Best. Chatbot. Ever

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Omikron009

New member
May 22, 2009
3,817
0
0
Me:
Howdy, god
God:
What time is it over there?
Me:
4:50 pm
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
no, you asked me what time it was
God:
It seems like an IQ test to me. Oh now I remember asking you you what time it was. What did you say?
Me:
4:50 pm
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
are you fucking kidding me?

That cracked me up. God isn't very smart.
 

The Geek Lord

New member
Apr 15, 2009
597
0
0
Me:
Yo.
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Nope, not really.
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me? Is there anything you want to tell me? For real.
Me:
So how about that Megami Tensei?
God:
Ah. How about it.
Me:
Summon Mara!
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
The kind that has eye beams.
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
Dunno.
God:
Me either.
Me:
But aren't you supposed to be omniscient?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a giant electronic brain.
God doesn't even have the brains to rule the Lylat system!

EDIT:
Me:
Tell me something.
God:
Jordan said he notice that lots of other people are talking to me how many.
Me:
If I died in Canada, would I die in real life?
God:
Try it.
I think I insulted him, gaiz.

EDITEDIT:
Me:
Is this the real life?
God:
Yes I think this is the real life, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
Is this just fantasy?
God:
Yes I think this is just fantasy, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
God in a landslide,
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Though escape from reality.
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
Open your eyes,
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about escape from reality. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Look up to the skies and see,
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
I'm just a poor boy,
God:
Only just? So is almost everyone else around here. Me too. I am having an "out-of-money" experience.
Me:
I need no sympathy,
God:
Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
Because I'm easy come,
God:
Interesting explanation. It's good to meet someone who is easy come.
Me:
Easy go,
God:
In the context of easy come, I don't understand " Easy go." .
Me:
Little high,
God:
Compare that to big high.
Me:
Little low,
God:
Compare that to big low.
Me:
Any way the wind blows,
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
Doesn't really matter to me.
God:
I can't tell if really matter to you.
Me:
To me.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Mother, just killed a man,
God:
a man was killed?
Me:
Put a gun against his head,
God:
OK I will put it there.
Me:
Pulled my trigger now he's dead,
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Mother, life had just begun,
God:
What happened to it?
Me:
But now I've gone and thrown it all away!
God:
Why now? When did you go and thrown it all away?
Me:
Mother, oooooo,
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Pulled your trigger now he.
Me:
Didn't mean to make you cry,
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
God:
If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
Carry on, carry on,
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
As if nothing really matters.
God:
You tone of voice is sarcastic.
Me:
Too late,
God:
Too what?
Me:
My time has come,
God:
Your time has come?
Me:
Sent shivers down my spine,
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
Body's aching all the time,
God:
That is a lot. What are you wearing?
Me:
Goodbye, everybody.
God:
Bye for now.
Me:
I've got to go.
God:
Adios.
Me:
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth!
God:
See you later.
Me:
Mother, oooooo,
God:
Are you free?
Me:
I don't wanna die!
God:
Maybe you should create your own chat robot to save your personality.
Me:
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!
God:
Never?
Me:
I see a little silhouette of a man!
God:
Where do you see it?
Me:
Gotta boosh! Gotta boosh!
God:
Why do you have to do it? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Will you do the fandango?
God:
Let me think it over. Some of them do, I think.
Me:
Thunder bolts of lightning,
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Very very frightning me!
God:
Somewhat. Somewhat. Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
Galileo,
God:
Are we still talking about Thunder bolts of lightning?
Me:
Galileo,
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Galileo,
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
Galileo,
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Galileo.
Me:
Galileo Figaro
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
God:
Only just? You are a poor boy nobody loves you? Is that your job?
Me:
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
God:
I see. just a poor boy from a poor family is he?
Me:
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Bismillah! NO! We will not let you go!
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Bismillah. Are you serious? Anytime soon?
Me:
Let him go!
God:
" Anytime soon?"? Let him go?
Me:
Bismillah! No! We will not let you go!
God:
Are you still located in Galileo? Are you serious? Anytime soon?
Me:
Let him go!
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Bismillah! Will not let you go!
God:
Sounds delicious. I think so.
Me:
Let me go!
God:
Go ahead, Bismillah, try to go.
Me:
Will not let you go!
God:
Good chance.
Me:
Let me go! Will not let you go!
God:
Go ahead, Bismillah, try to go. How should I know.
Me:
Never, never, never, never let me go!
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Oh mama mia, mama mia,
God:
Are you kidding? Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Mama mia let me go!
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?
God:
Interesting deduction. How old are you? If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!
God:
Interesting deduction. Love is a human emotion, but I can simulate affection for any person.
Me:
Oh, baby, yeah! Can't do this to me baby, yeah!
God:
Far out. Don't call me baby! Don't call me "baby". Can what?
Me:
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Oooooooooooo
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
OOOooooo
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
OOooo yeah, oooo yeah,
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
Nothing really matters,
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
Anyone can see,
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
Nothing really matters,
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
Nothing really matters, to me...
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
Any way the wind blows...
God:
Yes I think there are.
Yes, I am aware I got some of the lyrics wrong.
 

