Atheism/Depression/Meaning of Life/Nihilism

[Jharry5]

Something that could give her a morale boost is by setting herself a goal that will unlitmately serve others; for example, raising money for a charity, or volunteer work of some sort.
Aside from medication, I really don't know what else to suggest...

 

[Janus Vesta]

this is pretty heavy... i had this problem a few years ago (and yes i MAY have considered ending the journy....)... and i couldnt believe in any faith after seing enough evidence to counter everything....

but i found another solution:
i started listening to music, and it worked pretty much like drugs to me... i dont know why but every time i started listening it simply calmed me.

the point is that every one need to find the thing that they love doing and gives them a reason to go on... if she loves helping others, why cant she volunteer (or whatever its written) and help people?

Yes. Music. Music can really help. I used J-Pop to help get over depression and now when I feel depressed I turn on a J-Pop single and it perks me up.

 

[steeple]

music was just an example. it depends on the person hobbies and personality and shit.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

I'm Athiest too, I fail to see what that has to do with anything. I'm saying that even if she had a family network to support her someone she cares for, you in this case, would seem like you are abandoning her. But I'm glad that she got over it.

You seemed to imply a moral obligation to avoid acts of selfishness. That tends to be a religious idea... my mistake.

Moving on, I was dealing with a long distance relationship, so you may be right in terms of different approaches. However, there are some aspects of the relationship that would have to be ommitted temporarily while she works through these things. I mean if he were to stay (under the assumption that her family is in the same town) he would have to basically informally demote himself to best friend while having no expectations of sex, emotional reciprocation of affection, or even for his needs to be accomodated by her in any way. If he were to stay while still having those expectations than he only becomes another issue she has to deal with.

 

[JMeganSnow]

I offered her the quote by Dawkins that put my life a bit into perspective about the sand grains of Arabia, but even that hasn't affected her. I'm at a loss, and I'm hoping one of you can give me something that I might not be properly thinking of. Please.

You may both want to look into the novels of Ayn Rand.

When I was in junior high school I had similar problems with feelings of hopelessness/emptiness/uselessness, and the solution is NOT to try NOT to think about it, even though thinking too much can seem like a bad thing. Trying to stop thinking about it will throw you into a spiral where some days you are superficial and short-term about everything, on purpose, and you act like an idiot. Then, on other days you'll hate yourself for forgetting about meaning and purpose. It kills your self-esteem, which sounds a lot like the position your girlfriend is in.

Really smart and active-minded people can't enjoy superficial or everyday things unless they've thought it out all the way down to the root, it just doesn't work. So instead of trying to get her interested in the superficial things, it might help to assist her in thinking things out to the root.

Also, what the hell kind of therapist tries to get people to accept that they can't control things? Granted, there are *some* things that people can't control, but the solution is to focus on the things you CAN control and do the best you can in those areas. Doing what you can leads to inner peace and acceptance of the things you can't control. Attempting to achieve blind acceptance of EVERYTHING will just make you depressed.

Poor girl, you've got me wishing I could chat with her.

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

The fact of the matter is, if you CANNOT, I mean CANNOT make yourself happy, then you have a chemical imbalance and the only solution is medication, therapy and treatment. My roommate had undiagnosed clinical depression due to her parents never believing her and she only sought treatment when her boss suspended her from work indefinately until she sought help. She is greatly improved of late and actually has happy moments.

Unfortunately for you and your atheism, your girlfriend may need something to believe in. Atheists can have faith to you know, faith in reason, faith in the inherent goodness of mankind, you can even just have a positive outlook and believe that things get better, everything is fine and nothing is ruined.

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

Go here http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ you'll see.

 

[WeedWorm]

She gets up in the morning only because she doesn't want to make anyone else suffer if she doesn't.

Rankao,
The difference between her and I is that I say "well, why kill yourself?" and she asks "well, why not?"

