John Cleese is hilarious, I can't possibly imagine- oh wait.370999 said:
You meant to type John CHEESE, the Cracked writer who had no involvement in the hit comedy troupe, Monty Python.
DO YOU SEE HOW CONFUSING THIS IS?
Cracked thinks Nintendo's Lost It
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You meant to type John CHEESE, the Cracked writer who had no involvement in the hit comedy troupe, Monty Python.
DO YOU SEE HOW CONFUSING THIS IS?
Bleh. Cracked's older articles were a lot funnier. These were one of the best, IMO:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-first-high-school-movie-rich-bullies/
http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-win-a-bar-fight/
http://www.cracked.com/blog/jersey-shore-is-the-worst-thing-to-happen-to-the-east-coast-since-911/
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-first-high-school-movie-rich-bullies/
http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-win-a-bar-fight/
http://www.cracked.com/blog/jersey-shore-is-the-worst-thing-to-happen-to-the-east-coast-since-911/
Alright, let's get this over with...
***
#5. I Might Get Banned Because A Kid Saw Me Draw Dicks!
Rebuttal; First of all, why are you even drawing dicks? Second of all, this is assuming that the console will always be forced online all of the time without any way to turn any of the features off. Yes, technically the 3DS does latch onto wireless internet if it can without any warning, but guess what? The 3DS actually has a button that entirely turns off all wireless features. Now, that very specific feature might not be included into the Wii U, but assuming the wireless functions will work like both the Wii and 3DS, the Wii U would have to save the wireless connection as a "Favorite" of sorts before it automatically started doing anything with that connection. And with those two other systems it's possible to "Delete" those favorites, meaning that the consoles will have to re-register the internet connections, especially if those connections have any sort of protection instead of just being completely open.
#4. Nintendo Will Force Me To Stay Connected To Receive Stupid Messages I Don't Want!
Rebuttal: See #5. Also, do you think any company, especially behind-the-times (in terms of internet functionality) Nintendo, would force every single user to be connected every single time their consoles are used? Not only would that require a massive amount of managing and constant support for any failures, but the idea of forcing millions of players to be constantly connected on a single entire device for over 4 years would scare the stupidest of investors.
#3. Nobody Will Want To Buy Year-Old Titles!
Rebuttal; ...I can't successfully argue this point. Mr. Cheese does have a strong argument; why would the average video game players buy games that have already been available for two handfuls of months? However, I can think of people who would want to buy these repackaged games; those who have only owned Nintendo consoles. Maybe I'm just fantasizing at this point, but I do believe that these re-releases will have some sort of audience, but it will not be comprised of those already owning other consoles.
#2. The Wii U Gamepad Will Unnecessarily Complicate Simple Actions!
Rebuttal; Yes, this gamepad has the potential to complicate simple actions, but there are two ways this argument falls apart. The first is that the implementation of the Gamepad will be solely be chosen by the developers at the helm. The controller has the same amount of buttons available on PS3 and Xbox 360 controllers, so it will be the developer's fault if they implement terrible controls. The second is that the example used (ZombiU) actually appears to be a good example of the controller being implemented. For those unaware, ZombiU aims to be a psuedo-realistic take on surviving the zombie apocalypse; items are scarce, permanent character death is present, and one zombie bite means a quick death. What the Wii U Gamepad will be used for is inventory management and several other functions, such as inputting keycodes into keypads and a radar scanner. While this seems gimmicky, it's important to note that the game doesn't pause while doing any of these actions. While searching your inventory, zombies still have a chance of shambling up to you and getting a quick bite in before you're done. With the addition of the Wii U Gamepad handling the inventory, the on-screen view is never blocked, barring any zombies from sneaking behind the UI and getting cheap kills. There's also the fact that controlling inventory menus can be a pain with a simple controller and no way of directly pointing-at/touching specific objects.
#1. People Who Exclusively Use The Wii U Gamepad Will Be Bored To Death! (?)
Rebuttal; I can't even figure out what this section wants to say. Does Mr. Cheese want to say that the current games that use the "Asymmetrical Gameplay" idea just aren't that exciting? Is he implying that those stuck with the Wii U controller will be forced to have boring experiences despite that (most likely) not being true? Or does he just want to throw insults at Nintendoland, like everybody else has been doing? Heck, that last one's viable; he took over almost half of the section to outright insulting a game that he admitted to never playing. I'm generally alright with people who say, "I don't want to play that, please keep it out of my face," but he is outright insulting the game even though at worst it is most likely to be a slightly below-average game considering that Nintendo is making it. Either way, this point is unstructured and thus I can't argue it because I have nothing to argue against.
