Can you guys give me some advice?

[ViolentlyHappy91]

If you REALLY need advice for this kind of thing, there's a guy around here that can maybe give you some help. Just send a PM to BonsaiK [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/BonsaiK] and he'll get back to you a little while after.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

You have to look at some things for yourself. You're going to have to evaluate whether the emotional investment you have in her is or is not more valuable than the trust that you have lost here. You have to ask yourself if you think this was a one time mistake, and that now that she sees what she's capable of when drunk, if she'll avoid a similar situation. You have to ask yourself if you're going to be able to forgive her and let it go, because these are the nasty things that, if you don't let them go, will ultimately destroy your relationship anyways.

This one is up to you, no one here can answer those questions for you.

EDIT: Actually, I feel like elaborating a little here, because every time I see a topic like this, I think the same things. So let me tell you why no one here can help you. First off, the truth is that we don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend, and we don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. We don't know her well enough to know if she really will try harder next time, or if she'll be pissed off that you weren't more mad at her for cheating on you. We don't know you well enough to know if you're the sort of person who really could forgive her for this, or if you're the sort of person who would keep bringing it up and ultimately destroy the relationship anyways. We, really don't know anything, except for the details you have shared with us. Details which, I would guess, probably don't really capture all the facts, and because the lives we all live are so complex, you probably never could give us all the facts. Anonymous people simply aren't familiar enough with your situation to give you good advice.

But there's a reason that people always come here, time and again for anonymous advice. It's because getting anonymous advice allows you to let someone else make your decision for you. Life is tough. For every single one of us. It's full of good and bad, and sometimes it's great, and sometimes it sucks shit. And one of the worst parts of life, is owning up to our own decisions when we make the wrong call. That is why time and time again we look to other people to make our decisions, because that way we don't have all of the responsibility anymore. You can take the easy way out, and listen to the other people here who, just like me, really don't know enough to give you a good answer. Or, you can take the opportunity to look deep inside yourself, and make a decision that you will be completely responsible for, even if that is a hard thing to do.

Thank you. That was a very succinct and wise summary of these threads and the difficulty of answering them. I only think people answer out of pity and the human desire to state their own opinion on anything, no matter how little experience they may have on it. In any case, as you said, eveyone needs to take their own responsibilities on themselves and make their own decisions.

 

[Cody211282]

She cheated, break up with her. That will always be something that will come between you. She should've been responsible enough to know what her limit was so she wouldn't go off with some random guy.

Do this, same thing happened to me and best thing I could have done was leave her. I had a friend who tried to work thought it and she cheated on him again.

Honestly i get it that she feels bad, but the "I was drunk" excuse is bullshit, people don't do anything drunk they wont do sober. People have to learn that their are consequences to their actions.

 

[Jamash]

Break up with her.

It doesn't matter if it breaks her heart, makes you feel shitty and becomes a decision you live to regret, at this stage the important thing is to make a rash decision based on the advice of random strangers on the internet.

In case the sarcasm is too subtle, my point is that this isn't the kind of decision strangers can really help you with, especially because many could just they you to dump her for the lulz.

If it was me however, I would put stock into the fact that she owned up to her indiscretion immediately, when she could have kept it a secret or waited until she was busted, and even though I may be hurting at the moment, I wouldn't break up with her immediately because it's too easy to give into vengeance at a time like this, even subconsciously.

But I'm the forgiving sort and a bit of a fool who wears his heart on his shoulder, and my advice is always to give people a second chance. However, this doesn't mean you have to forgive her immediately or sacrifice self respect, just don't make a permanent decision too quickly.

 

[Low Key]

Something not to dissimilar happened to my friend. His girlfriend used to get drunk all the time and she ended up sleeping with another guy, a guy who my friend also considered a friend. He let it slide with her (it's kind of a long story that I won't speak of here, but he had his reasons), and after a couple of months, he started hanging out with the other guy again. Low and behold, she got drunk and slept with the guy again.

Now that's not to say your girlfriend will do the same thing, but I think there is a possibility. Given the fact that she cheated on you and to regain your trust you asked her not to drink yet she did anyway says it all. I think by not dumping her, you are enabling her behavior.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I'm tempted to say OP is a troll, but I'm just paranoid like that.

It's your choice to make. However, it's situations like this that make me not want to be a girl. She should have known better. She should have gone home with you. She should not have gotten drunk.

Break the guy's elbows and knees then chop off his d*ck. At the very least, headbutt him for taking advantage of her. If she's telling the truth, that means she was just raped. Gut the f*cker.

God damn it. This just pisses me off.

 

[S.R.S.]

I have an idea but it's more of revenge. And by revenge I mean all the medicine in the world can't help you now.

OT: Break it off ith her, you'll look back at this one day and laugh I am already.