Heres why not, she says she only feels happy when helping people? Well how will killing herself help people? It wont. It wont do any good for anybody. What it will do, however, is have the opposite effect of what makes her happy. She doesnt want to make people suffer? It will make a lot of people suffer, you, her friends and her family. That alone should be reason for her to live.

If she likes helping people, get her to do that. Do some volunteer or charity work, make her feel like she doing some good in this world. Help her to feel like she can make a difference, even if just a small one. Every day that she doesnt kill herself, everday she gets out of bed, is one day she can help another person. Help her to feel valued as more than just a girlfriend, daughter or friend, even though being valued as those are the some of the most valuble things she can ever have. She needs to understand that is always a reason to live, even if she doesnt understand it yet.

 

[steeple]

Heres why not, she says she only feels happy when helping people? Well how will killing herself help people? It wont. It wont do any good for anybody. What it will do, however, is have the opposite effect of what makes her happy. She doesnt want to make people suffer? It will make a lot of people suffer, you, her friends and her family. That alone should be reason for her to live.

living just for the sake of not making other people sad is hell on earth! i cant even imagine how ill be able so get out of bed each day with "well at least their not sad".

 

[Apocalypse Tank]

To me (and no offense), it sounds like if she really wanted to commit suicide, she would have done it some time ago. Obviously she did not die yet. If it means to spend your time and effort with her just so that she can carry on in life, than so be it. This very struggle is what humanity face without the concept of God(s).

Hearing from what you've said, it sounds like you guys tried out lots of things and most of them didn't work out. Practical advices and methods wouldn't reach anybody in so critical a situation. It is entirely upto her mental strength and logical reasoning to bring her onward.

There are many things that she'll have to overcome (maybe overriding her opinions towards medicine). If this can be solved by sheer logic, than it must be amazingly powerful reasoning, as she have probably explored many paths of thought. Hopefully someone more enlightened will have a solution (if it didn't come to her already), and keep on asking, you never know what you'll hear next.

 

[WeedWorm]

Heres why not, she says she only feels happy when helping people? Well how will killing herself help people? It wont. It wont do any good for anybody. What it will do, however, is have the opposite effect of what makes her happy. She doesnt want to make people suffer? It will make a lot of people suffer, you, her friends and her family. That alone should be reason for her to live.

living just for the sake of not making other people sad is hell on earth! i cant even imagine how ill be able so get out of bed each day with "well at least their not sad".

Im making a huge assumption here, but that seems to be the way shes living anyway. There are some people who can only find enjoyment out of helping other people and by the sounds of it, another huge assumption here, shes that type of person.

 

[Easykill]

Easykill, I know that our lives have meaning in terms of what we give it. I know that, to me, life is beautiful. Again, to quote Dawkins:

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here...After sleeping through a hundred million centuries we have finally opened our eyes on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with color, bountiful with life. Within decades we must close our eyes again. Who, with such a thought, would not spring from bed, eager to resume discovering the world and rejoicing to be a part of it?"

I feel like that. I feel ecstatic to look out at the world. To know that it's NOT as serious as it seems. To know that we're all, basically, just on a ride and that we can change it whenever we want. Or end the ride.

I'm worried about her 'ending the ride.' I can explain it to her logically, but we just don't see eye-to-eye about it. She doesn't KNOW the things that make her happy outside of helping others, and she sees no purpose. Telling her to find it without guidance or direction is pointless. I know that most change comes from within, but that's not what a good 'coach' does in this situation. I need to find a way to make her WANT to do that, or inspire her, or something.

Thanks, nonetheless, for the kind words.

I apologize for the rather useless comment then. It's difficult to do this kind of thing on a forum because no matter how much you tell us about her, we don't know her. I'll give this another shot. She doesn't have to give up her overthinking of the universe. I do it, and I'm quite happy. Perhaps what she needs to do is find a way to turn all that negative energy she gets from examining the world into positive energy, maybe because of something as simple as having someone of a different disposition to discuss and bounce ideas off of, rather than doing it alone. Some of the most fun I've ever had was discussing and evolving my worldview with others, she may never grow to like it that much, but if she spent a long enough time dwelling over the universe that she has reached such a conclusion, she must enjoy it to some degree. After all, to understand the world, even more to understand yourself, is beautiful. Who can deny the feeling of euphoria when you uncover a new aspect of existence?