***
Now, I'm not 100% pro-Wii-U; there are reasons to think Nintendo is doing wrong with the Wii U. However, (almost all of) the above reasons are not justifiable due to little information and flimsy conclusions. Now, I need to go to sleep...
***
#5. I Might Get Banned Because A Kid Saw Me Draw Dicks!
Rebuttal; First of all, why are you even drawing dicks? Second of all, this is assuming that the console will always be forced online all of the time without any way to turn any of the features off. Yes, technically the 3DS does latch onto wireless internet if it can without any warning, but guess what? The 3DS actually has a button that entirely turns off all wireless features. Now, that very specific feature might not be included into the Wii U, but assuming the wireless functions will work like both the Wii and 3DS, the Wii U would have to save the wireless connection as a "Favorite" of sorts before it automatically started doing anything with that connection. And with those two other systems it's possible to "Delete" those favorites, meaning that the consoles will have to re-register the internet connections, especially if those connections have any sort of protection instead of just being completely open.
#4. Nintendo Will Force Me To Stay Connected To Receive Stupid Messages I Don't Want!
Rebuttal: See #5. Also, do you think any company, especially behind-the-times (in terms of internet functionality) Nintendo, would force every single user to be connected every single time their consoles are used? Not only would that require a massive amount of managing and constant support for any failures, but the idea of forcing millions of players to be constantly connected on a single entire device for over 4 years would scare the stupidest of investors.
#3. Nobody Will Want To Buy Year-Old Titles!
Rebuttal; ...I can't successfully argue this point. Mr. Cheese does have a strong argument; why would the average video game players buy games that have already been available for two handfuls of months? However, I can think of people who would want to buy these repackaged games; those who have only owned Nintendo consoles. Maybe I'm just fantasizing at this point, but I do believe that these re-releases will have some sort of audience, but it will not be comprised of those already owning other consoles.
#2. The Wii U Gamepad Will Unnecessarily Complicate Simple Actions!
Rebuttal; Yes, this gamepad has the potential to complicate simple actions, but there are two ways this argument falls apart. The first is that the implementation of the Gamepad will be solely be chosen by the developers at the helm. The controller has the same amount of buttons available on PS3 and Xbox 360 controllers, so it will be the developer's fault if they implement terrible controls. The second is that the example used (ZombiU) actually appears to be a good example of the controller being implemented. For those unaware, ZombiU aims to be a psuedo-realistic take on surviving the zombie apocalypse; items are scarce, permanent character death is present, and one zombie bite means a quick death. What the Wii U Gamepad will be used for is inventory management and several other functions, such as inputting keycodes into keypads and a radar scanner. While this seems gimmicky, it's important to note that the game doesn't pause while doing any of these actions. While searching your inventory, zombies still have a chance of shambling up to you and getting a quick bite in before you're done. With the addition of the Wii U Gamepad handling the inventory, the on-screen view is never blocked, barring any zombies from sneaking behind the UI and getting cheap kills. There's also the fact that controlling inventory menus can be a pain with a simple controller and no way of directly pointing-at/touching specific objects.
#1. People Who Exclusively Use The Wii U Gamepad Will Be Bored To Death! (?)
Rebuttal; I can't even figure out what this section wants to say. Does Mr. Cheese want to say that the current games that use the "Asymmetrical Gameplay" idea just aren't that exciting? Is he implying that those stuck with the Wii U controller will be forced to have boring experiences despite that (most likely) not being true? Or does he just want to throw insults at Nintendoland, like everybody else has been doing? Heck, that last one's viable; he took over almost half of the section to outright insulting a game that he admitted to never playing. I'm generally alright with people who say, "I don't want to play that, please keep it out of my face," but he is outright insulting the game even though at worst it is most likely to be a slightly below-average game considering that Nintendo is making it. Either way, this point is unstructured and thus I can't argue it because I have nothing to argue against.
***
Now, I'm not 100% pro-Wii-U; there are reasons to think Nintendo is doing wrong with the Wii U. However, (almost all of) the above reasons are not justifiable due to little information and flimsy conclusions. Now, I need to go to sleep...
