Atheism/Depression/Meaning of Life/Nihilism

[Hevoo]

So, my girlfriend and I are both atheists, and we both have similar outlooks on life (i.e., there's no real 'purpose' to existence anymore than there is a purpose for a tree, beyond self-perpetuation and the survival of the gene). Whereas I view this in almost an absurdist and humored way, it's made her extremely nihilistic. She sees no reason to go on, and has become incredibly depressed without any purpose.

She has told me she doesn't feel anything but poorly (what I mean by that is that she feels numb, for the most part, or just 'bad'), and that without a modicum of control (her therapist has tried getting her to recognize that much of life is beyond her control; I agree, I told her a lot of life may involve planning, but that 'rolling with the punches' and HOW you react to a situation is what matters) she feels lost and worthless. She doesn't even know what makes her happy, anymore. She gets up in the morning only because she doesn't want to make anyone else suffer if she doesn't. It's killing me, because I care about her so much, but I have no idea what else I can offer her beyond her own happiness (she says nothing inertly makes her happy, beyond helping others-- and her psychologist apparently said she needs to figure out what makes her happy APART from that) and her life as it is.

This is further complicated by the fact that she refuses medication (in the past, it really screwed with her).

I offered her the quote by Dawkins that put my life a bit into perspective about the sand grains of Arabia, but even that hasn't affected her. I'm at a loss, and I'm hoping one of you can give me something that I might not be properly thinking of. Please.

Never offer a quote to explain something its dumb reasoning think for yourself.

Your shit out of luck.

gg god

 

[C-man101]

well, she has a bad attack of the truth, yes our lives are insignificant and sometimes quite useless. however, that doesnt mean you can't set your own goals, its not about making an impact on the world, if you can do fun stuff and have a good life that's fine. don't set your standards too high. (that's my philosophy)

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

I'm sorry, BallPt, that you have to do that. I would feel like I was abandoning her, but the truth of the matter is (push comes to shove), I will do that if I have to. It's just not nearly my first choice.

It's all right, she pulled herself together and we married a year later. It's going to be 8 years of marriage by this December.

Personally, I'm insanely moody and have delt with depression my whole life. I'm by no means manic or bipolar but I have had days where i don't want to exist. That being said, I find meaning and purpose in my goals. Since college I wanted to be a music video director... did it. Now I want to be a business owner.. doing it. The goal is actually pointless but it gives me a direction through which I can collect experiences.

There is no point for my existence, but I don't give a shit and I'll take everything I can (within ethical boundaries of civility) before I go. Many people are almost apologetic about their existence... "i want to be cremated", "i want a small funeral", "i just shouldn't exist". I often joke that when i die i want to be burried underneath a speed bump so that every car that passes will feel my existence until that road is destroyed.

 

[sammyfreak]

And sammyfreak, just because you feel abandoned when someone gives into depression is no reason to give up on them, that's being more selfish than they were, it's better to keep trying to help than to cut and run.

Excuse me? Most people don't like it when I try to force my religion down their throats so I try to be polite when confronting others about it. Or maybe you understood my post.

 

[Janus Vesta]

well, she has a bad attack of the truth, yes our lives are insignificant and sometimes quite useless. however, that doesnt mean you can't set your own goals, its not about making an impact on the world, if you can do fun stuff and have a good life that's fine. don't set your standards too high. (that's my philosophy)

Hell, even doing something which seems insignificant at the time can change the whole world later on. In truth most won't see the full effects of their lives because their actions will have reactions after they are one.

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

Try positive existentialism...

Life has no meaning except what you create for yourself. Because there is no inherent meaning your actions have all the more value. Go and create some good meaning.

 

[Janus Vesta]

And sammyfreak, just because you feel abandoned when someone gives into depression is no reason to give up on them, that's being more selfish than they were, it's better to keep trying to help than to cut and run.

Excuse me? Most people don't like it when I try to force my religion down their throats so I try to be polite when confronting others about it. Or maybe you understood my post.

I didn't mean force your religion on them (those guys give you Christians a bad name) I meant giving up on the person getting over the depression. Sure it can take years but with enough time and effort anything is possible. And I did misread your post.

