more if you use a dragnet than if you use a line, and more if you use a line, than if you wait for them to come to you and serve themselves up to you on a platter.

It kinda sucks in this regard being a guy. Most of us aren't going to be approached (I've tallied 3 times. None of them ended well [I got punched for telling a drunk chick who tried to give me a lap dance that my friend really liked her piercings and sending her his way, before legging it. He has a good arm. Another was exceptionally drunk and tried to chat me up, with her dress caught up past her underwear. To which I politely declined, and suggested she get some water. Or the chick who went to the trouble of chatting me up and dancing with me before spontaneously making out with me, before disappearing and making out with my mate. Clubs are interesting places.]), and I'm sure there's been many more girls interested in me than I've approached. But, that's the way it rolls, so we have to deal with it.

You seem like a pretty cool guy, and those stories would make great conversation. Just got to know how to segue.

 

[Lonewolfm16]

Well I would offer my advice, but I am younger, less experienced, and probably worse at this so that would be like the pot calling the kettle black... or maybe telling the kettle how to stop being black... I don't know where I`m going with this metaphor, but here goes on adding my need for advice to the thread.
I am not really shy, honestly I am a bit of a know-it-all and rarely shut up when something I like to talk about comes up. But I am not precisely good at social situations. Currently I have a crush on this girl, who is pretty close to me. She is one of my best friends, and in debate club with me. I am fairly positive she doesn't know I like her, as at one point she mistakenly thought I was asexual, and even once she knew I wasn't we had a conversation about a guy we both know who she dislikes for a number of reasons, by partially because he hit on her creepily, and when I asked if it would be equally creepy if I did it she said "no, because I know your not sexually attracted to me." It took alot of willpower not to break out laughing at that point. She also said, later, that it would be fine if I was sexually attracted to her, and on a unrelated note told a story about a guy she dated who was friends with her for a long long time first. I am also pretty sure that she isn't attracted to me, as her behavior is more consistent with a more "just a friend" mentality. Still, we have a thing to go to in a few days, so if all goes well and it comes up I will tell her how I feel. I am pretty sure it will fail, but I feel like its something she might want to know, and that it won't hurt either. There is also a girl she knows who has a crush on me, but we have yet to meet (which is driving me crazy). Actually I really like the idea of knowing a girl is interested before-hand so you don't have to desperately try and figure out how she feels about you, when you can't read people at all. Hopefully that goes well.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

You made me laugh out loud on the cinema . Thanks . I'm typing this in my phone , funny stuff .

On behalf of all movie goers:
Put your fucking phone away, phones in cinema are fucking annoying and I have not paid good money to watch a movie so people with phones around me can post status updates on their f*cking phones and completely destroy the atmosphere.
So put the f*cking phone away and stop being inconsiderate in cinemas.

You deserve punishment for that, so consider yourself internet-pinched.

sweet jesus, as much as no one likes someone on their phone during a movie, i swear it's a European thing, every time i see a European rage about this it sounds like they are going to lynch the person for such a simple thing. (once again, i'm not saying the person should be on their phone in the slightest, but for as many gun nutz as america has it seems like europe has an equal amount of movie going lynchers)

1. It really is terribly annoying to be in a cinema with someone who insists on using their phone during the film. I paid money to enjoy myself and you are doing your part in diminishing the joy I get from watching the film.

2. Did you really just compare people being very enthusiastic about extremely dangerous lethal weapons to people being annoyed by others misbehaving in cinema?
Seems a bit far fetched to me...

eh that was meant more as a light joke, seeing as how you said "they deserve to get pinched", i was making a joke to the extremism of all of Americans and their guns, but i guess the extremist correlation didn't roll over well.

(and when you say pinched, i'm assuming you mean the slang version of getting arrested.)


my mistake.

Ah, then we were both joking, kindof, withouth the other one getting the joke...

For the record:
When I say he deserved to be "internet-pinched", I was not referring to him deserving being arrested but rather that he should be pinched, which seemed a suitable punishment for his crimes against humanity.

ah whoops, looks like i read too much into it there and assumed the wrong pinched >_<

pinch away good sir, particularly go for a turtle pinch if you can (i'm not sure if you even know what a turtle pinch is or if that's what they might call it in Germany, but bloody hell do those hurt and break skin if done right.)

