Best lies to tell kids

[Bourne Endeavor]

They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.

Ditto although with Santa Claus it took my mom quite a while after I started questioning it to given in. She really did enjoy that time.

Besides that, I once convinced an 'step-brother' of mine that losing to me in Halo 2 was fun by citing that he could never kill me before I reached twenty five kills in a row of him. It took a while however I ended up with forty in a row off him and a total score of 149-5 or something like that.

 

[Valkyira]

If the ice cream truck plays the music it means he's out of ice cream..

 

[TacticalAssassin1]

The moon is made of cheese.

The moon is made of cheese!

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

"I love you."

If I had a nickel...
Moving on.

"It'll make you go blind."

 

[validpointofview]

So you wanna be a doctor? Well. Here ya go. Don't. Cuz people don't want your help. They want your pride, dignity and most of all money. Being a doctr sucks. Oh and next time you see a magic show, THE RABBIT WAS IN THE HAT ALL ALONG.

Cookie for the reference.

genius quote the latest scrubs if i remember correctly. =P

 

[validpointofview]

So you wanna be a doctor? Well. Here ya go. Don't. Cuz people don't want your help. They want your pride, dignity and most of all money. Being a doctr sucks. Oh and next time you see a magic show, THE RABBIT WAS IN THE HAT ALL ALONG.

Cookie for the reference.

Scrubs. Turk, talking to a little kid.

Gimme my cookie. Oatmeal and raisin, please.

HOLY SHEET that was fast.

You cookie is in the post. However i am afraid it is Chocolate chip.

bugger didnt read down no chance of a cookie as well lol

 

[Bob_Bobbington]

I'm going to hell for this but...

"There is candy in my van."

 

[murphy7801]

there are no proofs that smoking is unhealthy, also it makes you cool and attractive.

i tell that to every kid that makes noises in a public space, your welcome world.

edit: oh and once back when we where kids i convinced my sister that every one she loved where aliens and we only pretended to love her so we could study the human mind, and once we got our data we would eat her.

it made mer cry and run away from home, and she still haves nightmares 10 years after.

i sure did have an lively imagination before i started playing videogames.

That so funny

 

[Ocelot GT]

When I was little my dad was driving me in the car to the movies when I asked, why/how do windscreens get cracks from rocks, where do the rocks come from?

My father told me that kangaroos on top of hills kick down rocks onto cars...

Believed it until I was 9 :<

 

[FairlyFrightenedFeline]

So you wanna be a doctor? Well. Here ya go. Don't. Cuz people don't want your help. They want your pride, dignity and most of all money. Being a doctr sucks. Oh and next time you see a magic show, THE RABBIT WAS IN THE HAT ALL ALONG.

Cookie for the reference.

Scrubs. Turk, talking to a little kid.

Gimme my cookie. Oatmeal and raisin, please.

HOLY SHEET that was fast.

You cookie is in the post. However i am afraid it is Chocolate chip.

bugger didnt read down no chance of a cookie as well lol

You couldn't have beat him/her to it if you ninja'd it.

 

[Gabanuka]

So you wanna be a doctor? Well. Here ya go. Don't. Cuz people don't want your help. They want your pride, dignity and most of all money. Being a doctr sucks. Oh and next time you see a magic show, THE RABBIT WAS IN THE HAT ALL ALONG.

Cookie for the reference.

Scrubs, Turk said it.

 

[oppp7]

Santa's real. So is the Easter bunny. Now go clean your room or they'll eat your soul.

 

[ninja steve]

they never told me i was an axcident i figured it out... i was born in september

 

[sirdanrhodes]

"There is a God, and Santa, and the easter bunny."

 

[Trilby]

As has been mentioned, there were a couple of books of amazing lies to tell small children. The ones I can remember are:

Kangaroos are just mice standing really close up.
Wine makes Mummy clever.
Policemen grow from helmets in a single night.
It's unlucky not to name every ant you see.
Tomatoes aren't a vegetable. They're actually a type of dolphin.
If you sit cross-legged on a chair and pull the sides upwards, you can actually lift yourself off the floor.

And there was a picture of a square, with the caption: "This is a magic square. If you stare at it for long enough you can see the secret 5th side."

 

[Nicragomi]

"If you leave the bus, a big BLACK scary monster will come and EAT YOU!"

Why does it always have to be black? why can't it be white or pink with purple polka dots?

 

[DC_Josh]

When I was a wee nipper I was big into my science due to a plethora of easy-to-read science books kept around the house. Being able to read them with my freakish comprehention usualy only found in Brazilian super-babies, I stumbled upon a little fact known as the speed of light. I then worked out that, if Santa Claus was to deliver all the presents to the boys and girls in the world, plus the time it takes for him to imbibe the offered liquor and mince pie, he would have to have worked out some way of ignoring the laws of physics.

I asked my dad how. He simply told me his sled employed a FTL drive designed by Jesus. I belived him.

 

[DukeBishop]

"Daddy was showing Mommy some wrestling moves"

 

[iJosh]

"Because you touch yourself at night"

Always works and is epic win.