Yeah, I was going to say...omicron1 said:
As an industry we NEED that "Fisher-Price" approach to gaming. Do we WANT Xbox Live to be our golden idol of online systems? The spamming, harassment, crazy racist tones and overly competitive, expletive-spouting 13 year-olds that clog up almost every online game? What about games? I can't stand this push we've had toward the games that think they're so MATURE. Especially considering most of them really aren't! They're just bloody and violent for the sake of itself. That's not mature, that's inherently childish. The whole thing about being a young adult or teenager is that you have this tendency to want things that are seen as more "grown-up" or above your age range, and as an industry we're seeing a massive movement pandering towards the bloody, gritty, edgy and "mature" just because we think that's the future we need to move into.
But in doing that we forget what makes a mature game truly mature. We forget how the lighthearted, funnier and more colorful tones make the darker moments truly more harrowing and they stand out a lot more and create far more memorable experiences because of it. We're moving toward becoming an industry where you can't even crack a joke once in a while unless you're an independent studio. Max Payne 3, case in point. Devil May Cry's reboot also does a lot for my argument. The new, younger Dante screams expletives at the slightest provocation, the demons all do the same, and now instead of being a character who's trying to be cool but becomes a joke himself, a satire of his own attempt at coolness, he IS the vain, empty "coolness" that was previously being satirized. It loses its uniqueness and memorability entirely.
Nintendo isn't even entirely about "kiddie" games, either. I mean, Mario is supposed to be family-friendly and that's just how he is. There's no focus on story now and there never was before. Zelda may be bright and cheery a lot, but it too is a series about gameplay over story. Though, when the story kicks in and the bad stuff happens, it connects in a deeper way. Metroid, though, is much more adult-focused. It's darker, but not grittier. It's about a lady and her adventure, not how much blood you can extract through a series of cool animations on a group of enemies.
Not a lot of Nintendo franchises even go beyond the E rating into T. While they stick to the lighter, more gameplay-oriented side of things, they represent something important I think the rest of the industry is losing sight of in the face of bigger, more powerful, better technology. UE4 is going to be huge for in-game rendered cutscenes and seamless transition between story and gameplay as well as putting together game elements easily and more efficiently. They see that as allowing more potential to do shinier things that sell more and make for great trailers.
But Nintendo games push back in the face of this modern technology, trying to remind us of the simpler times when we could simply have a game and play it, and it's fun. That's what they're all about, and they want as many people as they can to be able to enjoy it without Grandma grimacing at the buckets of blood spilling from the enemy soldiers or Joey asking his mother what the word "*****" means. It's not the kind of game everyone wants but it's the kind of game all of us who have played something prior to the last generation of consoles grew up with... Games mostly used to stand on their own on gameplay alone, offering a core experience that's fun enough to keep the player's entire time spent in that game world afloat, through replays and all. I don't like that that's begun to really disappear this generation.
That said, what the hell is that theme park thing, Nintendo? I want real F-Zero, not Miis and colorful graphics on adult tricycle-sized cars... This is the almost-literal Fisher Price-itization that really bugs me. When the only other games are another NSMB (alongside a 3DS one) and a new Pikmin, that's really not enough to satisfy the core gamers.) I have to credit them for having their guns and sticking to them for such a long time, but they sure have some wacky ideas of what gamers want sometimes...
Edit: sorry for the wall-o-text.
TL;DR: Nintendo is a good force in this industry, even if they sometimes push the kiddie thing too far. Other developers need to take their example and stop making nothing but mature/gritty for its own sake, because that=/=maturity
Just wanted to say I think I love you for that post. The world of games for children is almost dead. Nintendo may not appeal to everyone but they are almost the only game developer that still seems to even acknowledge the younger demographic. I think without them everybody would be worse off. "Fisher Price" Nintendo games and gritty dark games don't need to be mutually exclusive, and I think gamers as a whole and our subculture are missing out without these games for kids.Bitcoon said:
About the Nintendo Park thing though? I think, or at least hope that it is a bundle title like Wii Play that is using the Nintendo IPs in order to create a better brand identity among first time players. What I think we're really missing though is the sort of pseudo culture Nintendo once had. There was a time where gaming and Nintendo were synonymous, where being the first kid to evolve charmander into charizard made you the coolest kid on the playground, that sort of thing. I think Nintendo needs to bring back, or rather up play this interactivity that makes these games more than games to little kids.
When it comes to video games, cheese has no idea what he's talking about.
Paraphrased a bit: "More then half the games ever played have been pirated. Imagine if you could get rid of piracy, then the devs would get twice the amount of money".