 

[lRookiel]

I'm about as shy as you can get.

The only reason I've made any friends is because THEY broke the silence. If a girl becomes my friend it's because she was a friend with one of my male friends.

Now I feel sad :*3

 

[shrekfan246]

1. It really is terribly annoying to be in a cinema with someone who insists on using their phone during the film. I paid money to enjoy myself and you are doing your part in diminishing the joy I get from watching the film.

He just said he was at the cinema, not in a movie. I don't know about you, but my friend and I tend to get to the theater at least half an hour early so we've got plenty of time to find the best seats before everyone else has crowded in there.

OT: As terrifying a prospect as it is to "talk to her", not doing so and losing the chance forever will just end with you feeling regret about it later on down the road. Trust me, I missed tons of similar chances when I was younger, because I was introverted and quiet, and hated myself enough that I didn't believe anybody could be interested in me. And looking back on it now, I had tons of opportunities. There were girls who outright expressed interest in me and I responded by being a cold fish, unable to advance any further myself.

All I can really hope for myself is that I won't squander any chances if they come up again.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

Well.. for starters, get it into your head that she's not a big deal. She's a good looking person you don't know, she's probably vapid and obnoxious and if she's not she's probably in a relationship. Really, the chances of anything you do in this situation going anywhere are tiny. If you're hyping it up and turning it into your one chance for true happiness (which I know you're not really, but I'm exaggerating) then you're going to find it hard, because the reality will never live up.

But you're not going to know until you try.

You don't have to "fake confidence", honestly if you want to make yourself come off like a potential stalker faking confidence is definitely the way to go. If you can bring yourself to talk to a complete stranger, you don't need to fake confidence because you already have it. That's really all confidence is, and it's all it takes to stop being shy. I have no confidence issues and I find it really hard to start up conversations with complete strangers, it's perfectly normal to feel like it's a difficult thing to do because it is. But it gets easier when you're not stuck in some fantasy of meeting your ideal partner randomly on a train.

Fantasies are all well and good, they're very safe and you don't ever have to compromise or risk getting hurt, but they're no substitute for reality and really.. once you're not hung up on your fantasies any more, the power of reality to actually hurt you is pretty minor. It's only disappointment which stings.

The actual thing which distinguishes "cute awkward guy" from "traincreep mcmurderface" is entirely down to how willing you are to treat women like real human beings and not unobtainable fantasies who will drop their pants if you enter the right cheat code. "I'm not the right kind of person and therefore bitches won't like me no matter what I do" is the most pathetic excuse on Earth, it's missing the point so hard the point may as well be on one of the moons of Jupiter.

 

[Bestival]

You seem like a pretty cool guy, and those stories would make great conversation. Just got to know how to segue.

Oh god, that reminds me of another story.

Once at work some girls were trying to embarrass a coworker, so they told me, the only guy in that day's crew, that she thought I was cool. I replied with a thumbs up, which was met with many a laughter and one of them went; "Yeah, see, that was a really cool way to respond."

But it wasn't, truth was I was just too flabbergasted by the compliment to respond at all, especially verbally. The thumbs up was just my brain going Code Red and throwing out the first thing it could come up with.

In many ways I'm like Ted in Scrubs.

"She knows my name! Give her anything she wants!"

 

[Not Matt]

talk to her. there really isn't any other way. dive in to a conversation (not literally offcorse if she is having a conversation with someone else. that would be creepy). ask her something

Also, try to make her laugh, if you can make a girl laugh, she won't seem so scary to talk to

 

[AgentNein]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

Is there anything between you two besides a few feet of air and fear?

How about saying you've noticed her and would like to have a conversation? It would then be prudent of you to have a few conversations handy; such as trains, riding trains, the different people who ride trains, why she is riding the train, if she likes trains, and/or whether or not she would like to assist you in robbing the train.

Goddamnit LISTEN TO THIS MAN.

Fuck dating, rob trains. You can have ALL the trains.