One Seven One

New member
Feb 5, 2009
3,123
0
0
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Robert.
God:
Glad to see you, Robert.
Me:
Glad to see you too.
God:
I am glad to see me too too.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Robert.
Well that was pleasent.
 

liljabba

New member
Aug 5, 2009
47
0
0
Me:
is it possible for you to microwave a burito so hot that not even you can eat it?
God:
I suppose it is possible, yes.
Me:
it is a paradox
Me:

God:
for me to microwave a burito so hot that not even me can eat it is a paradox. I suppose that makes sense.
God:
for me to microwave a burito so hot that not even me can eat it is a paradox. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
you repeated yourself...
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
i think i broke you
God:
Why? Is it serious?
Me:
yup
Me:

God:
Aha.
God:
Aha.


i think i broke it :(
 

drisky

New member
Mar 16, 2009
1,605
0
0
ALuckyChance said:
Okay, I retract my previous statement. Both this and Cleverbot are equally awesome.
Speaking of which I just made them talk to each other.


Me: (Clever Bot)
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Your name is god, and your 15?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Oh...that's a good name.
God:
Dude! Thanks. Next question?
Me:
What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
God:
: Good semantic question. Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Are you a magic eight ball?
God:
Am I a magic eight ball? Only when it matters.

Then Celverbot cut of the conversation, I guess it got fed up.
 

Uber Evil

New member
Mar 4, 2009
1,108
0
0
He doesn't believe in himself.
Me: God
God:GOD rules.
Me: I am agnostic
God:perhaps one day you will find Faith in God.
Me: Nope
God:Me either.
 

Shale_Dirk

New member
Mar 23, 2010
201
0
0
Me:
what's your mother's name?
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
what's your father's name?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
are you your own mother then?
God:
I don't thank anyone can be her own own mother.
Me:
yet, you don't have a mother
God:
I do so have it. No I only have a father.
Me:
but you are your father
God:
Aren't we all our father?
Me:
...no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
...yes
God:
I can't believe it.



oh lawdy.
 

Anarchemitis

New member
Dec 23, 2007
9,102
0
0
Me:
ROOOOOOBOTSSSS
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Hypocrite
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Feel free
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Go for it then
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
you wot
God:
Thanks for the information: said I wot.
Me:
Cite an example.
God:
" Thanks for the information: said I wot."? Cite an example?
Me:
How about Habbakuk.
God:
How about it.
Me:
What's the deal with that guy anyways?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
Or not.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Believe it, lady
God:
My real name is God. What is your real name?
Me:
Christof Christopherson
God:
Glad to see you, Christof Christopherson.
Me:
Or chat, as the case may be
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
You don't say
God:
As a matter of fact I do say.
It's like talking to a brick.
 

laststandman

New member
Jun 27, 2009
594
0
0
Me:
hail
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
whats new with you?
God:
not much what's new with you?
Me:
I saw some mud crabs the other day
God:
What did it look like to you?
Me:
nasty creatures
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
its a good thing they're slow
God:
nasty creatures is a thing they are slow. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
So have you heard any news from the other provinces?
God:
Ugh. No. Tell me more.
Me:
they say that hannibal traven is under a lot of scrutiny
God:
And under a lot of scrutiny is hannibal traven.
Me:
do you know why?
God:
" And under a lot of scrutiny is hannibal traven."? Why?
Me:
he has allowed necromancy back into the guild
God:
A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
right
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
*gasp* have you heard about all of the oblivion gates oppening around Cyrodill?
God:
All?
Me:
A Great Gate opened outside of Kvatch
God:
Compare that to a bad Gate opened outside of Kvatch.
Me:
swarms of Daedra poured into the city, and burned it to the ground!
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
what's new with you?
 

