Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[TriggerUnhappy]

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but you need to man up and be a father to that kid. Still, are you certain it's yours? If not, then be cautious about it, the last thing you need is to raise someone else's kid.

Regardless though I have to ask, exactly how old are you?

I'm seventeen, and really, this is the first place I've heard the whole man up bit. Really, she does kind of get around.

Oh, btw, SHE WAS NOT WITH THE GUY WHEN WE HAD SEX, THEY HAD BROKEN UP BEFOREHAND.

Sorry, I felt that was necessary.

Hmm, if she truly is pregnant, try and see if things work out with her or not, it seems to be the best option. However, I strongly recommend you get a DNA test once the kid's born, if she does get around as much as you say.

Also, if you can think of ANY conceivable way to convince her to abort/adopt (that's within your moral code), then go for it. Best of luck though.

 

[Florion]

I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in a vulnerable situation... At the very least, take financial responsibility for this kid, if she agrees to have it, but I don't think you can be a couple with a girl who lies to you about something as important as birth control. (Who knows, she might only be having the kid because she's hoping it will keep you around?) Hope everything turns out okay for you.

 

[JJMUG]

Happy fathers day buddy, you are screwed. But deny it all the way, maybe a paternity test? If your going down you might as well go down in flames...

 

[Mcupobob]

Well not much to say form the obivous you fucked up, but it sounds like she traped you into this, demand a abotion she has no right to ruin your life and hers. Sounds harsh but thats my two cents.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in a vulnerable situation... At the very least, take financial responsibility for this kid, if she agrees to have it, but I don't think you can be a couple with a girl who lies to you about something as important as birth control. (Who knows, she might only be having the kid because she's hoping it will keep you around?) Hope everything turns out okay for you.

That's what my parents are thinking. That she's trying to trap me, and the more I think about it, the more I think they may be right.

 

[WolfMage]

I'm gonna go with the fiscally responsible argument of abort the kid and cut your losses.
Cause really, you won't have that college dream after a kid gets into the picture.
Seriously, your best option here is to tuck and run.

 

[oxiclean]

you did a mature act while not even wearing protection of your own and now you feel all depressed and like a victim because you fucked up. grow a pair of man-balls and take responsibility. you arent the first person in this situation, and there are quite a few of them that are successful because they worked hard to make up for their mistake. all this does is show how much a coward you are. "get rid of the kid" you say, completely oblivious to the fact it was YOU who fucked up. also, it was her fault too but she is not here for me to yell at.

 

[Simalacrum]

Right, though I personally think you shouldn't really post such personal information online, I can understand why your panicking - desperate times call for desperate measures and I can relate to that.

Before you do anything else, what you need to do is take a deep breath and acknowledge the situation your in. Don't try and panic over it - just let it settle in your mind, and accept your situation. From there, you can start to move on to solving the situation, as much as it can be solved.

For the time being, don't try and ponder whether she did it on purpose or not - the fact is is that she is pregnant, and the child is the first priority, not pointing the blame at someone.

A depressed mind can't really do much in such a pressurised situation - you might want to find a councillor, or, if you can, take a short break from all of it - go to a beach or somewhere quiet, but only if you can.

So, the kid is going to happen - from here on out, your probably gona want to consider how you can help the child to the best of your abilities. Save up money, even if its a small amount; try and find if your entitled to any grants, the government might be able to help you, depending on what country you live in; ask for advice from anyone you trust about bringing up a child.

Look, mate, you may not want to be with this girl anymore, but the truth is is that you (frankly) fucked up, and the child is the result - he/she doesn't deserve to grow up without a father because of your mistakes. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is stick with this. This is possibly the most important moment of your life.

You may hate the idea of having a child right now, but from what I've heard from many, many parents is that the birth changes everything - keep that in mind.

Unfortunately, I know very little about children in my personal experience. I will also send a message to someone on The Escapist whom I know is very good at giving advice to those who are in troubled situations.

Goodluck.

edit: oh by the way, sorry about the unwanted lecture - frankly, you need it.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

I'm gonna go with the fiscally responsible argument of abort the kid and cut your losses.
Cause really, you won't have that college dream after a kid gets into the picture.
Seriously, your best option here is to tuck and run.

Actually, the college thing is definitely viable.

My father's GI Bill is passing on to me for college, and the Navy is paying for my entire education. So I'm still going to college.

 

[Canus]

That sucks dude, but I have good news:
I just saved a bunch of money on child support by switching to condoms!

 

[DarkDain]

I love the smell of consequences in the morning. Update the post when it gets uglier.

 

[Superior Mind]

Aside from the whole knocking up another bloke's girlfriend thing, your FIRST mistake was to post your problems on the Inernet on a gaming forum. Honestly, aren't there about a million OTHER people you could/should talk to about this? I mean, anonymous patrons of a gaming forum are probably the last place you should turn to.

Dude, he probably just needs a way to relieve stress and blow off some steam. He should do whatever he wants to try and make it a bit easier on himself.

Okay okay, fine I'll be understanding.

