Atheism/Depression/Meaning of Life/Nihilism
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Here is your answer, Mr. Topic Creating Original Poster Guy, as I have suffered through the depression of nihilism myself:
Life has no meaning, right? So what? Who said life has to mean something? It's life, not a book or a film. Life matters because, *gasp* you're alive! And, it's the ONLY life you get... so fucking USE IT! Spend all your time crying about how meaningless your life is... is wasting your one life... and making your life ultimately meaningless. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bear this in mind: I'm not saying she should find some arbitrary meaning and apply that to her life like a post-it note. She would see right through that, as I have. I'm saying forget about meaning. You are alive. LIVE. If that means hedonism before suicide, then go for it. If that means taking care of yourself so you can see all of the wonders of the world, so be it. LIVING is primary. There are no second chances.
Life has no meaning, right? So what? Who said life has to mean something? It's life, not a book or a film. Life matters because, *gasp* you're alive! And, it's the ONLY life you get... so fucking USE IT! Spend all your time crying about how meaningless your life is... is wasting your one life... and making your life ultimately meaningless. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bear this in mind: I'm not saying she should find some arbitrary meaning and apply that to her life like a post-it note. She would see right through that, as I have. I'm saying forget about meaning. You are alive. LIVE. If that means hedonism before suicide, then go for it. If that means taking care of yourself so you can see all of the wonders of the world, so be it. LIVING is primary. There are no second chances.
I am a person who believes that when we die, we stop existing.
For this, I believe that there is no reason to spend your life aiming to make things better for the afterlife.
Therefor, the purpose of this life is to try and do everything you want to do, before the day you die.
Make the best of your life, you only live once.
Try to avoid hurting other people though, misery loves company and if you make someone miserable they are going to take you with them.
Also don't look at death as "not existing", look at it as your "eternal resting".
I believe that just like how I'll have issues sleeping if I go to bed with something worrying me, I should try and do the things I want to do before that day, so I don't leave this world worried that I missed something.
For this, I believe that there is no reason to spend your life aiming to make things better for the afterlife.
Therefor, the purpose of this life is to try and do everything you want to do, before the day you die.
Make the best of your life, you only live once.
Try to avoid hurting other people though, misery loves company and if you make someone miserable they are going to take you with them.
Also don't look at death as "not existing", look at it as your "eternal resting".
I believe that just like how I'll have issues sleeping if I go to bed with something worrying me, I should try and do the things I want to do before that day, so I don't leave this world worried that I missed something.
Ok.. having read a few posts I think it's time to pop a comment down. I'm not saying this is definitive advice, just some things you may wish to consider. I'm not a therapist. 
* It's possible that there maybe some natural remedies for helping with depression.
* If you really love this girl, then stick by her. Of course, being with a depressed person is not easy, I know that one first hand.
* Sometimes a change is as good as a rest. Go to new places, travel, location might be a factor.
* Read up on depression. It helped me during my wife's depressed phase when we were dating.
*This kind of stuff takes time. As much as we want the quick fix, we have to let things run their course.
Alas, I cannot offer any more than this. I hope that it all works out for you two.
* It's possible that there maybe some natural remedies for helping with depression.
* If you really love this girl, then stick by her. Of course, being with a depressed person is not easy, I know that one first hand.
* Sometimes a change is as good as a rest. Go to new places, travel, location might be a factor.
* Read up on depression. It helped me during my wife's depressed phase when we were dating.
*This kind of stuff takes time. As much as we want the quick fix, we have to let things run their course.
Alas, I cannot offer any more than this. I hope that it all works out for you two.
This IS meaning, my friend. This is the meaning you have found for yourself.OuroborosChoked said:
Anyway, the OP asks for help and not a (endless) discussion about the meaning of life so I'm not gonna argue with you any further.
I agree with Redlac that this takes time. There's no simple solution.
Um... living =/= meaning. Meaning is something like "to serve god" or "to annoy the piss out of everyone else I meet". It's a mission; a purpose. Meaning is not just continuing to stay alive... which is really all I'm advocating... because you have life and nothing else. I'm not even saying make the most of it, if you noticed. I'm saying "you're alive... do what you want... just don't be sad about it". And I offered what I said to the OP because, as I said, it helped me. I told myself one night that I was going to stop lamenting the meaninglessnes of everything and I did. If it worked for me, it might work for someone else.
I agree with this. Myself having been through something very much like this. I just "gave up" on being depressed and started to live my life the way I wanted to. I have given myself a purpose... and it is to find out what exactly I want to do with myself.Easykill said:
I'm sorry, but... What the hell does that mean? If you're going to try and give advice on a serious topic like this, please do us the favour of putting some thought into your writing and use proper grammar. All we can judge you by here is by the quality of what you write, if we can't understand you, it's easy to dismiss your opinions as unimportant or uninformed. Just read over your posts once before you press the button or something.ffxfriek said:
I have a similar outlook to both you and your girlfriend and I went through about a 2 or 3 months of deep depression early this year and then a much longer period similar to what sounds like your girlfriend is going through.
