Best Way To Make A Telemarketer Rage Quit

[Rack]

These people have an unimaginably crappy job and you're just making it worse. They can get fired for hanging up on you, so next time you feel inclined to mess with them just feel how good it is to make someone homeless.

Speaking as someone who did this job for six months, I couldn't disagree more. I found the people who tried funnier methods of getting rid of me were hilarious, qand a definite step up from the number of people who just yelled at me and told me they were going to kill my family (which happened several times).

Telemarketers are under no obligation to stay on the line to timewasters or people being abusive, so they won't lose their job to any of the suggestions right now. Might even get a laugh out of some of them. I have BT, so my phone just blocks unknown numbers anyway.

You were lucky, the place I work at hires telemarketers and they definitely would get fired if they hit any of these strategies. Normally they'd just get dragged up by management and forced to explain themselves (and have to work overtime to hit any targets) but at the moment they're itching to reduce headcount.

 

[eezaak]

If you have some free time, ask to speak to their supervisor. I worked as a telemarketer once and this old lady kept one supervisor on the phone for 30 minutes just complaining. You can waste lots of their time and lower their efficiency.
Or just ask them to call back on a different number. Then give them the number of someone you don't like.

 

[mechanixis]

Ask them for their name and company, and gradually move into more and more personal territory. Ask where they're located and what number they're calling on. Then, start trying to sell them items off you desk or wherever you happen to be. "Really, Mr. Richardson, this is an excellent stapler we're offering here, repeater-punch action with a max capacity of over two-hundred staples..."

Alternatively, try to introduce them to the salvation of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

 

[Brandon237]

Telemarketer Joe:Hello is that the residence of Brandon (you'll never get my surname, never!)
Me: Oh thank god you called! Listen we've gotta get moving, they'll be here any minute...
Telemarketer Joe: uhh, sir?
Me: No! they here, help me, don't let them take me away! Wait you can do it. Prove I'm not crazy, prove I didn't murder that innocent telemarketer!

If they haven't hung up yet, play the sound of a car skidding on the road by your house as well as police sirens. Follow this by about 6-10 gunshot noises and tell the telemarketer that you are "no longer in need of their help" and abruptly hang up.

 

[Moridis]

It kind of freaks them out if you act like their call is a phone sex call. Ask them to talk dirty to you, throw in some heavy breathing and an occasional grunt. longest I had one on the phone while I did that was 3 minutes. Although on the plus side I did get one chick who called trying to get me to sign up for their credit card into it. lol that was an interesting call.

 

[chenry]

Try to sell them something in turn, or ask them to take your survey.

If they ask for someone of the opposite gender, say you're them. The less you sound like them the better.

Ask them to repeat themselves. All the time.

Tell them to call back because you're going to drive through a tunnel. Since telemarketers can't call cell phones (in my Country at least), this will be confusing.

 

[Wilbot666]

However, after about a minute, I couldn't take anymore, so I just flat out said, sorry mate, I'm invulnerable. I'm impervious to death. I literally cannot die.

Lol I really have to try that one.
I try to sound sincere and then ask them very politely if they'd like to convert to the Church of Satan. Then I tell them there's a 3 drink minimum. They're usually so busy choking on the last bit they don't notice when I hang up quietly.

Dumbarses. Don't get me wrong, I understand that these people are doing a painfully tedious job, but seriously, calling people at home is invasion of their personal sanctuary. So cop it sweet and ask for more when we burn you telemarketers!

 

[teutonicman]

It's kinda funny looking at this after being a telemarketer. I always thought that those kind of ideas would work really well. But when I did the job and had some smart-ass like that I enjoyed it because that was time I didn't have to spend doing my job. When I want to have fun I usually try to sell them stuff in my general area; hookers, blow, soil mechanics text book those kinds of things.

 

[Sir Ollie]

I sing Cuban Pete down the phone. It works everytime...

 

[Hyrulian Hero]

Actually, my little brother once kept one on the phone for about 7 minutes, the entire time saying every moronic thing he could think of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9k9Xioh4n0

I almost felt bad for her... then again, she's a telemarketer... so she has no soul.

