Best ZP moments

[IrrelevantTangent]

Survival horror is what I might call my pet genre, a pet I keep in the tool shed and feed broken glass, and in my awards for last year I accused everything that claimed survival horror status of being nothing but a parade of action games where some of the enemies jump very suddenly out of cupboards. But some viewers took issue with that. "What about Siren Blood Curse?" they cried. "While you were blindly clinging to the hope that the new developers would recover Silent Hill from the dustbin with the baked beans and fish heads cleaned off, the PS3 was enjoying a true original survival horror game full of all that Japanese-style horror you hold in such high esteem, watashi wa baka gaijin etc etc,"

I had to use the Internet to find out the exact translation but when I did I laughed so hard. Does that make me weird? Probably.

 

[Sayvara]

"As the exasperated chinese zookeper said to the last male panda in the world: F**K THAT!" - Halo Wars [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/645-Halo-Wars]. Floored me for minutes.

"...then you're in for a kick in the balls. Maybe a gentler kick in the balls than most; an extremely pretty, well executed kick in the balls with the best of intentions, but at the end of the day you're still walking funny." (Followed by "I can't decide", Scissor Sisters) BioShock [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/4-BioShock] What got me hooked on ZP in the first place.

"'I'm not a fanboy', yes you are." - Mailbag showdown [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/37-Mailbag-Showdown]

"Unfortunately it's let down by the NPC's all being pants-on-heads retarded." - Halo 3 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/8-Halo-3]

"For a few days it was like Schrodinger's console in a quantum state of both bricked and unbricked, until we finally tried playing something again and the waveform collapsed" - Console Wars [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/3-Console-Rundown]

/S

 

[pompom8volt]

"Never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you can spend the whole afternoon explaining that but no-one's going to eat it because YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT!!!"

This, or maybe "if you can imagine lost vikings knocking up little big planet then the internet has clearly desensitized you to retarded sexualization."

 

[Cargando]

The Heavy and Pyro short at the end of Sim City:societies.

Surprisingly touching.

 

[-=Spy=-]

.................Wearing silly hats!

 

[Zedzero]

Triple Cunted Hooker.

 

[Davey Woo]

It's like putting your dick in a cake. Yea it might have felt good, and you can spend all evening explaining it but nobody cares because YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN IT!

Probably not the exact words but that one mad me giggle for ages.

 

[Woodster 117]

"To Jump you explode,to deflect missles you detonate,to throw switches you spontaneously combust"

"Where enemys can take an entire ammo dump to the torso and you think there would be nothing left besides their spinal column and the corn flakes they had for breakfast"

"I Thought we lost realisim when space marines were stabbing aliens on the planet Zog"

 

[ThePirateMan]

"One of the greatest reviewers I have ever seen.."

HELL NO. He is a great entertainer, he is funny, but he is NOT a good reviewer.

On topic: I don't really remember anything :[

 

[Xero Scythe]

Halo wars. "then the timer ran out. "we lost contact!" they yelled.

BULL
FUCKING
SHIT!
we did not lose contact, i was looking at them! they were right fucking there! we were close enough to communicate by waggling out eyebrows! what the fuck happenes when the stupid arbitrary timer runs out!"etc, etc.

 

[Choppie6]

Clive Barker's "Clive Barker's Jericho" (by Clive Barker)

That one always makes me chuckle.

 

[SantoUno]

The Prototype review (or actually Prototype vs. InFamous match) was full of pure gold.

"...But you definitely won't use any of those because the extremely-overpowered "entendo" tentacle does huge damamge, extremely long-range, and can isntantly liberate people's top halfs from their bottom-halfs so you will never use anything else. Admittedly it's not much help against buildings or armored targets but then you just use to hijack one of the gunships that the military will very kindly send to you in large quantities everytime you bully their friends."

"Cole has a tendency to get bogged down with climbing while Alex can shoot blood out of his wrists at jet engine velocity and fly like emo Peter Pan."

OMFG that whole episode makes me LMAO.

 

[Asciotes]

"This Game is evil, not like manhunt evil that makes kid put plastic gags over eachothers heads, THAT'S PUSSY EVIL!!!!!" In reference to the sims 3.

 

[DanielPowell33]

The old ladies in the Saints Row 2 review.

 

[Jibblejab]

....And the hammer's made of wank

 

[brainiac2]

Can't remember exactly what it was, but something along the lines of "As difficult as coming up with smilies at three in the morning"

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Gotta go with the saints row 2 old ladies bit.

or "i know it isnt funny to like games but FUCK YOU Portal's a great game and if you dont think so you must be stupid"

 

[King_Of_The_Tramps]

silent hill 2:
"it's a fascinating voyage of pain and despair that leaves you emotionally drained and satisfied, like fucking a burning dolphin"... on the floor for about 5 mins laughing at that bit

 

[SilverFang79]

Right there! That's where that Charismatic Stallion won me over!