Well to kind of carry on with my point though, you really need to talk with her about it rather than anyone here. From what you described, (which isn't the full story and open to interpretation,) she sounds like she's messing with you a bit; saying she's been on the pill or not on the pill or has had her period... I think that if she is messing with you it'd be down to fear on her part, nothing manipultive or malicious but like I said, you need to talk with her, sort things out and know where you stand.

The next thing, (also to discuss with her,) is whether to have the kid or abort. This is something that should be a decision for the two or you, I wouldn't enter any parents or anything into it at this stage because they may pressure you to one side of the other that may be right from where they're standing but not right for the both of you, (by all means tell them because it's important to have a support network but tell them that at this stage you want them to stay out of it. Remember, they're as new to this situation as you are.)

Know that it is a decision that you'll have to make together but, unfortunately for us guys, the girl has the final say. I know abortions seem like a simple fix from where the guy's standing but I had a friend go through an abortion, (no it wasn't my kid,) and it was incredibly hard on her. She is catholic so she had to go against her beliefs, she had to deal with the disappointment of her parents, the opinions of people who had no fucking right sharing their opinions with her, her own self doubt and belief that she was in fact a killer... she even had to make a submission to the government, (who still in New Zealand have the final say which I discovered to my surprise,) and claim to be mentaly unfit to be a parent. Isn't that a great thing to have on your mind when you're already completely overburdaned? It's not as simple as pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

Obviously you can't run away from this, maybe posting it on a gaming forum is jsut a way to kill time but don't be tempted to do much more of it. Really this is something you need to focus on immediately.

Hope you get through this all right, I'm sure you will as it's no the end of the world. When you do I hope you've learned the important lesson here - wrap it before you tap it.

 

[Jodah]

I don't really have any advice for you but your story may help someone else realize no matter what she says you always wrap it before you tap it.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

That sucks man. I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I hope you figure something out.

oh, and anyone who is just posting "tl;dr" or "cool story bro" is NOT helping. Just don't post if you're going to be like that.

 

[BlindMessiah94]

That sucks but in all honesty you should confront her.
If she actually did this to you on purpose then she is not the type of person you should be raising a child with.

In all honesty, she will probably get mad at you for even suggesting it, but what else can you do? She put you in this position.

You already said you are willing to pay child support, and you are not ready to raise a child, so really you should both do what's best for the kid.

Sometimes a child's parents aren't the best people to raise it.

PS - Never take a girls word for it if she's on the pill unless you've been dating a while. One night stands are not worth the risk.

 

[Fire Daemon]

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

Sounds like she's lying to you. Either about the pregnancy or her period. I'm pretty certain you can't have your period after being a month or two pregnant. It doesn't happen. She's probably evidently pregnant after 3 months so yeah, she lied about her period. Doesn't matter, I guess she just didn't want to freak you out.

Oh well, you're a dad now. Looks like you've got to shape up.

Out of curiosity, how long ago was it when you slept together? My guess is 12 weeks, but if it's less than that then it sounds like you probably aren't the dad.

 

[Nigh Invulnerable]

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but you need to man up and be a father to that kid. Still, are you certain it's yours? If not, then be cautious about it, the last thing you need is to raise someone else's kid.

Regardless though I have to ask, exactly how old are you?

I'm seventeen, and really, this is the first place I've heard the whole man up bit. Really, she does kind of get around.

Oh, btw, SHE WAS NOT WITH THE GUY WHEN WE HAD SEX, THEY HAD BROKEN UP BEFOREHAND.

Sorry, I felt that was necessary.

Make her prove via paternity test that it is in fact your child. If so, then take some responsibility now, since you failed to do so when you didn't use a condom and trusted her. If the kid is not yours, be supportive and kind to her, but don't take on the job of raising the kid unless you really love her and want to deal with that while you're with this girl.

If your after high school plans included college, try to keep with that dream, even if it means deferring it for a little while or going to a community college instead of jumping into University. This of course only applies if you are going to be responsible for a kid.

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

That sucks but in all honesty you should confront her.
If she actually did this to you on purpose then she is not the type of person you should be raising a child with.

In all honesty, she will probably get mad at you for even suggesting it, but what else can you do? She put you in this position.

You already said you are willing to pay child support, and you are not ready to raise a child, so really you should both do what's best for the kid.

Sometimes a child's parents aren't the best people to raise it.

PS - Never take a girls word for it if she's on the pill unless you've been dating a while. One night stands are not worth the risk.

Haha, I've definitely learned that now. Though I agree with you on the whole "people to raise it" thing.

 

[Arquinsiel]

Start your crap from now until the kid is born. May as well collect your piss too. Wait until the kid is born, go into the room with the crib and cover it in filth. Everywhere. Grind it in good. Make sure to douse everything is piss too.

Take pictures through the window.

Mail them to social services from an internet cafe using a new email account pretending to be "a concerned neighbour".

Kid gets taken into state custody, job's a gud 'un. Enjoy the freedom you've thrown away.

Also: paternity test, and wear a fucking condom dammit.