Commander Shepard is neither male or female. Despite what BioWare claims there obviously is a canon Shepard, but I doubt that this Shepard has a clearly defined gender.
One of the things BioWare as said repeatedly is that there is no canon Shepard. Now this obviously isn't true though, since a lack of a canon Shepard would make sequels outside of Shepard's story impossible. You can make choices that have a huge impact on the world. If BioWare makes games in the Mass Effect universe, there simply has to be a canon Shepard. The choices Shepard makes are to big to simply ignore. However, there isn't any reason they need to define the gender of the Shepard that made these choices, so they will most likely avoid doing so. Hence while a canon Shepard does exist, it does not have a gender.
Regardless, I don't see the point in even debating this. I think Hale and Meer both did a decent job voice acting Commander Shepard. I don't think any of the romances for one gender are better than those for the other (in that they are all equally terrible). It doesn't really matter what gender the canon Shepard is anyways, so it doesn't matter.