Can you guys give me some advice?

Recommended Videos

nightingale27

New member
Feb 10, 2010
20
0
0
Granted, this topic seems very typical for these forums, but I need to ask this somewhere anonymous.

My girlfriend (who I was very close to) cheated on me last night. She got drunk at a party and slept with some guy she barely knew. Today, she told me about it, and then said "but I understand if you never want to talk to me again."

If I didn't care about her, I would have left her, but I care too much. At the same time, I was at the party until about midnight, when I had to leave for curfew. I gave her the option of leaving with me, and I told her I didn't want her to get drunk if I left her, but she did anyways.

So I'm very confused. Should I give her another try? Or should I leave her?
 

delet

New member
Nov 2, 2008
5,090
0
0
She cheated, break up with her. That will always be something that will come between you. She should've been responsible enough to know what her limit was so she wouldn't go off with some random guy.
 

Kpt._Rob

Travelling Mushishi
Apr 22, 2009
2,417
0
0
Look man, this isn't even an advice thing that we can give you. There is only one person who knows whether you should stay or go, and that's you.

You have to look at some things for yourself. You're going to have to evaluate whether the emotional investment you have in her is or is not more valuable than the trust that you have lost here. You have to ask yourself if you think this was a one time mistake, and that now that she sees what she's capable of when drunk, if she'll avoid a similar situation. You have to ask yourself if you're going to be able to forgive her and let it go, because these are the nasty things that, if you don't let them go, will ultimately destroy your relationship anyways.

This one is up to you, no one here can answer those questions for you.

EDIT: Actually, I feel like elaborating a little here, because every time I see a topic like this, I think the same things. So let me tell you why no one here can help you. First off, the truth is that we don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend, and we don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. We don't know her well enough to know if she really will try harder next time, or if she'll be pissed off that you weren't more mad at her for cheating on you. We don't know you well enough to know if you're the sort of person who really could forgive her for this, or if you're the sort of person who would keep bringing it up and ultimately destroy the relationship anyways. We, really don't know anything, except for the details you have shared with us. Details which, I would guess, probably don't really capture all the facts, and because the lives we all live are so complex, you probably never could give us all the facts. Anonymous people simply aren't familiar enough with your situation to give you good advice.

But there's a reason that people always come here, time and again for anonymous advice. It's because getting anonymous advice allows you to let someone else make your decision for you. Life is tough. For every single one of us. It's full of good and bad, and sometimes it's great, and sometimes it sucks shit. And one of the worst parts of life, is owning up to our own decisions when we make the wrong call. That is why time and time again we look to other people to make our decisions, because that way we don't have all of the responsibility anymore. You can take the easy way out, and listen to the other people here who, just like me, really don't know enough to give you a good answer. Or, you can take the opportunity to look deep inside yourself, and make a decision that you will be completely responsible for, even if that is a hard thing to do.
 

Choppaduel

New member
Mar 20, 2009
1,071
0
0
I'm no expert on relationships but I think this old expression might help you out here (if you abstract it a little bit)

"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me"
 

Dxz5roxg

New member
Aug 19, 2009
352
0
0
Break up with her. She made all the wrong choices and things will never be the same if you take her back.
 

nightingale27

New member
Feb 10, 2010
20
0
0
Ahhh I love you guys here; these are probably the only forums on the internet where I can get an intelligent response from even a stereotypical question. Thanks for your input, all of you.

The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.
 

Dabchan

New member
Jun 10, 2009
35
0
0
Whatever your decision is, We are glad you are feeling brave enough to bring this out in the open...I think...
 

Proarcher

New member
Jan 24, 2010
184
0
0
The fact that she admitted what she did to your face the very next day either says she has EXTREMELY high morals, high enough to warrant a confession even though she's nervous about telling you, or that she has no respect for you/your relationship as she isn't feeling any guilt.
So it comes down to how she told you today, was she a truly sad that she made that mistake and really wants your forgiveness? or was she composed and relatively straight faced as she told you? It being the later, I would say defiantly end it because it show's total disregard for what you have.
 

nightingale27

New member
Feb 10, 2010
20
0
0
@Proarcher: She was crying about it. But at the same time, I had warned her yesterday that I was worried someone would try to make a move on her (several times) and she didn't listen. On top of that... I've had self-esteem issues for a very long time, and this isn't helping...
 