But in the past few weeks alone I've come a long way. With a lot of talking with friends and family and some help from various organisations I've managed to increase my confidence and get a more positive outlook on life. If you were to ask me what the meaning of life was I'd still say 'death' but now I try not to let these thoughts actually affect me negatively, at least not as much as they used to do (everyone has bad days after all). I literally feel enlightened now; it's one thing to realise the pointlessness of life itself, it's another to then embrace and accept that fact and move on.
To be honest the two biggest things in the past few weeks that have helped me get to grips with myself was the death (and funeral) of my dad and me and my ex-girlfriend (who I still love) getting back on really good terms, it seems. I know my examples probably don't apply to your situation but it's these truly important events to me that really put my life in perspective.
I can understand how you must feel. It tears your heart out when your loved one is hurt or sad, especially to such an extent that you no longer recognise them. Again I'm afraid I can only offer my own experiences as examples to try and help. Also I'd like to say geizr has a great point about how being alone with your thoughts can twist you up inside... it's not bad to think about things, but it is if you keep your thoughts and feelings all to yourself.
But in the past few weeks alone I've come a long way. With a lot of talking with friends and family and some help from various organisations I've managed to increase my confidence and get a more positive outlook on life. If you were to ask me what the meaning of life was I'd still say 'death' but now I try not to let these thoughts actually affect me negatively, at least not as much as they used to do (everyone has bad days after all). I literally feel enlightened now; it's one thing to realise the pointlessness of life itself, it's another to then embrace and accept that fact and move on.
To be honest the two biggest things in the past few weeks that have helped me get to grips with myself was the death (and funeral) of my dad and me and my ex-girlfriend (who I still love) getting back on really good terms, it seems. I know my examples probably don't apply to your situation but it's these truly important events to me that really put my life in perspective.
I can understand how you must feel. It tears your heart out when your loved one is hurt or sad, especially to such an extent that you no longer recognise them. Again I'm afraid I can only offer my own experiences as examples to try and help. Also I'd like to say geizr has a great point about how being alone with your thoughts can twist you up inside... it's not bad to think about things, but it is if you keep your thoughts and feelings all to yourself.
Poor things, both of you, her for suffering and you for having to watch her. I can only suggest that you reinforce to your dear little one, at every opportunity, how bloody lucky you are to have each other. In a world that is both cruel and savage, and wherein religion, the panacea of the masses, forces us to expect more from this world than is realistic and, in most cases, unattainable, it is the love of those others around us whom we both respect, admire and feel deep affection for which keeps us going when we are at our most despairing and despondent. The certain knowledge we possess that we are on an all-too-short journey toward perhaps nothing but maybe something, and that those who triumpth are those who understand the importance of viewing the journey as an interesting, painful and fascinating learning experience and that we can all choose, if we wish, to try hard to enjoy every minute of the ride, are what keep us moving forwards. It is all too soon over. This is not to minimise your girlfriend's pain. I know too well that it can be well-nigh impossible to find the energy and courage to even get out of bed some days, and the emotional angst is cruel and unrelenting. But we can just try, even though we might fail more often than succeed, to be appreciative that we have at least one other like minded soul to travel at least part of the journey with us, and try to have a little bit of a laugh along the way.
In addition, watch BlackAdder if you are British or Seinfeld if you are American every week. Helps us to see the lighter side of things when we can't see it for ourselves.
I hope this helps. Really
Lilith
In addition, watch BlackAdder if you are British or Seinfeld if you are American every week. Helps us to see the lighter side of things when we can't see it for ourselves.
I hope this helps. Really
Lilith
Um, her Atheism has nothing to do with her state of mind. I am willing to bet cash money that she is Bi-Polar and is Manic Depressive. She needs professional help and medication immediately. Church would not solve this problem. Nor are books or any belief system. She most likely has a chemical imbalance in her brain. Like I said, she needs a Psychiatrist and medication.singularapathy said:
There is more than one "purpose" in this life. Sure, we are meant to carry on our genetic material, and yet there is another purpose. It is seen in higher levels of animals such as dogs. The pursuit of happiness (yes i know it's cliche but it is true). Think about it, everything we do we do for pleasure. We have safe sex for orgasms and to avoid the responsibility of children (keyword "safe"), we eat sweet things cause it is nice to taste, some people even seek power over others, as that power makes them happy. Tell her that just cause there may not be some higher purpose it doesn't mean that we don't have a purpose on a smaller scale. A purpose to improve the quality of life is obviously something that she is aware of, but tell her that a purpose is to do what she wants with her life, not what she thinks she has to. The reason i suggest saying this is that she obviously feels the need for more than the same old "we have no purpose so enjoy life" speech.
Just remind her that a purpose is just responsibility to achieve something, and achieving happiness is a purpose as important as any other.
Just remind her that a purpose is just responsibility to achieve something, and achieving happiness is a purpose as important as any other.
