Dear Escapist, I F*cked up.

[Pimppeter2]

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

Now I'm not exactly a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's impossible.

Can't you get some sort of test done to make sure?

Or at least get on Jerry Springer?

 

[Bellvedere]

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

Nope impossible. If she skipped the pill two days in a row then her period would have started. It's female hormones. Keep taking the pill and she'll never get a period. So even if she did forget, after two days she would have been reminded in a very unpleasent way. Periods will stop two days after taking the pill again (even if it's just started - it's pretty unhealthy). You'll also be pretty much safe from pregnancy two days after you start taking the pill again. Though it should always be noted that no form of contraception is 100% safe. I'm just saying that she couldn't have forgotten for a whole week. Absolutely not possible.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

You cannot have a "period" whilst pregnant. There can be some bleeding but it's not a period. It will be very light and only last for a day maybe two. It also happens only in early pregnancy. I don't know how old you kids are but most women would assume it's not right.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

The other thing is most girls don't just take the pill for a week when they plan on having sex so I would assume she continued taking it after that time when you got her pregnant? If that's the case taking the pill is extremely harmful to developing babies. It dramatically increases the chances of birth defects. That's something that might be worth talking to her about. She could be the full time carer for the child for the rest of her life. Not quite as appealing as the idea of a cute baby that will grow up and love her for ever and ever.

Pregnancy breaks plenty of couples up. If you don't want to be with her don't be with her. But you should still care about the child. It's not it's fault.

 

[TheSteeleStrap]

Ok first I want you to listen to the song "For the Ladies" by Stephen Lynch. If you aren't moved by it, go back in time and wrap it... and if THAT doesn't work... You gotta deal with the situation, this child on the way. Entertain the idea of rekindling the romance if you want, but don't feel obligated. My parents divorced when I was about 7, and I turned out great. Definitely bring up your concerns that she blatenly lied to you though, it'll help in the healing process if it were ever to be rekindled.

 

[AmayaOnnaOtaku]

This is why they tell you about abstinince in school. Well your choices are

1. Abortion
2. Adoption
3. Raising the kid.

If your not doing 1, maybe you should consider 2. It would be hardest choice, but it might also be the best choice.

I second that, there are plenty of couples who are financially and emotionally secure who would give ANYTHING to have a child. At 17 you and her are not ready emotionally, mentally or financially to raise a child.

 

[ejb626]

As someone who can't talk to a girl without hyperventilating for the most part, there's not much advice I can offer.

 

[ENKC]

Well if it's any consolation, you're not alone. Millions of men have caused an unwanted pregnancy. Cold comfort is better than no comfort at all.

 

[Shock and Awe]

Holy Shit..... Well, are you pro-choice?

 

[black-magic]

Wow, that sucks so badly I can't even describe it.

 

[Bellvedere]

EDIT: oops double post?

 

[jakeEHTlovless]

thats brutal dude, if it is yours, i hope you take care of that little shit until his/her head explodes with madness lol. oh, and i know about small towns, they suck, hang in there and peace out.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

cool story bro

NOT. HELPING.

To the Op, I am sorry to say that I have no idea what to do. The only suggestion is you should check to see if the baby is actually your's. I wish you could help. You may want to go see a therapist or some kind of specialist about this.

 

[Death on Trapezoids]

Wow. You should deal with this now, because if you try to run this will follow you for the rest of your life.

 

[Phyroxis]

Time to take responsibility and move forward. Sex is a BIG decision with BIG potential consequences.. Sorry, but it looks like you succeeded in the act. Now society says that if you want to still be respected, you need to take ownership and responsibility.

Best wishes to you, man.

 

[Brad Shepard]

This isent a shot at you or anything, but why dont people wrap anything anymore?

OT: Well... You could always go with giving the kid up to a foster home or somthing if nither of you deside you want it.

 

[Blair Bennett]

Step 1: Make her prove to you she's pregnant. She's lied to you about the pills (It's true, sure you could forget a day of two, but an entire week? No.) If the test is negative, drop the *****. If positive, proceed to step 2.

Step 2: You're not going to convince her to get rid of the baby. As much as I may hold her in contempt, she obviously wants a baby, and no one can, within their legal rights, deprive her of that.