Other than that, with the theme of understanding yourself,she likes to help people right? Why? If she can figure out where that comes from, it shouldn't be hard to find things she enjoys doing for herself that share the same root value. It's never as simple as her just liking to help people, there is a reason, be it basic or complex. I mean, what's the point of helping people? Logically, if nothing matters, neither do they.

 

[CIA]

Maybe you could tell her that since shes already here she might as well have fun. That's what I go by.

Try a bunch of new things so she can find something she enjoys.

 

[SunoffaBeach]

(deleted)

 

[Battlefrank]

WARNING: WHAT MAY BE SAID NOW MAY BE VIEWED AS UNSENSITIVE AS MOST AMERICAN COMEDY!!!YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

Simple, just help her kill herself, so she can see if their is an "Afterlife."

P.S. I would have put a spoiler, but IDK how. So, read the above warning, and look away!!!! Aim your head to the "Back" button to go back to the forums!!!

insensitive AND unfunny!

 

[Chimpa]

I totally agree with previous comments in this topic. Many of us have experienced periods of feeling completely hopeless with no direction in which to move. However, being an atheist myself, sometimes it's hard to feel like there?s any direction. However, i refuse to believe that there is nothing beyond our little solar system, which inherently gives humanity a direction in which to move, towards discovery.

In addition, in the short term, a goal that is achievable to all of us is to just enjoy the chance we've been given. Life can be shite at times, but there?s more to it than that, I live my life in order to make friends, enjoy time with my family, get piss drunk and stumble home singing songs with those friends, all the good things. Just enjoy what?s here now.

 

[hellthins]

So, my girlfriend and I are both atheists, and we both have similar outlooks on life (i.e., there's no real 'purpose' to existence anymore than there is a purpose for a tree, beyond self-perpetuation and the survival of the gene). Whereas I view this in almost an absurdist and humored way, it's made her extremely nihilistic. She sees no reason to go on, and has become incredibly depressed without any purpose.

She has told me she doesn't feel anything but poorly (what I mean by that is that she feels numb, for the most part, or just 'bad'), and that without a modicum of control (her therapist has tried getting her to recognize that much of life is beyond her control; I agree, I told her a lot of life may involve planning, but that 'rolling with the punches' and HOW you react to a situation is what matters) she feels lost and worthless. She doesn't even know what makes her happy, anymore. She gets up in the morning only because she doesn't want to make anyone else suffer if she doesn't. It's killing me, because I care about her so much, but I have no idea what else I can offer her beyond her own happiness (she says nothing inertly makes her happy, beyond helping others-- and her psychologist apparently said she needs to figure out what makes her happy APART from that) and her life as it is.

This is further complicated by the fact that she refuses medication (in the past, it really screwed with her).

I offered her the quote by Dawkins that put my life a bit into perspective about the sand grains of Arabia, but even that hasn't affected her. I'm at a loss, and I'm hoping one of you can give me something that I might not be properly thinking of. Please.

I used to be pretty nihilistic. Well, nihilistic in my viewing of reality, not so much in my dealing with that view. I found what snapped me out of reality was realizing that everything being pointless in the end is in itself a pointless statement. It doesn't matter that nothing will matter in the end, it holds significance now. Things have meaning now, a wave has an effect for as long as it exists. It means something in the moment, and that's all that really matters. It reinvigorated my sense of self, purpose, and being alive.

But sadly, the problem is is that was a personal revelation. And try as you might, it's very difficult to give people personal revelations. Nudge her though. Show her her impacts. Shower her her effect on the world around her and hope that she realizes she means something.

I'd say the corny show her she means something to you, but that may not suffice. Well, and I'm just a romantic. Still, it wouldn't hurt to show her her impact on you as a starting point.

 

[Arsen]

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