This is complete bullshit. Most pirates wouldn't buy the game if they couldn't, an getting rid of piracy completely is impossible. Once I saw that quote, I instantly have stopped paying any attention to his video game articles.
Paraphrased a bit: "More then half the games ever played have been pirated. Imagine if you could get rid of piracy, then the devs would get twice the amount of money".
This is complete bullshit. Most pirates wouldn't buy the game if they couldn't, an getting rid of piracy completely is impossible. Once I saw that quote, I instantly have stopped paying any attention to his video game articles.
I love cracked but most articles are childish to the point they are not funny. Some just piss me off, since when is a cruise ship not a good vacation?
I think it's just that the themepark thing is something I need to play to really get a sense of how deep it is. I expect a level of depth, quality and length to Nintendo games and they almost always deliver. But I felt that the Wii Sports/Play games, while fun, were fairly short and didn't offer the kind of options and tweaks I'd normally hope to see, which could really flesh them out more and give players more to dive into when they get done/tired with the "main" stuff. Beyond even that, they were just short experiences in general, and quickly got tiring to play. I don't think I ever got 10 hours out of any of them, and none of the really memorable moments in gameplay I've come to cherish in Nintendo games.him over there said:
I do hope I'm wrong and they're much more fleshed-out and have options for the more hardcore among us. I'm just afraid Nintendo Land will be another Wii Play, just a bit bigger and better but ultimately just a minigame collection without much depth.
I assume it will just be a little minigame collection but the fact that it features all their franchises instead of some random nothingness like wii play probably means it will have some depth like smash bros? I just think they're getting all their brands out their so the kids get hooked early on. Make all the characters schoolyard names.Bitcoon said:
Chris Bucholz is like the only consistently funny writer on there. Some of the others have their moments, but it's usually just Bucholz that makes the site worth reading. So it's not really a comedy website.KeyMaster45 said:
Well, this is the internet, where One man's opinion becomes the opinion of many, because it was written down in article form. When did Cracked stop being as funny, coincidentally? Though, I credit him for anticipating that grief and trolling will be done on the new messaging system, and that they want it to be a social thing. Still confused about this one. Not sure how that one happened, but I don't constantly have four other people in my apartment to play games with me. One or two, occasionally three, sure, but they come and go, and I have to set time aside with them to do some multiplayer games in between the other stuff we do.GrandmaFunk said:
Each and every time I see, hear or think about the WiiU, I grow to dislike it even more. I'm to the point where it honestly wouldn't surprise me in the least if Nintendo came out and said it was all a joke, it's just that silly and... well, dumb.
Lol. Brilliant! The "it is because I say it is" argument in its natural habitat, the internet forum.Zachary Amaranth said:
Profits on Nintendo's consoles tend to be very slim, so this argument is kind of limited.spekkio9 said:
I don't know who this guy is and I don't know how serious or not this article is. But I completely agree with his article. I hope that doesn't make me a whiny guy or something like that; that article just pretty much sums up my fears about the console.
I, too, don't wanna hate on Nintendo because deep down, I still like them. Hell, they introduced me to gaming and I like to buy their home consoles just for shits and giggles.
When the Wii came out, I was skeptical as to how the motion controllers were gonna work out but...I guess for the most part, I was sold on them, years after they were released, of course.
But this new console is just being gimmicky, not innovative. See, the Wii was welcomed because it had innovative and inviting ideas: It forced you to get off your lazy ass, it added the "Random mini-games for the whole family" idea, and so on. I said before and I'll say it again: This console is a step backwards from whatever they've accomplished with the Wii because:
-The huge controller is the exact opposite of the Wiimote. While the Wiimote was tough to get used to at first, it literally made you part of the game. Raising your Wiimote and aiming it to the sky as you retrieve the Master Sword was a great moment I'll never forget. But now games have to find a way to incorporate that brick of a controller into their gameplay.
-Peeling your eyes off the screen, even for just a second, is never a good idea when you're playing. Like that guy said, it's not about timing it right or knowing when to access your menu. This is why most games give you shortcut keys/buttons to everything. You know how when you're playing online, you try to never pause the game even if you have to? Yeah, it's kinda like that. Only all the time. I know this wouldn't always be the case. But again, developers will HAVE to find a way to make that work for their games because, well damn, it's already there!