Step 3: For 9 months of sheer agony and prenatal care (sometimes including hormones), she will be thrown into a hormone induced rage. Shortly after, she will be flooded with, you guessed it, more hormones, and she will begin to develop a maternal attachment to the baby. You, as the potential father, should make to effort the aid in whatever way appears suitable.

Step 4: Determine that the newborn (as I'm sure you've noticed, I've skipped a little bit) is actually your child. I will not pretend that the following statement is based in fact, as I do not know this...woman...but she seems like the type to sleep around. If the infant is not yours, go on your merry way a little bit more cynical, but somehow wiser, than before. If it is your child: pay up. I'm not saying you have to father the thing, but what you do have to do is support this woman in her own efforts. You've already made it clear that you are OK with paying child support, so hopefully, this is not a difficult step. However, when you decided to trust that she'd been taking birth control, you made a decision. You knew the risks of unprotected intercourse, and you were aware of a means of preventing pregnancy. True, the first time may have...well, we'll say "caught you by surprise", but the second time. Well that, that was just naive. ( Stupid umlaut.)

The reason I say this is because I've learned that NEVER should you trust another person to handle contraception and the like on their own. Even if that person is well-meaning, that doesn't mean they're not forgetful. In this situation, you are both responsible. True, she may have been the one behind the actual conception, but you allowed it to happen. You were present during the act, and are not an amnesiac.

Now, this is just my opinion, and being completely honest, it's fantastically uneducated. I am not aware of the context under which many of the events you have stated occurred, nor am I any kind of refutable judge of this woman's alleged promiscuity. However, this is, in all honesty, what I consider to be the most advisable course of action. True, a community of internet nerds may not be the most capable advisers available to you, but this is what I've got.

Good luck, Sir. Though I don't necessarily agree with your status as the victim, the seriousness and pathos of your situation are not lost on me.

And I know, definitely TLR material.

 

[goodwithwords08]

Also congratulations, you've made me feel empathy....that very rarely happens.

I don't believe that for one second, just because we sometimes don't want to admit it doesn't mean we don't feel it.

Anyway, here is some advice sir, first off find out if the kid really is yours. If the kid is yours then man up and be there for them. If the kid is not yours then you have two options, one you don't have any responsibility and your off the hook, number two is if you still care about her and you want to be with her in which case BE WITH HER. I have a friend who is going through the same situation.

P.S. Sorry about the spelling errors.

 

[Florion]

I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in a vulnerable situation... At the very least, take financial responsibility for this kid, if she agrees to have it, but I don't think you can be a couple with a girl who lies to you about something as important as birth control. (Who knows, she might only be having the kid because she's hoping it will keep you around?) Hope everything turns out okay for you.

That's what my parents are thinking. That she's trying to trap me, and the more I think about it, the more I think they may be right.

I only raise it as a possibility. She may, for reasons of her own, genuinely want to have a baby. If that happens, please try not to hold anything against the child.

The other thing I want to raise, only as a possibility, is that this girl may be as confused and scared as you are. She and her boyfriend broke up, and then suddenly there's this guy who reveals himself to be crazy about her. She's vulnerable and flattered, and then he starts to move things along... I don't need birth control yet, so I don't know if it's easy to forget your birth control, but my point is that she is not the only one to blame in this pregnancy. We're only getting however much of the story you're feeding us; most of us won't see farther than that and will feed you the advice you want to hear in order to justify whatever decision you're leaning towards making, and some of us will criticize you a lot for what you're a part of now.

 

[Bealzibob]

Well gratz man, basically since you guys arn't together just pay the child support and do everything you were gunna do anyway. You got about 5-6 years of not really mattering that much imo. After that you man up, build a relationship with your kid and maybe this chick and enjoy the fuck out of life.

My parents had me young and they tell me the one most enjoyable thing in life is sitting down with your kid, after he's grown up and still being young enough to have a drink and do stupid drunk stuff with them.

Life will turn out for the bests.

PS: Buy some condoms dumbass =D

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

Assuming that things went down exactly as you told them (I am usually wary of hearing stories from one side) there are a few things I am wondering.

1- What is her motivation for not wanting to adopt/abort. If this was truly a terrible accident, in which case the pill thing sounds sketchy, girls are typically MORE vigilant when they're sexually active, why doesn't she want an abortion/adoption? Parental pressure/religion/social pressure? Or did she want to get pregnant? It would help to know how old you are, is this girl 16 or 30?

