Can you guys give me some advice?

[manaman]

Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

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Sorry I had to.

She was drunk, give her another chance.

Drunk is never an excuse. I have done some stupid things while drunk, but (OP this is for you) I never cheated on anyone I was serious about the relationship with, I also never hurt anyone I really cared for and most of the time the only person I made an ass out of was myself.

She cheated, break up with her. That will always be something that will come between you. She should've been responsible enough to know what her limit was so she wouldn't go off with some random guy.

See this guy mostly has it correct, except I have to ask, Aby have you never made as mistake before?

Stay togehter but use it against her if you ever mess up. A fuck-up-free card.

Good idea, except that means never forgiving. Which you have to do. Otherwise it won't be a fuck-up free card it will be a weapon that gets brandished in every situation. Forgot your birthday, well you cheated on me.

It's got to be obvious how that will never work.


All that out of the way:

OP I am going to go ahead and assume you are young. You are still learning how to be in a relationship. Likely this is not going to last. Now you say you care about here well then you have to ask yourself, are you willing to try and make it work. If you are then you get couples counseling to help you through that. I did say it was going to be work. Cheating is a huge violation of your trust, but I don't see why everyone over reacts to more so then other huge violations of trust. Anything else (other then money problems) and it's always played like the significant other in the story is a victim of the circumstances, things like finding out they where a closet druggie, or hid a pregnancy and aborted it, stuff like that.

For me trust is earned, any major violation of my trust makes it very unlikely that I would ever trust you again. It pretty much makes it impossible to continue a relationship at that point, and the people that I might have cared enough about to try with have been few and far between.

 

[VivaciousDeimos]

@Proarcher: She was crying about it. But at the same time, I had warned her yesterday that I was worried someone would try to make a move on her (several times) and she didn't listen. On top of that... I've had self-esteem issues for a very long time, and this isn't helping...

The fact that she told you about the next morning scores a lot of points with me. It tells me that she knew what she did was wrong and that she made a mistake, and instead of trying to lie or cover it up she was honest with you. I would give her another chance. People make mistakes, it happens. If you stay and it doesn't work out, at least you'll know, but if you leave now you might regret it later.

 

[Turbo_Destructor]

Dump her, she clearly doesn't respect you, and you can't trust her anymore, and everyone knows that the basic elements of a meaningful relationship are respect and trust. You don't have to hate her, I probably would, but I'm not you. But don't waste your time staying with someone who's gonna fuck random guys as soon as she's out of your sight, it'll just lead to shame, heartache and everyone else's respect for you will diminish, because staying with someone like that shows that you don't respect yourself, and if you don't respect yourself, who else will?

But it's just my opinion, do what feels right to you, but do consider this perspective.

 

[delet]

She cheated, break up with her. That will always be something that will come between you. She should've been responsible enough to know what her limit was so she wouldn't go off with some random guy.

See this guy mostly has it correct, except I have to ask, Aby have you never made as mistake before?

But of course; mistakes are a big part of what make us human.

Given no information about their age, the relationship, or really anything at all except what the OP provided, being that she cheated despite warnings given by her boyfriend about getting too drunk, I'm forced to imagine the rest.

I imagine she's above drinking age, and as such has been drinking for a decent while since most people start early. In experiencing drinking for long enough you learn what your limits are. This girl ignored that or wasn't responsible enough to pay attention, and as such she cheated. She may ultimately be sorry and it may be heartbreaking, but cheating is one of the few things I believe should never be given a second chance. I consider a relationship to be incredibly important, and while mistakes certainly can be made, breaking trust in such a way is simply unforgivable.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

Y'know, I think it's funny how people seem to think that cheating is something that people can just get through and still have a good relationship. It isn't. Once cheating happens, that's it. It's over. Move on, man, this is officially no good for you.

 

[iLikeHippos]

Ditch her. Just do it...

I can say that everyone feels bad about their mistakes, minor or huge. She is just going to have to co-op that she acted like a total *****.

In the future she might not do what she did now, but you have to show that her actions demands consequences.

And by consequences I mean that you say you never want to speak to her again and loose all communications.

She should had taken the relationship a bit more seriously.

Edit: I'd recommend this song if you decide to"pull the deal of".

