Best Chuck Norris Jokes?

[Sparecash]

Chuck Norris once ate an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

 

[Dynex811]

Chuck Norris is the only man who can revive his dead career.

 

[Maj.JakeVitaminwater]

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

 

[shmaller]

Young boys pee their names into the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into sidewalk.

 

[Madshaw]

Aliens exist and are out there, but they refuse to come to earth since chuck norris ate every single tentacled one of them as they tried to make first contact, that was in 1952, they all still have nightmares

in the begining the great chuck told god to put up some lights

 

[blobin]

Chuck Norris was once bitten my a cobra, and after 2 days of unbearable pain, the Cobra died.


Chuck Norris didn't win Vietnam

 

[megatron2.0]

chuck norris lost his virginity before his parents did.

chuck norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird

 

[TaborMallory]

I have to admit, although half these jokes are insanely funny, Bruce Lee was always way more awesome in every way.

Somebody give this man a high five.

Anyway, Chuck Noris doesn't have a watch or clock. He decides what time it is.

 

[blobin]

chuck norris killed 2 birds witrh 1 stone

somehow im not so sure that's what you were intending to say...

and well they did fight it out and the chuck lost...

 

[szs0061]

Chuck Norris jokes are not funny.

Then why did you reply to the thread, genious?

Here's mine:

I heard hat Chuck Norris walked into a McD's and ordered a big mac, and he got it!

Heh heh, sigh. Joking is so much more fun than trolling.

i agree with you but please try, when insulting someone's intelligence, to correctly spell genius
btw: chuck norris is standing behind you right now but if you look you'll make him angry and you wouldn't like him when he's angry

 

[boomer___2312]

Here's my favorite

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. the bar immedeatly exploded as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one room.

 

[BlueAnubis]

here's a longer one.

One Thanksgiving, Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey. She turned to him and asked, "what are we going to do now?" Chuck Norris silently turned and walked outside. Three minutes later, he came back with a live turkey in his hand. He then swollowed it whole, then coughed it back up, fully cooked. When she asked "how did you do that?" he roundhous kicked her in the head and said "Don't question Chuck Norris."

 

[Magicpie777]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

 

[EchetusXe]

Maybe its been said before but I'll post just in case:

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

 

[Extravaganza]

Old and unfunny meme is old and unfunny.

It was never funny

 

[Sporky111]

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip.

Chuck Norris does not sign autographs. Anyone who sees him has his image permanently burned into their retinas.

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around, Chuck Norris hears it.

 

[roboosh]

I am new to this but I'll give it a go...
Chuck Norris watched that video and in 7 days the video died.

 

[True-Shinobi]

Chuck Norris eats babies and craps out S.W.A.T. Team Members xD

 

[The_Echo]

Chuck Norris found another word for synonym.

Alternate, substitute, alternative, equivalent, euphemism.

I guess I'm Chuck, then?

Nope. None of those words mean the word "Synonym". You'd have to put the word "word" at the end of each of those, in order to have the same definition as synonym. "Alternate word". "Substitute word". "Alternative word". "equivalent word".

This may or may not be valid, but having "euphemism" in that list proves you wrong.