Best piece of random advice possible

[Deadlock Radium]

Everybody lies.
Cardio
Don't be a hero
know your way out
And
[HEADING=2]Double Tap[/HEADING]
[SUB]Thaks Zombieland [/SUB]

 

[Tuddle]

Tuddle is Awesome!

 

[73hm0571337]

Do not play russian roulette with a glock

 

[IrirshTerrorist]

Watch every Arnold movie ever made until you can quote every one of his lines.

I second that motion!

And here is a little present (not made by me):

Spoiler

Schwarzenegger Quotes [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxn0Xfqkgw]

 

[Kiriona]

Tough titty said the kitty, but the milk is still shitty.

So... while something might look really cool, it's probably not as good as what you hoped for?

I actually have no idea what it means. I just know that my dad used to say it when he was a kid.

 

[The DSM]

Dont wipe your arse with a broken bottle.

Also if no one studies for the test...

NONE SHALL PASS!

 

[Elemental]

Nothing is true, everything is permitted!!

*dives from a tower*

 

[SangRahl]

From my grandfather:
"Never stand when you can sit, sit when you can lay down, or stay awake when you can be sleeping... and never EVER volunteer for anything." (yep, he was army)

From a family friend:
"If your using a load smaller than .45cal, shoot 'em twice."

From my mother-in-law (accountant):
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, bury 'em in bullsh*t."

From my mom:
"Don't use, or even touch, any piece of equipment you can't dismantle and clean with your own hands." (regarding kitchen/deli appliances)

From my father:
"Assumptions are the mother of all f*ck-ups. :ause:: And take any advice from anyone unoriginal enough to use the 'ass-u-me' schtick with a grain of salt."

"The are billions of words in existence... Never use the same adjective twice in the same sentence and saying 'There just aren't any words to describe...' just means you're not smart enough to find the right combination." (retired English professor... I was using a thesaurus before I knew how to spell thesaurus)

 

[Me55enger]

The early bird may catch the first worm.

But the second mouse always gets the cheese.

 

[ColeMcdoi]

A true advice from Portal. " But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep trying 'til you run out of cake" it's really true.

 

[ColeMcdoi]

Press A to jump over the object flinged towards your nuts xD

 

[DefunctTheory]

Every day your alive is a fantastic day. The only day that sucks is the day you die, and it doesn't matter, because your dead.

Some Drill Sergeants are sages...

 

[Advent Ech0]

It is just as bad to be selfless as it is to be selfish.

A selfish person is willing to let others suffer for their happiness.
A selfless person is willing to let themselves suffer for the happiness of others.

A good person augments their happiness by encouraging the happiness of others.

 

[De Ronneman]

If the glass is half empty, drink up and buy a new one.

 

[SnippyWings]

Don't Blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't Blink. Good Luck.
anyone who can tell me where that's from can have a cookie!

 

[faceless chick]

never stick your hand in a meat processor.

 

[DefunctTheory]

never stick your hand in a meat processor.

Meat processor is innuendo, so that's really TWO pieces of advice. Excellent.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Borrow money from a pessimist; (s)he won't expect it back.

"A man is a man all his life. A woman is attractive until she's your wife."
- Al Bundy

 

[Shoqiyqa]

Strive to be the dumbest person in the room (think about it)

I am not understanding this...

It means "Hang around with clever people."

Hmm.

A pat on the back is a recce for a knife.

Incoming fire has right of way.

The harder you make it for them to get in, the harder it'll be for you to get out when they do.

Out of "on time", "under budget" and "up to spec" you can have any two.

The moment someone makes something foolproof, someone else breeds a bigger fool.

There are none so stupid as those who will not think, nor any so ignorant as those who do not want to know.

Always have someone on sharkwatch, and never let the honeytrap choose the hotel room.

Don't annoy the Ents.

Don't swim naked in South American rivers.

Only drink from bottles you opened for yourself.

Get the weapon first. You'll have time to get dressed between shooting the bad guy and greeting the cops.

It's always pointing somewhere.
Never point in any direction you're not prepared to fire.
Never fire at anything you're not out to destroy.
Assume it's loaded.
There's only one control inside the trigger guard, and it has only one purpose: to drop the hammer. If you're not dropping the hammer, you don't need to have a finger inside the trigger guard.

If you didn't hear the *snap* as it went past, it wasn't aimed at you.

It's not how well you can drive that matters. It's how well you can get all the fools on that part of the road to drive.

Orion and Achilles both stood tall and said "come and have a go" and neither got his head knocked off.

 

[Mechsoap]

cakes make you fat, besides, they are a lie