 

[Fenra]

I tend to answer every question with a question 'till they hang up,
"Am I talking to X" "would you like to talk to X?"
"Is he home?" "do you think he is home?"
"have you thought about upgrading your phone service?" "have you?" and so on

also whenever they ask "would you be willing to spare some time for our survey" i tend to reply with "only if you answer mine first"... which once one guy said "sure" which threw me a little but I started making up questions on the spot along the lines of "are you happy in your job" etc. bless him he answered a fair few before hanging up, must have been very determined

random stuff is always fun, "I'd love to talk but I'm not wearing any pants" is a personal favorite, oh and me and my brother messed around once, I answered and he yelled at me "why did you answer the phone you idiot!" "I dont know it was automatic!" "but we're breaking and entering you ass, now help me get this TV out of the window!" to which the telemarketer just said "jesus" then hung up

 

[Jadak]

I'm happy to say that I take the moral high ground on this one. I always listen to what they have to say then tell them that I'm not interested at the end.

These people are just doing their job.

Wasting their time is the high ground? You make them go through their entire speech for no reason

 

[Valksy]

Wow. I see a whole lot of people here behaving like kids. Telemarketing may well suck as a job but sometimes it is the only choice and they are not doing it to piss you off, they are doing it to put food on the table and a roof over their head. So how about some folks grow up, learn some empathy (understand that as economies rise and fall one day that could be YOU making the call) and just say "No thanks, good bye" and hang up?

Pathetic.

 

[Vie]

I was 14 when this one occured.

Marketer - "Hello there, I'm from Anglican windows and I'd just like to let you know about some of the great offers we have available."
Moi - "Oh, I'm not really sure we are..."
Marketer - "..But we have excellent deals on at the moment for Double Glazing and Conservatories!"
Moi - "But you would need an awful lot of stilts for a conservatory."
*Pause*
Marketer - "Why's that?"
Moi - "Well we are nine floors up..."
Marketer - "Oh I see" *Click*

Complete lie of course, but funny none the less.

 

[Thurmer]

as fun as it is to mess with them as my previous experience actually being in a call centre if someones a dick we'd always put them on callback for the next day lol

also due to my experience i know the most annoying thing someone can do to a telemarketer is listen to their entire spiel and i mean every detail and make encouraging sounds and statements and then at the end tell them you never had any real interest

 

[kelsyk]

For survey people I use the ultimate method.

"My billing rate is $200 per hour. Are you authorized to pay?" Most hang up right there, the rest hang up when they realize you really will charge them $200 for the survey.

 

[Thurmer]

Wow. I see a whole lot of people here behaving like kids. Telemarketing may well suck as a job but sometimes it is the only choice and they are not doing it to piss you off, they are doing it to put food on the table and a roof over their head. So how about some folks grow up, learn some empathy (understand that as economies rise and fall one day that could be YOU making the call) and just say "No thanks, good bye" and hang up?

Pathetic.

lol ark up more, they dont give a shit trust me

 

[Brad Shepard]

Had one a while back, went a little like this.

Them "Hello sir, are you intrested in swiching your Long Distance...

Me "Nope"

and hang up on them, its simple as that

wish i would have saw that Seinfeld though...

 

[The_Graff]

make noises to indicate you are having sex whilst talking to them (moans of joy etc.) if they dont get the message and hang up make it increasingly kinky and perverted if it doesn't make them hang up then at least it should make them incredibly uncomfortable.

 

[Hussmann54]

Them:"Hello is "So-and-so" (even if its you) there?
You:Excuse me?
Them: Is "So-and-So" there
You:HOW DARE YOU?
Them: what? Sir I just wanted to talk to "So-and-So"
You: *starting to break down* OH VERY FUCKING FUNNY, DICK HEAD!
Them: Sir I dont understa.....
You: *almost having lost it* OH I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOUR VERY FUCKING CLEVER, ASKING FOR "So-and-So"...
Them:.....
You: *in tears of rage voice* YEAH VERY FUNNY CALLING APPROXIMATELY ONE YEAR, TO THE DAY, AFTER HE DIED!

yeah good entertainment....