 

[Hevoo]

And sammyfreak, just because you feel abandoned when someone gives into depression is no reason to give up on them, that's being more selfish than they were, it's better to keep trying to help than to cut and run.

Excuse me? Most people don't like it when I try to force my religion down their throats so I try to be polite when confronting others about it. Or maybe you understood my post.

How is that about religion?

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

So, my girlfriend and I are both atheists, and we both have similar outlooks on life (i.e., there's no real 'purpose' to existence anymore than there is a purpose for a tree, beyond self-perpetuation and the survival of the gene). Whereas I view this in almost an absurdist and humored way, it's made her extremely nihilistic. She sees no reason to go on, and has become incredibly depressed without any purpose.

She has told me she doesn't feel anything but poorly (what I mean by that is that she feels numb, for the most part, or just 'bad'), and that without a modicum of control (her therapist has tried getting her to recognize that much of life is beyond her control; I agree, I told her a lot of life may involve planning, but that 'rolling with the punches' and HOW you react to a situation is what matters) she feels lost and worthless. She doesn't even know what makes her happy, anymore. She gets up in the morning only because she doesn't want to make anyone else suffer if she doesn't. It's killing me, because I care about her so much, but I have no idea what else I can offer her beyond her own happiness (she says nothing inertly makes her happy, beyond helping others-- and her psychologist apparently said she needs to figure out what makes her happy APART from that) and her life as it is.

This is further complicated by the fact that she refuses medication (in the past, it really screwed with her).

I offered her the quote by Dawkins that put my life a bit into perspective about the sand grains of Arabia, but even that hasn't affected her. I'm at a loss, and I'm hoping one of you can give me something that I might not be properly thinking of. Please.

Life has no great ultimate meaning, which is fine... But life has a purpose, and the purpose of life is to go on. To survive and reproduce. I'm not saying have a kid or any thing drastic, but life's purpose is to go on, to continue. And you should try to find happiness somewhere, anywhere.

 

[Anton P. Nym]

Life can be sweet, if you choose it to be. That means different things for different people; what makes my life enjoyable for me in the absence of any theology could very well be intolerable for someone else. If it was merely a question of being a bit down or feeling lost, I'd just recommend having her talk with a counsellor (not even a pshrink, just someone who'll listen uncritically and maybe make a few suggestions) in the hopes that an outside perspective would unlock some new ideas for her.

What you're describing, though, sounds more like the clinical end and that's way beyond any competance I have in the field. I'd hazard a guess that she got meds that weren't right for her brain chemistry the first time, which would scare the heck out of anyone; medication isn't an exact science, especially for mood disorders, and because of different internal chemistries sometimes picking the right drug and dosage is a cut-and-try process.

You may want to talk to someone with far more expertise than I, yourself, to see if there are any options you can look at to help. Beyond that, though, I'm way out of my depth.

-- Steve

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

And sammyfreak, just because you feel abandoned when someone gives into depression is no reason to give up on them, that's being more selfish than they were, it's better to keep trying to help than to cut and run.

I believe you are referring to me. I didn't feel abandoned, i felt needed and crucial but in reality i was neither. Nothing I could have done could have changed the way she felt. It's depression... it's bigger than most people understand and I didn't just leave when it got tough. She had a solid family network as a safety net that was far more capable of helping her than I was.

I also have no problems with honest selfishness. I am an atheist so the term doesn't have any moralistic attachement to me. I am not willing to cause somebody more harm just to say that I wasn't selfish. It's this same rationalization that keeps people in all kinds of toxic relationships from spousal abuse to drug addiction. I'm sorry but when the other person abandons your interests its time to take a look at the agenda and objectively determine the best course of action for everybody.

 

[ckeymel]

If she is negating every positive aspect of life you can find, perhaps she is not ready for help yet. You can take all the drugs, talk to all the people, do all the right things, but really, it's up to you when you want to start living your life again. And it will mean changes.

Besides, if life doesn't matter, it doesn't hurt to have fun during it.

 

[Battlefrank]

this thread needs to be locked, the escapist holy war will find it and burn it at the stake!

 

[cuddly_tomato]

Try a nice cup of tea and a relaxing night in.

