Johnny Impact said:
RollForInitiative said:
I generally have zero respect for people that do that, as I find they frequently have little respect for their own bodies either.
To each, their own, but I have very little interest in spending time with people like that.
Bingo.
There was a girl where I work -- gone now, thankfully -- who was six feet of curvaceous raven-haired beauty. She looked great and she knew it. Painted-on jeans, a little sashay in the hips, all that stuff. Half the guys developed crushes.
Thing is, she was a bar slut in the worst way. No respect for anyone, herself least of all. Her typical evening: "Get out of work, go make eyes at a hot guy, let him get me blitzed and take me to his place, wake up not knowing his name or where I am." I have no idea how many diseases she might have had. She tried to hug me once and I pushed her away for fear of catching something. Not even kidding.
I'm not a psychologist, but I get the impression she was trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and self-abuse, punishing herself for being a bar slut.....by being a bar slut.
Short version, she should have had one of those black and yellow signs over her head: DANGER, TOXIC WASTE.
I know you don't have to be a self-hating wreck of a human being to indulge in casual sex, but she's the image that comes to mind. I know at my age I won't be the first partner a woman has ever had, but when I know half the guys in town got there before me....
I can't see the appeal.
Ugh, nice. Lots of sexist drivel in this post, not least the use of the word "slut". Now, I have no idea if what you described of her "typical evening" is something she told you about herself or something you just assumed or were told second hand, but let's just address this as though this is indeed how *she* felt it. And it happens: people engage in self-destructive behaviour related to the source of their self hatred and get stuck in this spiral; I know I'm not the only one who's seen it happen and I know that a lot of people have testified to this as their experience.
But for Christ's sake, this does not make her a "slut", no matter what the reason she would be doing this. Slut is a stupid insult thrown at women for shaming women who dare to act in a manner which is deemed sexually inapropriate; in other words, for acting how she pleases with her own body. And no, saying that you call men sluts too or that it's not okay for men either isn't much better, because then you're just being both judgemental and repressing people's (or rather judging them for their) ownership over their bodies. And besides, someone who is stuck in such a self-destructive situation can hardly be said to be well in charge of their own sexuality; the use of the word "slut" in this case sounds like it's part victim-blaming as well (yay!).
And if she chooses to go out with a different man each night and have sex? So what? The worst you can say about it is that it's taking risks, which is true. Humans partake in a lot of risky activities, such as drinking, smoking, and sky-diving. Why single out sex, especially when it's done in a manner which minimizes risks? (most often with women, surprisingly enough) The excuse that says you're putting your partner at risk as well as yourself doesn't fly, because it goes both ways: Two adults agreeing to have sex implicitly understand the risks they're taking, assuming they're educated on the matter. Speaking of which, hugging a girl carries no danger of infection whatsoever, so you're either being ignorant or an ass. And other than the (real) danger of sex, what objections or left, other than religious or pseudo-religious moral ones? This isn't a rhetorical question, by the way; I really want to understand what reasons, other than religious, people may have to consider sex in this way.
But the whole "slut" bullshit isn't the only trace of sexism in this kind of talk. How about the following bit: "but when I know half the guys in town got there before me...."
This is taking a girl's own sexuality and making it solely about the guys who've had sex with her. It's about guys "getting there before me" rather than about her own experiences with sexuality. It's basically saying you come off as less of an alpha for getting with a girl who's "been had" by other males or something. It's like that stupid key and lock analogy that was popular not long ago. It makes sex less about individual *and* shared experiences and more about the man claiming the woman.
Finally, even if you believe that having sex with multiple partners is having no respect for your body and you choose to not do so, and even if all of your practices reflect this (so if you believe this because of the risk you're running, then you also reject all risky non-essential activities), you're still in no position to call people who do otherwise names like slut. People are allowed to have their own notions of what it is to respect one's self, and while you're fully entitled to disagree with them, insulting people for what is essentially having a different conception of their own selves is, at its best, completely presumptuous.