 

[darkonnis]

If it were me, it would be the end. Imagine what her reaciton would have been if she'd asked you not to get drunkthen you had and ended up sleeping with some girl. After telling you would she forgive you so easily?
The fact you asked her not to get drunk, well that is obviously her choice and you cant be annoyed that she did, but why did you ask her not to get drunk? with the scarce details you've given, it seems to me you were dubious of her actions at that point. And since when is being drunk an excuse for something like this?
The fact she cheated on you, as i say if it were me i'd never speak to her again. So she tells you about it, good of her, but that said,if this has happened now, is this the first time this could of happened? Does she just feel guilty or know you'd find out about it and has told you to try and keep this where she can control it?
I applaud anyone who has lots of trust, i give anyone the benefit of the doubt first time around, but once i'm crossed thats it, i'll be civil but expect nothing else.
ultimately only you can make that decision, as someone else stated, if you do stay with her, make sure she gets checked out. If she was apparently "drunk enough" not to know what she was doing i doubt she knew if they used protection, if she does know, then she wasn't as bad as she makes out

 

[HardkorSB]

Do the same thing she did and then ask her if she wants to be with you.
If you really care, you will care regardless of whether you sleep with someone else or not.
If she also cares, she will get over it (after all, she did the same thing).

OR

She knows that you care and won't cheat on her even if she cheats on you.
People can act like crap sometimes, even the ones we care about.

Do you have any other options?
Are there any other girls that like you?
If so, give them a chance and "ditch the *****".

OR

She really can't control herself while drunk.
In that case, tell her to stop drinking alcohol.
It's not good for everyone.
If she won't listen, she doesn't care.

 

[BonsaiK]

Granted, this topic seems very typical for these forums, but I need to ask this somewhere anonymous.

My girlfriend (who I was very close to) cheated on me last night. She got drunk at a party and slept with some guy she barely knew. Today, she told me about it, and then said "but I understand if you never want to talk to me again."

If I didn't care about her, I would have left her, but I care too much. At the same time, I was at the party until about midnight, when I had to leave for curfew. I gave her the option of leaving with me, and I told her I didn't want her to get drunk if I left her, but she did anyways.

So I'm very confused. Should I give her another try? Or should I leave her?

I think the Escapist should make a "Relationships" forum, because there are so many threads like this.

That's why I started the Relationship Problem thread, and I've answered the OP's question in it, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=39#6924829

 

[Withall]

Find out who she slept with, why he (or, however unlikely, she) didn't refuse, what she said. Find out FACTS. From there: decide.

 

[The Arc of Eden]

I've seen this situation happen many times. From that second hand knowledge I can only tell you that in the long run, your relationship is gonna fall apart. You two may get past this but I'd treat it as a forewarning of things to come, and this will be the point you'll look back on and wonder why you took her back.

So, let me put my 2 cents of cynicism in her. She ignored your requests to leave and/or not get drunk. Subconsciously, she might have been rebelling [minorly] and took it as a sign of you smothering her, being to worried, or not having enough faith in her. So she stayed. Now if this was her train of thought, then the lack of inhibitions brought on by the alcohol would have put her in a state of mind that would have somehow justified sleeping with someone else. This is not a good sign, because it means that if your current situation deteriorates, her behavior will likely become vindictive (i.e. Sleeping with other guys [probably your not-so-close friends]).

The guilt she's feeling means either you were right (Which you were) and/or the sex was good. It may be tough but I say end it now and civilly. Your attachment to her is like being magnetically drawn to fire. Or if you decide to stay with her, then at least keep your mind on a worst case scenario with her. By that I mean, expect that your relationship could end at the drop of a hat, so you wont be surprised if it does.

In the end it's up to you. Kpt._Rob has given the best explanation of that.

 

[RIOgreatescapist]

Dude, she made an ass out of yourfknself. Do her one last time and say ggnore.

 

[BringBackBuck]

I'm no expert on relationships but I think this old expression might help you out here (if you abstract it a little bit)

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me"

OT: Dump the *****

 

[Snork Maiden]

It's ultimately your decision what you'll do. Why do we need to tell you what you should do? It's your girlfriend, you know her.

On a side note, I think the Escapist should make a "Relationships" forum, because there are so many threads like this.

This is just about the best advice given. I know *full well* I'd stay with my girlfriend if she cheated, but thats because we have a fairly open relationship anyway. BonsaiKs advice is basically the same thing as well - the message of you knowing best.

Incidentally, am I the only person here *happy* with open relationships? I find it... seriously difficult to relate to the people who are calling for you to out and out split up no matter what. I really never realised that this was such a unique viewpoint.

 

[AngelofDarrkness]

i wud break up if she's done it once whats to stop her doing it again under the same or different circumstances

 

[Sonicron]

"I was drunk" is never an excuse. However, if you feel she is in agony about making a severe mistake like that, I say stay with her... everyone deserves a second chance. If it happens again shoot her cheating ass to the dark side of Mars.