While I too am not one for men who think all girls are smelly cooty-carriers who like shopping and friend-zoning, I think there's validity to both you OP and the concept of the friendzone.
While I agree that guys shouldn't assume that just being nice to a girl means they're in like Flynn, men who see more in their lady-friends than just a friend shouldn't just be judged as shallow and wanting to get into their pants. It's like...getting into different bands, with any new band you listen to a few songs, get to know their style, if you like it maybe you buy an album to listen to a few more of their songs, if this only increases your love then it grows from there, and you can either stop at a point where you like the band and their songs but not enough to become a big fan (this would be akin to just being plain old friends with a girl) or, if you wish, take it further and become a big fan because of how much you enjoy what you've heard of them so far (this is akin to a man starting out as friends with a girl, then trying to further the relationship). The complication that arises is that while a band cannot control how big or small your affection for them grows a woman most certainly can, and while we could go on all day about men reading the signs and getting the signals before taking the plunge and telling someone how they feel to satisfy their desire of furthering the relationship they ultimately don't know what's going to happen until they confess, so the confession is justified.
With that out of the way, in terms of the "friend-zoning" that can follow, while nobody likes giving or receiving dejection I see no wrong in a woman letting a guy-friend she can't see as a potential partner down gently with an affirmation of just wanting to keep their relationship at the level of friendship. And while I think what you were saying about saying "I think you've got the qualities I look for in partners, but you're just without that special something" instead of outright saying "I wouldn't date you because you've got a big nose" is at least satisfying to the guy who'd want to know why instead of being left to draw his own pessimistic conclusions, telling a man he's got all the qualities you like but you're just not attracted to him is objectively a little bit nasty and somewhat confusing, I mean what's to stop them reading that as the woman seeing him as nothing but a conveniently placed friend to call on and no more in their life, or the woman not being attracted to the thought of being seen out in public with them? In a perfect world neither side would have any conflictions in sharing how they really felt about one-another (do we really have to live in a world where men are expected to be the ones who approach women? It takes two to make a relationship, wouldn't it make the most sense for both sides to be free to have an equal hand in making that relationship?)
And with all that out of the way, regarding how men handle this I'll go back to what I said earlier: reacting by declaring that all women are bitches and acting like the woman they asked out spat in their face is just being silly. However, like I said, nobody likes rejection, and we can't just say that all men who ever ask lady-friends out are irrational, lusty and need to suck it up and take it like a man when a lady-friend says no (keeping in mind of course that the woman is also not just irrational, bitchy and not put in a very delicate position). Right up until the moment a man confesses he's probably going through a lot of self-doubt, deep-thought, weighing up the pros and cons, considering the effects a yes or a no would have on the already existing relationship, so obviously when he's knocked back it's not just a simple turn-down for a guy wanting to get laid, he's probably gonna be dissapointed, have his pride shaken, maybe feel like an idiot because of the effect it alone will have and so on. I think both parties can tend to just see through each other without realising that we're all rational, imaginative beings not driven solely by balls or bitchiness.
Then again, what would I know?