2- What was going through each of your heads when this happened, you liked her, we established that (and we promised we won't berate on the quality of decisions) but what was her motivation? One night stand? Making your friend jealous? Genuine interest?

3- Do you honestly think she intended for this to happen or is it a way of justifying the outcome and passing off some blame for a bad situation? The pill forgetting thing does sound dodgy I admit.

If she does give birth, you really have two main options,
a) Get together for the baby's sake, I definitely do not recommend this.
b) Pick up an extra job and pay child support, and forget it ever happened. This option will mean you have less free time but in a few years down the track, will probably not affect you too badly other than being slightly poorer. If you cannot convince her to adopt it out, then there's not much you can do, involving yourself emotionally will probably just cause all sorts of heart ache in the long run, this includes seeing the baby or taking on a pseudo fatherly role. I suggest, failing to convince her to adopt, you should have a good long discussion with her about what you both want out of this, it is unrealistic of her to expect you to become a loving father after a one night stand, especially since its HER decision to keep it, but you need to take some responsibility if it is in fact half yours (make sure you get a paternity test just in case) and pay child support.

You never know, you might strike it lucky and she will miscarry...

1) Religious views, and she was adopted, so she doesn't to put the potential child through that.

2) I thought it was genuine interest.

3) I'm still not sure, the forgetting the pills thing is AWFULLY sketchy, and another thing is, her family (I know this from witnessing it) is not a very supportive family, and her adoptive parents are fairly mean sometimes. On the other hand, my family is incredibly supportive and kind, and who wouldn't want to be in a family like that?

Turns out, that time she was, but a week after we slept together the second time, she texted me and told me she had "forgotten" to take her pills for roughly a week. And after asking a few of my friends that are girls, they said that just doesn't happen, you don't just forget to take your pills for a week.

Nope impossible. If she skipped the pill two days in a row then her period would have started. It's female hormones. Keep taking the pill and she'll never get a period. So even if she did forget, after two days she would have been reminded in a very unpleasent way. Periods will stop two days after taking the pill again (even if it's just started - it's pretty unhealthy). You'll also be pretty much safe from pregnancy two days after you start taking the pill again. Though it should always be noted that no form of contraception is 100% safe. I'm just saying that she couldn't have forgotten for a whole week. Absolutely not possible.

My initial thought after that was "Oh...FUCK." Which is to be expected. of course. And the kicker is, a few weeks after she told me that, her period was late, which scared me shitless. But she got her period, so I thought we were okay. Fast forward a few weeks, and it turns out she's a about a dozen weeks pregnant, most likely by me and the time we had sex when she "forgot" to take her pills.

You cannot have a "period" whilst pregnant. There can be some bleeding but it's not a period. It will be very light and only last for a day maybe two. It also happens only in early pregnancy. I don't know how old you kids are but most women would assume it's not right.

I'm scared out of my mind, and I don't know what the hell to do. We aren't together anymore, but she wants us to be a couple still. I don't know, I just don't know at all, I have this incredible feeling that she lied to me and did it on purpose. The fact that I recently realized I'm severely, and I mean SEVERELY, depressed isn't helping my situation at all. I don't want this kid, but she refuses to abort or adopt, so I'm at a loss. I want to just ignore it, but I know that's not an option, and I'm completely willing to pay child support. I'm just so lost, confused, and scared I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for your help, friends, I just wanted to let you know what position I'm in right now.

The other thing is most girls don't just take the pill for a week when they plan on having sex so I would assume she continued taking it after that time when you got her pregnant? If that's the case taking the pill is extremely harmful to developing babies. It dramatically increases the chances of birth defects. That's something that might be worth talking to her about. She could be the full time carer for the child for the rest of her life. Not quite as appealing as the idea of a cute baby that will grow up and love her for ever and ever.

Pregnancy breaks plenty of couples up. If you don't want to be with her don't be with her. But you should still care about the child. It's not it's fault.

Well then, I legitimately have NO IDEA what's going on. She said she got her period, albeit a few days late. Also, the alleged period was only a few days after we had sex. So, it could have been the "light bleeding" you mentioned.