 

[Folio]

If you give her a chance she might make up for it. (Or maybe you can do the same, it's only fair JUST KIDDING!) But being drunk makes one impulsive without thinking about the consequences, perhaps she doesn't find you that... well, you get the idea of whatever she saw in the other guy.

Being with her right now does give enormous tension.

Story time!
The father of a friend of mine was happy with his girlfriend, but right before he married her he heard that she cheated on him.
He married her sister and are now happy together. Quite odd how this worked out.

 

[Glamorgan]

Ahhh I love you guys here; these are probably the only forums on the internet where I can get an intelligent response from even a stereotypical question. Thanks for your input, all of you.

The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.

Look. Everyone else is saying you should dump her, but if she IS truly sorry, I say give her another chance. True, what she did was incredibly wrong, but if you still have feelings for her, I don't think you should.
Plus, you can use the guilt card for the next few months, so that might be something

 

[slarlath]

You gave here option of leaving with you and she refused. That says to me that she cares more about the party scene than you and suggests that she had planned this all along.
I say tell her to take a hike.

Edit: I should add, do NOT take revenge. It does not make you feel any better and depending on the nature of it may make you feel worse.
I was in a situation similer to this about 3 years ago and to this day i'm still disgusted with what I did to her to the point that I don't sleep most nights.

 

[smudgey]

If she gets away with it once, she'll do it again. And being drunk is no excuse; you tell a judge you were drunk, see how far that'll get ya.

 

[goldenheart323]

IF you give her a 2nd chance, give her a condition. Tell her she can't drink at all at parties since she's proven drinking leads to her cheating & hurting you. I suggest no drinking at all so you avoid any arguments about how many she's had. Besides, drinking led to her hurting you deeply, so she should naturally shy away from drinking if she really cares for you. Do that, & she'll show you what's more important to her: Respecting you & your relationship, or drinking.

You're in tricky territory. If you stay with her even after she does this a 2nd time, you're just asking to be treated like a desperate doormat for as long as you're with her. Of course, breaking up with her but keeping her as a friend may be an option too.

 

[hyperhammy]

Stay togehter but use it against her if you ever mess up. A fuck-up-free card.

 

[similar.squirrel]

This is why I get apprehensive every time I hear about a girlfriend going clubbing. Makes me feel like a jerk, but there you go.

I would give her a chance. Seeing as she confessed soon afterwards and obviously felt terrible about it..That would indicate that she wants to be forgiven.

Ugh. I've seen this happen so many times. Teenage relationships are stupid. When you're good-looking enough to sleep around, anyway.

 

[mkg]

I think she was planning on it, since you were there till midnight. That means she would of needed to get hammered and get to know everyone in the room enough to decide who she wanted to jump in bed with in just 3 or 4 hours, seems unlikely. I don't tink you would want to be with a person like that anyways.

 

[TwitchierGuitar]

Not trying to sound like a prick, but do we need to answer this question? She lt some other dude play wrinkle-stick with her. drunk or not, She cheated, break-up in order, case closed.

 

[HK_01]

It's ultimately your decision what you'll do. Why do we need to tell you what you should do? It's your girlfriend, you know her.

On a side note, I think the Escapist should make a "Relationships" forum, because there are so many threads like this.

 

[Mad World]

Look man...

I agree with Rob; you need to decide this for yourself.

Many people will say, "No - because..." Or they may say, "Yes - break up with her because..." But how much thought have they really put into their answers? And even if they have put a lot of time into their responses, are you sure that you want to go with what others have to say about something so important - something that you need to figure out for yourself?

Anyway, no matter what you choose, I hope that you will eventually be able to forgive her - if you haven't already.

I hope that everything works out for the best.

 

[Dexiro]

Today, she told me about it, and then said "but I understand if you never want to talk to me again."

To me that paints that she feels guilty or that she isn't all that bothered about the relationship. You'd be the better judge though.

If you care about her i wouldn't throw away the relationship too readily. I'd talk with her and give her another chance, or maybe just take some time away from each other.

 

[Trivun]

Ahhh I love you guys here; these are probably the only forums on the internet where I can get an intelligent response from even a stereotypical question. Thanks for your input, all of you.

The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.

Dude, the other are all giving pretty terrible advice, I think. Thing is, she cheated, but she told you straight away and let you make the choice whether or not to break up with her. Which shows that she does love you, and she does feel extremely guilty about it, and she's letting you punish her if you really want to. All of which goes to show it was one single mistake, more than likely a drunken thing that would never have otherwise happened, and she wants you to know she still loes you.

In which case, give her another chance, but draw the line and make sure she understands completely that she won't get another free ticket. If she cheats again, drunk or not, then it's over. But for this one offence, you need to give her another try. If you really do love her, you won't let a single drunken mistake come between you like ths. But as I say, she only gets this one chance, and after that, that's it. You need to make that clear to her.