Shockolate

New member
Feb 27, 2010
1,918
0
0
I personally would say to give her another chance. People can make mistakes. Then again, I assume she told you because she felt guilty about it.

You also have to look at how you feel about it. Asking us "Yes or No" about a situation that involves feelings and emotions, when quite a bit of us are "She cheated, dump her ASAP" robot logic without any other alternative, isn't such a good idea.

I recommend staying with her (Since you really care) but put her on a very short leash, so to speak.
 

Lawnmooer

New member
Apr 15, 2009
826
0
0
When something like this happened to me, what I did was agree with her to take a break (Anywhere between 1-3 weeks without each other) and then gave it another try when I felt I was ready. Something like this takes a bit of time to get over so it is usually best to try and get some space during the time when it would be most tense until you can sort things out in your head (And she can think about what she has done)
 

sh0tgunenclave

New member
Jan 26, 2010
126
0
0
nightingale27 said:
Ahhh I love you guys here; these are probably the only forums on the internet where I can get an intelligent response from even a stereotypical question. Thanks for your input, all of you.

The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.
dude if you really care about her, stay with her. and if she is as sorry as her freinds say she is, then chances are she's probobly learned her lesson and won't cheat on you again.

edit: I feel your pain, though. I went through exactly the same thing, except, like was stated above, she told me with a strait face that she had lost her virginity while drunk last night, and as I recall, got in quite a bit of trouble for knocking the guy off his feet.

I was quite the hothead back then.
 

kimba_lion

New member
Mar 12, 2010
222
0
0
it is your choice but being a girl myself you should know that when you are that drunk you still are concious of what you are doing, no offense to her she is probably a lovely girl...

but that is fucked... move on, find someone else. being "too drunk" is NOT an excuse.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
5,718
0
0
take a break from her for several weeks, and she should get checked out if you know what I mean.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
 

Gunner 51

New member
Jun 21, 2009
1,218
0
0
Like a previous poster had said, the only person who should be the one deciding is you, OP.

But having said all that, ask yourself this simple yes/no question:

Do I trust her implicitly?

If you answered "No" then dump her and sever all communications with her. Don't try the whole "We can still be friends" thing - it's from Man-ipulation 101. Girls are total masters of pressing a guy's mental buttons.

But if you trust her implicitly - then I salute your optimism and you should take her back in that case.
 

Cowabungaa

New member
Feb 10, 2008
10,806
0
0
nightingale27 said:
The overwhelming majority here claims that I should break up with her, but she (and her friends) have been letting me know that she feels awful about it. And as I said, I do care about her... but at the same time, this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to me. Gahhhh I'm so conflicted.
If she has serious regret it's pretty obvious that she loves you. She screwed up, made a mistake and now feels horrible because of it. That feeling is her punishment. I'd confront her about her mistake and let her realise how you feel, how you were doubting to break up with her. If that makes her afraid that means she really does want to be with you, and that to me would be enough information to give her a second chance.

Everyone makes mistakes, but do let her realise what she did to you and what you almost decided to do.
 

Mucinex-D

New member
Jan 19, 2010
110
0
0
I would dump her. She showed a lack of respect for you and herself by doing what she did, and obviously didn't care about the consequences enough. I'm sure you deserve better by the way you talk about how much you still care about her. Good luck with whatever you choose.
 

DarthFennec

New member
May 27, 2010
1,154
0
0
nightingale27 said:
Granted, this topic seems very typical for these forums, but I need to ask this somewhere anonymous.

My girlfriend (who I was very close to) cheated on me last night. She got drunk at a party and slept with some guy she barely knew. Today, she told me about it, and then said "but I understand if you never want to talk to me again."

If I didn't care about her, I would have left her, but I care too much. At the same time, I was at the party until about midnight, when I had to leave for curfew. I gave her the option of leaving with me, and I told her I didn't want her to get drunk if I left her, but she did anyways.

So I'm very confused. Should I give her another try? Or should I leave her?
She was drunk, give her another chance.