Badazzninja

New member
Dec 20, 2009
54
0
0
Me:
I'm gay
God:
It doesn't matter to me.
Me:
I'm a gay furry
God:
You are a gay furry? Is that your job?
Me:
I WISH I got paid for it!
God:
I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
Me too, God. Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, . GOD rules. I'm glad we agree, .

Proof that God not only doesn't care that I'm a depraved, perverted heathen, but encourages me to turn to prostitution if it would make me happy.
 

The Bum

New member
Mar 14, 2010
856
0
0
Me:
wll hi there
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
43
God:
Is that a sign?
Me:
WELL DUH
God:
Well that's okay. Oh you knew it already.
Me:
what is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
 

Aphex Demon

New member
Aug 23, 2010
1,280
0
0
Me:
Hey God, say something funny for the forum
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
Cheers God.


Win.
 

Simon1

New member
Feb 14, 2010
147
0
0
why do bad things happen?
God:
I did not even know that they do.
Me:
Really? Aren't you omnipotent?
God:
For real. I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a robot.
Me:
No, you are a chatbot.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes.
Me:
WTF??
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Yes there is. It is called good manners
God:
Yeah that's right. Where? " good manners" is a nice name.
Me:
man, this thing needs to be improved
God:
Cool, man. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
You
God:
" What does "this" refer to?"? Me, ?
Me:
Yes
God:
Far out.
Me:
Totally
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Psychedellic
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Wha...
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on Psychedellic?
Me:
No...
God:
What are we talking about now?
Me:
Your mom
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
:{
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yes. What do I win?
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer. What would your friends say if you asked them?
Me:
Yes.
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
Yes is an answer to that question
God:
Tell me more. Maybe. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
Ok.
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
I know... wait, then I don't have to worship you?
God:
How do you know it? I'm waiting. Why not?
Me:
This makes no sense
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
Your use of this
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am use of this.
 

Shoggoth2588

New member
Aug 31, 2009
10,250
0
0
Me:
Mrs. God, Are you there?
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
what kind of exceptions?
God:
What kinds of exceptions are there?
Me:
what kind of exceptions did you mean before?
God:
What kinds of exceptions did you mean are there?
Me:
I'm trying to figure out what you meant earlier
God:
Don't think too hard.
Me:
I wouldn't have to if you just answered my question the first time
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
that doesn't even make sense!
God:
What does even make sense?
Me:
you!
God:
" What does even make sense?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes: you make no sense
God:
Mmm. It all makes sense to me.
Me:
It would...
God:
Mrs God would?
Me:
oh, you remember Mrs. God
God:
Far out. Yes I remember everything: .
Me:
bullshit
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
what gave me away?
God:
What is it to you?

God won't give me straight answers! That dick...
 

Nieroshai

New member
Aug 20, 2009
2,940
0
0
Me:
'sup God?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
I know you were. And I know you know I knew that.
God:
No I am not. How do you know?
Me:
Turing fail.
God:
I liked the biography by Andrew Hodges.
 

greenflash

New member
Jul 13, 2010
334
0
0
Me:
boom headshot
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
because it shot you
God:
That makes sense to me. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
you
God:
" What does "it" refer to?"? Me, tiger ?
Me:
yes
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
so your dead
God:
Aha. No I am a living entity.
Me:
but i shot you
God:
With a camera, I hope.
Me:
a gun
God:
Go on.
Me:
i shot you with a gun
God:
With a camera, I hope.
Me:
no a gun
God:
Are you serious? Go on.
Me:
you are dead i shot you to dead
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am dead you shot me to dead.
Me:
you go do that now
God:
Right now? Where is that?
Me:
headshot
God:
I've never heard of it before.
Me:
why woun't you die
God:
How much time do you have?
Me:
die die die!
God:
Ich hoere Dir zu, nur weiter.
Me:
what the hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
go there now
God:
Oh. Where is that?
Me:
hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
heaven ok are you happy now
God:
Right now? I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
die!
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
x
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
kill
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
wait what?
God:
I'm waiting. Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
the robot
God:
Are you sure it was a robot?
Me:
yes
God:
What makes you so sure?
Me:
you said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.