Then consider a hobby.

Do you work by the way? If you have nothing to do all day but mope about considering how useless you are you won't feel motivated to do anything. This will make you feel even more useless, which will make it that much harder to try get busy on something. A trully vicious little circle you should try to get out of if you enter it.

 

[spuddyt]

I am a finite being in an infinte universe, and as such cannot comprehend any motives if there are any to the existence of life, therefore I shall enjoy myself however the hell i feel like and everything else be damned.
What this means to her - if she feels like commiting suicide, Go bungee jumping - or paraschuting if it means suicide or a life of unhappines otherwise, just drop everything, take a loan if you have to pay for it, just GO, the fear of death, and the visceral feeling of BEING ALIVE will help. (i'm not saying you neccesarily have to take the loan). Alternately, you could try getting something that will take up a lot of time, for instance, a puppy (although those things are a pain in the ASS, they are cute and some women don't mind cleaning up the shit smeared all over the floor)

 

[Limos]

I don't see that life needs a meaning.

Get her a kitten. Animals always make me happy.

 

[Dele]

So, my girlfriend and I are both atheists, and we both have similar outlooks on life (i.e., there's no real 'purpose' to existence anymore than there is a purpose for a tree, beyond self-perpetuation and the survival of the gene). Whereas I view this in almost an absurdist and humored way, it's made her extremely nihilistic. She sees no reason to go on, and has become incredibly depressed without any purpose.

She has told me she doesn't feel anything but poorly (what I mean by that is that she feels numb, for the most part, or just 'bad'), and that without a modicum of control (her therapist has tried getting her to recognize that much of life is beyond her control; I agree, I told her a lot of life may involve planning, but that 'rolling with the punches' and HOW you react to a situation is what matters) she feels lost and worthless. She doesn't even know what makes her happy, anymore. She gets up in the morning only because she doesn't want to make anyone else suffer if she doesn't. It's killing me, because I care about her so much, but I have no idea what else I can offer her beyond her own happiness (she says nothing inertly makes her happy, beyond helping others-- and her psychologist apparently said she needs to figure out what makes her happy APART from that) and her life as it is.

This is further complicated by the fact that she refuses medication (in the past, it really screwed with her).

I offered her the quote by Dawkins that put my life a bit into perspective about the sand grains of Arabia, but even that hasn't affected her. I'm at a loss, and I'm hoping one of you can give me something that I might not be properly thinking of. Please.

Personally I came out of that state when I found something to believe in (non-religion).
Something like "I can make a difference" or "There are people who care about me" can really make you go on and on.

 

[Janus Vesta]

And sammyfreak, just because you feel abandoned when someone gives into depression is no reason to give up on them, that's being more selfish than they were, it's better to keep trying to help than to cut and run.

I believe you are referring to me. I didn't feel abandoned, i felt needed and crucial but in reality i was neither. Nothing I could have done could have changed the way she felt. It's depression... it's bigger than most people understand and I didn't just leave when it got tough. She had a solid family network as a safety net that was far more capable of helping her than I was.

I also have no problems with honest selfishness. I am an atheist so the term doesn't have any moralistic attachement to me. I am not willing to cause somebody more harm just to say that I wasn't selfish. It's this same rationalization that keeps people in all kinds of toxic relationships from spousal abuse to drug addiction. I'm sorry but when the other person abandons your interests its time to take a look at the agenda and objectively determine the best course of action for everybody.

I'm Athiest too, I fail to see what that has to do with anything. I'm saying that even if she had a family network to support her someone she cares for, you in this case, would seem like you are abandoning her. But I'm glad that she got over it.

Seems there's no universal way to get over depression, I needed people, she needed the support of her family. It's just about finding out what singularapathy's girl needs.

 

[steeple]

this is pretty heavy... i had this problem a few years ago (and yes i MAY have considered ending the journy....)... and i couldnt believe in any faith after seing enough evidence to counter everything....

but i found another solution:
i started listening to music, and it worked pretty much like drugs to me... i dont know why but every time i started listening it simply calmed me.

the point is that every one need to find the thing that they love doing and gives them a reason to go on... if she loves helping others, why cant she volunteer (or whatever its written) and help people?