-The lack of privacy and being connected all the time is also a horrible idea, especially for a console aimed towards kids and families. Leave that to more "hardcore" gamers. (I hate that word but you know what I mean). This is something that I like about my 360 that my PS3 doesn't have. See, with the 360, you can chat with anyone no matter what game they're playing and you can see what they're doing. Don't feel like giving your location away? Just set it to Appear Offline. But the WiiU will make it so that you're always online. You can't just have your friends added, you gotta have the ENTIRE universe. It's as if I wanted to text my friend but instead, I decided to create a topic here in the forums.
-Nintendo seems like they want to evolve but they don't know how. They're still sticking to their kiddie consoles that I was forced to leave behind years ago. Yet, they're trying to dip their toes into the neighbor's pool without leaving the safety of their own home. So if they wanna enter the social gaming race, that's fine. I just hope they're ready for all the whiny 12 year olds we have in games like CoD that will invade their console.
If they wanna reach those PS3 and 360 users, they're still not quite there yet. They need to give me a reason to want to buy CoD or AC or whatever for their console as opposed to playing it with a comfortable controller while feeling like I'm part of the game with the uninterrupted action and while sitting comfortably on my couch.
If they wanna keep their casual audience, they're gonna have to work on their social network. I can't possibly imagine some grandparents or kids taking advantage, or even liking, the idea of being connected to a mass forum 24/7, exposed to whatever the heck's gonna go down there.
I, too, hate to hate on a console that's not even out yet. And part of me is curious anyway. I want Nintendo to prove me wrong. But I can't shake that feeling off. You worry me, Nintendo. You're like that one friend we all have that never manages to move out of their parent's basement.
I, too, don't wanna hate on Nintendo because deep down, I still like them. Hell, they introduced me to gaming and I like to buy their home consoles just for shits and giggles.
When the Wii came out, I was skeptical as to how the motion controllers were gonna work out but...I guess for the most part, I was sold on them, years after they were released, of course.
But this new console is just being gimmicky, not innovative. See, the Wii was welcomed because it had innovative and inviting ideas: It forced you to get off your lazy ass, it added the "Random mini-games for the whole family" idea, and so on. I said before and I'll say it again: This console is a step backwards from whatever they've accomplished with the Wii because:
-The huge controller is the exact opposite of the Wiimote. While the Wiimote was tough to get used to at first, it literally made you part of the game. Raising your Wiimote and aiming it to the sky as you retrieve the Master Sword was a great moment I'll never forget. But now games have to find a way to incorporate that brick of a controller into their gameplay.
-Peeling your eyes off the screen, even for just a second, is never a good idea when you're playing. Like that guy said, it's not about timing it right or knowing when to access your menu. This is why most games give you shortcut keys/buttons to everything. You know how when you're playing online, you try to never pause the game even if you have to? Yeah, it's kinda like that. Only all the time. I know this wouldn't always be the case. But again, developers will HAVE to find a way to make that work for their games because, well damn, it's already there!
-The lack of privacy and being connected all the time is also a horrible idea, especially for a console aimed towards kids and families. Leave that to more "hardcore" gamers. (I hate that word but you know what I mean). This is something that I like about my 360 that my PS3 doesn't have. See, with the 360, you can chat with anyone no matter what game they're playing and you can see what they're doing. Don't feel like giving your location away? Just set it to Appear Offline. But the WiiU will make it so that you're always online. You can't just have your friends added, you gotta have the ENTIRE universe. It's as if I wanted to text my friend but instead, I decided to create a topic here in the forums.
-Nintendo seems like they want to evolve but they don't know how. They're still sticking to their kiddie consoles that I was forced to leave behind years ago. Yet, they're trying to dip their toes into the neighbor's pool without leaving the safety of their own home. So if they wanna enter the social gaming race, that's fine. I just hope they're ready for all the whiny 12 year olds we have in games like CoD that will invade their console.
If they wanna reach those PS3 and 360 users, they're still not quite there yet. They need to give me a reason to want to buy CoD or AC or whatever for their console as opposed to playing it with a comfortable controller while feeling like I'm part of the game with the uninterrupted action and while sitting comfortably on my couch.
If they wanna keep their casual audience, they're gonna have to work on their social network. I can't possibly imagine some grandparents or kids taking advantage, or even liking, the idea of being connected to a mass forum 24/7, exposed to whatever the heck's gonna go down there.
I, too, hate to hate on a console that's not even out yet. And part of me is curious anyway. I want Nintendo to prove me wrong. But I can't shake that feeling off. You worry me, Nintendo. You're like that one friend we all have that never manages to move out of their parent's basement.