" So, my girlfriend and I are both atheists, and we both have similar outlooks on life (i.e., there's no real 'purpose' to existence anymore than there is a purpose for a tree, beyond self-perpetuation and the survival of the gene). Whereas I view this in almost an absurdist and humored way, it's made her extremely nihilistic. She sees no reason to go on, and has become incredibly depressed without any purpose. "
For starters, if that were true, she wouldn't care about it. this drive for purpose in people exists for a reason, even i it's just a genetic disposition to try and get the fruit at the top of the tree as opposed to settling for what fell off.
You need to question why nothing matters then, because if something did she could strive to work with it, and find purpose within that. I don't think spirituality would offer the slightest compensation to someone thinking like this, i come from a culture with a very evangelical stint and the guys who "find purpose" through god have always been the ones who were depressed at not meeting goals as opposed to not having any.
perhaps questioning why religion attempts to give you purpose would be best. Judeochristian religion posits the individual will be rewarded eternally if they assist in making structured and happy society on earth, but heaven is not the purpose because then suicide would be allowed. The whole point is to offer a manner in which people can have a stable and structured existence with children (kinda funny when you think about it, but really it seems to be coming back to the whole propogating the gene thing). So, I would say happiness is lifes purpose. If oen accepts that happiness is a purpose, self satisfaction become s a hell of a lot easier.
BTW, my problem with dawkins is those people he depresses generally only get better because they put it out of mind, not because they understand wtf he is talking about. The man is in awe of life as it is, without the need for spirituality extc. He still finds there to be values of happiness extc on earth because we are programmed that way, and therefore dont ned higher purpose JUST OUR OWN PROGRAMING TO BE HAPPY.
For starters, if that were true, she wouldn't care about it. this drive for purpose in people exists for a reason, even i it's just a genetic disposition to try and get the fruit at the top of the tree as opposed to settling for what fell off.
You need to question why nothing matters then, because if something did she could strive to work with it, and find purpose within that. I don't think spirituality would offer the slightest compensation to someone thinking like this, i come from a culture with a very evangelical stint and the guys who "find purpose" through god have always been the ones who were depressed at not meeting goals as opposed to not having any.
perhaps questioning why religion attempts to give you purpose would be best. Judeochristian religion posits the individual will be rewarded eternally if they assist in making structured and happy society on earth, but heaven is not the purpose because then suicide would be allowed. The whole point is to offer a manner in which people can have a stable and structured existence with children (kinda funny when you think about it, but really it seems to be coming back to the whole propogating the gene thing). So, I would say happiness is lifes purpose. If oen accepts that happiness is a purpose, self satisfaction become s a hell of a lot easier.
BTW, my problem with dawkins is those people he depresses generally only get better because they put it out of mind, not because they understand wtf he is talking about. The man is in awe of life as it is, without the need for spirituality extc. He still finds there to be values of happiness extc on earth because we are programmed that way, and therefore dont ned higher purpose JUST OUR OWN PROGRAMING TO BE HAPPY.
Try to instil her with your absurdist's view, perhaps?
I have bad days when I feel exactly like her, but most of the time, I can laugh at the ridiculously bad joke that existence is.
Life is without meaning, but it can be strange enough to delight you for a while.
Edit: And get a cat or something. Go on hikes.
I have bad days when I feel exactly like her, but most of the time, I can laugh at the ridiculously bad joke that existence is.
Life is without meaning, but it can be strange enough to delight you for a while.
Edit: And get a cat or something. Go on hikes.
Assuming the problem has not been solved in 4 pages (it's a bother with most threads in the Escapist, having these people talking and making me skip the middle) I'll chip in.
I somehow familiarise with your girlfriend. I realise that I'm not the best person to talk of trying to get out of the ditch myself when I'm in it, but..
Medication, professional help - I read earlier on the first page; if she feels like she doesn't need help then whatever help you give her is going to go over her head or she might feel worse for it. This might go against most people have said here, but I feel like you should take her out to do something. It doesn't really matter whether she enjoys it or not, but the more she dwells on it the worse she'll be. Being busy or occupied seemed to help me (slightly) and she'll come out of it.
Hell, I lost my train of thought at the end there... but doing stuff, making her see stuff to get her to realise that there is some relation with that item, or that activity, and go from there, I suppose.
I somehow familiarise with your girlfriend. I realise that I'm not the best person to talk of trying to get out of the ditch myself when I'm in it, but..
Medication, professional help - I read earlier on the first page; if she feels like she doesn't need help then whatever help you give her is going to go over her head or she might feel worse for it. This might go against most people have said here, but I feel like you should take her out to do something. It doesn't really matter whether she enjoys it or not, but the more she dwells on it the worse she'll be. Being busy or occupied seemed to help me (slightly) and she'll come out of it.
Hell, I lost my train of thought at the end there... but doing stuff, making her see stuff to get her to realise that there is some relation with that item, or that activity, and go from there, I suppose.